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Bridesmaids financial responsibilities

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Re: Bridesmaids financial responsibilities

  • I've spent days skipping over this thread. I'm only having my daughters in my bridal (bridle LOL) party, so I figured whatever was said wouldn't apply to me.

    Then I got curious b/c there are eleventy-billion comments in here. After making it all the way through, all I can say is:




    This. <3<3 
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  • This is the big weekend, right?
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  • OMG I am so excited! I don't think I have ever been this excited for a Monday (Recap Day!!!).
  • For some reason I thought it was last weekend...
  • The May long weekend is this upcoming weekend (which is when the wedding is IIRC) 
  • edited May 2016
    I cannot believe the bride had to say her vows in French. If they wanted to have a bilingual ceremony (with an interpreter), that's great. But making the bride say her vows in a language she doesn't speak or understand?

    And "Beauty and the Beast"? How sexist is that?

    The father-daughter dance to "Stairway to Heaven" sounds interesting, though.

    Yay to saving the baby bird!
  • Wow. Just. Wow.

  • I'm confused about the vows.  My BIL/SIL had to do their vows in French.  She's Polish, he's Chilean, they both speak English, but the Priest didn't.  He spoke French, and BIL is fluent, SIL gets by, so their vows were in French so that all 3 people involved could understand what they were agreeing to, and that the vows were stated correctly.  BIL wasn't allowed to say it in Polish, for example, cos he wouldn't understand it.  That said, I'm assuming the couple picked their officiant, so they could have made that decision before hand.  

  • Yeah having a bilingual ceremony is fine but why would their languages be reversed?? Did she have to repeat the officiant or just respond "oui"? I can't imagine how awkward it would be to listen to someone just parrot back the sounds as best they could. Especially for something as significant as wedding vows!

    One drink ticket per person and one bottle of wine per table seems especially cheap when you consider there were only 60 guests :/
  • Wow. So many questions:

    1.  Beauty and the Beast was her idea right?  I feel like you talked about that earlier
    2.  How did the runner up BM look in your dress?3.  What the hell did you do between 5ish and 7?  I'm guessing cocktail hour went till 6 and then went?  An hour of speeches?
    4.  Any Facebook posts since?
    image
  • woodtdm said:
    It's the morning after! I didn't go to the wedding post breakfast. It's just too far away.

    It was OK. There were spots that made me a little upset because it wasn't far to the guests. The drink tickets were reduced to one per person and they could only be used after the vows. There was then a final call for drink tickets at 7:45 because there was an 8 pm expiry time? I've never heard of that. 

    The cocktail hour was interesting. It was very basic cut veggies, deviled eggs  and some sort of weird potato salad. 

    The vows. This is where I almost lost my mind! I'll give a little background. Her husband's family is bilingual from Quebec, French and English, but if you live in Ontario Canada you are aware of the language debate with Ottawa and Quebec. The bride does not speak or understand any French. If the bride and groom had this planned I am stunned. The officiant made the bride say her vows in French and the groom in English. She didn't even know what she was agreeing to or what she was saying. 

    The buffet was OK. There was a lot of variety, but the veggies were frozen, the gravy was from a can and the salad from a bag. The head table had unlimited wine, as well as the grooms mothers table. I wonder how that happened?

    Everything seemed very disjointed, and late. The wedding started at 4:30 and we didn't eat until after 7.

    I don't think her dress was fitted at all. It was ripped in several places and she had to keep running to get put back into her top. 

    The theme finally came into play when the officiant recited the Beauty and the Beast story at the beginning of there vows, and at their first dance. Yep. The theme from Beauty and the Beast, but the father daughter dance also confused me. Stairway to Heaven?? 

    There was only maybe 60 people there. I was only greeted by the bride when I left. The mother of the bride said absolutely nothing to me. I also got the cold shoulder from two of her bridesmaids. 

    I didn't make it to the bouquet toss, garter removal or cupcakes. 

    By the time the chips and popcorn were opened we decided to head to McDonald's. 

    The highlight of my night was saving a baby bird from a storm drain. 
    Re the vows: Did the bride grow up in Canada? I could probably get by on my French classes from school if I had to do this and knew beforehand. But, that is still super weird. How can it be ok to not understand what you're agreeing to?
  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    did cocktail hour have cocktails or was your 1 drink ticket to be used either during cocktail hour or dinner?
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I feel guilty now for being so eager to witness the shitshow because it sounds like it was just pitiable :( 
    Agreed. The whole thing seems kind of deflated. As crazy as the bride is, hope she and her husband are happily married now.

