I'm getting married this October, to an amazing guy. We got engaged in December, and it's been a whirlwind with celebrating and wedding planning. However, I lost my mom 5 years ago and although this should be the most exciting time of my life, it's also bittersweet as I feel such a hole in my heart with not having her here to plan, shop, argue, laugh, and cry with during this new milestone. To make matters worse, my dad recently got engaged to a woman I despise and will be getting married in April themselves. I've come a long way in accepting that she is in his life and that they are together, but because of things she's said, her actions, and the way she controls my dad and has influenced his relationship with me in a negative way, I've decided that she will not be invited to my wedding.
I spoke about this my father multiple times, even at a family therapy session with the two of us. I've tried my best to voice my reasons, stressing that it has nothing to do with her and my feelings towards her, but more how much it hurts not having my mom here and how sad it would make me on my big day to already be hurting from missing her, then having someone in her place. No matter what i say o how I say it, my dad has said that if his soon-to-be wife isn't invited, he will not come. He came dress shopping with me before these discussions, which was special, and has stated several times how much he wants to be a part of my big day, but his actions say otherwise. It's gotten to the point where the four of us actually sat down and his GF kept pointing her finger in my face asking why she isn't invited. Family friends have tried to talk to them and explain how important it is for my dad to be there for me and how much we would both regret him not being there, and she keeps saying she's not telling him not to go...the problem is, she's also not understanding this isn't all about her and hasn't encouraged my dad to go either. I think he needs to hear that...that him coming to my wedding would be him being a parent to me, not "choosing" me over her, and that their relationship won't suffer because he chose to walk his only child down the aisle on her wedding day. She also kept hounding me to compromise but that's hard to do when my own dad gave me an ultimatum instead of compromising with me, such as saying "I'm really disappointing that you are not extending the invite to GF, but I will be there and hope you find it in your heart to change your mind or find some way to include her." The fact that she is making everything about her and the fact that he gave me that condition, makes me resent her and the situation even more.
I know it's not proper etiquette to not invite her, I know I put my dad in a difficult position, and I know that my decision could very well lead to future issues and implications on my relationship with my dad. If he really ends up not coming, I don't think I'll ever want to include him in my life again. I also feel that this isn't a family night out or holiday dinner I'm excluding her from. It's not their "big debut" as a couple or their "coming out" party...it's my wedding, and I'm asking for one day of my dads time and attention. I already have to look at one empty seat on the most important day of my life, I wish it didn't have to be two.
Any thoughts, help, advice would be appreciated. I'm so stressed and heartbroken over this.