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Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

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Re: Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

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    annakviedannakvied
    First Comment
    I honestly think it depends on the elegance of your event. If you are having a black tie affair with all the bells and whistles you need to follow the proper etiquette:  double envelope, proper addressing (with formal names), ect.

    If you are like me and having a smaller event with just close friends, family, and coworkers, but don't want kids because you are afraid the party might get too rowdy I see NOTHING wrong with stating that on the invite. I'm also not having a cocktail hour, seeing my man before I walk down the isle, plan on having more than a few drinks, and serving finger foods.... so elegance and "proper" isn't want I'm looking for.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    syeljohnson said:
    At the same time, I will not be offended or upset with any parent who opts not to attend my wedding because they CAN'T bring their children. 
    Just be prepared for those special parents that will ignore the "Adults Only" line and still include their little one's on the RSVP.  That "Adults Only" line is not a magical fix that will make everyone not include additional people on their RSVP.

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    MRandMRSDemshockMRandMRSDemshock
    First Comment
    edited September 2013

     

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    nicoleolsonnicoleolson
    First Comment
    We placed a "adult only reception" on our website and the RSVP # on the invitations. This did the job because I did not have to deal with anyone bringing their children or trying to RSVP. I do not think it is rude at all. 
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    annieandal33annieandal33
    First Comment
    edited September 2013
    I recently had to deal with this.  I had a two friends send me a message via Facebook (after having received our invitation) asking whether their children were invited.  Nowhere on the invitation did we state "no kids" but the outer envelope was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. ______.  The inner envelope  had the parents names only.  It was still unclear, however, to these two couples. I simply replied and told them that the wedding is adults only and that, while we love their children, we hope they will understand.  I also said that we hope they will attend and that we look forward to celebrating with them.  Neither of them batted an eye.  They actually said they looked forward to having a night away from the kids and both replied as attending.  Hopefully your friends will be as understanding.  Best of luck to you.
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    elena&scottelena&scott member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I've seen plenty of wedding invitations that  say "no children under the age of (insert age here) please" or "adult only wedding & reception", things of that nature. I don't find it rude at all! It's your special day & the more people you have there (including children), the more money it will cost you. If people are too sensitive to be understanding of that, then that's too bad!
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    uraqt332uraqt332 member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    Proper etiquette states that you address an invitation to specific people and only those people are invited. But let's face it, some people just don't know any better.

    I will not have any children at my wedding. When I send out my invitations, I'm already prepared for certain people to try and invite their entire family, friends, cousins and neighbors. It's already happening with my engagement party. It makes me mad, but then I think about it. I only know because my mother told me a long time ago. Not everyone has got a mother like me :-)

    I think it turns into a rude act if you call them and let them know, and they still try to show up with the whole crew. Good luck with that one!

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    steff4watssteff4wats
    First Comment
    We didn't want any kids at our wedding either, so all we stated on the save the dates and the invites is "unless otherwise stated, this is an adult's only event"
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    paulim01paulim01
    First Comment
    I had the same issue with my invites, I simply wrote "please leave the little ones at home and get ready to party". Trust me they got it and actually welcomed having a night away from their kids. if they call to ask if they can, we simply said sorry, adults only.
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    moonpowdermoonpowder member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I think it's fair to write in small prints something like:

    ''Due to seating constraint, we are limiting the invitation to those named in the invitation, no seat are available for a extra person (A date, children, friend, parent etc) that is not named on the invitation. Thank you to respect the invitation. ''

    This way, you are not rude to anyone, you are not stating that kids are not allowed, you are reinforcing that you need to be on the invite to be...Invited!

    You can double check with the parents by calling them to do a follow up and ask if they got a babysitter.

    If they ask why no children: Setting, seating, money and/or an other couple kids are just monsters ''At X birthday party the elder peed his pants because of excitement...And he's 9...True story!''

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    11chicago1111chicago11 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    I found a way to actually put the number of seats reserved on my RSVP.

    It may be rude (some say) but I cannot have people not invited come and definately no children.  Here is what I said (this also helps if you are not giving someone a plus one). 

    "Due to the intimate nature of our event, we hajust ve reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor." 

    so I am just going to write in the number.  I put a large M and then left space for me to write in the person or persons names that are invited.  Below Respectfully Decline or Joyfully Accept. 

    I actually also but on the bottom of the invite Adults Only Please.  I hope no one gets upset but I think it would be worst if I had to turn away someone with a child.

    Our event and space is just not set up for Kids.  So I thought better to be obvious then not say it at all. 

    I don't understand, why is it rude??  I am asking that you come to an event that we are paying for and organizing.  

    I agree with Jen.  I know it maybe hard to get a sitter, but come sans kids or please decline. 

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    moonpowder said:
    I think it's fair to write in small prints something like:

    ''Due to seating constraint, we are limiting the invitation to those named in the invitation, no seat are available for a extra person (A date, children, friend, parent etc) that is not named on the invitation. Thank you to respect the invitation. ''

    This way, you are not rude to anyone, you are not stating that kids are not allowed, you are reinforcing that you need to be on the invite to be...Invited!

    You can double check with the parents by calling them to do a follow up and ask if they got a babysitter.

    If they ask why no children: Setting, seating, money and/or an other couple kids are just monsters ''At X birthday party the elder peed his pants because of excitement...And he's 9...True story!''

