Groomsmen assuming his date can be involved in wedding party activities?

cowgirl8238 · September 2016

OP, I think that you should try to accommodate the SO's of your WP if you can. It would be a nice thing to do and would make your VIPs more comfortable.

I have two different stories as to why.

Story 1: My Husband and I were traveling to NY to attend a wedding of one of H's long time friends. H was a GM and I was a guest. The Bride wanted everyone to meet at the Grooms house at 2PM...the ceremony was at 7PM! My Husband asked me to drop him off so that I could have a car for the 5 hour gap before the ceremony...and because the bride arranged transportation to the venue but not transportation back (the return trip was only for her and her husband...gag!). So I drove husband and the other GM to the Grooms house about 15mins away. Returned to my IL's home and spent the remaining hours with my ILs who had been invited to the wedding two weeks before (B-listed!!!). On top of all that time taking photos the Bride still needed them during the cocktail hour. It was crazy and my Husband was less than thrilled that he was being required to spend 75% of that day away from me.

Story 2: About a year later another one of friends got married in NJ. This time (like before) my Husband was in the WP and I was not. We stayed in the hotel because we had to come in early for the rehearsal and genuinely wanted to spend time with some of our friends that were also traveling in. Husband was told he had to be at the venue by 11AM. There was a shuttle for us non-SO to take that would leave the hotel at 4PM...so I hung out in our room alone, without a car, for like 2 hours until one of the other SO's was ready...then at least we knew each other and hung out for a while. It sucked having nothing to do though, since we were both stranded without cars.

My Wedding: We were married over two years ago and before either of the above weddings took place. We didn't monopolize entire days but did ask that the men arrive about 2 hours before the ceremony started to take photos. The ladies had the option to arrive ready, or to meet up early at a salon for hair and makeup (which we paid for). All SO were invited. There was food provided at the venue for the GM, BM or SO to munch on as they got ready. The SO hung out together with their dates unless they were needed for photos...even then they were free to tag along and watch. Granted everything was done at the venue (and it all looked fantastic!!) so it was logistically easier no one was excluded. Everyone was having a good time and I still look back at a few candid shots from the morning before we were married as the GM were hanging out with their dates...

In short, include them if you can...It totally sucks to be left high and dry with nothing to do for HOURS on end while you monopolize the time of your WP.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2016

cowgirl8238 said:

OP, I think that you should try to accommodate the SO's of your WP if you can. It would be a nice thing to do and would make your VIPs more comfortable.
I have two different stories as to why.
Story 1: My Husband and I were traveling to NY to attend a wedding of one of H's long time friends. H was a GM and I was a guest. The Bride wanted everyone to meet at the Grooms house at 2PM...the ceremony was at 7PM! My Husband asked me to drop him off so that I could have a car for the 5 hour gap before the ceremony...and because the bride arranged transportation to the venue but not transportation back (the return trip was only for her and her husband...gag!). So I drove husband and the other GM to the Grooms house about 15mins away. Returned to my IL's home and spent the remaining hours with my ILs who had been invited to the wedding two weeks before (B-listed!!!). On top of all that time taking photos the Bride still needed them during the cocktail hour. It was crazy and my Husband was less than thrilled that he was being required to spend 75% of that day away from me.
Story 2: About a year later another one of friends got married in NJ. This time (like before) my Husband was in the WP and I was not. We stayed in the hotel because we had to come in early for the rehearsal and genuinely wanted to spend time with some of our friends that were also traveling in. Husband was told he had to be at the venue by 11AM. There was a shuttle for us non-SO to take that would leave the hotel at 4PM...so I hung out in our room alone, without a car, for like 2 hours until one of the other SO's was ready...then at least we knew each other and hung out for a while. It sucked having nothing to do though, since we were both stranded without cars.
My Wedding: We were married over two years ago and before either of the above weddings took place. We didn't monopolize entire days but did ask that the men arrive about 2 hours before the ceremony started to take photos. The ladies had the option to arrive ready, or to meet up early at a salon for hair and makeup (which we paid for). All SO were invited. There was food provided at the venue for the GM, BM or SO to munch on as they got ready. The SO hung out together with their dates unless they were needed for photos...even then they were free to tag along and watch. Granted everything was done at the venue (and it all looked fantastic!!) so it was logistically easier no one was excluded. Everyone was having a good time and I still look back at a few candid shots from the morning before we were married as the GM were hanging out with their dates...
In short, include them if you can...It totally sucks to be left high and dry with nothing to do for HOURS on end while you monopolize the time of your WP.

