check from a guest bounced!

lherdman · September 2010

just found out that one of our guests checks bounced. it was a wedding gift from my cousin - he brought a guest and gave us a check for $50 with a note that said "please dont' cash it until Aug 27". we didnt cash it until Sept 7..... it bounced and we were charged $12.

I think the right thing for my cousin to do is send a new check and replace the fee.

I am inclined to let it go since I am all about avoiding confrontation and it is an awkward situation and only $12. but if I dont email my cousin about it, my husband will. If anyone is emailing my cousin, I think it should be me since he's from my side of the family, but I'm not good with this kind of thing - not sure what to say in the email. Can you help?

skippylouwho · September 2010

Let it go.

You wanted him at your wedding enough that it was ok with you that he brought a guest.

No one has to give you a gift at all.

If his check bounced, he also got hit with a fee and if he's had a lot of checks bounce he's had lots of fees. Be a true family member and let it go, he doesn't need you giving him grief.

Do you need the money that badly that you'd cause him extra stress right now?

marissa_claire · September 2010

Yeah that's fairly awkward and I wouldn't say anything. And to be honest, even though you told us on an anonymous board, I wouldn't mention this to my parents or anyone besides me and the FI.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · September 2010

Why didn't you cash it on the 27th? You waited more than whole week! LOL!!

I would just let it go. I have a guest that is coming who has written a check to my sister that bounced. She said "Don't cash the check if they give you one." Too funny yet very sad!

banana468 · September 2010

Let it go.

Please tell me you already sent him the TY note anyway though. And tell your husband to pipe down.

quotequeen · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:008beb1b-d500-490b-9ce1-510e5742a2ef">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]Let it go. Please tell me you already sent him the TY note anyway though. And tell your husband to pipe down.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I was wondering about this... if I hadn't already sent the note, I think I would have a really hard time trying to write one in this circumstance.

banana468 · September 2010

I'd probably have pre-dated the TY note QQ as a little fib. Then the giver wouldn't know that I knew at the time the note was being sent.

But since you shouldn't cash checks until after the note is sent, hopefully the OP already avoided that.

LDYGTR13 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:f93ec15d-c4ee-4006-b0e2-e8fa85575787">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]Let it go. You wanted him at your wedding enough that it was ok with you that he brought a guest. No one has to give you a gift at all.<strong> If his check bounced, he also got hit with a fee and if he's had a lot of checks bounce he's had lots of fees. Be a true family member and let it go, he doesn't need you giving him grief. </strong>Do you need the money that badly that you'd cause him extra stress right now?
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

Agreed. Skippy hit the nail on the head.

jesibel14 · September 2010

DItto PPs. Let it go and ask your husband to do the same.
I'm sure your cousin is embarassed about it. He's probably in a tough financial spot if he's bouncing $50 checks. Calling him out on it, asking for the gift $ again AND the fees is a bit mean, IMO.

sarabellam · September 2010

Be happy that the fee was only $12. I think you should let this one go.

quotequeen · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:5315172a-b4a2-4de0-804e-389a862fe7fc">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd probably have pre-dated the TY note QQ as a little fib. Then the giver wouldn't know that I knew at the time the note was being sent. But since you shouldn't cash checks until after the note is sent, hopefully the OP already avoided that.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I didn't think that was a rule, especially since everybody generally recommends cashing the checks right away so people can balance their checkbooks. In my case, if people give us checks at the wedding, I was planning to deposit them on Monday so that I don't have to figure out what to do with them during the honeymoon/risk them getting lost, but I won't be able to get the TY notes done until after we return from the honeymoon.

orangejulius · September 2010

I would not say a word. This would be very embarrassing for him, and he was trying to do a nice thing. Like PP said, gifts of any kind are not mandatory at a wedding. I really don't think 12 bucks is worth the drama that may ensue...

staceytaylor0704 · September 2010

Oh, PLEASE don't say anything to him. That is not even worth it for 62 bucks.

