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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Is it completely rude of me to do this?
Our wedding is going to be at 5 in the evening, with a buffet-style "sandwich" reception afterward (meat & cheese trays w/ buns & crackers, fruit platter, chips, etc.)
My grandma told me that since it's an evening affair, it's completely rude of me to not offer an open bar, or at the very least buy enough beer for everyone.
"Everyone" equals around 125 people (not all of whom are old enough to drink, but still). I hadn't planned on any alcohol; my fiance doesn't drink and I rarely do (I'll have the occasional mixed drink on New Year's Eve with my family, but that's about it), so we didn't see a need - we're not even toasting with champagne.
My mom said it'd be fine to just tell anyone who asks if there'll be alcohol it's "bring your own beer", because alcohol is going to add a decent amount of money to the cost. Is she right, or is my grandma right that I'm going to offend a lot of people by not providing them with alcohol?
My grandma told me that since it's an evening affair, it's completely rude of me to not offer an open bar, or at the very least buy enough beer for everyone.
"Everyone" equals around 125 people (not all of whom are old enough to drink, but still). I hadn't planned on any alcohol; my fiance doesn't drink and I rarely do (I'll have the occasional mixed drink on New Year's Eve with my family, but that's about it), so we didn't see a need - we're not even toasting with champagne.
My mom said it'd be fine to just tell anyone who asks if there'll be alcohol it's "bring your own beer", because alcohol is going to add a decent amount of money to the cost. Is she right, or is my grandma right that I'm going to offend a lot of people by not providing them with alcohol?
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Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE]Our wedding is going to be at 5 in the evening, with a buffet-style "sandwich" reception afterward (meat & cheese trays w/ buns & crackers, fruit platter, chips, etc.) My grandma told me that since it's an evening affair, it's completely rude of me to not offer an open bar, or at the very least buy enough beer for everyone. "Everyone" equals around 125 people (not all of whom are old enough to drink, but still). I hadn't planned on any alcohol; my fiance doesn't drink and I rarely do (I'll have the occasional mixed drink on New Year's Eve with my family, but that's about it), so we didn't see a need - we're not even toasting with champagne. <strong>My mom said it'd be fine to just tell anyone who asks if there'll be alcohol it's "bring your own beer", </strong>because alcohol is going to add a decent amount of money to the cost. Is she right, or is my grandma right that I'm going to offend a lot of people by not providing them with alcohol?
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]
THIS is rude. It's not rude to have a dry wedding (people will get over it). Can you maybe swing just cheap wine from Trader Joe's?
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As far as my family goes...there is no "some" or "a little" lol. Once they start many of them will drink quite a bit.
2011-2012 Races
10/29/11 LA RockNRoll Min Half (5K) 42:58
12/4/11 Vegas RockNRoll Half 3:14:53
1/7/12 WDW Half 3:13:42
1/15/12 RnR AZ 2:55:27 (PR!!)
1/29/12 Tinkerbell 1/2 3:22:37 (To many picture stops!lol)
Me:32 DH:33
IFV w/ DE Only Option (On Hold For Now)
Don't people do that very thing with potluck weddings though, to keep costs down?
[QUOTE]"You wouldn't ask them to bring their own grilled chicken" Don't people do that very thing with potluck weddings though, to keep costs down?
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]
Aaaaand they're tacky. My sister had a potluck wedding, and it was awful. There wasn't enough food for everyone and people (including me!) bailed early because there was nothing to eat.
[QUOTE]Oh my lord. Don't do BYOB. Frankly, I think it's worse to serve them sandwiches for an evening reception than it is to not give them drinks. Drinking after eating a sandwich only is just asking for trouble.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
I didn't realize anyone would find that bad. Hmm. What would you suggest serving for an evening reception?
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this? : I didn't realize anyone would find that bad. Hmm. What would you suggest serving for an evening reception?
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]
Look, as long as there's enough food for everyone to eat, it's fine. Alcohol is not required, but I really wouldn't make it a BYOB. If sandwhiches is the only thing you can afford, then so be it. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. There are all kinds of different weddings. Just make sure there is enough for everyone.