That's the thing- It sucks.

There are a lot of things that adults are capable of doing, and do, that suck- going to work, enduring commute traffic, paying taxes, paying bills, unclogging the toilet, passing kidney stones, picking up dog poop.

Just because you are expected or required to do something as an adult doesn't mean it can't suck.

[Deleted User] · September 2016

@PrettyGirlLost "A wedding is an event, just like the ones you mentioned" - I guess I meant just th photos aspect not the wedding as a whole.

Regardless, it sounds like we are generally saying the same thing. It's a nice thing to do if possible and makes sense. This thought has never occurred to me but I won't agrue with the basic idea that it could be a nice thing to do. I still stand by the fact that I think the initial reactions to the OP were unnecessarily harsh.

lyndausvi · September 2016

I think the word "atmosphere" is why she got a lot of side-eyeing.

Like really, one shy SO, who doesn't know anyone is going to turn the bus into some big ole party with people getting drunk, hanging out the windows and pole stripping?

Doubt the SO has the power.

More than likey "if" it was to be a party atmosphere it's the WP doing, not some random SO. At least my group would be like this:

Image result for wedding partying bus image

Image result for wedding partying bus image

ETA

ei34 · September 2016

lyndausvi said:

I think the word "atmosphere" is why she got a lot of side-eyeing.

Like really, one shy SO, who doesn't know any is going to turn the bus into some big ole party with people getting drunk, hanging out the windows and pole stripping?

Doubt the SO has the power.

More than likey "if" it was to be a party atmosphere it's the WP doing, not some random SO. At least my group would be like this:

ETA

Read the bride's lips! "SHIT! My atmosphere is ruined!"

STARMOON44 · September 2016

I don't think she needs to be invited to tag along for photos. She can go to the cocktail hour with the rest of the guests.

flantastic · September 2016

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think she needs to be invited to tag along for photos. She can go to the cocktail hour with the rest of the guests.

Assuming that this is the only time her SO's presence is required for photos, sure! All other etiquette issues being fine, this shouldn't be a big deal.

The fact that GM is concerned tells me there's probably a more obnoxious amount of time being monopolized.

The fact that GM is concerned is also a reason to TALK TO HIM (you know, like one would to a friend), and if he is uncomfortable with the idea of leaving his SO for a while, the couple should be flexible.

scribe95 said:

I honestly don't see the big deal with her riding the bus but also don't understand all the posts saying she must and that somehow the bride is being a bridezilla (not counting gap etc).

I had spouses of my wedding party that just came to the wedding when it was time for guests. They didn't do the getting ready or the picture part. They are adults. I never once worried about what they would do and somehow they got along just fine. I assume they chilled in the hotel. The only accommodation I know that occurred was that two of my bridesmaids carpooled to the salon/church so the hubby could have a car.

Which sucks. Which is the point. Extended getting-ready and picture taking without SOs creates a situation which probably sucks for the SO. Which makes it the same as inviting their spouse to and event without inviting them. If you extend the invite and they don't want to come, they can decline. If you don't invite them to begin with and then get an actual indication that it will be super boring and limiting upon their time unless they come (whether because they don't have a car or don't know anyone, etc.) why on earth would you not extend the invite?

I don't think there's a limit to caring about your friends' comfort, especially when it actually comes up into your sphere of consciousness. She heard that GM wants his GF present. She (or at least her FI) should care about that.

