I refuse to believe that there is no venue in London and the surrounding areas that will fit your wedding. If you want to choose one that doesn't fit your guest list, that is on you and it is rude.
Actually it's okay to have a VERY small ceremony and then a larger reception. While I'm totally fine with that setup (actually attended 2), people on the knot are very much against it. But etiquette wise it's okay, if done properly.
The only way to do it properly is to have a truly small ceremony. Parents, siblings maybe a friend or two. No big wedding party. Say about 10% of your reception guests. 80 out of 200 isn't really going to cut it. Too many people excluded IMO.
So your options are:
Finding a ceremony venue for everyone
Use the reception room as your ceremony location. I also work weddings and have seen it done successfully. Maybe not ideal, but way better than picking 80 of the 200 to witness and excluding the others.
Have a VERY small, no more than 10% of your reception guests, ceremony. Then a party later.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
I attended a wedding a couple of years ago where we were seated at the dining tables which, yes, were all set for us to eat immediately following the ceremony which we watched from our dinner tables.
To this day it is still, 100%, my favorite wedding set up I've gone to. Not once did I think it made the couple "weird" or "cheap"
I attended one last year as well. I'll be disappointed to have to tell my family that their nuptials are invalid because we sat at our tables during the service this year when I see them at Thanksgiving.
Who said that sitting at tables makes nuptials invalid. It's just less good. There is a difference.
I refuse to believe that there is no venue in London and the surrounding areas that will fit your wedding. If you want to choose one that doesn't fit your guest list, that is on you and it is rude.
The issue is finding a reasonable price CEREMONY VENUE that will fit 200 people in London. If you have suggestions, I'll love to hear it........Let me guess, you don't. Are you even English or live in England?
Also, you try finding venues that fit 200+ people, allow own caterers and no corkage. Only a few places are like this (and I mean a few). I actually love my reception venue. It beautiful, comes with own bar, tons of free parking. It's perfect!
What was the point of you posting this question? You say you wanted different opinions and to hear others thoughts, but you argue with anyone who disagrees with you and say they are "rude" for telling you their opinion (which is correct etiquette unlike yours). You obviously do not want others opinions or to learn about etiquette, you only want validation, and you will not get that here.
Actually it's okay to have a VERY small ceremony and then a larger reception. While I'm totally fine with that setup (actually attended 2), people on the knot are very much against it. But etiquette wise it's okay, if done properly.
The only way to do it properly is to have a truly small ceremony. Parents, siblings maybe a friend or two. No big wedding party. Say about 10% of your reception guests. 80 out of 200 isn't really going to cut it. Too many people excluded IMO.
So your options are:
Finding a ceremony venue for everyone
Use the reception room as your ceremony location. I also work weddings and have seen it done successfully. Maybe not ideal, but way better than picking 80 of the 200 to witness and excluding the others.
Have a VERY small, no more than 10% of your reception guests, ceremony. Then a party later.
I was considering having only family at the ceremony and everyone else at the reception. I have an enormous family, so 80 people would just fit in all parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and first cousins. Would that be acceptable if all friends are the lunch?
I understand having a wedding within your budget, but I can afford 200 guests for food, drinks, dancing, I just don't want to spend £5000+ on renting an enormous hall to get married. I want something pretty to get married in and I really like Town Halls, which are quite reasonably priced and allow for civil ceremonies. I can't use a church in London, since I don't live there. That would have been a good option.
Yes, it's rude. A wedding is 1 event (ceremony and breakfast). Everyone must be invited to the ceremony and the breakfast.
I also don't understand how it would take 2 hours to flip a room. They often have the tables ready to go and they just move it in during the champagne reception. How does your venue usually handle weddings?
It's a wedding reception not a backyard barbeque. So it is not just a case of laying out a few tables. Even table has to have the following items added:
1. Variety of cutlery 2. Plates, glassware. 3. Centre pieces 4. Napkins folded in a decorative way 5. Chairs moved 6. Bottles of wine/drinks placed on the table. 7. The Buffets stations would need to be set up 8. Linens need to be added 9. The equipment/tables for the cocktail hour need to be moved.
That takes time especially if you are doing that for 200 people. Maybe you had or are going to have more of a simple wedding and didn't require these things.
Then do you think if someone has a small registry office wedding they should only have the same number of guests for the whole thing?
I think the venue makes people wait outside while they flip the room, but I don't want my guests to wait for ages.
