Prudie Day

ei34 · January 2024

How's everyone? @charlotte989875 How are you guys all doing? @climbingsingle and @MissKittyDanger how have you guys been lately?

ei34 · January 2024

And my own prudie-esque nonsense- definitely reminding exH of his access to the kids when he's off his deathbed (eye roll). He can have them every Tues and Thurs from school dismissal til 7pm, with the understanding that he gets them to their activities, feeds them dinner, and gets their homework done, which he doesn't want to do. He can also have every other weekend but hasn't been taking that time either, and I'd like for the kids to see him consistently. He doesn't want to parent. If the kids didn't care I wouldn't but I know that they miss him. I could go to my lawyer and force his hand but I'm tired of paying legal fees. But last night was definitely the last time I drove them an hour round trip so they could see him for five minutes, on a school night.

short+sassy · January 2024

@ei34, ugh! It's like your ex has no consideration for anybody else, including his own kids. Was he a more involved father in the earlier days, when things were better? And not just playing with the kids, but the responsibilities also (pick-ups, making dinner, etc.). Don't answer if I'm being too nosy! I was just curious if this has always been his pattern.

Not much going on for me. I'm dragging because I didn't get enough sleep the last two night in a row. But I still made myself exercise last night, so I'm proud of that. It should at least be a good work day. I have a nice amount of work to do to keep me occupied, but nothing stressful.

Kids apparently haven't gone back to school yet in my area. No school buses and traffic was gloriously pretty light.

banana468 · January 2024

@ei34 good for you! From what I gathered previously he wasn't an 'effort dad' with an expectation that others around him would get the work done right? Unfortunately for him, that lack of attitude change and effort is why he's the ex-H and no longer the current H.

Eventually your kids are going to see this. They won't be too old before they start to put things together.

banana468 · January 2024

SSDD for the most part. It's crunch time for Chiquita with her school play next week. We had a bit of a CTJ talk last night when I found that all the applesauce cups I'd been giving her were accumulating in her lunch bag with bags of Doritos surrounding them.

I feel for her I really do - but she's not a 13 yo that can abandon her diet like a normal 13 yo. It absolutely isn't fair but she knows how she'll pay the price. So she has a job this weekend to find the foods that she will eat that help. Plus next week is going to be so taxing she has to keep up her immune system.

mrsconn23 · January 2024

It's so frustrating to have such a sucky co-parent, @ei34. Ugh. Hold on to hope the kids will understand sooner than later that he's the one preventing him from seeing them.

Oh no @banana468, I'm so sorry that Chiquita is struggling with food. It's so hard because she knows, but impulse control in a 13 year old is also not a thing.

The kiddo and his gf? (IDK, not sure, but not going to be derogatory either) dropped in last night. Apparently they want to have a 'gender reveal' party next weekend at our house. Supposedly DH and the kiddo talked about it on NYE (which, AYFKM), but last night was the first I'd heard of it. When they left, I was like, "Hi, when was I going to be looped in?" I'm still coming down from having a lot people in my house for 2 weeks, still not resolved in my feelings about this whole situation anyway, and honestly, I fucking hate these things and think these kids have far more to worry about than this stupid party (which was abundantly clear in the convo we had with them last night). DH and I got a little heated for a few, but we worked it out. Ugh...I hate feelings, especially when I'm having 6-10 all at once. Anyway...I feel like I'm gonna have a few Prudie letters that comes out of this experience. LOL

Anyway, work is SSDD for the most part. Prudie coming up.

banana468 · January 2024

I loathe gender reveal parties most of the time anyway. And it sort of rubs me the wrong way to have a big party like this which has its own expense when you could be just telling people and doing what you can to be prepared for parenting. I feel like gender reveals are the extensions of how the wedding industry got so extra but in no way actually helped prepare humans for lifetime partnership.

CharmedPam · January 2024

I’m probably in the minority here, but I like gender reveals. I like the idea of mixing a shower and gender reveal too, if it’s not over the top.

@banana468 sorry she’s having these issues. Is it just not eating the food(s) she doesn’t like - or not eating at all?
@ei34, was the Tue/Thurs every other weekend in your divorce decree? It would suck to have to go back to a lawyer to re-instate what you already did!