I also think there may be a factor in the divide here: Some people here excluded SOs from getting ready, extended pre-wedding pictures, etc. and are defensive in the face of the argument that a lot of boredom was what they essentially forced on the uninvited SOs.

kahluakoala · September 2016

I don't think I'd have very much fun riding around in a bus while everyone except me popped out to take group photos that I was not included in. I would much rather hang out in the hotel or at cocktail hour. Am I crazy?

When I attended a wedding of my then-boyfriend's sister, during male bonding groomsman getting ready time I got my nails done and during photos I attended cocktail hour. I was a little awkward because it was a family wedding for my then bf and not a place where I knew a whole lot of people, but BF made a point of introducing me to a few of the other groomsmens gfs / wives at the RD so I had a few people to chat with for literally an hour.

This is a non issue.

Subwayloves · September 2016

I can see both sides of this, and think it depends on the situation. My bridesmaids and I got ready together in the morning, and I think it would have been a little weird if their SOs were there. They wouldn't have enjoyed sitting their while we got our hair done, did our make up, and got dressed (none of which were mandatory, we all chose to do this together!). If one of them had asked to bring their SO, I wouldn't have said no, but would have found it odd. The SOs showed up at the start of the ceremony.
My husband and his groomsmen did not get ready together, but we did take pictures before the ceremony, all of the groomsmen SOs came with them for this, which was completely fine! We had everything at the same venue, so this made the most sense. If we had rented a limo or party bus to take us around to different locations for pictures, I likely would have invited all SOs to come along. Not sure if it's necessary, but I can see this as a bit more of a "social situation" than just taking pictures at one location.
However, I think if I had one SO asking to come along and was going to agree to it, I would feel obligated to also invite all other SOs too. I would feel weird "forcing" some couples to be separated, but allowing one exception. So if OP doesn't have room for all SOs, I can see why she'd want to say no. However, I think "changing the atmosphere" is a ridiculous excuse. What difference would having an additional person make in the "atmosphere" of a bus??

ILoveBeachMusic · September 2016

Subwayloves said:

I can see both sides of this, and think it depends on the situation. My bridesmaids and I got ready together in the morning, and I think it would have been a little weird if their SOs were there. They wouldn't have enjoyed sitting their while we got our hair done, did our make up, and got dressed (none of which were mandatory, we all chose to do this together!). If one of them had asked to bring their SO, I wouldn't have said no, but would have found it odd. The SOs showed up at the start of the ceremony.
My husband and his groomsmen did not get ready together, but we did take pictures before the ceremony, all of the groomsmen SOs came with them for this, which was completely fine! We had everything at the same venue, so this made the most sense. If we had rented a limo or party bus to take us around to different locations for pictures, I likely would have invited all SOs to come along. Not sure if it's necessary, but I can see this as a bit more of a "social situation" than just taking pictures at one location.
However, I think if I had one SO asking to come along and was going to agree to it, I would feel obligated to also invite all other SOs too. I would feel weird "forcing" some couples to be separated, but allowing one exception. So if OP doesn't have room for all SOs, I can see why she'd want to say no. However, I think "changing the atmosphere" is a ridiculous excuse. What difference would having an additional person make in the "atmosphere" of a bus??

I was thinking this too. DD and her BMs got ready together, had hair and makeup done (optional). The girls weren't wearing robes but still they changed after having H&MU done. It would have been odd to have guys around. 2 of the 5 had SOs. One hung out with their family and the other did some sight seeing around town during the getting ready and pictures so it wasn't an issue. I'm not sure what the GM's SOs did (some had kids so they were with them) except my FDIL. She hung out at the hotel (her choice) and went to the ceremony with me and H.

southernbelle0915 · September 2016

So I have two opinions depending on your wedding schedule:

Scenario 1 - your pictures are during a cocktail hour that's hosted for all guests
In this case, I do not think you have to invite this girl to photos. She can attend cocktail hour with everyone else. You could invite her if you really feel compelled but you absolutely do not have to.

Scenario 2 - you have an unhosted gap of multiple hours between the ceremony and the reception
In this case, you have bigger issues. But to just address this one, you should invite her.

