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Wedding Etiquette Forum
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[Deleted User]
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Cash Bar/BYOB
I know I'm going to catch some flack here because, yes, we are doing a cash bar (all drinks $2.00).
It's not something I wanted to do but my fiances family are huge drinkers and even a lot of our guests (250) have okayed the idea of a toonie bar. There will also be free table wine (red, white and rose) with enough for about 2 glasses per guest.
I've seen on the forum that some weddings have offered a BYOB option.
Should I just stick to one or the other or would it be appropriate to offer both?
It's not something I wanted to do but my fiances family are huge drinkers and even a lot of our guests (250) have okayed the idea of a toonie bar. There will also be free table wine (red, white and rose) with enough for about 2 glasses per guest.
I've seen on the forum that some weddings have offered a BYOB option.
Should I just stick to one or the other or would it be appropriate to offer both?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Cash Bar/BYOB
The reception is a thank-you to your guests for attending your wedding. Guests should not be thanked by being told to pay for their own thank-you. It is a huge slap in their faces -- and many people don't bring money to weddings.
if you couldn't afford a salad course, would you ask your guests to bring their own? Pay extra for it? The answer should be the same for alcohol.
Also, having people pay for drinks, won't stop them from drinking. People get drunk in bars everyday.
This gonna get good!
I've heard of a (equally tacky) potluck reception so I guess this shouldn't be a surprise, but really...no. Do not ask your guests to bring their own booze to your wedding.
Now I do not know much about liquor and liability laws up there, but here in the states BYOB is a HUGE liability. Mostly because bar tenders lose control of monitoring guests alcohol intake. Thus people become over-served. You as the hosts, would be held responsible if something happens.
Something you might want to consider.
Cash bar is also a big NO. But not quite as big a no as the BYOB. Just do beer/wine all night to keep it cheap. Or a dry wedding. Or wine for dinner as suggested, although I know some people think that's still kind of rude to have alcohol at one point but not the whole night. Still better than a cash bar though.
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(No snark and I'm only saying this because your comment makes it sound like you don't know what the word means). Canadians use this word (and no one else) because it refers to a specific monetary item. A toonie is a two dollar coin. A loonie is a one dollar coin. The rest of our coins have the same names as the states (quarter, nickel, etc).
Also, OP, do not make your guests subsidize your wedding. Plan what you can afford, period. The salad comparison is apt.
The liability of a BYOB alone should be enough to squash that idea. I am not a fan of cash bars as I rarely carry cash to a wedding and generally hate when a B&G expect me to pay for things at their party...see the salad course analogy above.
I would much rather attend a wedding where everyone gets just a wine pouring than have to pay money for a drink. I think what you are planning is rude.
Properly hosting can can mean a dry wedding, or beer and wine only, or beer wine and a signature drink. It doesn't only mean completely open bar. You do need to have the same thing available throughout your event that your guests don't pay for.
The same thing you do to guests who wanted lobster. Shrug it off and move on with your life.
If anyone has a verbal issue with a dry wedding, they're the rude ones and not you.
If th venue is providing the alcohol, most venues I know of sell their drinks for $5-$10, so you would be sibsidizing people's drinks to get the price down to $2. Let's assume drinks are $7, so the guest pays $2 and you pay $5. Let's assume there's 100 drinks purchased, the total is $700 and you have to pay $500. You only save $200 in this example. This doesn't seem like a huge cost savings in my opinion, especially when you do a cost-benefit analysis and include how rude a cash bar is.
Also, I don't think you can "offer" a BYOB. People will bring their own or not, but it's not yours to offer.
You're not going to get the answer you're looking for here. Understand that some of your guests will find this cash bar tacky. Some will think it's tacky but still prefer it to a dry wedding. Decide if you're OK with this or not. Your other options are only hosting beer / wine, having a dry wedding, or inviting fewer people and fully hosting. No here is going to tell you "ok in your situation that's cool" because they prefer to give you hard etiquette advice. Ultimately this is your decision. You know your options.
Should I tell guests it is ok to bring a packed lunch from home for this event I am allegedly hosting?
Rude to have a cash bar.
Rude to not accommodate what guests want.
Wedding planning is a terrible rubics cube of death.
Yeah, I'd prefer to buy food than go hungry, but it doesn't mean I'll be happy about being put in either situation.
You need to host everything. If you want alcohol, you need to be cutting back on flowers/food/photography/dress and host people properly.
Look, guests shouldn't have to pay for anything. Think about all the optional aspects of a wedding reception - food, flowers, DJ, cake, venue, photographer, maybe a photbooth or favors, etc. No one would ever think to pass the costs of those things on to their guests and alcohol isn't any different. I have no idea how and why someone once decided that alcohol was the one thing it was okay to make people pay for.
Our friends and family wanted us to have a party to celebrate with us rather than go to a courthouse. They also know all the personal tradgedy both my FI and I have dealt with that makes an expensive wedding impossible. We want to do it soon so that certain people can be with us to celebrate. I'm doing the best I can with the money I have.
1) cut your guest list to a number you can afford to host if STD/invites haven't gone out
2) cut your flowers/ more basic food option/ honeymoon trip/ photography package, get a second job and sell some things you don't need to save money for the bar, even if beer and wine only.
3) recognise you planned poorly, and you simply cannot afford alcohol and have a dry wedding. But it would be more egregious to ask your guests to pay. Would you say "I can't afford photos, can everyone chip in a fiver"? Or "food is £30 a plate so leave cash if you want to eat".
You our really don't have any other options.
I wasn't asking you to justify the costs of these items, just trying to put into perspective how ridiculous it is to ask for guests to pay for their drinks. You're doing the best you can and if drinks don't fit into the budget, too fucking bad for those who will be upset.
I personally would much rather have a handful of rude friends be slightly miffed at no alcohol at all than have everyone think I'm tacky and rude for having them pay for shit.