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Etiquette

Cash Bar/BYOB

13

Re: Cash Bar/BYOB

  • what about the hors doeurves? 
    hd.jpg 59.8K
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    OliveOilsMomGreenjinjo

  • This one included a "bra pong" game. 

    At a wedding?!?!?! Holy crap that is crazy!!!!!!!!!!

    Now I know what to do with my old bra's once they wear out...oh wait, would 38G's be too easy...never mind then, I will just go for broke and then toss them into the scraps bin like a normal person.

  • kvruns said:
    what about the hors doeurves? 
    is the clothespin used to pick up the individual chips? 
    I really have no idea! I didn't notice that until just now! I didn't take a photo of the pot luck, but there were literally 11 different types of pasta salads because no one coordinated it. 11!  
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I really have no idea! I didn't notice that until just now! I didn't take a photo of the pot luck, but there were literally 11 different types of pasta salads because no one coordinated it. 11!  
    A friend's daughter had a potluck reception a couple years back and I saw her coordinating the food. This consisted of her tagging people and telling them what to bring. I was glad to not be invited because I don't feel like it's my job to feed your guests. 
    MesmrEwe
  • I really have no idea! I didn't notice that until just now! I didn't take a photo of the pot luck, but there were literally 11 different types of pasta salads because no one coordinated it. 11!  
    A friend's daughter had a potluck reception a couple years back and I saw her coordinating the food. This consisted of her tagging people and telling them what to bring. I was glad to not be invited because I don't feel like it's my job to feed your guests. 
    I'm not sure if the related threads from a few years ago are still on it, but the other Potluck wedding I was involved at that Aurianna referenced, was what I refer to as the "Tacktacular Wedding Extravaganza". Among so many, many, other terrible things, the bride was doing something similar. We were friends of the groom, she interrupted a conversation between a friend and I (whom she had not met in person yet) and asked the friend what she was bringing to her wedding. She had to ask my friend her name so that she could write it down. 

    Mmmn...no It must've gotten deleted. I could have story time to recap the details someday though. Do you still do Tacky Thursday?
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    MairePoppy
  • My mom thought it would be a "great" idea if my wedding was a potluck. She probably mentioned it for about a month before finally getting the message that that wasn't happening. 
  • aurianna said:
    Good point. The BYOB wedding I went to this weekend was also a potluck wedding. No one was really managing the food and it was in the 90s that day. As a guest, I actively considered that I had no idea how the food was transported and maintained through the day. It was impossible to have enough fridge space to accommodate it all and there was an awful lot of spoilable items. I only ate things that were freshly cooked or unable to make me sick. 
    I have never been invited to a pot luck wedding. For the longest time I never even knew they existed.
    And you've gone to at least two now? How'd you "luck out" with that?
    Same here! I see it mentioned on these boards and confuses the hell out of me. Is your dish supposed to feed all the guests? I love cooking, and I love a good pot luck dinner, but for a wedding reception? No.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    aurianna said:
    Good point. The BYOB wedding I went to this weekend was also a potluck wedding. No one was really managing the food and it was in the 90s that day. As a guest, I actively considered that I had no idea how the food was transported and maintained through the day. It was impossible to have enough fridge space to accommodate it all and there was an awful lot of spoilable items. I only ate things that were freshly cooked or unable to make me sick. 
    I have never been invited to a pot luck wedding. For the longest time I never even knew they existed.
    And you've gone to at least two now? How'd you "luck out" with that?
    Same here! I see it mentioned on these boards and confuses the hell out of me. Is your dish supposed to feed all the guests? I love cooking, and I love a good pot luck dinner, but for a wedding reception? No.
    I've never been invited to a potluck wedding either.    I wouldn't attend if I had.  

    DH is a chef by profession, if he is going to be cooking for a large group of people, he wants to be paid.   In addition to that, if he is going to be taking a rare night off, the last thing he wants to do is cook.  Might as well just work and get paid.

    You do not have to cook for all the guests, but it's expected you cook a large batch of something so it can be shared.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • My ten year class reunion is coming up in a couple of weeks.  It's going to be a pot luck.  I pointed out to the organizer how this might not be the best idea, particularly seeing as how the majority of the class no longer lives in the small town we grew up in.  She got super huffy and passive-aggressively asked me if I wanted to plan the whole thing.  Bitch, that is literally my job.  Called her bluff and she deleted the post.

