Figuring out a wedding date

Knottie1462575779 · May 2016

So we had decided to be a bit sappy and get married on our 6 year anniversary,but I looked it up and it's a wednesday. So now I'm not sure if we should go ahead with that date and hope that whomever can attend attends, but I don't want to be rude. Or should I just change that date to a weekend so it's easier for everyone else? It's a ways away 11/2017, (he didn't want to worry until later, the dork) so I have plenty of time to decide.

geebee908 · May 2016

Knottie1462575779 said:

So we had decided to be a bit sappy and get married on our 6 year anniversary,but I looked it up and it's a wednesday. So now I'm not sure if we should go ahead with that date and hope that whomever can attend attends, but I don't want to be rude. Or should I just change that date to a weekend so it's easier for everyone else? It's a ways away 11/2017, (he didn't want to worry until later, the dork) so I have plenty of time to decide.

Who is on your "must be there" list? Ask for your loved ones honest feedback on how that works for them. A Wednesday would be super inconvenient for most people I know, so I wouldn't do it. My guess is that the weekend date will be most people's preference.

ernursej · May 2016

We are having our wedding on our anniversary (I can appreciate the sentiment behind it) and it does happen to be a weekday, but when we checked with our VIPs (many who do shift work) it was actually more convenient than a weekend where getting vacation might be difficult. We are having our wedding start after 6pm with just a dinner reception (no dancing) so will likely be done by 10pm. I don't think it is rude provided you check with VIPs and then know that your guests may decline if a weekday doesn't work for them. If you are fine with that ... go ahead.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

Our date is 3 days after our 4 year dating anniversary. I like that they're at the same time but don't feel as though I'm losing something by not doing on the same day.

CMGragain · May 2016

After 40 years of being married, I have no idea what our first date anniversary was. It was sometime in the spring of 1967. We hardly even celebrate our wedding anniversary anymore, though this is a milestone year.
I think putting a special significance on your first date is a bit silly. Plan your wedding on a date that is convenient for your friends and family to attend. JMHO.

AddieCake · May 2016

I'd be really put out about attending a wedding on a Wednesday just b/c you wanted it to be on your dating anniversary date. I just don't "get" the need to get married on a specific date like that.

charlotte989875 · May 2016

Weekday weddings are tough given that on average most people have to work the next day. Unless the majority of the people you want to be there work alternate schedules it's probably going to be extremely inconvenient for many people. It does read a little like you care more about a date than you do your guests.

I know your dating anniversary may be very important to you, but remember your wedding day will become incredibly important as well, it doesn't have to be a special day for any other reason, because it will be special enough as it's the day you are married.

Other problem is is that many venues may not be available to you during the week, so if you may have fewer choices when you start that part of the planning.

ernursej · May 2016

charlotte989875 said:

Weekday weddings are tough given that on average most people have to work the next day. Unless the majority of the people you want to be there work alternate schedules it's probably going to be extremely inconvenient for many people. It does read a little like you care more about a date than you do your guests.

I know your dating anniversary may be very important to you, but remember your wedding day will become incredibly important as well, it doesn't have to be a special day for any other reason, because it will be special enough as it's the day you are married.

Other problem is is that many venues may not be available to you during the week, so if you may have fewer choices when you start that part of the planning.

Depending on the type of venue, the opposite might be true. Certain restaurants may be more interested in letting you rent out the entire space for only the food/beverage consumed (weekends you may have to guarantee their averaged revenue) and the go-to spaces that might get booked sooner may have availability due to it being a weekday. Certain venues may also be a lot less expensive.