I used to work in catering. You can flip a room and set for 200 for a formal event in half an hour. You just have to have proper staff. You normally have a cocktail area set-up for guests with appetisers and drinks for your guests. Have you never been to a grown-up event?
I've been to many grown-up events. I think its interesting you are lecturing me on etiquette by being very rude! lol. Not sure what kids parties you were catering.
I'm not going to hire an entirely new fleet of staff simply to flip a room! There is such a thing as a wedding budget. I've got enough waiters, barman and servers so everyone is comfortable during the meal.
Actually most of them were, $150-$300 plate affairs. I didn't do kids' parties, adults are high maintenance enough as you are showing with your obstinance.
ETA: I find it laughable that we have to justify a "grown-up" event to someone who cannot use spellcheck.
I understand wanting your own caterer but wanting no corkage is going to be a challenge.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
Actually it's okay to have a VERY small ceremony and then a larger reception. While I'm totally fine with that setup (actually attended 2), people on the knot are very much against it. But etiquette wise it's okay, if done properly.
The only way to do it properly is to have a truly small ceremony. Parents, siblings maybe a friend or two. No big wedding party. Say about 10% of your reception guests. 80 out of 200 isn't really going to cut it. Too many people excluded IMO.
So your options are:
Finding a ceremony venue for everyone
Use the reception room as your ceremony location. I also work weddings and have seen it done successfully. Maybe not ideal, but way better than picking 80 of the 200 to witness and excluding the others.
Have a VERY small, no more than 10% of your reception guests, ceremony. Then a party later.
I was considering having only family at the ceremony and everyone else at the reception. I have an enormous family, so 80 people would just fit in all parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and first cousins. Would that be acceptable if all friends are the lunch?
I understand having a wedding within your budget, but I can afford 200 guests for food, drinks, dancing, I just don't want to spend £5000+ on renting an enormous hall to get married. I want something pretty to get married in and I really like Town Halls, which are quite reasonably priced and allow for civil ceremonies. I can't use a church in London, since I don't live there. That would have been a good option.
There's no way to invite 40% of your guests to a ceremony and not the other 60%. You will hurt people's feeling, they will think you're rude. There's no way around that.
If you were inviting a very small number of guests (immediate family only) to the ceremony, it would be acceptable. But you're talking about inviting nearly half of your guests, and not the other, that is unacceptable.
I'm English, and there are plenty of venues for ceremonies for 200+ guests, what an earth do you think people normally do if they have big families?
If you bothered to actually read my comments, I said I was looking for somewhere with no corkage and allows own caterers, not just allows 200+ guests. So maybe read first, then criticise.
Also for the ceremony venue, its needs to be a reasonable distance for guests.
You are adding malice to advice, that is no one's fault but your own.
For example, one of the first responses you received asked why it takes two hours to flip a room. You responded because it's not a backyard BBQ and then patronized the person by listing what is included on a dining table.
I understand wanting your own caterer but wanting no corkage is going to be a challenge.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
I'm not going to say where the venue is or the name online. I don't want a big commute for guests between the ceremony and reception. So only one of the one's you mentioned will work. Some will drive and some will take the underground, so I have to make sure it's not too far from the venue. Some of the venues you mentioned are close by if you are in a car, but quite far if a guest takes public transport.
No corkage is very important and there a few places in London that do it. Also, since you are on this site I am assuming that you are not having a cash bar. Are you going to spend thousands covering the bar tab of your guests? Even a small group of guests will cost a lot in drinks concerning many hotel/bars I've seen charge between £5-6 per glass of wine. Maybe you are extremely wealthy or like spending A LOT on guests, but I'm not going to spend thousands covering an enormous bar tab, when no corkage makes it easier and cheaper for everyone to drink for hours.
It just seems a waste to have an open bar if you have to pay for individual glasses of alcohol.
I don't understand why more couples don't use 'no corkage' venues. It's so much easier. However, trying to find no corkage charge does restrict my choices. No corkage is one of the most important things I look for in a venue. So choice is more limited and makes picking a new venue quite difficult, but it is the best choice budget wise.
I understand wanting your own caterer but wanting no corkage is going to be a challenge.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
I'm not going to say where the venue is or the name online. I don't want a big commute for guests and venue. So only one of the one's you mentioned will work. Some will drive and some will take the underground, so I have to make sure it's not too far from the venue. Some of the venues you mentioned are close by if you are in a car, but quite far if a guest takes public transport.