    It's going to be such a disaster and honestly I'm kind of looking forward to it.


    InLoveInQueensSP29mollybarker11
  • aurianna said:
    Good point. The BYOB wedding I went to this weekend was also a potluck wedding. No one was really managing the food and it was in the 90s that day. As a guest, I actively considered that I had no idea how the food was transported and maintained through the day. It was impossible to have enough fridge space to accommodate it all and there was an awful lot of spoilable items. I only ate things that were freshly cooked or unable to make me sick. 
    I have never been invited to a pot luck wedding. For the longest time I never even knew they existed.
    And you've gone to at least two now? How'd you "luck out" with that?
    Same here! I see it mentioned on these boards and confuses the hell out of me. Is your dish supposed to feed all the guests? I love cooking, and I love a good pot luck dinner, but for a wedding reception? No.
    I've never been to a pot luck wedding either, but based on non-wedding potlucks I think it's safe to say you wouldn't be expected to cook for all the guests.  Generally each person brings enough for a small portion for maybe a dozen people, each person eats a little bit of maybe half a dozen things, and there is plenty of variety and plenty of stuff left over.  (If it is planned well, anyway.)
  • SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2016
    Oops, double post
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    aurianna said:
    Good point. The BYOB wedding I went to this weekend was also a potluck wedding. No one was really managing the food and it was in the 90s that day. As a guest, I actively considered that I had no idea how the food was transported and maintained through the day. It was impossible to have enough fridge space to accommodate it all and there was an awful lot of spoilable items. I only ate things that were freshly cooked or unable to make me sick. 
    I have never been invited to a pot luck wedding. For the longest time I never even knew they existed.
    And you've gone to at least two now? How'd you "luck out" with that?
    I never heard of one until I was on these boards! 
  • what about the hors doeurves? 


    @MuppetOverlord, oh no, you MUST be confused.  We are talking WEDDINGS on this post.  Not frat parties with their "bra pong" and "tub 'o generic cheese balls".

    Seriously, though, a potluck is bad enough.  But 11 pasta salads and a sad chip table for "appetizers" is woefully bad, even for any party.  Ooohhh...but TWO kinds of tortilla chips.  Regular and dip style.  Fancy. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    lyndausviOliveOilsMomcowgirl8238
  • I completely agree with the last two posters.  I have been to hundreds of potlucks in my life and never once have I gotten sick from any of them.  I think they are great!  It's fun to come up with something to cook for people and fun to see what others think up.  I would never, ever, ever dream of having a potluck for a WEDDING, but they can be a fun addition to a work party or a very casual social event.
    OurWildKingdomGreenjinjo ThisShamanluvsaMage
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    There are definite social groups that potlucks are more common than others.

    For example, potlucks are common for  family holidays or neighborhood parties in my social group.  Although they are VERY well coordinated.  Someone cooks the turkey.  Another one does the potatoes, etc.      

    Other than that, potlucks are not really done.  When a host invites you to their place they host all the food.   We all take turns hosting, so it's not like one person is always stuck cooking. 

    I work in the hospitality industry.  Work provides shift meals, so no potlucks.  I can see how people in office settings have them.  It's just not something done in my industry. It's fairly well known  potlucks are popular in the religious social world.

    It should be noted DH is a professional chef and most of our friends are in the industry too.  So my experiences will be different than others.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    OurWildKingdomMesmrEwe
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I'm not saying potlucks are bad, just that I won't eat your food unless I've seen your kitchen. We used to do a potluck for Christmas until my boss finally noticed that one of the guys only showered once a week and that got him questioning the cleanliness of everything else. 
    NBSquared2017
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I think, generally speaking, when you attend a potluck event (bbq, casual gathering, etc.) that the expectation is that you will be eating soon after arrival so food safety isn't as big an issue.  When talking about a wedding there's more time for food to sit around, potentially not being held at proper hot/cold temps.

    I love potlucks, my brew club does one for every meeting/event we have, but I don't think it's an appropriate way to feed people for a wedding.  

     

    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMomGreenjinjo KnickerGold
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think, generally speaking, when you attend a potluck event (bbq, casual gathering, etc.) that the expectation is that you will be eating soon after arrival so food safety isn't as big an issue.  When talking about a wedding there's more time for food to sit around, potentially not being held at proper hot/cold temps.