I still agree that it may be inconvenient for many of your guests with traditional schedules and you have to be understanding that some of your guests may decline.

climbingsingle · May 2016

I would skip a weekday wedding, unless you were my sibling. I think it's pretty rude to choose a date like that just because it's your anniversary. Weekday weddings are a huge inconvenience, even if you don't have to travel.

missJeanLouise · May 2016

It really depends on you VIPs. I worked in theatre for almost a decade and attending a weekend wedding would have been next to impossible if we were in the middle of a show. A lot of my friends are servers or bartenders so a weekday wedding would be more convenient for them too. If most of your crowd are 9-5ers, a Wednesday would probably not be received well.

bleve0821 · May 2016

I wanted to get married on my parents' anniversary, since it's kind of the date for weddings in my family (at least two other weddings have also occurred on that date). It fell on a Friday this year, so we got married the day after. Oh, well. It wasn't worth the inconvenience to our guests.

ETF grammar.

Knottie1462575779 · May 2016

The people we invite would literally just be close family and one friend of ours. Aside from my brother who works in a casino they all work in jobs they can decide when to take time off. Venues won't be a problem, we're not going to any, we're just doing a small affordable wedding since there are other things we could spend our money on.
I spoke it over with my fiance and he thinks we should just do the courthouse and have the reception on the weekend if it's going to be a problem.
What I don't understand are those calling me selfish about the wedding date I want to have. That's just rude. If I were going to be selfish I wouldn't be asking for advice on what to do.

climbingsingle · May 2016

Knottie1462575779 said:

The people we invite would literally just be close family and one friend of ours. Aside from my brother who works in a casino they all work in jobs they can decide when to take time off. Venues won't be a problem, we're not going to any, we're just doing a small affordable wedding since there are other things we could spend our money on.
I spoke it over with my fiance and he thinks we should just do the courthouse and have the reception on the weekend if it's going to be a problem.
What I don't understand are those calling me selfish about the wedding date I want to have. That's just rude. If I were going to be selfish I wouldn't be asking for advice on what to do.

You're asking for advice, but you don't seem to want to take it. You want to get married on a weekday because it falls on your dating anniversary, and you seem to be set on this regardless of whether or not it works for your guests. That would make it SELFISH.

How do you know everyone will be able to take off? Do you know the ins and outs of every guest's company, and how easy or difficult is it to request time off? Do you know each person's schedule? Do you know their boss?

Also, if you're going to get married at the courthouse with guests, you need to host those guests immediately afterwards.

Knottie1462575779 · May 2016

I never said I wasn't taking the advice, and I asked my MIL about the schedules. It's literally MIL (who owns her own business), FIL (runs his own business), 3 sis in laws, one is out of the country a lot so she's up in the air, I'd like her to be able to attend but her brother says she'll understand, same with the one who moved to the other side of the country. She got married in South Africa so it was 80% his family. The other has already said she can take anytime off. My step-dad can (and does) take a day off if he feels like it, my mom is disabled and as such stays at home. The one friend is a brewmaster but she's super super busy. I hope over a year in advance would let her be able to come, but yeah, like I said, super busy.
I never said guests would be at the courthouse. It's a 40min drive from where the reception would be. (Small city, but in-laws live 15 miles from town by freeway, then up like 3 hills.) I was thinking just having as maybe a parent each to sign as witnesses. It's 18 months away so still up in the air. I would like to have an actual ceremony with guests and it all proper, but holy crap does that add up. It's 175 at the minimum to get a officiant here. Plus what we have to pay for the license.
So please, don't jump down my throat for trying to figure things out. I'm trying to make things work, but we haven't announced anything. His mom and sisters all know we're engaged because they helped him choose a ring. His family is pretty close knit for living all over the globe, mine is just parents (live in town) and my brother (who lives 3 hours away but will still day-trip it here regularly).

climbingsingle · May 2016

Knottie1462575779 said:

I never said I wasn't taking the advice, and I asked my MIL about the schedules. It's literally MIL (who owns her own business), FIL (runs his own business), 3 sis in laws, one is out of the country a lot so she's up in the air, I'd like her to be able to attend but her brother says she'll understand, same with the one who moved to the other side of the country. She got married in South Africa so it was 80% his family. The other has already said she can take anytime off. My step-dad can (and does) take a day off if he feels like it, my mom is disabled and as such stays at home. The one friend is a brewmaster but she's super super busy. I hope over a year in advance would let her be able to come, but yeah, like I said, super busy.
I never said guests would be at the courthouse. It's a 40min drive from where the reception would be. (Small city, but in-laws live 15 miles from town by freeway, then up like 3 hills.) I was thinking just having as maybe a parent each to sign as witnesses. It's 18 months away so still up in the air. I would like to have an actual ceremony with guests and it all proper, but holy crap does that add up. It's 175 at the minimum to get a officiant here. Plus what we have to pay for the license.
So please, don't jump down my throat for trying to figure things out. I'm trying to make things work, but we haven't announced anything. His mom and sisters all know we're engaged because they helped him choose a ring. His family is pretty close knit for living all over the globe, mine is just parents (live in town) and my brother (who lives 3 hours away but will still day-trip it here regularly).

You're asking for advice, and you're getting it. No one has jumped down your throat. IMO, it's rude to choose a weekday wedding. That's my opinion. You literally asked in your OP if you thought it was rude. I'm telling you YES.

You literally asked if you should change it to a weekend to make it easier, and I'm telling you YES.

My husband owns and runs his own business. That doesn't mean he can commit to a weekday weekend 1+ years in advance. If he's working on a big project come the time of the wedding, he wouldn't be able to take off.

You never said if there would or wouldn't be guests at the courthouse. I'm offering advice. If you invite guests to the courthouse, you should host them after the ceremony.

justsie · May 2016

Knottie1462575779 said:

I never said I wasn't taking the advice, and I asked my MIL about the schedules. It's literally MIL (who owns her own business), FIL (runs his own business), 3 sis in laws, one is out of the country a lot so she's up in the air, I'd like her to be able to attend but her brother says she'll understand, same with the one who moved to the other side of the country. She got married in South Africa so it was 80% his family. The other has already said she can take anytime off. My step-dad can (and does) take a day off if he feels like it, my mom is disabled and as such stays at home. The one friend is a brewmaster but she's super super busy. I hope over a year in advance would let her be able to come, but yeah, like I said, super busy.
I never said guests would be at the courthouse. It's a 40min drive from where the reception would be. (Small city, but in-laws live 15 miles from town by freeway, then up like 3 hills.) I was thinking just having as maybe a parent each to sign as witnesses. It's 18 months away so still up in the air. I would like to have an actual ceremony with guests and it all proper, but holy crap does that add up. It's 175 at the minimum to get a officiant here. Plus what we have to pay for the license.
So please, don't jump down my throat for trying to figure things out. I'm trying to make things work, but we haven't announced anything. His mom and sisters all know we're engaged because they helped him choose a ring. His family is pretty close knit for living all over the globe, mine is just parents (live in town) and my brother (who lives 3 hours away but will still day-trip it here regularly).

So you are having guests come to the courthouse if you are having parents sign there as witness, so take them out to dinner/lunch as a "thank you" for watching you get married, that would be your reception. You can have a "we got married" party anytime, but some people may be hurt that they were not invited to your actual wedding.

charlotte989875 · May 2016

Knottie1462575779 said:

The people we invite would literally just be close family and one friend of ours. Aside from my brother who works in a casino they all work in jobs they can decide when to take time off. Venues won't be a problem, we're not going to any, we're just doing a small affordable wedding since there are other things we could spend our money on.
I spoke it over with my fiance and he thinks we should just do the courthouse and have the reception on the weekend if it's going to be a problem.
What I don't understand are those calling me selfish about the wedding date I want to have. That's just rude. If I were going to be selfish I wouldn't be asking for advice on what to do.

Just because they can take a day off when they want, doesn't mean that it isn't inconvenient. I have a really flexible schedule, but everyone I work with works during the week, so even if I took a random Wednesday off it isn't really convenient. I probably wouldn't go unless it's a sibling (my sister did get married on a Wednesday, when the Thursday was a holiday). Like @ernursej said if you have people that do shift work, or work mainly on the weekends, this could work well, not because they have flexible schedules, but because weekends tend to be harder to take time off.