No corkage is very important and there a few places in London that do it. Also, since you are on this site I am assuming that you are not having a cash bar. Are you going to spend thousands covering the bar tab of your guests? Even a small group of guests will cost a lot in drinks concerning many hotel/bars I've seen charge between £5-6 per glass of wine. Maybe you are extremely wealthy or like spending A LOT on guests, but I'm not going to spend thousands covering an enormous bar tab, when no corkage makes it easier and cheaper for everyone to drink for hours. It just seems a waste to have an open bar if you have to pay for individual glasses of alcohol.
I don't understand why more English brides don't use venues that have no corkage. It's so much easier.
I picked a venue that had an open bar package per head for the party. We then paid corkage of £15 per head to bring our own wedding breakfast wine. So I understand not wanting to pay by the glass, but to say no corkage whatsoever is unrealistic.
Where ever your venue is, search for nearby museums, theatres, event spaces, libraries etc as they will likely have space for 200 for a wedding ceremony. It isn't nearly as complicated as you are making it.
Also, a simple thank you to people helping you out would be nice. You can't complain that only 1 of the venues I told you about is close when you won't say where your venue is. We aren't mind-readers.
I am doing no corkage. Venue is not where I live. I am able to marry in the Church there because I attended services there twice a month for six months. Not convenient for me but meant I could host a wedding I could afford in a suitable venue. Could you consider doing this? Any CofE Church will let you marry there if you attend for six months. I think that's your only option, unless you cut your guest list or pay corkage. Somewhere like Christ Church in Spitalifields which is a church and a reception venue in one might be just right for you.
I understand wanting your own caterer but wanting no corkage is going to be a challenge.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
I'm not going to say where the venue is or the name online. I don't want a big commute for guests and venue. So only one of the one's you mentioned will work. Some will drive and some will take the underground, so I have to make sure it's not too far from the venue. Some of the venues you mentioned are close by if you are in a car, but quite far if a guest takes public transport.
No corkage is very important and there a few places in London that do it. Also, since you are on this site I am assuming that you are not having a cash bar. Are you going to spend thousands covering the bar tab of your guests? Even a small group of guests will cost a lot in drinks concerning many hotel/bars I've seen charge between £5-6 per glass of wine. Maybe you are extremely wealthy or like spending A LOT on guests, but I'm not going to spend thousands covering an enormous bar tab, when no corkage makes it easier and cheaper for everyone to drink for hours. It just seems a waste to have an open bar if you have to pay for individual glasses of alcohol.
I don't understand why more English brides don't use venues that have no corkage. It's so much easier.
I picked a venue that had an open bar package per head for the party. We then paid corkage of £15 per head to bring our own wedding breakfast wine. So I understand not wanting to pay by the glass, but to say no corkage whatsoever is unrealistic.
Where ever your venue is, search for nearby museums, theatres, event spaces, libraries etc as they will likely have space for 200 for a wedding ceremony. It isn't nearly as complicated as you are making it.
Also, a simple thank you to people helping you out would be nice. You can't complain that only 1 of the venues I told you about is close when you won't say where your venue is. We aren't mind-readers.
I am thankful to those who have commented, especially the ones who have been helpful as opposed to unnecessarily insulting. I posted the question because I'm genuinely interested in what people say (without the snide comments). You have been fine as has someone called charlotte and some others. Also, the places you mentioned don't normally allow you to bring in your own caterers or provide a specified list. I've phoned many of them to enquire with little success.
I wasn't criticising you, only highlighting my problems. It was nice that you gave a list. I think when you don't want English/European food it is quite complicated because you require things that the majority of the population do not. It's like when I go and buy makeup. Most white women can go into any shop in the UK and be catered for. I can't. I have to make a much longer journey or order online. I can't just go into Boots and expect to be catered. It's complicated because only a few places cater for minority groups in relation to weddings. I've been looking at asian venues because they are the only places that have resources for Turkish/african/indian/greek/non-european brides/weddings.
As a non-white bride a lot of things are a lot more complicated. It's harder to find professional makeup artists, hair stylists and photographers that can photograph coloured women in a flattering way. I have to find a MC/toastmaster who can cater to multicultural crowds and know what is expected by non-white guests and black guests at a wedding.
