Priest to Bless Our Marriage?

Re: Priest to Bless Our Marriage?

• lyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  I understand your situation.  We were both brought up Catholic and our parents were also disappointed in OUR choice not to have a Catholic wedding.
  
  The answer to your question is no. Nor should it.   Marriage is a sacrament and should be treated with respect.  That includes going through all the hoops that it requires.  Not doing it half-ass to make your parents happy.
  
  Bottom line your dad just has to get over your not having a Catholic wedding and respect your choice.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  

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• downtondiva member

  

  March 2017

  The Catholic Church is pretty strict about weddings/marriage. I'm not sure a priest would even be allowed to do what you're suggesting. 
  
  But that's really beside the point here. You are adults and have made a perfectly reasonable, acceptable choice for your wedding ceremony. Your father is allowed to have his opinion about it, but you shouldn't be changing anything in your wedding ceremony to make him feel better. 

  
  

  

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• geebee908 member

  

  March 2017

  If Dad is serious about his faith he should not want you to have a Catholic ceremony if that's not what you as a couple believe. The sacrament is not something that's entered into lightly, hence the "hoops."
  
  If at some later time you embrace the faith again, you can have a convalidation, but that would be for you as a couple to decide and not for anyone else.

  

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• MobKaz Chicago suburbs member

  

  March 2017

  Knottie1461111056 said:

  My fiance and I were both raised catholic, but have both since lapsed in practicing.  Since religion is not an important part of either of our lives, we are having a non-religious person officiate our ceremony which is being held at the same place as our reception (i.e. not a house of worship).  I know my dad is really sad about this, as he has gotten more religious in his older age.  Is there any ways to have a priest come and "bless" our marriage, either during the ceremony or something during the reception, without us having to agree to raise our kids catholic (we don't want to lie) and without doing the pre-cana?  We are not opposed to religion, and I'd love to make my dad happier about our decision.

  Nope.  Your dad can have intentions said on your behalf at a mass in his parish, but no priest will offer a blessing on your marriage.  If your dad is aware of your lapse in organized religion, he may actually take offense at your consideration. 
  
  My son and DIL married in a completely prayerless civil ceremony.  It was a little hard for me as a Catholic to not feel a bit sad as well.  However, neither my son or DIL is religious.  It would be more upsetting to me for them to do something that was not true to themselves.  Their marriage was and should be a reflection of who THEY are as a couple.  I took joy and comfort knowing and seeing their happiness on that day, and every day since their ceremony.
  
  
  
  

  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  Knottie1461111056 said:

  My fiance and I were both raised catholic, but have both since lapsed in practicing.  Since religion is not an important part of either of our lives, we are having a non-religious person officiate our ceremony which is being held at the same place as our reception (i.e. not a house of worship).  I know my dad is really sad about this, as he has gotten more religious in his older age.  Is there any ways to have a priest come and "bless" our marriage, either during the ceremony or something during the reception, without us having to agree to raise our kids catholic (we don't want to lie) and without doing the pre-cana?  We are not opposed to religion, and I'd love to make my dad happier about our decision.

  Religion is a deeply personal choice, not something you do just to make someone else happier about your decision.
  
   I get wanting to have your Dad on board for your wedding plans, but there is no way to do this. Have you talked with your Dad about your ceremony plans and why they are important to you? Maybe explaining your decisions might help him be happier about your choices?

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• Jen4948 Houston member

  

  March 2017

  I would not do this.
  
  I understand not wanting to disappoint parents, but if you don't believe in the Church's teachings, you shouldn't get married in one.
  
  And since it's unlikely that a priest would be allowed to give a blessing or otherwise function as a priest at a wedding outside the Church, I don't think what you're trying to do is even possible.
  
  I'm sorry you're caught in the middle between your own beliefs and trying to please a parent, but I think your father is going to have to accept that you and your FI are not having a Catholic wedding.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  Sorry, but there really isn't a way to do this. Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic Church. You need to decide if that's important to YOU or not. If it is, then re-arrange your plans to get married in the Church. If not, keep your plans as is. 
  
  Don't do it because it's important to your dad. He made his life choices, you make yours. 

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• banana468 member

  

  March 2017

  Ditto everyone else.
  
  You and your FI need to figure out what is more important to you.   If you aren't practicing Catholics and don't plan to be Catholic, you should own your decision.
  
  Your dad can be sad but that's not a reason to something.   And as a Catholic, he'd probably be more upset that you're pretending since that's not really cool either.
  
  It may be hard for him and weddings can be emotional but own your choice. 

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• kwiksilver member

  

  March 2017

  As a former Catholic myself, I agree with PP's.  The sacrament of marriage is a big deal to Catholics, that's why they don't just preform marriages without all the prerequisites.  If you return to the church down the road, you can have your marriage blessed then (they do this for people who have been married outside of the church but join it later in life, or in my mom's case, got divorced, didn't bother with an annulment, got remarried, and then decades later decided to get her first marriage annulled).  However, that's only for practicing Catholics, and I believe you are still required to promise to raise your kids Catholic, go to reconciliation beforehand, and so forth.

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• CMGragain member

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  Knottie1461111056 said:

  My fiance and I were both raised catholic, but have both since lapsed in practicing.  Since religion is not an important part of either of our lives, we are having a non-religious person officiate our ceremony which is being held at the same place as our reception (i.e. not a house of worship).  I know my dad is really sad about this, as he has gotten more religious in his older age.  Is there any ways to have a priest come and "bless" our marriage, either during the ceremony or something during the reception, without us having to agree to raise our kids catholic (we don't want to lie) and without doing the pre-cana?  We are not opposed to religion, and I'd love to make my dad happier about our decision.

  As a Catholic, you are probably already aware that marriage is regarded as a Holy Sacrament.  There is no other way to receive this sacrament except to follow the church rules.  A priest is not allowed to break cannon law by "blessing" your secular marriage.
  If you are very certain that you will not be raising your children in the Catholic faith, then I would urge you to be firm in your resolve to have your wedding as planned.  Dad will learn to accept it.
  You might also consider some protestant faiths if you want religious guidance for your future children.  Protestant churches will accept any legal marriage, since marriage is not one of the sacraments they recognize.  The Lutheran Church and the Episcopal Church are the closest in style and beliefs to Catholocism.  The United Methodist Church is also very accepting, but less formal.
  

  

  

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• OliveOilsMom South Jersey member

  

  March 2017

  Even if you could find a priest to do this, he would most likely be a priest out of good standing of the Church.  That just makes what you are proposing to do even worse, IMO.  
  
  Just be who you and your FI are, non-religious people.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But there is something wrong with having a blessing on a marriage to appease one or two people.

  

  

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• Knottie1461111056 member

  

  March 2017

  Thank you so much for all the responses! 

  

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