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Wedding Reception Forum
Knox090416
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Honoring deceased sister
My sister died 14 years ago when she was 6 years old. I would give anything to have her there for my wedding day, so I can't imagine not honoring her in some way. I was thinking about, toward the end of the reception, having a dance with my dad in my sisters place to a song I know he would have picked for her. I've read other posts about how to avoid sad moments at a wedding but I really want to honor my sister and my parents. My question is, would this memorial be too devastating for family? How would you react if you saw this at a wedding? Thank you all for any input.
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Re: Honoring deceased sister
I think you should ask your parents how they feel about this. Posters often suggest subtle inclusions, such as a mention in the wedding program about all guests unable to be with you whether physically or spiritually. If you or your folks can remember a favorite food of your sister's, you could include it at the reception, or incorporate a favorite color of hers into your flowers or decor.
My best friend got married 2 years ago to a man whose wife passed away 5 months prior (I won't go into my feelings on this). I gave my toast first about how she had worked so hard and been alone so long that I was happy that she had finally found a safe place in her new husband. The Best Man then stands up to give his toast in which he discussed the groom's late wife in detail. The room got silent, everyone was looking at each other like wtf did I just hear. The inclusion of the late wife brought the mood way down and 3/4 of the guests left after that before the cake was even cut.
Same wedding...the bride's father had passed several years prior and to honor him, I had an enamel cardinal charm sewn into her dress and no one knew it was there but us.
I love the idea of making a charm with her photo that is either sewn into your dress or is attached to your bouquet. I've seen them a bunch on Pinterest, and you can probably find them on Etsy.
I'm generally a fan of memorials and recognition being personal because grief and grieving are personal. You don't want to turn your celebration into a memorial.
You might also consider another way to incorporate your sister. Could you walk down the aisle to the song you are considering? If a bouquet or dress charm isn't your style, would you want to wear a locket with her picture? Or maybe you could incorporate a favorite candy into your favors or her favorite snack into your appetizers.
I think balance is important. Chosen carefully, those who knew your sister will recognize a tribute fondly without being overwhelmed.
But don't announce that anything is in memory of your sister, because it will evoke grief, pain, and loss and make people uncomfortable and/or unhappy. You don't want that to happen at a wedding.
The wedding ceremony is by name and nature ceremonial, and would be an appropriate time for a short and heartfelt moment remembering your sister (or anyone who you are missing and wish you could share this day with) with a few words from the officiant ... or a prayer, or single flower ... momento or photo.
The wedding reception is a celebration and party of the ceremony just witnessed.
I am a fan of keeping the reception celebratory in words, actions and music.
Of course you are thinking of and missing your sister, and heartbroken for what will never be, but please use your reception to celebrate your spouse, your (married!) self ... your dear family and friends ... and really kick off your married future with happiness and joy!