Registering and Gifts

Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

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Re: Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
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    dbugaboo said:
    I disagree that asking for money is tacky. Most everyone coming to your wedding knows you have been together for 10 years, and lived together that long. My fiance and I are the same. So, my friend found this website for us. It's a list of poems that are cute, and basically tell your guests, in a fun, polite way, that you really have everything you need. We are going to print our poem on card stock and send it with our invitations. Here is the site, if you are interested. 
    image
    image



    Anniversary
    jenna8984
  • Tesskorb said:
    How ironic that those who so adamantly claim it is tacky to have a honeymoon registry have written about it in the most ill-mannered way. I hope people choose to research past wedding etiquette and learn how to speak (type) persuasively, intelligently, and still kindly.
    We have made many, many (countless!) intelligent arguments on the subject. People still continue to not listen. It is extremely frustrating to have one's excellent and logical points continually ignored in favor of "OMG it'z yurrr dayyy!!!!"
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • dbugaboo said:
    I disagree that asking for money is tacky. Most everyone coming to your wedding knows you have been together for 10 years, and lived together that long. My fiance and I are the same. So, my friend found this website for us. It's a list of poems that are cute, and basically tell your guests, in a fun, polite way, that you really have everything you need. We are going to print our poem on card stock and send it with our invitations. Here is the site, if you are interested. 
    image
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    chibiyui
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    Umm, I got married late in my 30's.   We owned a condo already.  We lived a 1800 mile plane ride away from 90% of our guest list.   Yet without having to embarrass myself by asking for money 90% of our guests gave us money on their own.   No fees to pay or anything.   


    We had to pay for our HM months in advance, so I'm not sure what good the a honeyfund would have been for as anyway.  Most of the money was given to us at the wedding which was way after the final payment were due.  









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    dbugaboo said:
    I disagree that asking for money is tacky. Most everyone coming to your wedding knows you have been together for 10 years, and lived together that long. My fiance and I are the same. So, my friend found this website for us. It's a list of poems that are cute, and basically tell your guests, in a fun, polite way, that you really have everything you need. We are going to print our poem on card stock and send it with our invitations. Here is the site, if you are interested. 
    As per my somewhat paranoid/conspiracy rant on The Tech Help Button thread, this is EXACTLY the first thread, cliched, copy and pasted hot topic button I was talking about.  The mockery of the "put it in a poem and it works" verbage is particularly curious.  Although the gifs it inspires amuses me greatly.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    dbugaboo said:
    I disagree that asking for money is tacky. Most everyone coming to your wedding knows you have been together for 10 years, and lived together that long. My fiance and I are the same. So, my friend found this website for us. It's a list of poems that are cute, and basically tell your guests, in a fun, polite way, that you really have everything you need. We are going to print our poem on card stock and send it with our invitations. Here is the site, if you are interested. 
    You've got to be freakin' kidding me.  Does anyone have any common sense anymore? 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • dbugaboo said:
    I disagree that asking for money is tacky. Most everyone coming to your wedding knows you have been together for 10 years, and lived together that long. My fiance and I are the same. So, my friend found this website for us. It's a list of poems that are cute, and basically tell your guests, in a fun, polite way, that you really have everything you need. We are going to print our poem on card stock and send it with our invitations. Here is the site, if you are interested. 
    Gag as I toss invitation in the trash! 

    Why do people insist on insulting their guests by thinking they are too stupid to figure out that cash is an appreciated gift and know how to give it without being prompted by some silly, childish poem.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
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    dbugaboo said:
    I disagree that asking for money is tacky. Most everyone coming to your wedding knows you have been together for 10 years, and lived together that long. My fiance and I are the same. So, my friend found this website for us. It's a list of poems that are cute, and basically tell your guests, in a fun, polite way, that you really have everything you need. We are going to print our poem on card stock and send it with our invitations. Here is the site, if you are interested. 