If you still want to do this, please don't just ask if they would do it, but ask if a weekend date would be better and see what the answers are. I'm going to bet that everyone will say the weekend date would be far easier to make work.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

Out of curiosity, why are you waiting 18 months for a courthouse ceremony and reception for 18 people max?

CMGragain · May 2016

Knottie1462575779 said:

The people we invite would literally just be close family and one friend of ours. Aside from my brother who works in a casino they all work in jobs they can decide when to take time off. Venues won't be a problem, we're not going to any, we're just doing a small affordable wedding since there are other things we could spend our money on.
I spoke it over with my fiance and he thinks we should just do the courthouse and have the reception on the weekend if it's going to be a problem.
What I don't understand are those calling me selfish about the wedding date I want to have. That's just rude. If I were going to be selfish I wouldn't be asking for advice on what to do.

No, this would not be your wedding reception. Your wedding reception takes place on the same day as your ceremony, and it is a thank you to your guests, no matter how few in number, for coming to your ceremony. Others have given you good suggestions for this.
What you are talking about having is a party to celebrate your marriage. It will not be a part of your wedding day. No wedding dress. No wedding traditions like bouquet tossing, "first dance", etc. Gifts will not be expected. You do not send out wedding invitations, you send party invitations. This would be fine as long as you don't try to turn it into a wedding reception.
You could also send out formal marriage announcements after your ceremony to let people know that you are now married.

InLoveInQueens · May 2016

I had a weekday wedding, we had 10 guests (immediate family and my BFF). We confirmed with all our guests if they would be able to take the day off to come to City Hall with us and then go to lunch, they all were very enthusiastic about it and knew that no matter what we were doing a City Hall wedding so if they wanted to be there they'd need to take a day off since they're only open M-F.

Of our guests my side are all self-employed and had enough notice to schedule their work week around taking off that day (we booked our photographer in January and got married in October, so they had 10 months to plan).

We also got married on our dating anniversary, it's a special day for us as a couple and now it continues to be a special day, but we didn't have to force it at all. Like I said, a City Hall wedding was pretty much a guarantee and with our anniversary being on a Friday last year it worked out pretty well. If our anniversary wasn't on a weekday we would have got married ASAP, though.

I agree with others in asking this, is there a reason you're not doing this in 6 months rather than 18 if you just want to do it on your anniversary? Why does it have to be 6 years?

If you wanna chat weekday/courthouse weddings, I'm happy to talk logistics or anything like that.

KeyToHisHeart2017 · May 2016

FI and I wanted a summer wedding. Our 5 year dating anniversary is June 23rd 2017, which falls on a Friday. For guests convenience we chose to do it the following day. So we will be married the day after our 5 year dating anniversary. Which also happens to be my great grandmothers birthday.
We had the pleasure of attending a Friday wedding last summer and it was pretty hectic getting off work and getting the kids where they needed to be and getting ready and arriving at the wedding on time. We did not want our guests to have to endure that stress.

banana468 · May 2016

I'm going to echo others that running your own business does not equal take days off whenever you want. If anything, that could be harder. I'd be really clear with your VIPs to see if a weekday wedding is an issue.

SaintPaulGal · May 2016

Look, I get it. My partner and I are getting married next summer on our 5th anniversary (counting from when we decided to be a couple, not from when we first met.) We figured that if we were going to select a day to get married it might as well be a day that means something to us instead of something more random. If not for the symbolism of the date, we might have decided to get married this summer. But "our date" is a Saturday next year, and that clinched it for us.

Posters here can be pretty hard on people who prefer to get married on a certain meaningful date. It's a popular thing to pooh-pooh. I think, like anything, you need to be aware of how much credence you are giving to what amounts to a trivial detail. We were willing to wait a year for our preferred date, but we certainly wouldn't have waited more than that. And we never would have gotten married on a non-Saturday, since we value our guests' convenience more than that.

There is nothing wrong with a private weekday courthouse wedding, but if you are going to have any guests that is too much to ask of them, IMO.

Figuring out a wedding date

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