I have to find wedding planners who can navigate the demands of both white/non-white guests because the expectations of each culture is different. So yeah, it's all very complicated and stressful. I have to find a ceremony and reception venue that can cater to my enormous family and within a good distance of each other. My wedding budget is a reasonable size. I have to find a DJ that understands music that black and white audiences will like and is able to blend them together well. The list goes on.
Generally speaking, how white english people and black people 'do' weddings is different. I'm trying very hard to accomodate everyone.
You are adding malice to advice, that is no one's fault but your own.
For example, one of the first responses you received asked why it takes two hours to flip a room. You responded because it's not a backyard BBQ and then patronized the person by listing what is included on a dining table.
Where was the original insult? Oh, yours.
I don't believe my response was rude. You are adding malice where there is none. How am I to know what people know about preparing a wedding reception? You are reading it as patronising, that's on you. This person could be newly engaged. I didn't know that much until relatively recently. I'm frequently given new insight and info by my wedding planners.
I understand wanting your own caterer but wanting no corkage is going to be a challenge.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
I'm not going to say where the venue is or the name online. I don't want a big commute for guests and venue. So only one of the one's you mentioned will work. Some will drive and some will take the underground, so I have to make sure it's not too far from the venue. Some of the venues you mentioned are close by if you are in a car, but quite far if a guest takes public transport.
No corkage is very important and there a few places in London that do it. Also, since you are on this site I am assuming that you are not having a cash bar. Are you going to spend thousands covering the bar tab of your guests? Even a small group of guests will cost a lot in drinks concerning many hotel/bars I've seen charge between £5-6 per glass of wine. Maybe you are extremely wealthy or like spending A LOT on guests, but I'm not going to spend thousands covering an enormous bar tab, when no corkage makes it easier and cheaper for everyone to drink for hours. It just seems a waste to have an open bar if you have to pay for individual glasses of alcohol.
I don't understand why more English brides don't use venues that have no corkage. It's so much easier.
I picked a venue that had an open bar package per head for the party. We then paid corkage of £15 per head to bring our own wedding breakfast wine. So I understand not wanting to pay by the glass, but to say no corkage whatsoever is unrealistic.
Where ever your venue is, search for nearby museums, theatres, event spaces, libraries etc as they will likely have space for 200 for a wedding ceremony. It isn't nearly as complicated as you are making it.
Also, a simple thank you to people helping you out would be nice. You can't complain that only 1 of the venues I told you about is close when you won't say where your venue is. We aren't mind-readers.
I am thankful to those who have commented, especially the ones who have been helpful as opposed to unnecessarily insulting. I posted the question because I'm genuinely interested in what people say (without the snide comments). You have been fine as has someone called charlotte and some others. Also, the places you mentioned don't normally allow you to bring in your own caterers or provide a specified list. I've phoned many of them to enquire with little success.
I'm saying keep the wedding breakfast venue you have that meets your requirements, and then hire a space nearby for the ceremony. It isn't going to cost £5,000 for just a ceremony. You could also hire coaches to take guests from the ceremony to the venue if you are worried about the distance. You could get this for a few hundred quid.
I understand wanting your own caterer but wanting no corkage is going to be a challenge.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
I'm not going to say where the venue is or the name online. I don't want a big commute for guests and venue. So only one of the one's you mentioned will work. Some will drive and some will take the underground, so I have to make sure it's not too far from the venue. Some of the venues you mentioned are close by if you are in a car, but quite far if a guest takes public transport.
No corkage is very important and there a few places in London that do it. Also, since you are on this site I am assuming that you are not having a cash bar. Are you going to spend thousands covering the bar tab of your guests? Even a small group of guests will cost a lot in drinks concerning many hotel/bars I've seen charge between £5-6 per glass of wine. Maybe you are extremely wealthy or like spending A LOT on guests, but I'm not going to spend thousands covering an enormous bar tab, when no corkage makes it easier and cheaper for everyone to drink for hours. It just seems a waste to have an open bar if you have to pay for individual glasses of alcohol.
I don't understand why more English brides don't use venues that have no corkage. It's so much easier.
I picked a venue that had an open bar package per head for the party. We then paid corkage of £15 per head to bring our own wedding breakfast wine. So I understand not wanting to pay by the glass, but to say no corkage whatsoever is unrealistic.