STARMOON44 · January 2024

New parents who are still basically children don’t need money wasted on a party for this!

short+sassy · January 2024

banana468 said:

SSDD for the most part. It's crunch time for Chiquita with her school play next week. We had a bit of a CTJ talk last night when I found that all the applesauce cups I'd been giving her were accumulating in her lunch bag with bags of Doritos surrounding them.

I feel for her I really do - but she's not a 13 yo that can abandon her diet like a normal 13 yo. It absolutely isn't fair but she knows how she'll pay the price. So she has a job this weekend to find the foods that she will eat that help. Plus next week is going to be so taxing she has to keep up her immune system.

I wish I had words of wisdom about diet and food since I've had similar struggles my whole life, but I really don't. Other than to say I have a lot of sympathy for both of you. It's that seesaw of knowing she is going through a hard time and don't want to jump on her, but at the same time you have to say something because it is for her own good.

It's hard even as an adult to have to follow a fairly strict diet and pretty much avoid entire groups of food. But I know it's even harder for a kid who just wants to live carefree and eat like their friends do.

Is there an online support group/forum for kids her age with similar medical conditions? That could be really helpful to see she isn't alone. Or if not one for her age group, even ones for her medical condition would probably help and have real world advice for better managing things.

I know for myself, I have learned FAR more tips and tricks for managing T1 diabetes than what I've learned from articles and doctors. As well as it's just a good place to vent for people who know exactly what the struggles are and what it's like.

banana468 · January 2024

@CharmedPam she's eating what she shouldn't. I've been getting texts today saying that she's all cramped up and wants to go to the nurse. She hates that she can't eat what the friends do but she pays for it when she doesn't stick to the right stuff.

short+sassy · January 2024

CharmedPam said:

I’m probably in the minority here, but I like gender reveals. I like the idea of mixing a shower and gender reveal too, if it’s not over the top.
@banana468 sorry she’s having these issues. Is it just not eating the food(s) she doesn’t like - or not eating at all?
@ei34, was the Tue/Thurs every other weekend in your divorce decree? It would suck to have to go back to a lawyer to re-instate what you already did!

This is where I am. The idea of baby showers already exist. I think it's fun to have a gender reveal with the baby shower, if that's what the expecting parents want to do.

But I think gender reveal parties are often their own party. And the baby shower is a separate party that comes later.

That's too much. I mean, hey. Throw a party for whatever reason. But not if you're financially strapped yourself or expect someone else to pay for it.

MissKittyDanger · January 2024

Back from holidays!

I got strep over holidays, so love that for me.
Yes - for those tracking - this is 2nd time in 8 months. I'm likely getting referral for ENT because even dr says it's too much.
I don't have tonsils, so that's also now a bigger red flag. {i know they can grow back, but i had them out at 4yrs old - something would have been seen by now}

Anyways, despite being sick, holidays were okay.
BK is old enough that M & I could rest and she'd be up solo for a bit {M was fighting a cold and i'm pretty sure he now has sinus infection}

2024 we're trying to order less by meal planning and adding stipulation of "if you order, you move money IMMEDIATELY" basically treating it as if paying debit instead of credit.

It'll help deter us from ordering ideally.

Gotta stock up on cold stuff again because we went through a bunch with M being sick.

STARMOON44 · January 2024

@MissKittyDanger my best “don’t order” tip is to always have a frozen pizza in the freezer. If I’ve got that, I can make dinner!

short+sassy · January 2024

STARMOON44 said:

@MissKittyDanger my best “don’t order” tip is to always have a frozen pizza in the freezer. If I’ve got that, I can make dinner!

Not only frozen pizza. But there are a lot of great freezer options for "open the bag, throw it in a frying pan".

charlotte989875 · January 2024

My mom is coming up this afternoon so I can nap. 4-4.5 non-consecutive hours is starting to feel rough! H is trying to put the nursery together so we can actually have somewhere to put this kid!

mrsconn23 · January 2024

@MissKittyDanger, I meal plan as I make my grocery list. It helps me ensure I get everything we need for dinners and cuts down on us doing takeout. I also build in a day (usually Thurs) for leftover night. And we keep frozen pizza or some other quick frozen meal on hand in case something goes sideways. Last night we did Costco Orange Chicken because I was D-O-N-E with cooking.

