Wedding Etiquette Forum

Requesting cash rather than gifts

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Re: Requesting cash rather than gifts

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2017





    scribe95 said:





    DW wedding is when it is located somewhere and everyone travels - including the bride and groom.

    OOT wedding is just when a majority of the guests travel. That was mine. I live in the midwest. 90 percent of our guest list traveled to where we live. But it wasn't a DW.





    I get the typical nomenclature, totally.

    What I'm saying is that as a guest, if I have to travel, then DW/OOT wedding is one and the same thing to me if 90+% of the guestlist also has to travel, regardless of whether or not 2 people (bride and groom) are traveling or not.

    DW/OOT weddings are typically more $$$$$ for guests.  At least they have been for me, in my experience.









    So the bride has not communicated with me since I advised her not to do the cash registry. I heard from my mom today that the bride talked to a friend who assured her everyone registers for honeymoons now. The friend is making her a website with a paypay link and a fake list of activities for the honeymoon they are not going on. I'm not going to be forwarding that site to anyone.

    I didn't think it was rude that B&G are having their wedding out of town is it is in their home town, I called it destination as over 50% of the guests are paying thousands for travel and accommodations. . . .










    Exactly.

    If I was spending 4K to be in and attend a family wedding, I'd be beyond pissed that the reception meal was pancakes and salad.  I'd be paying more to be in your damn wedding than you are on your reception, FFS!

    ETA:  The point is not that I think you need to go broke accommodating your guests, but that you do need to host them properly.  And when everyone is spending significant money and personal time to get to you, you need to step up the hosting a bit.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    OurWildKingdomSP29ahoyweddingcowgirl8238
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers


    Is this going to be referred to as the "pancakes and salad wedding" from now on? Like going down in TK history along with other memorables such as the indigo child, everhart, etc.?


    Just hearing the name @STBeverhart sends shivers down my spine.  Let's not even toy with conjuring up that insanity!
    TrixieJess
  • The pancakes and salad is not really their plan. I am a little venty as I see poor planning to blame for this. The bride just assumes everyone is a friend and is going to make everything work out wonderfully. She was handling the menu with the restaurant, and a much more extensive brunch menu was planned. With 3 weeks to go the hotel just confirmed the "pancakes and salad" as the main dishes. Nothing is in writing as to the previous arrangements, but my mom is trying to step in and help negotiate. The restaurant's fee was per plate fee was significant, so unless these pancakes are studded in gold, I think there was a serious clerical error with the menu. As for the cash bar, my Dad (who doesn't even drink!) also thinks the cash bar is rude and offered to pay for it.


    **More Vent**

    As far as I know the paypal site is still in the works. The only hope is there are a million unattended details that hopefully distract from working on the website. The Bride wanted some sort of Donut display, then found out it would be more than a wedding cake, so she is back and forth on getting cake from the restaurant or a local baker. I am not sure what the lead time on a wedding cake for 150 people would be, but the timing seems pretty last minute. While we are out prepping for the wedding the bridal party is supposed to make floral arrangements, finish the decorations, and just now - make a wedding slideshow. The Maid of Honor broke a foot and was excused, so some guests were investigated until one had the same dress size, and voilia! a new Maid of Honor. Unfortunately her feet were not the same size, and she doesn't fit in the require shoes. Bride doesn't want her Dad walking her down the aisle (reasoning here is completely reasonable). Instead, she wants her fiancé and 18 mo old daughter to walk her down the aisle. She had previously planned to wear high heels down the aisle, announce her last step as a single lady, then changing to chucks mid aisle. Apparently this was something she saw on Pinterst (is this really a thing?). I am not sure how we are going to handle the logistics of the baby and the shoe change while walking down the aisle. There are 5 mini attendants, and I am a little worried about how that is going to play out. I sense a lengthy rehearsal.


    I think that is everything that is making me crazy. Sorry to barf all over this thread. I felt so much better last night after posting. No one wants to argue about it anymore. They are just scrambling to make sure there is amble booze enough to get through it (joking).

    SP29cowgirl8238Knottie737c32aade6d0ff7
  • Lol! I think that is all the weirdness. This this both most fun I have had in the whole wedding planning process, and the most catty I have been. As wedding detail seem to be changing hourly, I may be in for more fun surprises.
    mollybarker11
  • We've actually had brides on here over the years who either they or their Groom has broken a limb, or worse!(yes, truly OR WORSE!)..  