    Re the vows: Did the bride grow up in Canada? I could probably get by on my French classes from school if I had to do this and knew beforehand. But, that is still super weird. How can it be ok to not understand what you're agreeing to?
    This whole vow thing is crazy to me. I learned French in school (being Canadian as well) and I would not understand the vocabulary, nor beyond saying, "Oui". I don't even know how to say, "I do" or "I will". What is more weird, why not have the groom speak in French and the Bride speak in English?? Did they not go over this with the officiant prior?

  • SP29 said:
    I feel guilty now for being so eager to witness the shitshow because it sounds like it was just pitiable :( 
    Agreed. The whole thing seems kind of deflated. As crazy as the bride is, hope she and her husband are happily married now.

    Re the vows: Did the bride grow up in Canada? I could probably get by on my French classes from school if I had to do this and knew beforehand. But, that is still super weird. How can it be ok to not understand what you're agreeing to?
    This whole vow thing is crazy to me. I learned French in school (being Canadian as well) and I would not understand the vocabulary, nor beyond saying, "Oui". I don't even know how to say, "I do" or "I will". What is more weird, why not have the groom speak in French and the Bride speak in English?? Did they not go over this with the officiant prior?

    It seems that way. If they had, wouldn't she have taken the time to understand the vows she was making? Either way it's still crazy. 
  • woodtdm said:
    No wine for any table but the head table and MIL table. They picked the officiant and I'm not sure if she knew or agreed to her vows being n French. She was so confused at one point and the officiant just told her to say "yes". I was floored. The father daughter dance was the 7 minute version and you can tell they didn't practice before hand. They kind of ended up doing an impromptu weird fast dance at the end like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. 

    To me, that would be as crazy as signing a contract, written in a language I didn't understand.

    Thanks for the update!

    Although she largely brought it on herself, I almost feel bad for her.  All the ill-will between her and some of her friends/family.  All the worrying so much about costs that she short changes her guests.  All the constant fretting and worrying that she seemed to have.

    And then there are only 60 guests anyway.

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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    woodtdm said:
    No wine for any table but the head table and MIL table. They picked the officiant and I'm not sure if she knew or agreed to her vows being n French. She was so confused at one point and the officiant just told her to say "yes". I was floored. The father daughter dance was the 7 minute version and you can tell they didn't practice before hand. They kind of ended up doing an impromptu weird fast dance at the end like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. 
    I just cannot see how one would do that to their guests?  I mean, they each got a drink ticket so in her eyes,  I'm sure that balanced everything out.  I don't recall, but was it cash bar after your drink ticket was used?

  • woodtdmwoodtdm member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    One drink ticket that was only valid between 5:30 - 8pm and the rest was cash. Only the tap water was provided for free and you had to specify that is what you wanted otherwise you would have been charged for a bottle of water.
  • db1984 said:
    woodtdm said:
    No wine for any table but the head table and MIL table. They picked the officiant and I'm not sure if she knew or agreed to her vows being n French. She was so confused at one point and the officiant just told her to say "yes". I was floored. The father daughter dance was the 7 minute version and you can tell they didn't practice before hand. They kind of ended up doing an impromptu weird fast dance at the end like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. 

    To me, that would be as crazy as signing a contract, written in a language I didn't understand.

    Thanks for the update!

    Although she largely brought it on herself, I almost feel bad for her.  All the ill-will between her and some of her friends/family.  All the worrying so much about costs that she short changes her guests.  All the constant fretting and worrying that she seemed to have.

    And then there are only 60 guests anyway.

    It is a contract...I'm questioning whether or not it's legal.  They may not be married after all this.
    Also from Canada, so the laws may be different (don't even know if this is a law or not), but aren't you still bound by a contract you (under your own volition) signed, whether you understood it or not? Like if I sign a cellphone contract (or credit card etc) and I don't read the entire thing, or don't really understand the terms, is it not still on me? I thought it was, and would assume this would be the same. 

    Obviously, this doesn't apply to everyone. There was something in the news awhile back about a severely developmentally delayed 18+ woman being pressured into signing a big expensive cellphone contract. When her mother found out (don't know the right word if you're over 18 but not able to legally make decisions on your own - for lack of word her mother was her guardian) and her mother was able to get her out of it. Now maybe it wasn't because of legal ramifications, maybe it was because her mom brought it to CBC news and the company let her out of it to avoid bad publicity.

    tl;dr - isn't it on the person to understand the contract? If you don't understand and still sign, isn't it still legal and your own fault?
  • YogaSandy said:
    db1984 said:
    woodtdm said:
    No wine for any table but the head table and MIL table. They picked the officiant and I'm not sure if she knew or agreed to her vows being n French. She was so confused at one point and the officiant just told her to say "yes". I was floored. The father daughter dance was the 7 minute version and you can tell they didn't practice before hand. They kind of ended up doing an impromptu weird fast dance at the end like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. 