[Deleted User] · September 2016

@southernbelle0915 there is a third potential scheduling option where they have the first look and wedding party photos before the ceremony and reception. At this point the wedding party is usually required to be with you but you aren't responsible for the average guest yet.

flantastic · September 2016

Ironring said:

@southernbelle0915 there is a third potential scheduling option where they have the first look and wedding party photos before the ceremony and reception. At this point the wedding party is usually required to be with you but you aren't responsible for the average guest yet.

Yes, and I think a lot of this comes down to whether or not you solely consider the SOs "average guests" or recognize that they are half of a social unit and a lot of their day's flexibility can go away with their SO. Doesn't always, but can.

STARMOON44 · September 2016

Ironring said:

@southernbelle0915 there is a third potential scheduling option where they have the first look and wedding party photos before the ceremony and reception. At this point the wedding party is usually required to be with you but you aren't responsible for the average guest yet.

And in that case girlfriend can chill at the hotel. I don't understand saying that sucks at all. Bed? Check. Movies? Check. Room service? Check. Or go out and do something, or read a book, or explore the city, or go to a spa.

lyndausvi · September 2016

STARMOON44 said:

Ironring said:

@southernbelle0915 there is a third potential scheduling option where they have the first look and wedding party photos before the ceremony and reception. At this point the wedding party is usually required to be with you but you aren't responsible for the average guest yet.

And in that case girlfriend can chill at the hotel. I don't understand saying that sucks at all. Bed? Check. Movies? Check. Room service? Check. Or go out and do something, or read a book, or explore the city, or go to a spa.

I think it depends on the where. When I went to my BIL's wedding on Long Island, NY. It was not a touristy type town. Our hotel was the Holiday Inn. No spa. No room service.

There was no "exploring a city". Well I guess I could have gone to the mall and stores across the 6 lane hwy. I had already hit up the mall twice that week, didn't need to go again.

Bottom line, I didn't fly across the country to sit in a Holiday Inn hotel room by myself. However, that is basically what I did. I sucked it up, but wasn't thrilled about it either.

Eventually DH called and told me to come on over because they were finished with pictures and they were having drinks. Other SOs were already there.

wmam35 · September 2016

I'm another person in the "I don't understand why the SO needs to be invited to pictures" camp. I've never been to a wedding where any SO's (whether they knew other wedding guests or not) have been invited to take pictures, and if I was invited to tag along on the party bus with the wedding party, I'd think it was weird, and I wouldn't do it, because I'd feel out of place.

I've spent the day in a hotel alone while my husband was doing wedding stuff. I watched a movie, graded papers, slept in, etc. It's not the greatest day ever, but sometimes that's just the way it is. There are ways of keeping yourself occupied while you're alone as long as you plan for it, and if you're the SO of someone in a wedding party then you need to plan on spending some part of the day, large or small, alone/without your SO. I've never ever thought that it was the responsibility of the bride or groom to worry about how I was spending my day. I am their guest during the wedding and reception, not the hours before, regardless of if my husband is in the wedding party. I just don't see why the thought of someone being separated from their partner is sometimes made to seem like it's the most horrible thing in the world. I've never found it to be an insult to my relationship to not be able to tag along with my husband for wedding requirements where he is a groomsman and I am just a guest. I love spending time with my husband, but I also can be away from him for a few hours (or even a whole day) without wasting away.

All that being said, of course it would be nice to let this groomsman's SO on the bus. However, if OP still doesn't want to do that (which, disregarding the "atmosphere" comment, I still think is a reasonable, non-bridezilla request) then the groomsman should make sure to introduce her to other partners or friends of the couple that she could hang out with. Unless their friends are complete monsters, no one is going to ostracize this poor girl if they know she is alone for a little while.

bubblylove · September 2016

oops

STARMOON44 · September 2016

lyndausvi said:

STARMOON44 said:

Ironring said:

@southernbelle0915 there is a third potential scheduling option where they have the first look and wedding party photos before the ceremony and reception. At this point the wedding party is usually required to be with you but you aren't responsible for the average guest yet.

And in that case girlfriend can chill at the hotel. I don't understand saying that sucks at all. Bed? Check. Movies? Check. Room service? Check. Or go out and do something, or read a book, or explore the city, or go to a spa.