    image



    PrettyGirlLost
  • I don't think it is anymore tacky than having a cash bar or the "apron" dance
  • vkgoldie said:
    I don't think it is anymore tacky than having a cash bar or the "apron" dance
    Because those things are also supremely tacky. I have never heard of an 'apron dance,' but I would guess it is exactly like the dollar dances I had also never heard about until TK. Why the hell would you think it's okay for your guests to open their wallets at an event you're hosting?
    image
    NYCBruinPrettyGirlLost
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    dbugaboo said:
    I disagree that asking for money is tacky. Most everyone coming to your wedding knows you have been together for 10 years, and lived together that long. My fiance and I are the same. So, my friend found this website for us. It's a list of poems that are cute, and basically tell your guests, in a fun, polite way, that you really have everything you need. We are going to print our poem on card stock and send it with our invitations. Here is the site, if you are interested. 
    Well, I mean, as long as there is a cute poem its okay, right? :::facepalm:::
    BabyFruit Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • vkgoldie said:
    I don't think it is anymore tacky than having a cash bar or the "apron" dance
    They are ALL tacky. You don't ask for cash in any form. You don't disguise a tacky request with a "cute" poem. You don't disguise your request for cash using a HM or other cash registry. You certainly don't ask your guests to open their wallet at your wedding to buy a drink or throw cash at the bride. Think people, THINK!
  • Tacky means Distasteful or offensive. If someone is getting offended because you asked for a dolphin excursion on your honeymoon and/or towels for your house that is their problem. A gift is a gift. A registry is a suggestion of what the bride and groom are wanting. Anyone who thinks it is distasteful is being judgmental.

    They might as well criticize the color of the towels you asked for as well! 
    Ms2MrsVineyashley82488
  • I have been to 8 weddings in the past year alone, and half of them had some form of house fund or honeymoon fund as part of their registry. I loved having this option because I feel awkward handing someone cash or a check for a small amount which is all I could afford (especially with that many weddings all coming at once). Some of the couple wrote detailed thank you notes talking about how they did what we paid for on the honeymoon registry and even sent pictures to us. I thought this was really wonderful and felt much more personal and meaningful to them and to me in terms of the gift giving. I think not registering for anything is a little risky; however, because you will likley get a lot of things for your home that you do not want. Some people refuse to give money, so you should give them a chance to buy you something you like in addition to having the honeymoon fund. Think fresh towels and bedsheets or serveware-- all of which you can never have too much!
    Ms2MrsViney
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
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    I have been to 8 weddings in the past year alone, and half of them had some form of house fund or honeymoon fund as part of their registry. I loved having this option because I feel awkward handing someone cash or a check for a small amount which is all I could afford (especially with that many weddings all coming at once). Some of the couple wrote detailed thank you notes talking about how they did what we paid for on the honeymoon registry and even sent pictures to us. I thought this was really wonderful and felt much more personal and meaningful to them and to me in terms of the gift giving. I think not registering for anything is a little risky; however, because you will likley get a lot of things for your home that you do not want. Some people refuse to give money, so you should give them a chance to buy you something you like in addition to having the honeymoon fund. Think fresh towels and bedsheets or serveware-- all of which you can never have too much!

    I too, feel awkward giving only twenty or thirty bucks at a wedding, which is why I always buy off a registry. (And 20-30 bucks is all I could afford at those times.)

    I would still feel really fucking awkward giving 20 bucks minus a 5.5% transaction fee.
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    lyndausviphotokittyMaggie0829RebeccaB88
  • This thread is a monster.

     

    Ok.  I personally know my crowd, and know most of them are going to give us money for the wedding anyway.  I of course registered for shower gifts because it is absolutely not acceptable to receive money (even on a HM registry) as a shower gift.  showers are about opening physical gifts.  So unless you are not having a shower, you need to at least have a small physical gift registry.  PLEASE DO NOT HAVE A SHOWER WITH ONLY A HM REGISTRY.  Please.  Nothing is more boring (and inappropriate) than watching a bride open up envelopes full of cash.

     

    No one "deserves" a HM, no matter what else they have had to spend money on this year.  Please do not book a non-refundable HM that you couldn't pay for yourself, IN CASH, when you leave.  You can't count on getting wedding gifts or money.  What if everyone ignores the honeyfund and just buys you physical gifts?  Starting your marriage wh thousands of dollars of debt just so that you could take a cool vacation is a terrible idea.  Please use common sense when booking your trip.

     

    That having been said, my main issue with HM registries is that it's lies.  I sign up to buy you a $100 dinner on the beach, you get a check for $93, and you never actually have the dinner - you've lied to me about what my gift to you was.  HOWEVER, while i believe this type of registry is rude, i am at least moderately comfortable with the registries set up through your travel agent, where people can call and actually buy you things that you will definitely be doing, fee free.  It may not be 100% etiquette-acceptable, but I think at least you're not lying to your guests, so I can get around it.  I call the travel agent and tell her I want to buy you dinner on the beach, she takes my money and schedules it for you?  That's ok with me personally.