VarunaTT · January 2024

I don't mind a good party, BUT...I like it when people call them genital reveals b/c it cracks me up and reminds everyone that gender shouldn't matter, we should just be excited for a new life. I like that it doesn't come with the pressure of presents like a shower does and it celebrates both parents, not just the uterus bearing parent. I don't like when they go super overboard with it and end up starting fires or some sort of obnoxiously expensive thing...just get a cake and go with it.

I'm trying not to be frustrated with myself. I've been sleeping in until 7 again. I also feel like I've actually been tired and that's why I'm sleeping in, so I'm trying to figure out the why behind that. I've moved my goal back to getting up at 6 am, until that's easy again.

Otherwise SSDD. Going to dinner with my mother tonight b/c she's going out of town this weekend. I'm proud of her; she hasn't been away overnight in years probably b/c of dad's health and some of her own health issues. I told her that she was allowed to call me and I'd come pick her up, no questions asked, but please don't make me drive to the boonies to get her. This is definitely her stretching out of her comfort zone and trying to establish a life for herself apart from dad.

MissKittyDanger · January 2024

STARMOON44 said:

@MissKittyDanger my best “don’t order” tip is to always have a frozen pizza in the freezer. If I’ve got that, I can make dinner!

i specifically have some things - like popcorn chicken, etc - for that reason. We're often just at low capacity energy wise and feels easier.

Also i've made a list of meals - so i know to pull stuff out or have M throw something in as i'm heading home.
Clearer answers for all!

MissKittyDanger · January 2024

mrsconn23 said:

@MissKittyDanger, I meal plan as I make my grocery list. It helps me ensure I get everything we need for dinners and cuts down on us doing takeout. I also build in a day (usually Thurs) for leftover night. And we keep frozen pizza or some other quick frozen meal on hand in case something goes sideways. Last night we did Costco Orange Chicken because I was D-O-N-E with cooking.

That's what i did before but we realized often we'd buy stuff with zero plan - i'm buying stuffed chicken because it's easy but when is it being made?
With what?
It felt vague

mrsconn23 · January 2024

MissKittyDanger said:

mrsconn23 said:

@MissKittyDanger, I meal plan as I make my grocery list. It helps me ensure I get everything we need for dinners and cuts down on us doing takeout. I also build in a day (usually Thurs) for leftover night. And we keep frozen pizza or some other quick frozen meal on hand in case something goes sideways. Last night we did Costco Orange Chicken because I was D-O-N-E with cooking.

That's what i did before but we realized often we'd buy stuff with zero plan - i'm buying stuffed chicken because it's easy but when is it being made?
With what?
It felt vague

Oh I plan sides and everything on my menu usually. We also keep packaged sides (rice, noodles) and frozen veggies stocked just in case I didn't plan a specific side. I also make a lot of stuff like pork fried rice or a broccoli chicken casserole that are one-dish meals so I don't need to worry about sides.

charlotte989875 · January 2024

mrsconn23 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

mrsconn23 said:

@MissKittyDanger, I meal plan as I make my grocery list. It helps me ensure I get everything we need for dinners and cuts down on us doing takeout. I also build in a day (usually Thurs) for leftover night. And we keep frozen pizza or some other quick frozen meal on hand in case something goes sideways. Last night we did Costco Orange Chicken because I was D-O-N-E with cooking.

That's what i did before but we realized often we'd buy stuff with zero plan - i'm buying stuffed chicken because it's easy but when is it being made?
With what?
It felt vague

Oh I plan sides and everything on my menu usually. We also keep packaged sides (rice, noodles) and frozen veggies stocked just in case I didn't plan a specific side. I also make a lot of stuff like pork fried rice or a broccoli chicken casserole that are one-dish meals so I don't need to worry about sides.

