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Wedding Woes
lovesclimbing
member
Update: It's real! - 0.o A legitimate case of stolen thunder
Can you believe this? It's from the Monday/Tuesday Dear Prudence chat.
Q. My husband’s best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony: My husband and I started dating, got pregnant, had a child, moved in together, bought a house, and got a dog in that order. Our friends and family have asked us for years why we weren’t married yet. We always pushed it off to build better lives. We’ve done really well for ourselves and finally reached a point where we could afford a huge blowout wedding to celebrate our lives with everyone we know and love. My husband’s best friend, “John,” was the best man/officiant. The setting was beautiful, everyone seemed happy, our families were overjoyed. My mom may have used the phrase hallelujah a few dozen times. The entire atmosphere felt moving. So moving in fact that John stopped midceremony to propose to his longtime girlfriend, “Jane,” and reveal her pregnancy. I couldn’t even hear the vows my husband wrote or the rest of the ceremony over the noise of Jane’s happy sobs, her very surprised family who were also guests, and people seated nearby congratulating her. Even the videographer cut to her frequently during the ceremony, and you can’t hear anything over the chatter. When John gave his toast, he apologized for being caught up in the moment, and then proceeded to talk about he and Jane’s future with nary a mention of us. During the reception John and Jane became the primary focus of our guests. John even went out of his way to ask the band for a special dance for just him and Jane on the dance floor. I’ve never been an attention hog, and I wouldn’t even have minded if he’d proposed after the ceremony, but weeks later I am still seething. I am so shocked and angry that I keep asking myself if this is real life. My husband hasn’t spoken to John since the wedding, and our mutual friends think what he did was rude but that my husband should just get over it. My husband has joked that he’ll resume his friendship when John and Jane give him a $40,000 check for “their half of the wedding.” Do you think John’s behavior warrants the end of a long-term friendship, or are we angry over nothing?
Update: From today's Dear Prudie chat.
Q. Wedding Year: Our local news station in Philadelphia posted the actual videofor the dolt who proposed to his pregnant girlfriend at his best friend’s wedding. I was hoping the letter was a hoax but evidently it wasn’t.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/06/dear_prudence_i_work_and_do_all_of_the_parenting.html
Q. My husband’s best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony: My husband and I started dating, got pregnant, had a child, moved in together, bought a house, and got a dog in that order. Our friends and family have asked us for years why we weren’t married yet. We always pushed it off to build better lives. We’ve done really well for ourselves and finally reached a point where we could afford a huge blowout wedding to celebrate our lives with everyone we know and love. My husband’s best friend, “John,” was the best man/officiant. The setting was beautiful, everyone seemed happy, our families were overjoyed. My mom may have used the phrase hallelujah a few dozen times. The entire atmosphere felt moving. So moving in fact that John stopped midceremony to propose to his longtime girlfriend, “Jane,” and reveal her pregnancy. I couldn’t even hear the vows my husband wrote or the rest of the ceremony over the noise of Jane’s happy sobs, her very surprised family who were also guests, and people seated nearby congratulating her. Even the videographer cut to her frequently during the ceremony, and you can’t hear anything over the chatter. When John gave his toast, he apologized for being caught up in the moment, and then proceeded to talk about he and Jane’s future with nary a mention of us. During the reception John and Jane became the primary focus of our guests. John even went out of his way to ask the band for a special dance for just him and Jane on the dance floor. I’ve never been an attention hog, and I wouldn’t even have minded if he’d proposed after the ceremony, but weeks later I am still seething. I am so shocked and angry that I keep asking myself if this is real life. My husband hasn’t spoken to John since the wedding, and our mutual friends think what he did was rude but that my husband should just get over it. My husband has joked that he’ll resume his friendship when John and Jane give him a $40,000 check for “their half of the wedding.” Do you think John’s behavior warrants the end of a long-term friendship, or are we angry over nothing?
Update: From today's Dear Prudie chat.
Q. Wedding Year: Our local news station in Philadelphia posted the actual videofor the dolt who proposed to his pregnant girlfriend at his best friend’s wedding. I was hoping the letter was a hoax but evidently it wasn’t.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/06/dear_prudence_i_work_and_do_all_of_the_parenting.html
Re: Update: It's real! - 0.o A legitimate case of stolen thunder
1) John and Jane are dickwads - it sounds like John moreso than Jane, but she went along with it.
2) their vendors went along with the additional nonsense (e.g. catering to John's special requests)
we always tell brides "you get one day" - but these people didn't even get that. I can see this as a friendship ending situation. (it sounds like John and Jane are pretty shitty friends, so it may not be much of a loss in the long run.)
So I know of a proposal that happened during a wedding, but the person did it during reception and cleared it with bride and groom first.