     

    Everyone needs to stop using the "we don't need anything" excuse for using a HM registry.  FI and i have been together for 9 years, living together for 7, and we definitely need things.  We are 31 years old and both have excellent jobs.  We could buy whatever housewares we want at any time...but we just don't.  Who wants to go towel shopping?  Surely there are SOME THINGS you could use around the house.  We have a full registry set up for shower gifts.

    chibiyuiPrettyGirlLostcupcait927
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I have been to 8 weddings in the past year alone, and half of them had some form of house fund or honeymoon fund as part of their registry. I loved having this option because I feel awkward handing someone cash or a check for a small amount which is all I could afford (especially with that many weddings all coming at once). Some of the couple wrote detailed thank you notes talking about how they did what we paid for on the honeymoon registry and even sent pictures to us. I thought this was really wonderful and felt much more personal and meaningful to them and to me in terms of the gift giving. I think not registering for anything is a little risky; however, because you will likley get a lot of things for your home that you do not want. Some people refuse to give money, so you should give them a chance to buy you something you like in addition to having the honeymoon fund. Think fresh towels and bedsheets or serveware-- all of which you can never have too much!
    If you are uncomfortable offering a small monetary amount, and it is all you can afford, why would you willingly have that small amount shrunk even more with service fees??  You could have written the check yourself, and included a note that said, "We hope you can use this gift to enjoy  lunch with an ocean view at XXX Restaurant", or "Toast yourselves with drinks on us at the XXX Bar while staying in XXX."
    chibiyuiMNVegas
  • Do people not write detailed thank you notes when they receive regular checks?  I've seen a few people mention the ability to write a detailed thank you note when the money is received through a honeyfund but I don't understand what would prevent someone from writing a detailed thank you note for a check?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    jneen101 said:
    Do people not write detailed thank you notes when they receive regular checks?  I've seen a few people mention the ability to write a detailed thank you note when the money is received through a honeyfund but I don't understand what would prevent someone from writing a detailed thank you note for a check?
    Absolutely nothing.  I think those people stating that they receive detailed thank yous is a way to justify having a HM registry.  I know that when I received cash or checks I wrote detailed thank yous to everyone.  I would mention where I planned on using the money (mainly on our new home) or if I used it on the honeymoon (like thanks so much for your lovely gift.  we were able to use it on a romantic dinner on our HM.  The food was absolutely amazing and the view was even better. blah, blah, blah).

  • I'm just gonna put this out there one more time, although I know it'll likely be ignored/negated somehow...

    1) No one should make their guests feel obligated to give ANY gift, monetary or physical; either way is rude. I don't think it's appropriate to write where you're registered on the invitation at all. If they want to know, they can either ask you or go to your website that has the information for those seeking it. Given this, if the person is choosing to give you a gift and wants to find out what you want via your website I don't think it's a terrible thing to have a HM registry if it's free, bringing me to my second point. 

    2) There is a FREE/NO FEE option for the Honeyfund website. This means your guests can decide what part of your HM to contribute to, print out a cute gift certificate and put it with their check in the card they give you. NO MONEY IS TAKEN from you or your guest for the website. From my experience people like to feel that they're contributing to the couple's future in some concrete way, not that the recipients would be any less thankful for the gift. 

    I guess I'm also not sure how it's different to tell an inquiring guest that you're saving for your HM and they consequently write you a check vs. having it on your website as information for those inquiring using that avenue and having the same thing happen... 
    Ms2MrsViney
  • I'm just gonna put this out there one more time, although I know it'll likely be ignored/negated somehow...

    1) No one should make their guests feel obligated to give ANY gift, monetary or physical; either way is rude. I don't think it's appropriate to write where you're registered on the invitation at all. If they want to know, they can either ask you or go to your website that has the information for those seeking it. Given this, if the person is choosing to give you a gift and wants to find out what you want via your website I don't think it's a terrible thing to have a HM registry if it's free, bringing me to my second point. 

    2) There is a FREE/NO FEE option for the Honeyfund website. This means your guests can decide what part of your HM to contribute to, print out a cute gift certificate and put it with their check in the card they give you. NO MONEY IS TAKEN from you or your guest for the website. From my experience people like to feel that they're contributing to the couple's future in some concrete way, not that the recipients would be any less thankful for the gift. 