Where ever your venue is, search for nearby museums, theatres, event spaces, libraries etc as they will likely have space for 200 for a wedding ceremony. It isn't nearly as complicated as you are making it.
Also, a simple thank you to people helping you out would be nice. You can't complain that only 1 of the venues I told you about is close when you won't say where your venue is. We aren't mind-readers.
I am thankful to those who have commented, especially the ones who have been helpful as opposed to unnecessarily insulting. I posted the question because I'm genuinely interested in what people say (without the snide comments). You have been fine as has someone called charlotte and some others. Also, the places you mentioned don't normally allow you to bring in your own caterers or provide a specified list. I've phoned many of them to enquire with little success.
It sounds like what you're looking for either doesn't exist or is out of your budget. What you may need to do is compromise a bit. If no corkage is a deal breaker then you may need to accept that you can't bring your own caterer, or you have to choose of a list of approved vendors. I live in the states so this might be less helpful, but no venue I looked at allowed weddings to bring their own wine without paying a corkage fee. You may be able to negotiate the fee, but they lose money when you bring your own services so they need to make it up somewhere.
I would suggest sitting down with your FI and the families (whoever is paying/ has specific requests about the venue) and decide what's most important. Is it your own caterer? Have you tried the food at some of these venues, are they acceptable? Is it limited corkage more important? Is it close to a specific place? Determine what is most important then go from there. I know you probably have a set vision for how you want things to go, but sometimes you have to adjust that to ensure everyone is treated properly.
I am doing no corkage. Venue is not where I live. I am able to marry in the Church there because I attended services there twice a month for six months. Not convenient for me but meant I could host a wedding I could afford in a suitable venue. Could you consider doing this? Any CofE Church will let you marry there if you attend for six months. I think that's your only option, unless you cut your guest list or pay corkage. Somewhere like Christ Church in Spitalifields which is a church and a reception venue in one might be just right for you.
I might do that. That seems like a good idea. Thanks! Can I ask what the price is like? Is it good? Do you have to officially join CoE or just go.
I am doing no corkage. Venue is not where I live. I am able to marry in the Church there because I attended services there twice a month for six months. Not convenient for me but meant I could host a wedding I could afford in a suitable venue. Could you consider doing this? Any CofE Church will let you marry there if you attend for six months. I think that's your only option, unless you cut your guest list or pay corkage. Somewhere like Christ Church in Spitalifields which is a church and a reception venue in one might be just right for you.
I might do that. That seems like a good idea. Thanks! Can I ask what the price is like? Is it good? Do you have to officially join CoE or just go.
I don't know the cost I'm afraid as I went there as a guest! But I think CofE will let anyone marry there if they attend - check with whichever church you would pick! It's about £600 to get married in a CofE Church. I haven't "joined", my background is Catholic but I didn't meet the requirements to marry out of parish.
Without knowing your exact locale its hard to give you options, but this is a fabulous location. Will comfortably accommodate 200 guests, no corkage, bring in your own catering. It also has a working mini lighthouse attached, which is spectacular in photos. You can get married here, then have a drinks reception outside on the Thames whilst the caterers set up for dinner.
I understand wanting your own caterer but wanting no corkage is going to be a challenge.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
I'm not going to say where the venue is or the name online. I don't want a big commute for guests and venue. So only one of the one's you mentioned will work. Some will drive and some will take the underground, so I have to make sure it's not too far from the venue. Some of the venues you mentioned are close by if you are in a car, but quite far if a guest takes public transport.
No corkage is very important and there a few places in London that do it. Also, since you are on this site I am assuming that you are not having a cash bar. Are you going to spend thousands covering the bar tab of your guests? Even a small group of guests will cost a lot in drinks concerning many hotel/bars I've seen charge between £5-6 per glass of wine. Maybe you are extremely wealthy or like spending A LOT on guests, but I'm not going to spend thousands covering an enormous bar tab, when no corkage makes it easier and cheaper for everyone to drink for hours. It just seems a waste to have an open bar if you have to pay for individual glasses of alcohol.
I don't understand why more English brides don't use venues that have no corkage. It's so much easier.
I picked a venue that had an open bar package per head for the party. We then paid corkage of £15 per head to bring our own wedding breakfast wine. So I understand not wanting to pay by the glass, but to say no corkage whatsoever is unrealistic.
Where ever your venue is, search for nearby museums, theatres, event spaces, libraries etc as they will likely have space for 200 for a wedding ceremony. It isn't nearly as complicated as you are making it.