I think it depends on the where. When I went to my BIL's wedding on Long Island, NY. It was not a touristy type town. Our hotel was the Holiday Inn. No spa. No room service.

There was no "exploring a city". Well I guess I could have gone to the mall and stores across the 6 lane hwy. I had already hit up the mall twice that week, didn't need to go again.

Bottom line, I didn't fly across the country to sit in a Holiday Inn hotel room by myself. However, that is basically what I did. I sucked it up, but wasn't thrilled about it either.

Eventually DH called and told me to come on over because they were finished with pictures and they were having drinks. Other SOs were already there.

But why is it their job to thrill you? You're a big girl, figure out your day. Rent a car. Drive somewhere. Go for a run. Book a different hotel if the holiday inn is so dreadful. When you fly across the country for a wedding and your date is in the wedding party, spending some time alone is to be expected. If that sounds so horrible stay home.

charlotte989875 · September 2016

So rereading the OP it sounds like the issue is one more of transportation than it is the GF wanting to be at the pictures with the GM. I can see if they are traveling from OOT, don't have a car, she doesn't know anyone else, and not from the area that he'd want to make sure she has transportation to and from the area. Depending on the area there might not be cans or uber readily available. Again, we don't know all the details, and no the couple isn't responsible for the transportation of guests (even SOs of the wedding party) I get the GM being annoyed that the bus is taking him, but excludes her.

If You choose not to permit her on the bus, OP, you're not breaking any etiquette rules, but IMO I still think it's a nice thing to do if you have the room.

lyndausvi · September 2016

STARMOON44 said:

lyndausvi said:

STARMOON44 said:

Ironring said:

@southernbelle0915 there is a third potential scheduling option where they have the first look and wedding party photos before the ceremony and reception. At this point the wedding party is usually required to be with you but you aren't responsible for the average guest yet.

And in that case girlfriend can chill at the hotel. I don't understand saying that sucks at all. Bed? Check. Movies? Check. Room service? Check. Or go out and do something, or read a book, or explore the city, or go to a spa.

I think it depends on the where. When I went to my BIL's wedding on Long Island, NY. It was not a touristy type town. Our hotel was the Holiday Inn. No spa. No room service.

There was no "exploring a city". Well I guess I could have gone to the mall and stores across the 6 lane hwy. I had already hit up the mall twice that week, didn't need to go again.

Bottom line, I didn't fly across the country to sit in a Holiday Inn hotel room by myself. However, that is basically what I did. I sucked it up, but wasn't thrilled about it either.

Eventually DH called and told me to come on over because they were finished with pictures and they were having drinks. Other SOs were already there.

But why is it their job to thrill you? You're a big girl, figure out your day. Rent a car. Drive somewhere. Go for a run. Book a different hotel if the holiday inn is so dreadful. When you fly across the country for a wedding and your date is in the wedding party, spending some time alone is to be expected. If that sounds so horrible stay home.

I think this is case-by-case basis.

In my case it was a DH's brother. Every other family member (including in-laws) were in the wedding. We are the only ones from OOT. I only visit an average of 4 days a year, so I do not know other people.  Every other family member lives within 10 miles of each other.

Yes, it would have been nice if they thought "hey, Lynda doesn't know anyone in town, all of us are here at the venue, taking pictures before the wedding and having drinks. We should include her too."

No hard feelings they didn't do that, I figured it out. But you bet I would recommend to any couple who might have someone in a similar situation to extend an invite if they are able. It's a nice thing to do to not only the SO, but to someone you consider your nearest and dearest (the WP member).

DH's sister included all of the SO's in her bus to the reception. They stopped to take pictures. The SO's just hung back. Being the same situation as BILs wedding I can tell you it was much appreciated. Not required, but definitely appreciated.

And that is the point I'm trying to get across. It's not a requirement, but if you are able, it's a nice thing to extend. Especially when you are taking about SOs who are OOT,do not know other people.

southernbelle0915 · September 2016

@Ironring - that's a good point. And in that scenario, I don't think they have to invite the GF. Unless they're like a couple we know who started their first look (with their entire WP and family) at 11am......for their 4:00 ceremony.