    I guess I'm also not sure how it's different to tell an inquiring guest that you're saving for your HM and they consequently write you a check vs. having it on your website as information for those inquiring using that avenue and having the same thing happen... 
    But see, they don't need the honeyfund to do that. They don't even need to be told you're saving for a honeymoon to know that money is a good gift. We got lots of checks/cash in cards even though we did register. For that matter, our registries were largely bought up as well. People like giving gifts at weddings and will figure out if you have a registry or not and then go from there. They're not stupid.
    image
    MNVegasPrettyGirlLostchibiyuiAprilH81
  • I'm just gonna put this out there one more time, although I know it'll likely be ignored/negated somehow...

    1) No one should make their guests feel obligated to give ANY gift, monetary or physical; either way is rude. I don't think it's appropriate to write where you're registered on the invitation at all. If they want to know, they can either ask you or go to your website that has the information for those seeking it. Given this, if the person is choosing to give you a gift and wants to find out what you want via your website I don't think it's a terrible thing to have a HM registry if it's free, bringing me to my second point. 

    2) There is a FREE/NO FEE option for the Honeyfund website. This means your guests can decide what part of your HM to contribute to, print out a cute gift certificate and put it with their check in the card they give you. NO MONEY IS TAKEN from you or your guest for the website. From my experience people like to feel that they're contributing to the couple's future in some concrete way, not that the recipients would be any less thankful for the gift. 

    I guess I'm also not sure how it's different to tell an inquiring guest that you're saving for your HM and they consequently write you a check vs. having it on your website as information for those inquiring using that avenue and having the same thing happen... 
    The difference is that in the case where someone ASKS you what you would like for a gift and you respond with "oh we don't really need anything, we are saving up for x, y or z" and you just putting on your website a honeymoon fund is that in the first case someone ASKED you about it and in the second case you just flat out asked for cash without being prompted.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    photokittychibiyuiSKPM
  • NYCBruin said:
    I'm just gonna put this out there one more time, although I know it'll likely be ignored/negated somehow...

    1) No one should make their guests feel obligated to give ANY gift, monetary or physical; either way is rude. I don't think it's appropriate to write where you're registered on the invitation at all. If they want to know, they can either ask you or go to your website that has the information for those seeking it. Given this, if the person is choosing to give you a gift and wants to find out what you want via your website I don't think it's a terrible thing to have a HM registry if it's free, bringing me to my second point. 

    2) There is a FREE/NO FEE option for the Honeyfund website. This means your guests can decide what part of your HM to contribute to, print out a cute gift certificate and put it with their check in the card they give you. NO MONEY IS TAKEN from you or your guest for the website. From my experience people like to feel that they're contributing to the couple's future in some concrete way, not that the recipients would be any less thankful for the gift. 

    I guess I'm also not sure how it's different to tell an inquiring guest that you're saving for your HM and they consequently write you a check vs. having it on your website as information for those inquiring using that avenue and having the same thing happen... 
    The difference is that in the case where someone ASKS you what you would like for a gift and you respond with "oh we don't really need anything, we are saving up for x, y or z" and you just putting on your website a honeymoon fund is that in the first case someone ASKED you about it and in the second case you just flat out asked for cash without being prompted.
    If this is your logic, then should we not have ANY registry information on our website (even for home products we would like)? I guess you're saying anyone with any type of registry information on their website is being rude for putting that on there at all. I assume you just wait for someone to ask you where you're registered then, because otherwise you're a complete hypocrite. We are not ASKING for anything but if someone wants to know, they can either ask us personally or PURPOSEFULLY CLICK on the registry tab where they will find our store registries and our HM registry which is a completely free/no fee website. No one is forcing them to go to that tab if they do not want to consider a gift. I do not have on the main page of our site: PLEASE GIVE US MONEYS! KTHXBYE! The information is there for those who seek it, but it's not forced on anyone. Whether they ask us in person about it or CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE to click on the registry information tab, I do not see the difference. 

    I have put out several completely logical explanations and compromises for this type of issue, but people on the other side of things just refuse to compromise at all on it. I don't understand this type of thinking, and I don't think that kind of "I'm right, and you can never convince me otherwise even if you present a meaningful and logical argument" works very well in real life and especially in a marriage, so good luck with that. 
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