    To me, that would be as crazy as signing a contract, written in a language I didn't understand.

    Thanks for the update!

    Although she largely brought it on herself, I almost feel bad for her.  All the ill-will between her and some of her friends/family.  All the worrying so much about costs that she short changes her guests.  All the constant fretting and worrying that she seemed to have.

    And then there are only 60 guests anyway.

    It is a contract...I'm questioning whether or not it's legal.  They may not be married after all this.
    Also from Canada, so the laws may be different (don't even know if this is a law or not), but aren't you still bound by a contract you (under your own volition) signed, whether you understood it or not? Like if I sign a cellphone contract (or credit card etc) and I don't read the entire thing, or don't really understand the terms, is it not still on me? I thought it was, and would assume this would be the same. 

    Obviously, this doesn't apply to everyone. There was something in the news awhile back about a severely developmentally delayed 18+ woman being pressured into signing a big expensive cellphone contract. When her mother found out (don't know the right word if you're over 18 but not able to legally make decisions on your own - for lack of word her mother was her guardian) and her mother was able to get her out of it. Now maybe it wasn't because of legal ramifications, maybe it was because her mom brought it to CBC news and the company let her out of it to avoid bad publicity.

    tl;dr - isn't it on the person to understand the contract? If you don't understand and still sign, isn't it still legal and your own fault?
    Yes. If you freely sign or agree to a contract you don't understand, it's still binding. Duress is a defense to contract enforceability. (And would need to be affirmatively raised and proven by the wronged party.) Bride would have a pretty hard time arguing that she was duped into marriage.

    But I think PP was just being snarky. I don't think anyone really questions the legality of strange vows. If so, there's be thousands of couples that wouldn't be married because their "vows" were not really vows at all. 
  • YogaSandy said:
    db1984 said:
    woodtdm said:
    No wine for any table but the head table and MIL table. They picked the officiant and I'm not sure if she knew or agreed to her vows being n French. She was so confused at one point and the officiant just told her to say "yes". I was floored. The father daughter dance was the 7 minute version and you can tell they didn't practice before hand. They kind of ended up doing an impromptu weird fast dance at the end like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. 

    To me, that would be as crazy as signing a contract, written in a language I didn't understand.

    Thanks for the update!

    Although she largely brought it on herself, I almost feel bad for her.  All the ill-will between her and some of her friends/family.  All the worrying so much about costs that she short changes her guests.  All the constant fretting and worrying that she seemed to have.

    And then there are only 60 guests anyway.

    It is a contract...I'm questioning whether or not it's legal.  They may not be married after all this.
    Also from Canada, so the laws may be different (don't even know if this is a law or not), but aren't you still bound by a contract you (under your own volition) signed, whether you understood it or not? Like if I sign a cellphone contract (or credit card etc) and I don't read the entire thing, or don't really understand the terms, is it not still on me? I thought it was, and would assume this would be the same. 

    Obviously, this doesn't apply to everyone. There was something in the news awhile back about a severely developmentally delayed 18+ woman being pressured into signing a big expensive cellphone contract. When her mother found out (don't know the right word if you're over 18 but not able to legally make decisions on your own - for lack of word her mother was her guardian) and her mother was able to get her out of it. Now maybe it wasn't because of legal ramifications, maybe it was because her mom brought it to CBC news and the company let her out of it to avoid bad publicity.

    tl;dr - isn't it on the person to understand the contract? If you don't understand and still sign, isn't it still legal and your own fault?
    Yes. If you freely sign or agree to a contract you don't understand, it's still binding. Duress is a defense to contract enforceability. (And would need to be affirmatively raised and proven by the wronged party.) Bride would have a pretty hard time arguing that she was duped into marriage.

    But I think PP was just being snarky. I don't think anyone really questions the legality of strange vows. If so, there's be thousands of couples that wouldn't be married because their "vows" were not really vows at all. 
    Not Canadian, but in my state you file for your licence and after that you don't even need to say vows. The officiant merely needs to declare you married. Your intent was consented when applying for your licence. So it wouldn't matter what language the ceremony used. This is (in my state at least) the officiant never says "I now declare You husband and wife" at the rehearsal, bc you would then be married legally.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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