Also, a simple thank you to people helping you out would be nice. You can't complain that only 1 of the venues I told you about is close when you won't say where your venue is. We aren't mind-readers.
I am thankful to those who have commented, especially the ones who have been helpful as opposed to unnecessarily insulting. I posted the question because I'm genuinely interested in what people say (without the snide comments). You have been fine as has someone called charlotte and some others. Also, the places you mentioned don't normally allow you to bring in your own caterers or provide a specified list. I've phoned many of them to enquire with little success.
It sounds like what you're looking for either doesn't exist or is out of your budget. What you may need to do is compromise a bit. If no corkage is a deal breaker then you may need to accept that you can't bring your own caterer, or you have to choose of a list of approved vendors. I live in the states so this might be less helpful, but no venue I looked at allowed weddings to bring their own wine without paying a corkage fee. You may be able to negotiate the fee, but they lose money when you bring your own services so they need to make it up somewhere.
I would suggest sitting down with your FI and the families (whoever is paying/ has specific requests about the venue) and decide what's most important. Is it your own caterer? Have you tried the food at some of these venues, are they acceptable? Is it limited corkage more important? Is it close to a specific place? Determine what is most important then go from there. I know you probably have a set vision for how you want things to go, but sometimes you have to adjust that to ensure everyone is treated properly.
There are venues in the UK that don't charge corkage. Not a lot, but I've found a few. They just make money from the venue fee, I guess. They also charge if you want additional hours. You are probably right, but I do love my vision...............Sad to see it go.
I understand wanting your own caterer but wanting no corkage is going to be a challenge.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
I'm not going to say where the venue is or the name online. I don't want a big commute for guests and venue. So only one of the one's you mentioned will work. Some will drive and some will take the underground, so I have to make sure it's not too far from the venue. Some of the venues you mentioned are close by if you are in a car, but quite far if a guest takes public transport.
No corkage is very important and there a few places in London that do it. Also, since you are on this site I am assuming that you are not having a cash bar. Are you going to spend thousands covering the bar tab of your guests? Even a small group of guests will cost a lot in drinks concerning many hotel/bars I've seen charge between £5-6 per glass of wine. Maybe you are extremely wealthy or like spending A LOT on guests, but I'm not going to spend thousands covering an enormous bar tab, when no corkage makes it easier and cheaper for everyone to drink for hours. It just seems a waste to have an open bar if you have to pay for individual glasses of alcohol.
I don't understand why more English brides don't use venues that have no corkage. It's so much easier.
I picked a venue that had an open bar package per head for the party. We then paid corkage of £15 per head to bring our own wedding breakfast wine. So I understand not wanting to pay by the glass, but to say no corkage whatsoever is unrealistic.
Where ever your venue is, search for nearby museums, theatres, event spaces, libraries etc as they will likely have space for 200 for a wedding ceremony. It isn't nearly as complicated as you are making it.
Also, a simple thank you to people helping you out would be nice. You can't complain that only 1 of the venues I told you about is close when you won't say where your venue is. We aren't mind-readers.
I am thankful to those who have commented, especially the ones who have been helpful as opposed to unnecessarily insulting. I posted the question because I'm genuinely interested in what people say (without the snide comments). You have been fine as has someone called charlotte and some others. Also, the places you mentioned don't normally allow you to bring in your own caterers or provide a specified list. I've phoned many of them to enquire with little success.
I'm saying keep the wedding breakfast venue you have that meets your requirements, and then hire a space nearby for the ceremony. It isn't going to cost £5,000 for just a ceremony. You could also hire coaches to take guests from the ceremony to the venue if you are worried about the distance. You could get this for a few hundred quid.
I might do that, because I genuinely don't want to offend guests.
If a number of your guests are from outside london or from a different culture then they will probably get a huge kick out of a vintage red london bus. Living here it feels so clichéd, but all my out of town guests just loved it. Totally worth it! Since we had it booked for a 4hr minimum I used it to take me, my parents and my bridesmaids to the ceremony too, since I don't really care about cars.
I'm having around 200 guests for wedding breakfast and reception. However finding a ceremony venue that can seat that many people is very difficult.
Town halls aren't normally big enough and renting another venue of that size (to fit 200 guests) is outside my budget. It would cost thousands. Is it rude to have a smaller amount for the ceremony and invite everyone else to the rest of the day (e.g. the lunch and dancing). I've found places that fit around 80 guests for the ceremony.
