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Wedding Etiquette Forum
aurianna
member
Polite way to find out if they're feeding us?
Got an invite in the mail for a wedding of a family member in July.
Wedding is at 6:30pm on a Saturday.
Both ceremony and reception is in a Church/rec center.
There is no RSVP card and no request for RSVP.
It says "A night of celebration to follow."
I know this venue and it has a large kitchen area.
The party room will hold lots of tables but I'm not sure it will hold both tables and a dance floor for the number of guests that are likely being invited (50 people alone were sent the facebook shower invite).
There's still lots of time to find out, but if it gets closer to the event and it hasn't been made clear yet... best tips on finding out if my family and I need to eat before hand?
Wedding is at 6:30pm on a Saturday.
Both ceremony and reception is in a Church/rec center.
There is no RSVP card and no request for RSVP.
It says "A night of celebration to follow."
I know this venue and it has a large kitchen area.
The party room will hold lots of tables but I'm not sure it will hold both tables and a dance floor for the number of guests that are likely being invited (50 people alone were sent the facebook shower invite).
There's still lots of time to find out, but if it gets closer to the event and it hasn't been made clear yet... best tips on finding out if my family and I need to eat before hand?
Re: Polite way to find out if they're feeding us?
I would hope that would lead into a response that gives you some idea of menu.
I would try and talked to the gossipy relative. They know all. Ha.
Also send a note, email, whatever saying you can't wait to all attend and how wedding planning is going. Maybe it will start a dialog on what is planned.
Creative wording doesn't always do the job, does it?
Alternatively, you could call the bride and say "I am confused about the wording on your invitation. Are you serving dinner at your reception?" Since it is the invitation wording that causes your doubts, there is nothing wrong with simply asking her the question.
You need to respond in writing to the invitation. Lack of response cards do not mean that you can be rude and not respond to a formal invitation. You write a note, "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe accept with pleasure the kind invitation to attend the wedding of Bride and Groom." This was standard practice until the 1970s, and it is still the default mode today.
But just ask.
Depending on how close you are to the family member, knowing me, when I either see them next or when I RSVP, I'd just excitedly say, "Oooo a night of celebraaaation, what do you have planned?"
Basically my same reaction when people say they chose an interesting venue, like, oooo that stately mansion, how great! (Genuine enthusiasm, not sarcasm.) And then they excitedly babble about the layout of cocktail hour and dinner with all the neat rooms. Problem solved.
And digging out if there will be bean dip at all, lol.
-This wedding is in the country. Leaving early to go out to dinner isn't a thing. Nor is happy hour before. Though I do love Sonic tater tots; that's about the only viable alternative.
-I know this crowd and this venue enough to know the "do you need my menu choice?" thing will NOT fly. If there is food it would likely be a walmart sandwich spread, gas station pizza (really good actually) or stuff the family makes themselves. (Any of which I'm totally fine with if there's enough for a meal!). They would think I was ridiculous if I insinuated I thought this was a "steak or fish?" event.
-I was involved in throwing a baby shower for someone in this family at this same venue. I wanted to do invites and I asked for the guest list. I was told I was in charge of food instead. "Invites" were done by someone else and was an open ended facebook event and word-of-mouth to various family members. I asked how many people were coming. I was told we didn't know and that and we weren't going to ask people for RSVPs because "that's now how we do it down here." (the one who told me this is the mother of the groom in this case)
-I have ZERO suspicion B-listing is applicable here.
I think I will just wait for a bit and try to figure out the best family member to ask. However I worry that my trying to find out will be perceived as judgement if they are in fact not serving dinner which isn't really the case.
I know the couple is very young and I know how casually this family handles events (my cousin's wedding didn't even have invitations). So I think there's a distinct possibility they won't serve dinner. But I'm going to go to the wedding and reception regardless because I love them a bunch and wouldn't have it any other way.
Closer to I'll try to find a way to casually ask someone and will make sure to put granola bars for me and cheerios for my daughter in my purse just in case.
Not the best option, and admittedly a little rude, but I'd rather sneak out for a bite than be hanrgy or skip out early from the reception. Especially since it seems like seeking out info is going to be misinterpreted.
But based on new input I think this is the plan if I don't find out before hand that there is going to be enough dinner:
-As a family, hubby, DD and I will eat a late lunch.
-I will make sure before going to the wedding that there is either something waiting at my grandmother's house (where we will be staying as this is an out-of-town wedding for us) after the wedding OR that Sonic or gas station pizza will be available to us after wedding (not sure on hours).
-We will feed baby at grandmother's house before the wedding so we we know she's covered
-I will stock purse with cheerios, granola bars, jerky and whatever else
-If there's enough food and/or we're having a great time we will stay.
-If we start starving to death we'll leave early and blame it on the baby (no one has to know she normally stays up until after 9......)
Thanks all.
I agree with the gossipy relative or striking up a conversation with the couple! Most of the time the food is something that comes up in planning conversations.
That's what I don't understand about people, whether it's a party or a reception. The host(ess) will spend all kinds of money to throw a shindig. But, if you cheap out on the food portions and people get hungry, they're not staying and an otherwise great party becomes a big flop.