Registry and Gift Forum

Charity Registry

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Re: Charity Registry

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Also, OP, how do you treat your fiancé(e) when they dare to disagree with you? If you think Internet strangers deserve "a slap in the mouth," I worry for your future spouse. 
    bleve0821InLoveInQueensernursejHeffalump
  • Also, OP, how do you treat your fiancé(e) when they dare to disagree with you? If you think Internet strangers deserve "a slap in the mouth," I worry for your future spouse. 
    Or their future children. 
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensernursej
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Ironring said:
    Ok, so here's my question....say you give the couple $100 in a card that says "good luck on setting up your new house!" And then later find out they donated that money to a charity you don't approve of. 

    Is this worse because at least if they told people ahead of time, you could just choose to not give them anything if it were to go to a charity you don't like. 

    Or fine because you gave the money and they can do whatever they want with it, despite your suggested note in the card. 

    Are you allowed to be unimpressed? 

    (Edit, I often see a note in cards with money similar to the above that give some sort of hint of what the giver would prefer you spend the money on). 
    You are allowed to feel however you want, but it's still their money. My ex and I bought his mother a car. She kept it a year and then traded it in on her dream car which was a giant POS. We were both upset about it because the whole reason we bought her the car to begin with was so she'd have A/C and an automatic transmission, but we gave it to her with no strings attached. That's what gifts are...no strings.

    We can prefer all day long, but it's still theirs to do with as they please. 
    OurWildKingdomernursej
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2016
    eileenrob said:
    I'll never understand the attack on the married posters.  OP, the posters who are already married are helpful.  If you were pregnant, would you rather advice from a woman who's had some children or someone thinking about conceiving?  If you were about to begin a teaching career, would you want to hear about the ins and outs of the profession from a teacher or from someone studying Education in college? (Which is not to say that our unmarried posters don't give good advice...the attack on the OMHs just puzzles me.)
    Right?!?!

    Don't you want advice from people who have been there, done that?

    OP, you ASKED for pros and cons. Don't be upset because posters are telling you there are only cons.
    ei34
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lyndausvi said:
    Why do people ask for advice then get mad when people actually give, you know, advice?


    I would side-eye an charity registry.  Depending on the charity it's likely I will not give a gift at all as I would rather give nothing than donate to a cause I do not believe in and/or are offended by the charity itself.      ETA - for example,  breast cancer is a good cause.  Susan Komen charity for breast cancer, umm, not so much.
    I SOOO agree with this. I have never not given a wedding gift to a couple whose wedding I attended. If you ask for a donation to an organization that I don't want to support (for my own reasons), I would give nothing, nada, zippo! Actually I probably wouldn't donate to an organization I normally support just because I think asking for donations is tacky. I would donate at another time.
    Jen4948InLoveInQueens
  • Hey OP. Here's the thing, offering only a a registry for giving you a gift kind of makes people feel backed into a corner, like they have to give to a specific charity (that they may not like). For example, when friends of my FI married last year and we asked about registries, they said that they didn't have any, but if we wanted to give a gift, we could give to a specific greyhound rescue group (and they had no wedding web site, and the group was a small time are-you-sure-this-is-a-real-charity group that was difficult to donate to in the first place, thus making the whole thing vaguely uncomfortable and a pain.) 

    Is there somewhere you can make at least a small registry to make it more balanced? Perhaps at something like a fair trade company? That could be combined with links to the charities you choose, because if you really would like to go ahead with this, perhaps have several charities, covering a range of causes, so that people can choose (e.g. animal shelter, domestic violence shelter, vets, specific health issues, etc.). On your site, you could word it as follows: "Jill and Jack have been fortunate to benefit in life and in love.  If you were considering a gift, they would be happy to accept a donation to their favorite charities on their behalf."

    That said, you have to understand that The Knot is arguably the mother of all WIC* web sites. This site is an empire devoted to convincing us to have all the things for our weddings. Because all the things means money (for the site). And this forum stems from that approach to wedding planning. That your personal response to registries is no thanks please give to charity, instead of gimme gimme gimme, means that you probably understand that all the things don't make our houses into homes, our lives fulfilling, or our marriages secure (Gasp! That's right. I said it.) My guess is that you went and suggested that all the things isn't everything, and threatened their sense of what's necessary in life/wedding planning. Or they're just really catty as a group. Out of curiosity, I went to some other major wedding planning sites' forums and searched for charity registry discussions. Here's the low down: They're not crazy about the idea of only charity registries either, but they're waaaaaaaaaaaaay less catty about how they communicate their displeasure at the idea and tend to be kinder and more supportive about it. (This thread is truly awful. I'm outta here.)

    WIC=Wedding Industrial Complex
  • Hey OP. Here's the thing, offering only a a registry for giving you a gift kind of makes people feel backed into a corner, like they have to give to a specific charity (that they may not like). For example, when friends of my FI married last year and we asked about registries, they said that they didn't have any, but if we wanted to give a gift, we could give to a specific greyhound rescue group (and they had no wedding web site, and the group was a small time are-you-sure-this-is-a-real-charity group that was difficult to donate to in the first place, thus making the whole thing vaguely uncomfortable and a pain.) 

