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Totally freaking out. What on earth are we going to do?!
Okay, I need someone to calm me. I'm literally freaking out here. Yesterday we were informed that we have to move. It's a looooong story that maybe I'll get more into later. Short version: we were renting from a friend of FFIL's and there's been some sort of disagreement in the community about a zoning law (I'm confused by it all) and we have to be out in 15 DAYS. I am a mess. I feel like I gave up everything to move down here with him - a great job, all my friends and family, the only place I've ever known and now we're faced with having to find somewhere new AGAIN, and I still haven't heard a word about my job. Last night we pretty much sat in silence - I cried most of the evening because I'm just so stressed out over everything.
Also, the place we've been renting came almost fully furnished - which means, on top of having to pay for rent, security deposit (most likely), we'll also have to buy almost all new furniture. Which I have a feeling is going to have to come out of the money we had in savings for the wedding. Now I'm sitting here thinking - will there even be a wedding? He hasn't said anything at all about it - I'm sure because he's just trying to figure out what we're going to do, but it's definitely on my mind. The minister just called and left me a message yesterday about the date and I don't even know what to tell him at this point.
Also, FI said something about maybe we should move back up to Missouri, that I had a great job there (that I could get back in a heartbeat) and he could easily find something new there. I just don't know what to do or say at this point... And, not to mention this is all FFIL's fault - this whole thing could have prevented and now he just acts like he doesn't give two shits about what we're going to do...
I should have waited til today to have my "before 11 AM drink"!!
Also, the place we've been renting came almost fully furnished - which means, on top of having to pay for rent, security deposit (most likely), we'll also have to buy almost all new furniture. Which I have a feeling is going to have to come out of the money we had in savings for the wedding. Now I'm sitting here thinking - will there even be a wedding? He hasn't said anything at all about it - I'm sure because he's just trying to figure out what we're going to do, but it's definitely on my mind. The minister just called and left me a message yesterday about the date and I don't even know what to tell him at this point.
Also, FI said something about maybe we should move back up to Missouri, that I had a great job there (that I could get back in a heartbeat) and he could easily find something new there. I just don't know what to do or say at this point... And, not to mention this is all FFIL's fault - this whole thing could have prevented and now he just acts like he doesn't give two shits about what we're going to do...
I should have waited til today to have my "before 11 AM drink"!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Totally freaking out. What on earth are we going to do?!
Also, I guess I was just kind of looking forward to this fresh start down here. I was finally starting to feel like I was getting settled and now I don't know what's going to happen.
FI suggested I e-mail this job down here and tell them "Either give me an exact start date or I'm going to be going back to Missouri". I just don't know what to do at this point...
I don't know if I'm making any sense at all...my head is spinning..
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
Moving Related:
1. Do you WANT to move back to Missouri?
1. Does he have an easily transferrable career?
Wedding Related:
1. Would you consider pushing back your elopement to save up some more?
2. Or would you consider a more local elopement plan that would be less expensive?
You have a few things that are working FOR you:
1. Because you aren't tied into a career, you are flexible - this is good!
2. You don't need to worry about taking time off to pack and move because you're still searching. Maybe you could put that on hold for another week or 2 to move?
You guys need to decide:
1. Do you want to move to Missouri or is it a rash response?
2. Are you guys willing to postpone your wedding or JOP it?
Honestly, if it was me, I would stay in LA. I would get my butt on Craig's List and look for apartments STAT and spend all week checking them out. I would start packing up boxes. I would call the minister and tell him what's going on and you'll have to get back to him. I would put off job searching for the next 2 weeks.
And as for furniture, you can live without some things for a little while. And you're in the height of yard sale season, so hopefully you can strike a few deals.
[QUOTE] Honestly, if it was me, I would stay in LA. I would get my butt on Craig's List and look for apartments STAT and spend all week checking them out. I would start packing up boxes. I would call the minister and tell him what's going on and you'll have to get back to him. I would put off job searching for the next 2 weeks. And as for furniture, you can leave without some things for a little while. And you're in the height of yard sale season, so hopefully you can strike a few deals.
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]
<div>Ditto all this!</div>
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
I guess first off you and need to decide where you want to live and then look for somewhere to live in that location.
I guess I don't have much advice to give. I will try to send some good vibes your way though!
Good luck!
Things like this only make your relationship stringer , if you can get through this together and the uphill challneges facing you , then through the easier times it will be that much more enjoyable for yoy both. Try to look at all your options , I am sorry you are dealing with all this , if we can help let us know. *hugs*
Well, as far as moving to Missouri. It's not something I really, really want to do. It has it's pros and cons I guess. Pros - I'd get to be back in my comfortable environment and see my friends that I miss dearly. Cons - I've always dreamed of moving away and starting over, and really thought this was my chance to do such a thing. Plus, I thought it would be great for FI & I to be away from everyone and living our own life.
As far as the wedding, I was really looking forward to all of our amazing plans in Colorado and felt like it would be such a memorable experience for our wedding, but yes I am willing to either push it back or do something smaller and more local. In the end, all that matters is that I'm married to FI; but there's another part of me that feels like this is our ONLY wedding and I feel like we both deserve to have what we want.
Thanks tafft - I feel bad because I was REALLY freaking out last night - like to the point where I couldn't even have a rational conversation with FI. After I slept it off and woke up this morning, I told him how sorry I was and that I knew we'd get through this together and that I didn't care where we lived, as long as it was TOGETHER. You're right though - this will definitely make us stronger.