I think it boils down to two things: 1) is it a time when guests are supposed to be hosted and they are (like a cocktail hour)? and 2) how long are we talking? And I agree with y'all - if it's a time they're normally supposed to host people but they aren't. And/Or they're taking photos for 2, 3, 4 hours...then yes. Let the girl tag along because that's bad B&G planning.

But if we are talking about an hour when this wedding guest has to be by herself because her BF is taking photos with the WP....sorrynotsorry, but big fucking deal? Whether she is intimately familiar with other guests, whether there's room service the hotel, whether there's someone to rub her feet.....whatever. If she's a big girl, she can weather an hour while her SO does the WP thing and takes photos.

At some point, can we draw the line somewhere? Are we going to say it isn't fair to make her sit by herself in the audience - she needs to be with her SO? Does she need to be IN pictures? Shouldn't they earmark photographer time for each couple since they're special guests? Shouldn't she be involved in the WP entrance? After all, that's HER date. There are just some things you do as a wedding party and taking photos is one of them. It's more efficient and there are fewer people to round up to move from place to place.

ahoywedding · September 2016

Two points of view here:

I went to a wedding about 1.5 hours outside of town with an ex. I knew only him and the bride & groom. He was in the wedding and they took pictures at the church, so we just got there SUPER early. Because everyone else in the WP was local, I was the only SO there. The bride's mom made me wait in the church "entrance" area and didn't allow me into the back rooms where pictures were being taken. That was super rude and I would have liked to at least have been able to chat with someone else instead of waiting alone.

I was also in a wedding where one of the groomsmen had a girlfriend that everyone hated. No other SOs wanted to come for pictures, and that group of friends was large enough they all knew each other and were comfortable hanging out while we did photos. They also knew this girlfriend, but the groomsman insisted she come along for photos. Unbeknownst to anyone, she had been drinking all day and was a HOT MESS. She was hanging all over her boyfriend, messing with our hair & flowers, trying to get into some of the shots, etc. I think she even tried to moon the photographer. In this case, it would have been better she not come along (or really be invited to the wedding, TBH even though I know that's rude).

In this case, if it is just one shy girlfriend, she's probably not going to affect things much. The only hesitation I see is if the transportation is at max capacity and there literally is not room.

banana468 · September 2016

I agree it really depends.

We had a limo that took us with just the WP from church to reception. The rest of the guests started cocktails and we took a few photos, got in the limo, had a toast with theach WP and went inside. Plus, the limo didn't pick us up. So the WP dates/spouses were the key to getting out of the reception.

I did get heady with my girls and then they were split at the ceremony but the only other split our WP had from their days was for some formals we did at the reception. We opted for minimal outside that day since it was so hot.

If we had the use of a big party bus all day we would have said the more the merrier.

InLoveInQueens · September 2016

The problem with posts like these is the OP doesn't give enough context or information, everyone starts giving advice based on them filling in the gaps with their own experiences and the OP never returns to clarify.

This is the kind of problem that needs follow up questions but we never get the answers.

ei34 · September 2016

InLoveInQueens said:

The problem with posts like these is the OP doesn't give enough context or information, everyone starts giving advice based on them filling in the gaps with their own experiences and the OP never returns to clarify.

This is the kind of problem that needs follow up questions but we never get the answers.

I feel like the OP ghosting is happening more frequently. We're ending up with simple questions about party buses and sushi/Japanese food turning into 100+ reply threads. Not that the conversation isn't informative for lurkers, but it does seem to be happening more often.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2016

STARMOON44 said:

lyndausvi said:

STARMOON44 said:

Ironring said:

@southernbelle0915 there is a third potential scheduling option where they have the first look and wedding party photos before the ceremony and reception. At this point the wedding party is usually required to be with you but you aren't responsible for the average guest yet.