    I love potlucks, my brew club does one for every meeting/event we have, but I don't think it's an appropriate way to feed people for a wedding.  
    In general the bolded is true, but the food does sit out for a while after it's served so that guests can serve themselves as they see fit. There's also the issue of potential cross-contamination.

    That said, I love potlucks too - just not at weddings.
    OurWildKingdom
  • I went to a friend's house once and she decided to make brownies. I had eaten her brownies at work before and thought nothing of it. However, when she pulled plates out of the cabinet, roaches scattered and I had to wash roach poop off my plate. It is for that reason that I no longer eat food from people's home, if I've not personally seen their kitchen.
    That's horrific. Are you still friends? Did she apologize for the roaches or did she ignore them?


  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm not against potlucks when it is appropriate to the event. I've been to lots, frequently used to have them at my previous workplace (both lunch and breakfast). That said, I've been to good ones (where food is coordinated, the attendants are interested enough to bring something worthy of part of a meal) and bad ones (where "everyone" brings the same snacks/dessert items only).
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    SP29 said:
    I'm not against potlucks when it is appropriate to the event. I've been to lots, frequently used to have them at my previous workplace (both lunch and breakfast). That said, I've been to good ones (where food is coordinated, the attendants are interested enough to bring something worthy of part of a meal) and bad ones (where "everyone" brings the same snacks/dessert items only).
    I'm not denying this has happened to you, it just seems so odd to me because I've never experienced this.

    I've been to both coordinated and non-coordinated. At the ones I've experienced, only really small potlucks, (2-5 families/couples) are coordinated. I've also been at huge ones, easily 150-200 people which are always non-coordinated. There has always been the same variety of dishes at both and more than enough food. 

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I love potlucks, mainly because I like baking and cooking and trying out new dishes.  I didn't love my cousin's potluck wedding and I'm firmly against potlucks for events that are supposed to be hosted.  Among the many issues with that wedding was that there was not enough food and it ran out, and the food that was there was a weird mishmash of items that did not go together at all and no mains at all.  It was really not a pleasant dining experience, made even more inconvenient by the fact that we were driving from 5+ hours away and were not familiar with the wedding.  Since the wedding was at noon (though the ceremony didn't actually begin until 1:45) we came up the night before and stayed the night after.  The responsibility of safely providing food for the wedding ended up being a giant pain in the ass.



  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    That's horrific. Are you still friends? Did she apologize for the roaches or did she ignore them?


    We are not still friends. She moved out of state with her boyfriend that she left her husband for. She ignored the roaches that time. 
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2016

    @drillsergeantcat that is absolutely HORRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I could ever eat at a potluck event again!!!!

    As a bonus...all the food I cook comes with free cat hair, because I have cats, and cats shed, and it gets EVERYWHERE...doesn't matter that I clean my food prep area before I start, sweep my kitchen daily, brush my cats daily, and just generally keep a clean house.  I feel like its just in the air all the time!

    @drillsergeantcat I am incredibly picky about what I eat from people's homes for essentially those reasons and similar experiences. I see people lick spoons and stick them back in the batter too. If I don't know the kitchen it came from, I often avoid it. If I go to an event where I don't know a lot of the people well, I might eat a light meal beforehand and I always bring something I know I can enjoy.  

    @cowgirl8238 I have dogs and the hair def gets everywhere, no matter how clean you are. I make cakes as a hobby, they look moderately professional. I continually get asked to make wedding cakes or cakes for parties for $ and i always refuse to because despite the fact that I clean, wash my hands constantly, change my clothes if i went near a dog or sat on a couch... It's possible a hair could end up in the cake and I don't want to responsible for that.  I'm immune to hair personally, but horrified to see it end up in something intended for others. I inspect so much.
    I'm fussy about kitchen sanitation to begin with (thank you mom for drilling that into my head) but I wonder if my friends might sometimes think that I'm obsessed with washing my hands because when I'm serving food to other people I take great care with sanitation. Grab a wine bottle to pour someone a drink? Wash my hands before I go back to cooking or serving food. Touch the cat, wash my hands. Stop to hug someone hello, wash my hands. Grab the cool thing from the bedroom to show friend, wash my hands. Anything involving raw chicken, washing hands constantly.

     I'm less particular when it's only me and BF (except raw chicken, I never touch anything after handling raw chicken, again thank you mom).  But, if I'm serving food to other people, I act like I have a health inspector standing in my kitchen.

    I've never made anyone sick.

    Or caused an allergic reaction. 

    Knocks wood.

    MesmrEwe
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