[QUOTE] As far as the wedding, I was really looking forward to all of our amazing plans in Colorado and felt like it would be such a memorable experience for our wedding, but yes I am willing to either push it back or do something smaller and more local. In the end, all that matters is that I'm married to FI; but there's another part of me that feels like this is our ONLY wedding and I feel like we both deserve to have what we want.
Posted by Soon2BMrsJeter[/QUOTE]
I COMPLETELY understand , I JUST went through this when we both decided we would go to Lake Tahoe in August. This is where FI and I talked about it over and over , making sure it is what we both wanted and wanted to be sure each other was truly happy that this was still our wedding and nothing can change that. It's never easy when life throws you curveballs you aren't expecting , but you have the right outlook on things already. You both do deserve to have what you want , and pushing it back dosen't change that , just gives you more time to ensure this is the best choice for you both. I'm here for you if you need me <3
I'm glad you and FI were able to completely agree on what you're doing - I actually think eloping to Lake Tahoe sounds AMAZING. I've always wanted to go there.
It sounds to me like you don't want to move to Missouri. Also, that moving expense would be more $$$ than moving around town.
I'm sure you two will find the strength to approach it all rationally, despite the tumultous nature of it all. Deal with one aspect at a time, thankfully you truly have each other to lean on in a more significant way than before. This is the stuff life is made of, and you are fortunate to be able to weather it together rather than alone.
Advice for moving: find a realtor - they do rentals as well as purchase, and when I moved down to Miami, a realtor took me to see 30 places in 2 days. Amazing! I gave her a list of our requirements (dishwasher, W/D, 2 bed, 1.5+ bath, within this area of town, etc.) and a price cap (no more than $X/month) and she took me to see ONLY places that fit those requirements. Amazing! We absolutely love our place, and all our friends who found their own places are amazed that we found something so great, in such a great location, with all the ameneties, at such a low price. YAY for realtors!
It can be done, and quickly! UHaul has a service on their website where you can find movers at a cheap rate who can do hourly - also Craigslist often has free boxes you can pick up from people who have just moved. Or really cheap!
Also, there's a ton of renters rights. Check with a lawyer if you know one, or bluff and tell the landlord that he has to cover your moving costs because of the breaking of the lease. That's if you signed a lease - if you didn't, go after FFIL for screwing you over.
baje - Thanks... you're right...I'm very thankful that we do have each other... That's what matters.
catmeg - I don't know if I'd call this exciting at all. Now, relocating and moving down here was scary yet exciting, but being told we have 2 weeks to find a new place... and with me not having a job...it's just plain scary and stressful.
We're actually both very upset with FFIL. He is handling this in such a way that's making me feel like he is totally looking out for himself and that's it. I mean, the only reason FI moved down here in the first place is to be near his dad because his health wasn't all that great, and now he's treating us like this... Ugh!
Kat made some pretty awesome points. Hugs and good lucks are all I can give
I write down a list of questions and the 2 of you should sit down and answer them. Do NOT allow yourselves to freak out. Just say "yes" or "no". It sounds like you are both totally overwhelmed because you've opened up every option to yourselves. Elminate what you don't want, and make a plan together.
It sounds like you are more overwhemled (understandable!) than in actual trouble. It seems like your wedding isn't tied into this other than added stress. So I would forget about it for now and go on as planned.
If your FI enjoys his job, he should stay there. Focus ONLY on finding a new place. One you're there worry about what furniture you'll NEED. You'll be surprised how stuff appears on the side of the road when you most need it.
Moral of the story: It will all work out. : )
Now, Craigslist is a good place to start. Drive around town looking for apartment complexes and stop in to ask about prices and availability. You will find somewhere to go.
As for furniture, it's not as bad as it sounds in your head. When I moved in with FI, we had a pull-out couch from the 70's to sleep on... and it was BROKEN. He had one computer desk and chair, an old TV, and some crates that the TV sat on. We ate dinner on the bed.
When we got rid of the VERY broken couch/bed, we bought an air mattress to sleep on. It was under $100. It worked for a few months while we scraped up enough money to buy a real bed. You could also get a futon easily and for not much money.
Look at furniture on Craigslist. You don't need EVERYTHING right away. You need something to sleep on first. Then maybe a table or desk. Then maybe some chairs. Then a couch. One thing at a time. Prioritize.
We still don't have a real dining room table. We survived.
One step at a time. Find a place to go. Figure out what you need. You're going to be okay.
Jeana - You're the best - thank you for making me feel better. It seems so much easier when I think about it the way you put it. We actually have a bed, well a mattress but would have to buy a frame. Oh, and we have a tv. So yeah..we'd definitely need some sort of couch and I guess the rest we'll get when we can.
Kat is completely right. Don't worry about the wedding right now. Focus on the move. You will be stunned at what you DON'T have to buy. I personally have stuff that I was given when I moved. Remember, you don't NEED curtains, you don't NEED a HDTV. Talk to your job prospect, let them know what is happening.
Breath! You will figure out what is best. In the mean time, breath.
You need to get on the phone with Melissa ASAP. It's time to go over people's heads.
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
I just wanted to say try to relax. Everything will work out. At the very least, this is great opportunity for you and your FI to work through some pretty big decisions together. Once you get through these next few weeks, your relationship will be that much stronger.
When I was about 14, I took my mattress off of my gorgeous canopy frame and moved it into a different room and just put it on the floor. I slept with the mattress on the floor until last year when I found a frame I liked at IKEA. I want to say it was regularly $70 for a twin but it was in the as is room for $23..HOT DOG!!
Take your time with furniture. Lawn chairs can work for now. Like PP said, garage sale time is in full swing and I'm sure you'll be able to find something cheap.