Am I right to be a little peeved by this....

Re: Am I right to be a little peeved by this....

• Knottie1449203092 member

  

  June 2016

  Fi and I have been pretty firm in our choices- we learned early in to pick our battles carefully. I asked the BMs I wanted and Fi didn't give her a single thought. (We have 5BMs and 6GMs which was another issue). We stopped sharing a lot of details with her months ago, but then she thought stuff wasn't getting done and went and did it herself. Then I was ungrateful because she did all the work..... BUT I only have to make it through 7 more days of her madness! My MOH gets here Monday to help me out with the final things (she's a rockstar!) and Fi is as always my voice of reason stopping me from going completely insane.

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• TrixieJess member

  

  June 2016

  Knottie1449203092 said:

  Fi and I have been pretty firm in our choices- we learned early in to pick our battles carefully. I asked the BMs I wanted and Fi didn't give her a single thought. (We have 5BMs and 6GMs which was another issue). We stopped sharing a lot of details with her months ago, but then she thought stuff wasn't getting done and went and did it herself. Then I was ungrateful because she did all the work..... BUT I only have to make it through 7 more days of her madness! My MOH gets here Monday to help me out with the final things (she's a rockstar!) and Fi is as always my voice of reason stopping me from going completely insane.

  This is not about picking battles, this is about staking boundaries. What you need to do is say to your mother, no. No, you cannot come to this meeting, no, you cannot have imput on our wedding party, no, I will not let you treat me like this.
  
  Once you do this, you will feel a burden lifted. For some reason people feel that saying no is a bad thing but it can be quite liberating.
  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2016 edited June 2016

  I agree that you need to set some very firm boundaries with your mother, because she's going to insist that she be present at your natural home-births while you're having Caesareans in the hospital, and criticizing your child-raising if you don't:
  
  "Mom, FI and I are sorry for your disappointment with our plans, but you are not entitled to input about our wedding party choices, ceremony, or attire or to make, change, or cancel plans behind our backs, let alone accuse us of 'ingratitude' if we don't accept your actions. We need you to recognize that our wedding is not about you and to cease and desist from doing these things as of right now, because you are treating us like disobedient three-year olds when you act like this, and it is impairing our ability to love and respect you."

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• Heffalump member

  

  June 2016

  OP, I agree with a lot of what's been said here.  Bottom line is that your mother is acting crazy, and you are trying to compromise with crazy.  You can't compromise with crazy.  It's a moving target:  as you've seen, the more you try to meet her halfway, the more she moves the goalposts. 
  
  I also agree that this is a life skill:  it's not just about the wedding, and it's not just getting through the next seven days.  Because it sounds like it's always something else with her, so I don't think the wedding will suddenly make her respectful of boundaries. 
  
  I understand not wanting to have a big confrontation with her right before the wedding, especially since it seems like she unaccustomed to hearing "no."  But I really think you'll need to do it at some point, for the sake of your own sanity as well as your relationship with her.  The sooner the better, IMO.
  

  �

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• Knottie1466018219 member

  

  June 2016

  I would be FURIOUS!!  That is totally crossing boundaries!

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