    OP - you must keep us updated as this process moves along - we're overcome with joy as we haven't had a good "I'm a BM in a SS of a wedding let me vent!" in a while here!  Also - boundaries because this bride has more in store for you as this day gets closer.  May I highly recommend the random photo frame or one of those shredded money display gifts that cannot be returned as your gift to her!!!
    (it's like $9 on Amazon!)
     Genuine Shredded 100 in U S Currency
    ILoveBeachMusicOurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    MobKaz said:

    The MOH broke her foot and was "excused"?  Thank goodness she wasn't a horse!  Oddly, my daughter broke her foot weeks before her own wedding.  She somehow managed to keep herself in the wedding.

    Does the shoe switch signify that she is now chucking her life away?


    SIL severely sprained his foot/ankle a few weeks before the wedding. He wasn't replaced - thank goodness!
  • Thanks for the gift idea. I am kind of at a loss since I wasn't planning to give $$, but a I think a noncash gift would be rejected. The shredded $$ is a perfect compromise!

    With all these details I am guessing it would be pretty obvious to the bride/family that I am talking about them in the unlikely chance they come across this. It is probably too late for this, but I made a change to my username for this reason.

    MesmrEwe
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers


    Thanks for the gift idea. I am kind of at a loss since I wasn't planning to give $$, but a I think a noncash gift would be rejected. The shredded $$ is a perfect compromise!

    With all these details I am guessing it would be pretty obvious to the bride/family that I am talking about them in the unlikely chance they come across this. It is probably too late for this, but I made a change to my username for this reason.



    How are they going to reject a non cash gift? I certainly hope you are wrong about that. I can't imagine anyone saying "oh I wanted cash so I won't accept your boxed gift"! Please let us know how that turns out - I would give them a boxed gift just to be ornery .

    DrillSergeantCat
  • I don't literally mean they would refuse to take a physical gift. I just meant since the bride and I have been discussing her desire for only cash gifts, she would probably see it as a witchy move on my part to give her a non cash gift. I am just assuming they are going to return or sell any physical gifts. I was told repeatedly they don't have the room for more stuff.


  • She had previously planned to wear high heels down the aisle, announce her last step as a single lady, then changing to chucks mid aisle. Apparently this was something she saw on Pinterst (is this really a thing?).



    I cringed so hard reading that I think I morphed myself into another dimension.

    Also I cannot get over sourcing a random guest to wear the (excused) MOH's dress. How on earth did that conversation go? "Hey so you know how a few months ago when I chose my nearest & dearest friends to be in my bridal party you didn't make the cut? Change of plans - you're now my MOST nearest & dearest friend of them all, will you be my Maid of Honour?"

    Also what are "mini attendants"? Is she expecting children to attend to her? Did she hire little people to work her wedding and give them this horrible title?
    short+sassyInLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLostKnottie737c32aade6d0ff7
  • This. Is. Everything.  I'm just so happy to be here for this moment... I cannot wait to hear how this goes.
    calibride82Knottie737c32aade6d0ff7
  • edited May 2017

    The best way to go about this is to just not create a registry at all. People may still give physical gifts, there's not much the b&g can do about it but not having a registry is an indirect hint, more or less, that they want cash without coming out and actually saying it.

    B&G should be appreciative of what they get period. Gifts are gifts, they are not a requirement.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    short+sassyInLoveInQueensDrillSergeantCatILoveBeachMusic
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    ernursej said:


    We have a wedding coming up that specifically says "no boxed gifts". I was going to give them money but I think I will find something physical and put it in a gift bag!


    Make it something really impractical to return, too. Or just give nothing.
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueensMesmrEwe
  • It's not really any tackier than a registry. Most people 30 or even 20 years ago would have thought that as tacky. It's just the next thing. Money trees are traditional at some weddings. It isn't different. 

    I kind of think it is tacky to expect gifts at all, ultimately. We just said, "bring yourself, if you insist, here's what we need." 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2017








    It's not really any tackier than a registry. Most people 30 or even 20 years ago would have thought that as tacky. It's just the next thing. Money trees are traditional at some weddings. It isn't different. 

    I kind of think it is tacky to expect gifts at all, ultimately. We just said, "bring yourself, if you insist, here's what we need." 








    What?  Where did you get this information?  Any etiquette book will tell you that asking for money is rude and against common etiquette.  Money trees are NOT traditional.

    Registering for gifts is not the same as asking for them.  Registry information is NEVER included with an invitation, and is only available to people who ask.  Registries have been around for more than 60 years, and they are a convenience to people who want to buy you a nice gift.

    Mentioning gifts at all is taboo.  Sorry, but your request for no gifts is rude, too.  It implies that you expect them.

    Registering for money is simply not acceptable!  No etiquette book will tell you anything else.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    DrillSergeantCatPrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
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