Alright so I had posted this on another site and dealing with baby and typing on my phone.. I dont think I wrote it properly as people had assumed I had said tons o rude things to one of my bridesmaids.. so full attention to write properly, lol.
I got engaged New Years Eve 2015/2016. Wedding is September 26, 2016..so soon. So I have 3 bridesmaids. Sister and two friends. I asked them they said yes, blah blah blah.
I worked near my one bridesmaid and on our breaks just about every day we would pop in and chit chat when we could. Talk and all this stuff. So before anything had been planned really... she had asked what I want to do for their hair, I was originally thinking down and pulled to the side and loose and what not. She said that wouldnt work for her hair cause she has fine hair. I am a hair stylist and it is possible and I told her so! She had wanted a slicked back high ponytail. So I was shyly like "Oh well Id kind of like you all to match." and we talked a bit more then that was that.
Took us forever to get together and make an appt to get bridesmaid dresses, and she was very hard to work with there but we got them in march.. We had picked them out finalized were up at the desk ready to order/pay. And she pulls another dress saying she is trying it on and convinced one other to try it on.. and they both liked it. I was secretly devastated but never showed it or said anything. I didn't care what shoes, nails, makeup... only envisioned the hair... after all I am a stylist of course Im all about the hair! This day we also picked out a day for the Bachelorette Party in August.
So our wedding has a lot of DIYs. Ive never demanded they help or got pissed anyone for not helping. Over the course of 6 months (over 6 months it was multiple times) or so I had periodically asked her if she wanted to craft. Just simple texts or messages "Want to come craft today?" I never got an answer no or yes or some other time - just ignored right from the get go. She is artsy and love to craft and all that so I had assumed she would be into it. I love to craft so it really isnt bad that she would of said no.... I jsut never got a no or any acknowledgement.
We had finalized bachelorette camping june 27. Everyone was notified.
July 26 we went shopping for my dress, and bachelorette was further discussed there. Now two weeks ago I had asked this bridesmaid if she needed a ride.. she had no idea what I was talking about. So I told her it was the bachelorette camping party and she wasnt stoked on the idea... but i figured it was cheaper than a night on the town.
She has had to of known because of the above... and because we've discussed it in a group chat for the 4 of us, and another group chat of just the bridesmaids and they have been talking about it and shes been talking back some but mostly ignoring - but they can see shes read it. Theyve asked if she wants to help set up, any ideas, and they touched on $$ to help out. She nostly reads and ignores from what I've been told from their group..I stopped messaging in the other group we had.
So then a week ago she messages me telling me shes got a "super important tax meeting at 11am on the day of the bachelorette...which we are leaving that morning for a day of fun and camping. I said oh you cant change it? "no cant sorry" well are you able to borrow your dads car after for a special occasion? "No he probably wont let me" ...she is able to use the car a lot.. So obviously a bridesmaid isnt coming so Im sad! And she didnt seem t care or want to try to come.. So I got really disasspointed and then said "Im kind of disappointed we knew about this date a long time ago. I know other bridesmaids have been talking about this to you in another chat aswell. I thought you would be all excited to help me craft and everything" and then I said I dont want to make drama but it just feels shitty.
I got a big long thing about how I picked the most broke bridesmaid, how shes asked me to craft lots (shes asked once and it was pretty much done by then and she mentioned that) and that shes sorry shes broke.
Now I am not dictating how she spends her money and I guess in my other post on the other site I wrote it really bitchy because were all broke! But we can choose where to put our money because she goes into the city for lavish dinners, gets fillers, etc etc. Now theres nothing wrong with how she spends her money but dont give the story of "Im so broke you shouldnt of picked methen go pay $500 to get your lips filled. How that makes me feel because theyve only asked for $20...is pretty shitty.
I left it at that. I didnt want to go back and forth and I sucked it up and I said as long as your up there with me on the day thats all that matters i dont want to argue.
So that was a week ago. Two days ago I asked if she wanted to come over for a bbq this weekend. I havent got anything from her at all.
The other bridesmaids have messaged her since that and no replies to them or anything. I guess what bugs me the most is the lack of involvement, care or whatever... I assumed a bridesmaid would and should attend a bachelorette, would answer you. I thought bridesmaids helped with things wedding related. I've never demanded anything from any of them, or set my foot down on anything except for a hairstyle (cause a slicked back ponytail would look ridiculous). and Ive never said anything harsh or rude other than Im disappointed.... Ive never been married but friends around me have their friends willingly helping and offering to help them. Im scared week of she will bail, not reply or something.... and day before wedding Im sure we will need all the help we can.... but will she... is that asking too much??
Im very soft spoken and never speak out of my feelings but I felt I had too with all the frustration piling up of being ignored/lack of caring - i know its not hher wedding but I know if i was a bridesmaid id be all over it. But everyones different I guess
Anyways what do you all think? Sorry for the big story lol