Yes, it is rude. It's called a tiered reception and usually makes guests feel less important and like they're invited just for a gift.
Why not skip the breakfast reception, invite everyone to the lunch reception, and then just have the ceremony right before the lunch in the same room? I have attended weddings before where guests are seated at their tables for the ceremony, and they have been lovely.
But you didn't say 8 people in a town hall and then 200 at the reception. That would be fine. Immediate family only (usually 10 people or less) and then a larger reception is ok ettiquette-wise, although many people still dislike them.
You said 80 people at the ceremony and then 200 at the reception. That's almost half the guest list excluded and that's not ok.
To the bolded, did you not read all of my reply? I said I have been to ceremonies like this and they have been lovely. The ceremony was very easy to view, as much as any other ceremony I have been to.
I don't see a problem with a small, immediate family-only ceremony at a nearby town hall and then a 200 person celebration at the "perfect" venue you have your heart set on.
Inviting just a little less than half of your guests to a ceremony that excludes all the others is weird and (to use your mom's wording) would make people talk, not in a good way.
PS - The idea of guests bringing extra people or randoms showing up in the evening is absurd to me at the type of event I'm picturing. I'd try and see whether hiring security would be worth the ease of mind & ability to plan the space/food for a set amount of people.
I had my ceremony in the same room as my reception. It took 5 minutes to flip, both set ups were very nice and basically everyone said how nice it was to be in the same place and not have to worry about travelling in between the two places. If you want more information on how we did the flip and made everything so easy, I'd be happy to share that information.
Re: Deleted
The only way to do it properly is to have a truly small ceremony. Parents, siblings maybe a friend or two. No big wedding party. Say about 10% of your reception guests. 80 out of 200 isn't really going to cut it. Too many people excluded IMO.
So your options are:
Finding a ceremony venue for everyone
Use the reception room as your ceremony location. I also work weddings and have seen it done successfully. Maybe not ideal, but way better than picking 80 of the 200 to witness and excluding the others.
Have a VERY small, no more than 10% of your reception guests, ceremony. Then a party later.
Also, you try finding venues that fit 200+ people, allow own caterers and no corkage. Only a few places are like this (and I mean a few). I actually love my reception venue. It beautiful, comes with own bar, tons of free parking. It's perfect!
I understand having a wedding within your budget, but I can afford 200 guests for food, drinks, dancing, I just don't want to spend £5000+ on renting an enormous hall to get married. I want something pretty to get married in and I really like Town Halls, which are quite reasonably priced and allow for civil ceremonies. I can't use a church in London, since I don't live there. That would have been a good option.
ETA: I find it laughable that we have to justify a "grown-up" event to someone who cannot use spellcheck.
I also refuse to believe that there is no venue in London near your wedding breakfast site that you could host your ceremony. Where in London is the venue you want? Off the top of my head, Old Finsbury Town Hall, Harrow School, Kew Gardens, Southbank Centre, Barbican greenhouse and the Horniman museum all have massive wedding spaces for a ceremony.
When people say family-only small wedding, they mean parents, grandparents and siblings. Not aunts and cousins. It really should be 10% of guests max (so 20 people in your case).
I work in catering and am hosting a wedding at a venue that allows you to bring in everything and we have invited 234 people. While I wouldn't describe it as a budget wedding, it certainly isn't extravagant either. We toured venues that could accommodate that many people, then worked our budget backwards - if we booked this, how much money do we have per person left.
1. Where does your caterer usually work? Certainly they have ideas
2. Have you joined local FB groups? IMO those brides are a plethora of information on budget options for your local area.
3. If you want advice, take it and stop arguing. If you want validation, just be honest, and expect not to get it unless you're actually doing something people would agree with.
4. This forum is etiquette first, so yes, our advice will always follow traditionally approved etiquette. Not your moms made up rules, or my MIL's idea of etiquette, but actual - had books written about it, hasn't changed in decades - etiquette.
If you were inviting a very small number of guests (immediate family only) to the ceremony, it would be acceptable. But you're talking about inviting nearly half of your guests, and not the other, that is unacceptable.
Also for the ceremony venue, its needs to be a reasonable distance for guests.
For example, one of the first responses you received asked why it takes two hours to flip a room. You responded because it's not a backyard BBQ and then patronized the person by listing what is included on a dining table.