    Is there somewhere you can make at least a small registry to make it more balanced? Perhaps at something like a fair trade company? That could be combined with links to the charities you choose, because if you really would like to go ahead with this, perhaps have several charities, covering a range of causes, so that people can choose (e.g. animal shelter, domestic violence shelter, vets, specific health issues, etc.). On your site, you could word it as follows: "Jill and Jack have been fortunate to benefit in life and in love.  If you were considering a gift, they would be happy to accept a donation to their favorite charities on their behalf."

    That said, you have to understand that The Knot is arguably the mother of all WIC* web sites. This site is an empire devoted to convincing us to have all the things for our weddings. Because all the things means money (for the site). And this forum stems from that approach to wedding planning. That your personal response to registries is no thanks please give to charity, instead of gimme gimme gimme, means that you probably understand that all the things don't make our houses into homes, our lives fulfilling, or our marriages secure (Gasp! That's right. I said it.) My guess is that you went and suggested that all the things isn't everything, and threatened their sense of what's necessary in life/wedding planning. Or they're just really catty as a group. Out of curiosity, I went to some other major wedding planning sites' forums and searched for charity registry discussions. Here's the low down: They're not crazy about the idea of only charity registries either, but they're waaaaaaaaaaaaay less catty about how they communicate their displeasure at the idea and tend to be kinder and more supportive about it. (This thread is truly awful. I'm outta here.)

    WIC=Wedding Industrial Complex
    Lol, bye!
                 
    InLoveInQueens
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Hey OP. Here's the thing, offering only a a registry for giving you a gift kind of makes people feel backed into a corner, like they have to give to a specific charity (that they may not like). For example, when friends of my FI married last year and we asked about registries, they said that they didn't have any, but if we wanted to give a gift, we could give to a specific greyhound rescue group (and they had no wedding web site, and the group was a small time are-you-sure-this-is-a-real-charity group that was difficult to donate to in the first place, thus making the whole thing vaguely uncomfortable and a pain.) 

    Is there somewhere you can make at least a small registry to make it more balanced? Perhaps at something like a fair trade company? That could be combined with links to the charities you choose, because if you really would like to go ahead with this, perhaps have several charities, covering a range of causes, so that people can choose (e.g. animal shelter, domestic violence shelter, vets, specific health issues, etc.). On your site, you could word it as follows: "Jill and Jack have been fortunate to benefit in life and in love.  If you were considering a gift, they would be happy to accept a donation to their favorite charities on their behalf."

    That said, you have to understand that The Knot is arguably the mother of all WIC* web sites. This site is an empire devoted to convincing us to have all the things for our weddings. Because all the things means money (for the site). And this forum stems from that approach to wedding planning. That your personal response to registries is no thanks please give to charity, instead of gimme gimme gimme, means that you probably understand that all the things don't make our houses into homes, our lives fulfilling, or our marriages secure (Gasp! That's right. I said it.) My guess is that you went and suggested that all the things isn't everything, and threatened their sense of what's necessary in life/wedding planning. Or they're just really catty as a group. Out of curiosity, I went to some other major wedding planning sites' forums and searched for charity registry discussions. Here's the low down: They're not crazy about the idea of only charity registries either, but they're waaaaaaaaaaaaay less catty about how they communicate their displeasure at the idea and tend to be kinder and more supportive about it. (This thread is truly awful. I'm outta here.)

    WIC=Wedding Industrial Complex

  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    That said, you have to understand that The Knot is arguably the mother of all WIC* web sites. This site is an empire devoted to convincing us to have all the things for our weddings. Because all the things means money (for the site). And this forum stems from that approach to wedding planning. That your personal response to registries is no thanks please give to charity, instead of gimme gimme gimme, means that you probably understand that all the things don't make our houses into homes, our lives fulfilling, or our marriages secure (Gasp! That's right. I said it.) My guess is that you went and suggested that all the things isn't everything, and threatened their sense of what's necessary in life/wedding planning. Or they're just really catty as a group. Out of curiosity, I went to some other major wedding planning sites' forums and searched for charity registry discussions. Here's the low down: They're not crazy about the idea of only charity registries either, but they're waaaaaaaaaaaaay less catty about how they communicate their displeasure at the idea and tend to be kinder and more supportive about it. (This thread is truly awful. I'm outta here.)

    WIC=Wedding Industrial Complex
    You clearly haven't lurked here much, nor do you read for comprehension.

    The general consensus of posters on here is that TheKnot as a wedding website is out to make money, so don't listen to it's advice. No one has ever said to have a large registry, in fact many posts have stated "just don't have a registry". No one has said that giving to charities is wrong.
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensmollybarker11
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    TL; DR

    Hi , everyone here sucks so bad, I signed up, and waited the mandatory 48 hours until I could post to say that their advice is spot on but their presentation is meeeeaaaannnn so they suck. Bye-A


    image
    InLoveInQueensTrixieJess
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    TF did I just read?
    TrixieJess
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    TL; DR

    Hi , everyone here sucks so bad, I signed up, and waited the mandatory 48 hours until I could post to say that their advice is spot on but their presentation is meeeeaaaannnn so they suck. Bye-A


    Actually, I think she's a regular, which is what struck me.  I am very confused as to how we went from "charity registry is frowned upon because XYZ" to "physical registry undermines the foundation of marriage."  Guess DH and I are doomed.  I do love my new frying pans, though.

    ...Actually, there's a lot here I'm confused about, but I'm not going to waste too much time or energy worrying about it.
    She just joined this month. Most marriages are doomed if this is the criteria to which they are judged, I guess. 
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