SarahPLiz · September 2010

I say let it go. He will know it bounced, and will hopefully be a bit embarrassed. I hope he's kind of embarrassed already that he gave you a post dated check as a gift instead of just waiting until he could afford a gift to give one.

smokeybailey · September 2010

Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.

smokeybailey · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:79777250-52f1-47e2-8185-9d2fbe848980">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]DH's uncle and his wife wrote us a $25 check as our wedding gift. It bounced, and even though it didn't overdraw our account, we were still charged $5. We didn't tell anyone, and certainly didn't ask for a replacement check. I am sure they are embarassed enough. Let it go.
Posted by andij1616[/QUOTE]

You should have called your bank back and got your $5 back. I have never heard of such a thing.

PandaBurr · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:85af598d-3fa8-4def-8727-f94da41593d1">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is VERY stupid, but my credit union does the same thing, except it's an $8 fee.

redheadfsu · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:85af598d-3fa8-4def-8727-f94da41593d1">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

Many banks charge you if a check you tried to deposit bounced. Don't worry the check bouncer gets fees too. It is a double win for the bank.

zippityb · September 2010

You should write "Without Recourse" under your endorsement to protect yourself. It's up to the bank to decide whether or not it wants to honor the check when you do that, though.

andij1616 · September 2010

My DH went to the credit union and talked to someone, but they wouldn't waive the fee, which sucks. It's not like it was our fault!

leah2b · September 2010

I would REALLY try to talk your husband out of this. The poor guy is embarressed enough by bouncing the check I am sure. And remember that the a GIFT not an entitelement or payment - so really you could only ask for your $12 back. Is it really worth it? Possibly causing awkward feelings?

lherdman · September 2010

Yay - my cousin emailed me today to say the check bounced. So glad I didn't contact him!

Istremene · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:3f03e88d-83e4-41c1-b399-ad9ac165526e">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]I say let it go. He will know it bounced, and will hopefully be a bit embarrassed. I hope he's kind of embarrassed already that he gave you a post dated check as a gift instead of just waiting until he could afford a gift to give one.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

This.

And traditionaly people have a year to give a wedding gift though I have never heard of anyone waiting that long.

LD1970 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:85af598d-3fa8-4def-8727-f94da41593d1">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
Most banks charge both the check writer and the receiver. I've had it happen at two different banks.

miss_reed6582 · September 2010

if you cousin is bouncing wedding gift checks they probably can't afford to be giving that much.

to be gracious, I wouldn't mention the $12 charge!

pinkfleurdelys · September 2010

"this is why we purposely took all checks to the banks they were drawn from and cashed them, then deposited teh money into our account. many people simply dont know how to balance their checkbooks. "

this. always your best bet...

i guess i'm n the fence, it would depend entirely on teh person it is. if it was a cousin who lost everything to bernie madoff, wife took the rest, and was living in his mother's basement with no job...yeah, i'd let it go.

if it's the cousin who spends twice his income on cars and toys and is the family mooch...i'd embarress the heck out of him at thanksgiving.

pinkfleurdelys · September 2010

"You should write "Without Recourse" under your endorsement to protect yourself. It's up to the bank to decide whether or not it wants to honor the check when you do that, though."

my sister is an assistant bank manager, and i thought this was a little strange, so i called her. she said the bank would likely not take it, and even if they do, they can and probably will still charge you the chargeback fee as well as the amount of the check.

FutureMrsW9 · September 2010

If it was me, I would mention something, but not in a harsh way. Maybe something like "hey, not sure what's up, but your gift check to me bounced - just want to make sure everything is ok!" So in a way you're letting him know that it's obnoxious that the check bounced, but that you care about his well-being as well.

vegasgroom · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_check-guest-bounced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0179896a-e9c9-4526-b747-7e8bc2019848Post:85af598d-3fa8-4def-8727-f94da41593d1">Re: check from a guest bounced!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would YOU be charged for the bounced check? Did you overdraft your own account based on that deposit? I have never heard of a bank charging you for someone else's NSF.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

Bank of America does this; customers bounce checks to me regularly and I get stuck with a fee, so I charge them twice the fee for having to deal with that BS.

check from a guest bounced!

Re: check from a guest bounced!

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