Thai is is what we do; we keep frozen zucchini fries and broccoli tots, or steamable rice all the time so we always have a last minute side.

levioosa · January 2024

I personally hate gender reveals. For me the only thing that matters is that parent and baby are safe, healthy, and loved. I’ve seen terrible things from loss late in pregnancy to a friend who had her husband leave her at the ultrasound and she had to Uber herself home because the genitals didn’t match what he wanted. Fuck that noise. Sex is no guarantee of gender or preferences. I was a “tomboy” until later in life. My brother loved playing with dolls and getting dressed up in my ballerina outfits. Neither of us are straight but we are cis. So yeah, I hate gender reveals and all of the societal pressure put on children from the time they are literal fetuses. All someone should want is a happy healthy and loved baby and safe delivery and recovery for parent.

I’m back at work and am 😭😭😭 about it. Break was mostly good. H and I did have a pretty good fight when I got triggered very obviously about something related to my career and I realized that man, I really am unhappy in primary care. Eight more months until I can leave but I am going to start researching options now so I can tailor training or growth into whatever I choose in the meantime. My brother also came home unexpectedly so that wasn’t great news. But otherwise it was nice to just be at home for a little while. I know I’m burned out because it was pretty much ten days of slugging around and I just barely started to feel some recovery at the end. We also got solar which H has been hyperfixating on for like…five years. lol. I also went through my makeup drawer on break and did some good work on throwing things out and organizing. My drawer is getting lighter each time but I like getting to the place where I know what works and what I like. And I’m trying not to overbuy because I don’t need three different foundations. One is totally fine. Maybe a tint for lighter coverage days but I’m holding out on buying that until I’ve used up other things.

@mrsconn23 good vibes to you guys. I know it’s a lot to handle

@charlotte989875 I hope you can get some good sleep soon. I’m glad to hear J is doing okay. I hope you continue to have a speedy recovery too.

@banana468 hugs for you and Chiquita. Being a teen is hard enough without having an autoimmune condition that is food dependent.

mrsconn23 · January 2024

Throwing out make-up is so cathartic for me. I'm so bad about hoarding it, especially when I go a long time in between wearing it.

I'm glad you're focusing on a plan to GTFO @levioosa. That definitely helps situations not feel so never-ending.

Casadena · January 2024

I'm still catching up from being out for a couple weeks! @charlotte989875 congratulations on baby J!!! He's adorable and i'm so glad that you and your dr took your symptoms seriously and everyone is ok.

@ei34 I hate for you that ExH is still being such D. I'm so impressed that you keep your cool enough to go out of your way for your kids, it's got to be so hard.

@banana468 good luck with Chiquita - it's such a hard condition to manage and being 13 just amplifies it socially. Hoping she can figure out some things.

ETA @mrsconn23 - whoa i just saw the news about kiddo and "gf". Hope it turns out to be a positive for them both and they can step up while you guys provide a normal level of grandparent support. Doesn't sound like that will likely be the case. I'm also on team "gender reveals are dumb and no one cares but the parents".

Casadena · January 2024

We had a pretty nice holiday! I worked from home the week before Christmas - we did our family christmas, then a day at IL's, then a week at my parents with my sister home too. It's a lot of running and we're going to space things out a bit next year to give the kids a little chill time now that they're getting more interested and invested in the gifts they get. We did get out a little when we were in IA and visited 2 farms (one for equipment and one for animals), children's museum, lots of outside time and rides on my dad's little utility vehicle.

H is at a crossroads with job stuff atm. He started a masters certificate program in the fall and had applied for a couple jobs that would be good "in between" jobs from what he's doing now and what he wants to do. One moved really quickly and he's super excited about the team/description/benefits and got an offer really fast. Bad news is there's no wiggle room on salary (it would be about 60% of his current salary, and 5% bonus compared to ~30% on a higher salary) and he JUST hit his one year mark with his company and is eligible for FMLA. He's heading into busy time at current job and doesn't think he can realistically handle class during that time. BUT this all happened faster than we expected and if he leaves before March he's walking away from a VERY significant bonus (like, this bonus would be more than half of his annual salary at the offered job).