I started thinking that if I'm pregnant by the time M and I are suppose to go to a wedding later this year, I am telling people either before or after. Likely after as to not steal thunder.
BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS JOHN THINKING!? Sure get swept away, but swept away means talking to your spouse about wedding plans and future plans or being romantic. NOT ANNOUNCE A PREGNANCY DURING THE CEREMONY!!! Good lord ... these people have no manners/etiquette!
He's the best man/officiant so that might be why
"i know you all are getting married, and i'mma about to let you finish, but first I gotta tell everyone that Jane is one of the best pregnant ladies of all time, ONE OF THE BEST PREGGOS OF ALL TIME, so i'm gonna ask her to marry me!"
I feel so bad for the LW and her H!!! I can't even. At the reception (unless okay'ed by the bridal couple) would have been bad enough. But in the middle of the ceremony?!?! WTF?!?! Sorrynotsorry, that would be a friendship ending move for me. I don't care how "moved" the BM was.
And not a "let the friendship naturally die away" friendship ending move. It would be a serious convo of, "You largely ruined our wedding with your crap stunt. I don't know what you were thinking, but we can never have the moments of our ceremony back. My curse to you is that you'll think of us when you are up at the altar with FI. That you'll think about what it would feel like to suddenly have a supposed close friend blurt out a proposal to his g/f and announce her pregnancy...right in the middle of your ceremony. What you did cannot be forgiven or forgotten and we want nothing more to do with you."
I also find it appalling that, presumably without discussing it with his g/f first, the BM announced their pregnancy to a huge group of people. That's a very sensitive subject. What if she wasn't ready to announce it to the world? I'd be worlds of pissed off if I were the g/f. Both for that and for ruining my friend's wedding.
ma'am, you are a thinker!
I had a friend (J) years ago who had a bridesmaid that was crazy, laser-focused on getting married. I don't think the role of "groom" especially mattered, lol. She told J a few weeks before the wedding, "OMG! Wouldn't it be amazing if B/F proposed to me at your reception!" J told her, "NO! NO! That is NOT happening. You better make sure that isn't happening. I'm warning you."
I know it was something J was worried about after that convo. However, she did not need to fear. That BM's b/f never did propose to her. Nor did her next victim guy.
Full disclosure, that woman was my (then) b/f's ex-g/f. She was an enormous bitch to me, every chance she got. So there was obviously no love lost, lol! She also tried to get J to tell my b/f that he was not allowed to bring me to the wedding. J shut that idea down also.
And the friends think he should just get over it? Hell to the no. That's beyond rude. I'm with whoever said this was a friendship ending move.
I'm on team end the friendship and tell them why, and complain to the vendors. I'd demand some of my money back for the video because they didn't get their money's worth. The LW doesn't say whether the band acquiesced to the request for a dance for Jane and John, but if they did, I'd write them poor reviews.
During the reception, with clearance of bride and groom, just fine IMO, but that - NOPE! Friendship ending move...
They can't change the past and they can't get a redo. I can completely get on board with this being an issue with the friendship but they need to move beyond it as an issue in their lives. In the grand scheme of things they got married and had a wedding and they're happy and healthy. So hopefully this isn't something that creates an angry attitude all the time.
Buuuut when it comes to the friendship I'd wait until I was truly calm and would be rather clear with why I'm irritated and why that wasn't the time. If they showed no regret for their actions I'd wash my hands of that friendship.
And absolutely I'd be upset with my vendors who opted to showcase something other than what they were hired to do. I'd look at breach of contract to see if there were ways that portions of the payment could be refunded.
And you know she'd never get that apology, because the kind of person who is delusional enough to propose/announce a pregnancy LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF OFFICIATING A WEDDING is going to call her a Bridezilla
"My husband has joked that he’ll resume his friendship when John and Jane give him a $40,000 check for “their half of the wedding.” "
As in, the entire wedding cost $80k? I mean, it isn't about the money... But it is, on some level. Because their paid vendors focused on people who didn't pay them or hire them. The event this couple financed and planned was hijacked by someone who they had considered to be a friend. This person made a conscious decision to do what he did, and he did so at the literal expense of his friends.
It doesn't really matter how much their wedding cost, at all, because any amount of money spent on a non-refundable event like this that doesn't happen for any reason (and I'd argue that this didn't, especially if she couldn't hear her husband's vows or their own ceremony over the newly betrothed), is definitely a point of contention. Not to everyone, but it would be for me and this would make it that much harder to just "let go."
Q. Wedding Year: Our local news station in Philadelphia posted the actual videofor the dolt who proposed to his pregnant girlfriend at his best friend’s wedding. I was hoping the letter was a hoax but evidently it wasn’t.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/06/dear_prudence_i_work_and_do_all_of_the_parenting.html
Sorry for the false alarm!