And in that case girlfriend can chill at the hotel. I don't understand saying that sucks at all. Bed? Check. Movies? Check. Room service? Check. Or go out and do something, or read a book, or explore the city, or go to a spa.

I think it depends on the where. When I went to my BIL's wedding on Long Island, NY. It was not a touristy type town. Our hotel was the Holiday Inn. No spa. No room service.

There was no "exploring a city". Well I guess I could have gone to the mall and stores across the 6 lane hwy. I had already hit up the mall twice that week, didn't need to go again.

Bottom line, I didn't fly across the country to sit in a Holiday Inn hotel room by myself. However, that is basically what I did. I sucked it up, but wasn't thrilled about it either.

Eventually DH called and told me to come on over because they were finished with pictures and they were having drinks. Other SOs were already there.

But why is it their job to thrill you? You're a big girl, figure out your day. Rent a car. Drive somewhere. Go for a run. Book a different hotel if the holiday inn is so dreadful. When you fly across the country for a wedding and your date is in the wedding party, spending some time alone is to be expected. If that sounds so horrible stay home.

The entire point of what Flan, Lynda, myself, and others are saying, which you guys seem to be missing, is that IF couples are willing to change their wedding visions, then NO, having to sit around for hours on end by ourselves IS NOT to be expected. Change the status quo, FFS.

If you all recognize that this aspect of being the SO of a WP member sucks, then why such resistance to change it? Why just shrug and say, "Oh well you know this sucks, so if you don't like it, don't come."

How about couples learn to be better hosts. If you have the room on the shuttle, give the SOs the option for joining you.

flantastic said:

I don't think there's a limit to caring about your friends' comfort, especially when it actually comes up into your sphere of consciousness. She heard that GM wants his GF present. She (or at least her FI) should care about that.

^DING DING DING! This!!!!

I also think there may be a factor in the divide here: Some people here excluded SOs from getting ready, extended pre-wedding pictures, etc. and are defensive in the face of the argument that a lot of boredom was what they essentially forced on the uninvited SOs.

^Also this. You know how we say time and again on here, 'Well no one will tell the couple to their faces. . . "

What you as the couple did may have been perfectly within etiquette, but we're telling you that as guests to your wedding who were also WP SOs, we were were bored, and annoyed, and most of your wedding day sucked as an event for us.

You can't change the past, which is why we're trying to change future wedding norms.

STARMOON44 · September 2016

I don't think it sucks. I think spending time alone entertaining yourself is a complete okay thing adults should be perfectly fine with.

banana468 · September 2016

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think it sucks. I think spending time alone entertaining yourself is a complete okay thing adults should be perfectly fine with.

So you're fine with gaps between the ceremony and the reception for all guests then. Because that's the line that plenty of people use as to why it's fine to leave guests for hours.

STARMOON44 · September 2016

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think it sucks. I think spending time alone entertaining yourself is a complete okay thing adults should be perfectly fine with.

So you're fine with gaps between the ceremony and the reception for all guests then. Because that's the line that plenty of people use as to why it's fine to leave guests for hours.

Lol nah. gaps are rude because you're monopolizing more of your guests' day leaving them all dolled up with a random time slot to fill. This is the same as literally any other guest. The wedding starts at 3. I'm not responsible for you until then.

flantastic · September 2016

STARMOON44 said:

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think it sucks. I think spending time alone entertaining yourself is a complete okay thing adults should be perfectly fine with.

So you're fine with gaps between the ceremony and the reception for all guests then. Because that's the line that plenty of people use as to why it's fine to leave guests for hours.

Lol nah. gaps are rude because you're monopolizing more of your guests' day leaving them all dolled up with a random time slot to fill. This is the same as literally any other guest. The wedding starts at 3. I'm not responsible for you until then.

See my previous post - I think that since they're part of a social unit, you are kind of leaving them high and dry. Sometimes without a car, always without the SO that all the other "regular" guests will get to spend their time until 3 exploring with, etc.

Ergo, for sure if it comes up, you should be willing to have them along.

Groomsmen assuming his date can be involved in wedding party activities?

Re: Groomsmen assuming his date can be involved in wedding party activities?

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