We're both really torn. He's honestly miserable at his current job, but FMLA access is huge in our situation and takes a little pressure of me/my job and being the one to always step away. The money is a factor obviously, but we'd be ok on the new salary, especially if he's expecting to move up/on as he finishes classes. He's also been struggling with depression for awhile and thinks this new job would relieve a lot of stress. We're just kind of stuck.

G starts another steroid/heavy chemo week next week and N is back at school today finally after a rough bout of strep. Hoping for healthier vibes the next few months!

short+sassy · January 2024

@Casadena, oof! That's a lot of bonus to leave on the table for taking a much lower paying job. But I also understand that having a soul-sucking job can destroy mental health. People spend so much time at work, it's important to not be miserable there.

If he decides to stay at his current job to keep the bonus, I'd at least have a discussion with the job offer company. That he won't be available until March X, but really likes (insert reasons) about the company/role/team and would like to reach back out at that time.

Not the best foot forward. But there isn't much to lose if he'd be turning the job down otherwise.

Something like this worked for a former coworker of mine. She was looking to move to New Orleans, but was a few months out from that. They needed someone right away, so they didn't make her a job offer. I was the one who got that job instead, lol!

But she reached back out to them when she arrived in town. It's possible they asked her to, I can't remember. Because work was exploding and although they didn't need two people at the time I got hired, it was already on their radar they might need a 2nd person in the future.

She was hired right away. I don't think they even interviewed anybody else.

short+sassy · January 2024

Yay! I just realized I'm not very sore from the workout I did yesterday.

The first time I did it, I was very sore for two days. I was worried while doing it that their warm-ups and cool downs were chintzy and too short. So last night, I did my own warm-up and cool down separately from the program. It paid off and my body is thanking me!

charlotte989875 · January 2024

Ugh @Casadena that sucks. Can he negotiate a signing bonus that would make up for some of what he’s loosing? On the FMLA piece can he negotiate that and/or extra PTO/ time off?

After working HR adjacent in a large company I’m learning there are all kinds of exceptions companies will make.

levioosa · January 2024

@Casadena feel free to disregard my two cents in what I know is an impossible decision (and also we don’t have children let alone a very sick child), but H put off looking for jobs way too long. He was miserable, depressed, and it got so bad he was having multiple panic attacks every day. He’s now on leave and temporary disability while he tries to recover, but it’s extra hard because had he moved on sooner, he’d have extra reserves, less anxiety, and would be less stressed. Now we’re still worried about money, he’s making 60% of his pay (and could be 0% soon), and he’s mentally decimated. He’s still trying to work on his master’s too. I brought up having him leave earlier but I didn’t truly want to go to a single income while he looked. Now I wish I had told him to quit a year ago when it really started ramping up. On the other hand, often the issues that were there previously are still going to rear their ugly head up some way or another. So another job may be super helpful, but if there are underlying issues that weren’t dealt with either via meds, therapy or both, you could be in a situation where you are financially more strained, and where the depression and anxiety returns. It’s one of those shitty situations where there’s not really a right or wrong answer. *hugs* I agree with charlotte too on negotiating fmla or other pto options that they may budge on over outright salary. Or could he go negotiate with his current company?

ei34 · January 2024

Ugh all the vibes @banana468 that's so hard (for both of you!) I can vouch that many teens eat like crap during the school day (no judgement, I did too) and chiquita just wants to fit in, of course. She's had a heck of a year (and you too).

That's hard @Casadena! Especially since the FMLA is so important to you guys. I'm glad he's making some small movements but ugh really hard! Vibes your way as well @levioosa with all the work nonsense.

ExH was never SuperDad but was at his most helpful when the kids were babies...less so as toddlers, and was hands off by the time they were preschool age. Since moving out a year and a half ago, he's really fallen off. Yesterday was one of his days, the Thursday lineup is the girls have piano and cello at 4, and all three have swim team from 6-7:30. And fit in dinner and homework too. And, yeah, he isn't doing that. So just won't take his parenting time. Which fine but absolutely don't complain to me about not seeing them.

Prudie Day

Re: Prudie Day

Choose Another Board

Search Boards