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The verdict is that you need to make a decision and be OK with it.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence, 

What is the verdict on unvaccinated families and the holidays? We are visiting my in-laws for the holidays. They are vaccinated (yay!) and their daughter and her family are vaccinated (yay!), but their son’s family is not. Last year, we absolutely refused to spend the holidays with the unvaccinated family members due to our own kids being under 5 and ineligible for vaccines. Now our kids are vaccinated, but I am still uncomfortable knowingly spending time with unvaccinated people. Plus, we are trying for a baby and are experiencing secondary infertility so our doctor recommended continued mask use in offices, enclosed public spaces, etc. Should we “create drama” by wearing masks and social distancing from the unvaccinated family members? Refuse again? Or what? If I am being uncompromising, I’d like to tell them I still don’t feel comfortable (and I am not sure I ever will—this family knowingly endangered others, including Grandma who is undergoing cancer treatment. It is so hard for me to not view them as deeply selfish). Generally, I am respectful of other people’s choices even if I vehemently disagree, but this is still a wrench for me.

—How Do We Live in This Post-COVID World?

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Re: The verdict is that you need to make a decision and be OK with it.

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    You make the decision for what you’re okay with and then do that. Are you okay being in a space with unvaccinated people? 

    Just because other people are comfortable doesn’t mean you have to be. However- as much as you’d like to- you can’t force them to be vaccinated and clearly other family members are fine(or at least tolerant) of that choice. It sucks but that’s what it is. So you have to decide for yourself what you’re okay with and do that. 
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    Unvaccinated people can spread the virus too. I think her entire family knows how she feels. It's no secret, so she should go, wear her mask and eat her food in the bedroom. 


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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    If my doctor tells me to wear a mask and socially distance, I will do everything in my power to protect my health.  Including not going to a holiday event where I know unvaccinated people will be.

    The LW and her family should plan to have their own Thanksgiving.  And invite Grandma.
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    Ha. Star, I hear ya.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    If you know where someone stands on covid and vaccines, then you have to decide what you're going to do about it. They're not asking for you to host him and his family, but you can't tell them not to have him.  

    You don't need to 'create drama' with a mask.  If they ask about you wearing one, you can explain you've continued to mask on the advice of your doctor and you wear one indoors most places.  They still may feel you're wearing it 'at' them, but you can't regulate their feelings just like they can't with yours.  

    Also, this is your partner's family.  What do they want to do?  Do they want to see their family? Are they open to visiting another day when brother isn't there?  What's important to them?  You're not the only decision-maker here. 

    One thing you may have to do if you are going to continue being part of this family and having to spend time with them, is building a bridge and get past some of the bitterness and judgment you have for people who choose differently than you.  They will view you as 'creating drama' if you always have an attitude or chip on your shoulder.  Neutrality is a good goal. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    You're going to have to figure out where you stand both now and in the future.  If you have a child that's too young to be vaccinated what will your stance be? 

    Do not bring other family members into it.  Just make decisions for yourself and ask your physician what he recommends.   
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    Honestly, I wouldn't go if someone wasn't vaxxed. I'm tired of covid and want it to end, but I also am doing to safe things.

    Personally, unvaxxed people need to know they'll miss things due to their decisions.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    short+sassy said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    Honestly, I wouldn't go if someone wasn't vaxxed. I'm tired of covid and want it to end, but I also am doing to safe things.

    Personally, unvaxxed people need to know they'll miss things due to their decisions.
    This is one of the reasons my coworker got her COVID vaccine.  She wasn't a conspiracy theorist or anything like that.  She felt people more at risk should get the vaccine but didn't trust how new it was.  She felt their risk of COVID was greater than a potential problem with the vaccine but she didn't feel that way for herself and wanted to wait until it was more proven.

    Everyone else in her family was vaccinated, except for her niece and nephew because they were too young (at the time).  Her brother nicely told her that, while he wasn't making any judgments, she couldn't see his kids unless they were all masked, it was outside, and she was sitting at least 6' away from them.  He also wouldn't go to indoor family events if she was going to be there.

    That made her feel like a jerk and she missed her niece and nephew, so she got the vaccine.
    That's interesting.

    The opposite happened for us.   We told BIL and SIL that because all our kids were too young to be vaccinated we were happy to have their kids at our house masked with a babysitter while all of us were at MIL and FIL's party.  BIL responded that he respected the rules of our home but all his kids have unique, special medical exemptions from wearing masks as signed by their pediatrician so they'd find a sitter in a different place. 

    Interestingly enough, those same 3 kids wore masks as required by the FAA and Disney a few months later...
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    short+sassy said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    Honestly, I wouldn't go if someone wasn't vaxxed. I'm tired of covid and want it to end, but I also am doing to safe things.

    Personally, unvaxxed people need to know they'll miss things due to their decisions.
    This is one of the reasons my coworker got her COVID vaccine.  She wasn't a conspiracy theorist or anything like that.  She felt people more at risk should get the vaccine but didn't trust how new it was.  She felt their risk of COVID was greater than a potential problem with the vaccine but she didn't feel that way for herself and wanted to wait until it was more proven.

    Everyone else in her family was vaccinated, except for her niece and nephew because they were too young (at the time).  Her brother nicely told her that, while he wasn't making any judgments, she couldn't see his kids unless they were all masked, it was outside, and she was sitting at least 6' away from them.  He also wouldn't go to indoor family events if she was going to be there.

    That made her feel like a jerk and she missed her niece and nephew, so she got the vaccine.
    My mum's boyfriend's daughter was same. Everyone was vaxxed but she held of for awhile.
    She knew that if she went over - she was outside because BK wasn't allowed yet and my granny is high risk issue.

    She did eventually get it
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