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[QUOTE]Don't people do that very thing with potluck weddings though, to keep costs down?
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]
<div>I don't care how much money you don't have...you should NEVER have a potluck wedding. It's the epitome of bad manners. </div>
Isn't that the point of BYOB though? I'm not "making" anyone pay for anything with that, they are buying it if they want to bring it, and if they don't want it then they don't buy it. Perhaps I am missing something
As far as having it earlier - I have talked to my aunt (the one who's house it'll be at) and that's the time she thinks is best, so that is the time I'm having it. She's gracious enough to let me use her home this way, I will let her have that.
Can you do picnic with chicken and bbq or something? I just think it should be more substantial for evening.
I agree a cute picnic could go over well without adding very much money at all.
[QUOTE]"Alcohol is not required, but you shouldn't make your guests pay for it if you choose to not pay for it." <strong>Isn't that the point of BYOB though? I'm not "making" anyone pay for anything with that, they are buying it if they want to bring it, and if they don't want it then they don't buy it. Perhaps I am missing something :( </strong>As far as having it earlier - I have talked to my aunt (the one who's house it'll be at) and that's the time she thinks is best, so that is the time I'm having it. She's gracious enough to let me use her home this way, I will let her have that.
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]
BYOB is so.... college party. Not wedding. Aren't there rules about drunk driving and if it was at a house party, then the person holding the party can be held responsible? Hence why venues and bars have insurance and rules about this?
As a guest, I'd rather go to a dry wedding than have to worry about stopping at the nearest store to pick up some booze.
[QUOTE]I agree it's different. It just came across as a little harsh and I didn't want her to feel awful. I had some try to make me feel bad about my wedding, but I did the best I could with what I could afford. I agree a cute picnic could go over well without adding very much money at all.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]
Well, I was stating fact. Sandwiches at 5? Eh.
Don't throw that "did the best with what I could afford" crap with me. I did the whole thing for under $5000, so it's not like I'm talking about my $30000 wedding here.
I have never heard of anyone serving sandwiches and chips at a wedding reception. It is suppose to be a wedding reception not a picnic.
[QUOTE]"Alcohol is not required, but you shouldn't make your guests pay for it if you choose to not pay for it." Isn't that the point of BYOB though? I'm not "making" anyone pay for anything with that, they are buying it if they want to bring it, and if they don't want it then they don't buy it. Perhaps I am missing something :( As far as having it earlier - I have talked to my aunt (the one who's house it'll be at) and that's the time she thinks is best, so that is the time I'm having it. She's gracious enough to let me use her home this way, I will let her have that.
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]
It creates a schism, whether you intend to or not. First, they DO have to pay for their own alcohol - picking up a sixer on the way to your wedding requires money. Second, the guests who don't spend money on the BYOB alcohol might WANT to drink, but they didn't want to BYOB - so they don't get to drink at the wedding, but other people do. What about OOT guests? Are they supposed to find their way to a liquor store prior to the wedding if they want to drink? It just seems like a bad idea. Especially since alcohol is such that people won't bring enough for everyone else. Other people are likely not going to want to provide all the drinks at your wedding if YOU don't want to provide the drinks at your wedding.
But if you have a Trader Joes, I'd look into getting a case of Charles Shaw. It's about $25/case (12 bottles).
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Thank you louisvillebride: I am finding some of these responses harsher than I'd imagined lol, but I don't spend a lot of time on forums so I'm sure that's why.
I only don't want to do a "BBQ" (meaning where food would have to be cooked) because I don't want to spend my entire reception chained to the grill cooking enough food for everyone, I'd rather spend it talking and having fun with them.
[QUOTE] I recently went to a wedding that was dry, music/dancing-free, and featured only cold sandwiches and sides, and everyone who'd traveled for hours was PISSED that that's all we got for our trouble.
Posted by I Want Cake[/QUOTE]
<div>OMG were we at the same wedding??</div><div>My husband and a couple friends and I ended up leaving after like an hour and a half.</div>
How many people are we talking here, OP?
And I would honestly revisit the time-of-day situation with your aunt. Even if it was at 3 or 4, sandwiches would fly better. 5 and later is dinner time.