Where was the original insult? Oh, yours.
I'm not going to say where the venue is or the name online. I don't want a big commute for guests between the ceremony and reception. So only one of the one's you mentioned will work. Some will drive and some will take the underground, so I have to make sure it's not too far from the venue. Some of the venues you mentioned are close by if you are in a car, but quite far if a guest takes public transport.
No corkage is very important and there a few places in London that do it. Also, since you are on this site I am assuming that you are not having a cash bar. Are you going to spend thousands covering the bar tab of your guests? Even a small group of guests will cost a lot in drinks concerning many hotel/bars I've seen charge between £5-6 per glass of wine. Maybe you are extremely wealthy or like spending A LOT on guests, but I'm not going to spend thousands covering an enormous bar tab, when no corkage makes it easier and cheaper for everyone to drink for hours.
It just seems a waste to have an open bar if you have to pay for individual glasses of alcohol.
I don't understand why more couples don't use 'no corkage' venues. It's so much easier. However, trying to find no corkage charge does restrict my choices. No corkage is one of the most important things I look for in a venue. So choice is more limited and makes picking a new venue quite difficult, but it is the best choice budget wise.
Where ever your venue is, search for nearby museums, theatres, event spaces, libraries etc as they will likely have space for 200 for a wedding ceremony. It isn't nearly as complicated as you are making it.
Also, a simple thank you to people helping you out would be nice. You can't complain that only 1 of the venues I told you about is close when you won't say where your venue is. We aren't mind-readers.
I am doing no corkage. Venue is not where I live. I am able to marry in the Church there because I attended services there twice a month for six months. Not convenient for me but meant I could host a wedding I could afford in a suitable venue. Could you consider doing this? Any CofE Church will let you marry there if you attend for six months. I think that's your only option, unless you cut your guest list or pay corkage. Somewhere like Christ Church in Spitalifields which is a church and a reception venue in one might be just right for you.
I wasn't criticising you, only highlighting my problems. It was nice that you gave a list. I think when you don't want English/European food it is quite complicated because you require things that the majority of the population do not. It's like when I go and buy makeup. Most white women can go into any shop in the UK and be catered for. I can't. I have to make a much longer journey or order online. I can't just go into Boots and expect to be catered. It's complicated because only a few places cater for minority groups in relation to weddings. I've been looking at asian venues because they are the only places that have resources for Turkish/african/indian/greek/non-european brides/weddings.
As a non-white bride a lot of things are a lot more complicated. It's harder to find professional makeup artists, hair stylists and photographers that can photograph coloured women in a flattering way. I have to find a MC/toastmaster who can cater to multicultural crowds and know what is expected by non-white guests and black guests at a wedding.
I have to find wedding planners who can navigate the demands of both white/non-white guests because the expectations of each culture is different. So yeah, it's all very complicated and stressful. I have to find a ceremony and reception venue that can cater to my enormous family and within a good distance of each other. My wedding budget is a reasonable size. I have to find a DJ that understands music that black and white audiences will like and is able to blend them together well. The list goes on.
Generally speaking, how white english people and black people 'do' weddings is different. I'm trying very hard to accomodate everyone.
I would suggest sitting down with your FI and the families (whoever is paying/ has specific requests about the venue) and decide what's most important. Is it your own caterer? Have you tried the food at some of these venues, are they acceptable? Is it limited corkage more important? Is it close to a specific place? Determine what is most important then go from there. I know you probably have a set vision for how you want things to go, but sometimes you have to adjust that to ensure everyone is treated properly.
Good luck!
http://www.trinitybuoywharf.com/event-space/view/the-chainstore
It can be done, you just have to be willing to look and be willing to be flexible.
You said 80 people at the ceremony and then 200 at the reception. That's almost half the guest list excluded and that's not ok.
To the bolded, did you not read all of my reply? I said I have been to ceremonies like this and they have been lovely. The ceremony was very easy to view, as much as any other ceremony I have been to.
Inviting just a little less than half of your guests to a ceremony that excludes all the others is weird and (to use your mom's wording) would make people talk, not in a good way.
PS - The idea of guests bringing extra people or randoms showing up in the evening is absurd to me at the type of event I'm picturing. I'd try and see whether hiring security would be worth the ease of mind & ability to plan the space/food for a set amount of people.