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Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Fiancé wants friend I’ve never met as BM
Just wondering if anyone has been in this situation. My fiancé and I have been together almost 4 years, and since we’ve both been long removed from our hometowns, I never met his childhood best friend that still lives in the area. I’ve met his family and some other friends plenty of times before and have had opportunities to meet this particular friend, but the plans never worked out (ALWAYS because of him). My fiancé is pretty set on him being the BM and I’m not gonna protest because that’s his choice, but is it weird to basically have a complete stranger in my wedding party?? I’m also concerned that at the end of the day, my fiancé will be disappointed with this choice because I feel like if he was truly a good friend the potential BM would’ve made an effort to meet the person (me) he’ll be spending the rest of his life with. And for reference, my fiancé has met all my bridesmaids and has had a chance to form relationships with each of them. I sincerely trust my fiancé’s judgment, but at the end of the day I’m really kinda nervous to have a stranger be part of my wedding party.
Re: Fiancé wants friend I’ve never met as BM
He's a grown man, he can invite who he wants to be his BM. You say you trust his judgment, but then you say that he's going to be disappointed because you somehow have more insight into this friendship than he does. You get no say in his side of the WP. You're being overbearing and condescending to your FI here and you need to stop.
It's possible your FI will regret asking this person to be his BM but, unless something huge happens, it would only be a mild regret if anything. I don't see that being a big deal either. Everything for a wedding seems super important in the midst of planning. But, once the big day arrives, it's usually just happiness and then later on, pleasant memories. Your FI will probably be fine with his BM choice. But, even if he isn't, it's not something he'll dwell on.
FWIW, I was a bridesmaid in a close friend's wedding, but had not met her FI until the rehearsal dinner because I live a plane's ride away from them. I didn't think it was weird and didn't get the impression that anyone else did either. My meeting him was a mutual, excited feeling of "Yay! It's so nice to finally meet you!"
This isn't a situation for you to manage. You're making something where nothing exists.
And people don't spend much time and energy later in life regretting who they chose for their wedding party, as momentous a choice as that may seem now.