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Wedding Etiquette Forum
check from a guest bounced!
just found out that one of our guests checks bounced. it was a wedding gift from my cousin - he brought a guest and gave us a check for $50 with a note that said "please dont' cash it until Aug 27". we didnt cash it until Sept 7..... it bounced and we were charged $12.
I think the right thing for my cousin to do is send a new check and replace the fee.
I am inclined to let it go since I am all about avoiding confrontation and it is an awkward situation and only $12. but if I dont email my cousin about it, my husband will. If anyone is emailing my cousin, I think it should be me since he's from my side of the family, but I'm not good with this kind of thing - not sure what to say in the email. Can you help?
I think the right thing for my cousin to do is send a new check and replace the fee.
I am inclined to let it go since I am all about avoiding confrontation and it is an awkward situation and only $12. but if I dont email my cousin about it, my husband will. If anyone is emailing my cousin, I think it should be me since he's from my side of the family, but I'm not good with this kind of thing - not sure what to say in the email. Can you help?
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Re: check from a guest bounced!
You wanted him at your wedding enough that it was ok with you that he brought a guest.
No one has to give you a gift at all.
If his check bounced, he also got hit with a fee and if he's had a lot of checks bounce he's had lots of fees. Be a true family member and let it go, he doesn't need you giving him grief.
Do you need the money that badly that you'd cause him extra stress right now?
I would just let it go. I have a guest that is coming who has written a check to my sister that bounced. She said "Don't cash the check if they give you one." Too funny yet very sad!
Let it go.
Please tell me you already sent him the TY note anyway though. And tell your husband to pipe down.
[QUOTE]Let it go. Please tell me you already sent him the TY note anyway though. And tell your husband to pipe down.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
I was wondering about this... if I hadn't already sent the note, I think I would have a really hard time trying to write one in this circumstance.
But since you shouldn't cash checks until after the note is sent, hopefully the OP already avoided that.
[QUOTE]Let it go. You wanted him at your wedding enough that it was ok with you that he brought a guest. No one has to give you a gift at all.<strong> If his check bounced, he also got hit with a fee and if he's had a lot of checks bounce he's had lots of fees. Be a true family member and let it go, he doesn't need you giving him grief. </strong>Do you need the money that badly that you'd cause him extra stress right now?
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]
Agreed. Skippy hit the nail on the head.
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I'm sure your cousin is embarassed about it. He's probably in a tough financial spot if he's bouncing $50 checks. Calling him out on it, asking for the gift $ again AND the fees is a bit mean, IMO.
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[QUOTE]I'd probably have pre-dated the TY note QQ as a little fib. Then the giver wouldn't know that I knew at the time the note was being sent. But since you shouldn't cash checks until after the note is sent, hopefully the OP already avoided that.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
I didn't think that was a rule, especially since everybody generally recommends cashing the checks right away so people can balance their checkbooks. In my case, if people give us checks at the wedding, I was planning to deposit them on Monday so that I don't have to figure out what to do with them during the honeymoon/risk them getting lost, but I won't be able to get the TY notes done until after we return from the honeymoon.
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I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.
"Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
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"The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board
[QUOTE]DH's uncle and his wife wrote us a $25 check as our wedding gift. It bounced, and even though it didn't overdraw our account, we were still charged $5. We didn't tell anyone, and certainly didn't ask for a replacement check. I am sure they are embarassed enough. Let it go.
Posted by andij1616[/QUOTE]
You should have called your bank back and got your $5 back. I have never heard of such a thing.
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I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.
"Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
"smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
"The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board
[QUOTE]Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
Yes, it is VERY stupid, but my credit union does the same thing, except it's an $8 fee.
[QUOTE]Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
Many banks charge you if a check you tried to deposit bounced. Don't worry the check bouncer gets fees too. It is a double win for the bank.
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*This is Not Legal Advice*
You should write "Without Recourse" under your endorsement to protect yourself. It's up to the bank to decide whether or not it wants to honor the check when you do that, though.
[QUOTE]I say let it go. He will know it bounced, and will hopefully be a bit embarrassed. I hope he's kind of embarrassed already that he gave you a post dated check as a gift instead of just waiting until he could afford a gift to give one.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]
This.
And traditionaly people have a year to give a wedding gift though I have never heard of anyone waiting that long.
[QUOTE]Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
Most banks charge both the check writer and the receiver. I've had it happen at two different banks.
this. always your best bet...
i guess i'm n the fence, it would depend entirely on teh person it is. if it was a cousin who lost everything to bernie madoff, wife took the rest, and was living in his mother's basement with no job...yeah, i'd let it go.
if it's the cousin who spends twice his income on cars and toys and is the family mooch...i'd embarress the heck out of him at thanksgiving.
"You should write "Without Recourse" under your endorsement to protect yourself. It's up to the bank to decide whether or not it wants to honor the check when you do that, though."
my sister is an assistant bank manager, and i thought this was a little strange, so i called her. she said the bank would likely not take it, and even if they do, they can and probably will still charge you the chargeback fee as well as the amount of the check.
If it was me, I would mention something, but not in a harsh way. Maybe something like "hey, not sure what's up, but your gift check to me bounced - just want to make sure everything is ok!" So in a way you're letting him know that it's obnoxious that the check bounced, but that you care about his well-being as well.
[QUOTE]Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
Bank of America does this; customers bounce checks to me regularly and I get stuck with a fee, so I charge them twice the fee for having to deal with that BS.
Married in Vegas - June 2011