    But that is rude.  By writing that you are basically telling your guests that they are stupid and need a detailed statement for them to realize that only the people on the invitation are invited. Please don't assume your guests are dumb or make it seem that way because they aren't and those that will include other people will do it with or without the included statement.

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    bonchancebonchance
    First Comment

    I had this same problem come up. Between having an evening wedding on Miami Beach and the estimated extra 20 people that having kids allowed would involve we decided on a wedding with no kids.

    I did two things.

    1.) get support. I called my mom and explained why the no kids policy and made sure she was on board. Then we called my future mother-in-law and did the same. We figured they would be the springboards for complaints about the policy and if things got out of hand they'd be able to help us gauge on what changes, if any, to make.

    2.) On the save the date cards I put " Formal Adults Only Event". On the wedding website we have a short note that says something like "hey its Miami Beach we want you to let loose and have fun with us. Please leave the kids at home".

    The reception is going to be from 8pm-midnite. Most responsible parents would also have realized on their own that bringing small children would mean they'd be tired and cranky and need to be put to bed anyway.

    Last tip, avoid making the policy about money. You don't want the response to be "oh I can pay for my kid(s)". Your wedding is not a club where a person can just flash the dollars and get in.

    I agree its nicer to say what is allowed rather than what is not allowed or who is not invited.

    Best of luck!

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    DanielleHermanDanielleHerman member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
     
    banana468 said:
    It's the overall mentality that is present.   "But I don't need to do the CORRECT thing!   I need to do the EASIER thing!   I can't please everyone and in the end, I only care that my FI and I are happy because it's OUR DAY SQUEEE!!"
    We are slowly morphing into a society where people think it's actually OK to be rude to others because doing the right thing takes more work.    
    Bah. 

    I don't think it is easier to be rude..but who decided for everyone that writing "Adults Only" on an invite was completely rude and unacceptable? (An honest question)
    What you think is rude and what other people think is rude is always going to be different. I think it's rude when a person sneezes and they don't reply or I hold the door and the person doesn't say thank you. But that is just me the other person may find it acceptable. So I think it is going a tad too far too represent for our whole society on the decision of whether writing "Adults Only" on an invitation is acceptable or not.

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    @DanielleHerman - ok take the rude part or unacceptable part out of it.  You probably consider yourself an intelligent, competent adult, correct?  Well most of your guests probably feel the same way about themselves and telling them in a note or a short statement who is not invited when the names of the people who are invited on the envelope could be perceived as you thinking they are dumb and can't put two and two together.  It would be like telling someone you have to take your shoes off to go through the metal detectors at the airport.  95% of the people know this and the few who don't are then politely told when they get ready to walk through.

    Yes there will be those parents who think that their child should be invited everyone and that you must have made an oversight by not including them on the invitation so they RSVP for 3 rather then 2, but they are the one's that are being rude.  No note, not statement or whatever will stop them from thinking that.

    So how about you don't include a note that makes your guests feel like idiots and just deal with the small few that think their child is the queen or king of the universe and should be invited everywhere when you get their RSVP in the mail.

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    allisonrichman23allisonrichman23
    First Comment First Anniversary
    kis9585 said:
    I wrote Adult Only Reception on my info cards and I was told by many people they loved the idea. I still got a call asking if my cousin's daughter could come. Even though I sent her an invitation to the kids' party down the hall. I don't care if anyone thought I was rude. I don't understand why everyone cares so much about what everyone thinks.
    I TOTALLY AGREE!! Everyone here that's like "that's so rude." Honestly I think a phone call would be more rude. I think a letter stating that would be great (maybe a little better than putting it on the actual invite) but honestly either way is fine. I think the same thing. It's my wedding if people don't like what I'm having/who I'm inviting then don't come! I am allowing children but I only addressed the invite to Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith and many many people responded with their children. I am pretty sure most people assume the whole family is invited even if it only says Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith
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    slroszkowskislroszkowski
    First Comment
    edited September 2013
    We're saving a lot of money on our wedding by having a private ceremony and a small reception guest list. This way, we can have a luxurious venue, an emotionally manageable party, and a very "us" event. I politely asked for the guests' understanding on the RSVP cards, and I know not everyone is going to be happy about this. Some people will think it's the epitome of rudeness. However, I don't have the ability or sanity to hold individual conversations with everyone if they bring along extra people for whom we haven't allocated funds.  (I don't even own a phone.)  I figured being clear about it from the get go will avoid a lot of headaches and drama. Having a small guest list instead of the typically-sized guest list will make a difference of tens of thousands of dollars. If people are offended by that, they don't have to come to our wedding.  Not everyone is going to be happy, and that's just the way it has to be.  So far, I have the support of several of my friends, so I don't think it's going to be that big of an issue.

    (I would also like to add that I'm schizophrenic, my fiance also has mental illnesses, and he's paying for the wedding all by himself.  Our wedding cannot be entirely restricted by etiquette or snooty people biting their thumbs at us.  Instead, it must be dictated by what we're psychologically and financially able to do.)
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    Fink15Fink15
    First Comment
    At my brothers wedding, even though they did not put the children's names on the invitations, couples still brought their kids anyway, so I would think of a more direct way to say it.
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