Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

NYCBruin

PDKH said:

chinachanel said:

I think it is completely ridiculous for anyone to say that ANYTHING regarding your wedding is tacky. Who are they to say anything about your wedding? The way I see it, you could do every single cliche "tacky" thing for your wedding, but if that was truly what you wanted to do, then it is perfect and no one should say anything about it. As far as a honeymoon registry goes, I myself am doing one and not registering for gifts. If a guest is going to spend money period, be it an actual item or to help pay for me to kayak in Jamaica, whats the difference? I don't see how it is any tackier to ask for someone to buy you something for your house then to ask for them to help you pay for your honeymoon. And honestly, who really cares. I can say that after spending this much money on a wedding, the last thing I care about is if someone is going to think I am tacky or not. If that was the case, that person probably doesn't belong at your big day anyway. This is YOUR day and you can do whatever the heck you want. Do your honeymoon registry and have the best honeymoon you can!

Because a registry doesn't ask for anything, it suggests your tastes to a guest who wants to give you a gift. A honeymoon registry suggests that people fork over cash to you (and worse yet, it charges you fees for the guests to fork over cash and it completely deceives them about what the cash is for). 

You realize the world doesn't start revolving around you because you are getting married, right?

Are you trying to say that my engagement ring DOESN'T create a huge gravitational pull that puts me in the center of EVERYTHING?  

amalia1020

We are in the same position. Both in our 30s and have everything we need. I'd rather be able to do something fun than get things we don't need. We had friends do this and I thought it was great. They had a smaller wedding and included that they would appreciate donations to their honeymoon fund. Nothing was through a registry so there were no fees. Do people still consider it tackey? I don't at all.

NinaBice

It always amazes me how we humans are so resistant to change, usually as a knee jerk reaction to being pushed from a comfort zone and without really thinking it through. I absolutely respect those who register at traditional places and ask people to give them things to start their lives together. However, me being 30 and my fiancé being 35, we have all of the items we've chosen to purchase for ourselves. I should have the option to not upgrade perfectly wonderful possessions (many with sentimental attachments) and instead ask our loved ones to bless us with memories, without the harsh judgement.

I agree that the honeymoon registries available do charge ridiculous amounts for the service. My man and I have created a website with a PayPal link attached; this allows the loved one to give any amount and we are the only ones charged a fee of any kind (and a minimal one at that). On the website, we've added a thoughtful explanation of our choice to not register traditionally. We explained that what really matters are happy wishes, love and emotional support but if they choose to give, know that it's going toward our bonding and memory making.

Happiest wishes and so much love to you and yours!

NinaBice

Also, we purchased our honeymoon on our own, without worries of stretching finances too thin; it was a choice, not a lack of money management skills.

amalia1020

I think guests shouldn't be so opinionated. They are getting a huge party with free food. People should feel honored they were tought of to be invited. Weddings should express the bride and groom so they can enjoy it. NOT only to make guests happy. I would never judge someone's wedding. Overly opinionated guests are tackey.

fotiadishk

First off, who said giving a present is expected at a wedding, or any other event?  No one is obligated to give a present--they give a present/cash because they want to help celebrate a couple and their future.  When you invite people to your wedding, you invite them to celebrate this new chapter in your life---you don't invite them to get presents/cash.  All those come from the goodness of their hearts.  The whole "you give as much as a plate costs" tactic is ridiculous.  You give something meaningful to the couple, whether cash or a present, and that's that.  I once had a friend that just wanted to invite some rich people to her wedding because she knew she'd get cash from them--she also wanted to write "Cash Preferred" on the invitation.  Needless to say, we're not friends anymore.

Maggie0829

Doesn't PayPal include some sort of fee for using their services?  Either on the guests end or yours?

Look, asking for money will always be rude.  It is not resisting change or being pushed from a comfort zone, it is just that asking for money, especially to fund a vacation, is rude.

And if you and your FI find that you do not need upgrades to anything then don't register.  People know and will most likely give you money for your wedding anyways so why be rude and push a damn "give me money" registry down their throats?

jrbaublitz415

Personally, I wouldn't find it tacky, though I have never been to a wedding where a couple has done this, so I'm not sure how I'd feel about it.  I do know that several of those honeymoon fund websites take a percentage of the money your guests give you, which is why I would not do it.  I also prefer giving my guests the option of what they want to give me so that the gift is more personal.  So I'd probably advise as others have to not do it.  But I have friends who put on their website that they are going to Disney for their honeymoon, and they requested Disney gift cards for them to use on their trip.  I think this is a great idea, and depending where you guys are planning on going, that might be a more appropriate option for you.  Good luck

CarrieSue71

I think there's a lot of haters on here.... If you are someone who is super concerned with etiquette and making everyone else happy before yourself, then listen to these negative nancy's. If you could care less, do what you want. There are certainly better ways of doing it than using a website that charges fees to transfer the cash. We have two store registries and thought about posting a registry with our travel agent. The company we used to book our honeymoon offers a registry so guests can pay towards the honeymoon and the best part is there is no fee. We would not get a check, it pays for the trip we have already booked. But for simplicity we chose to just pay for it for ourselves. The agent's website shows how much is remaining and once the trip is paid for, no more money is accepted. As many people have mentioned, guests are aware that cash is always an awesome gift idea. Our parents also know that since we just built a new house gift cards to Home Depot and Lowe's would be appreciated. So when any extended family calls looking for suggestions they mention that in conversation. A lot of registry information and gift ideas are spread by word of mouth by family. People talk! Tell a few people close to you, so as not to be "tacky" by advertising, and word will spread.

 

Good luck! If at the end of the day you're married to the man you love then everything went perfectly. Don't let anyone tell you different. And even though the world may not revolve around you when planning your wedding, you better believe your wedding does. Make it YOURS not someone else's. And absolutely, do what you want. Have fun with it!

andosfiance

I am doing a Honeymoon Registry through Liberty Travel.  We already have our honeymoon picked out and booked and the final payment is due soon after my shower.  Liberty provides insert cards to include with the shower invites and directs our guests to call our travel agent to give funds towards our honeymoon.  I went back and forth with a few people on this, trying to decide if it was tacky or not, and the general consensus (from a variety of age groups) was to go for it as this is a nice "alternative" gift for those who would normally just buy a gift card or once the registry becomes more limited.  I think that honeymoon registries are becoming a lot more common and as they are, I think they are becoming much more acceptable.  I say go for it and don't listen to anyone who says it's tacky.  Heck - even my gram thought it was a good idea and she's very traditional!

jneen101

I guess maybe this is just regional but everyone I know just knows how to write a check and put it in a card.  Literally no one I know has difficulty doing that.  A honeymoon registry doesn't make that any easier because it's already a really, really easy process.  You just write the check.  So maybe it's regional and people everywhere don't know how to write checks?

Annergirl

Holy cow! Are all the people saying its tacky in their forties or older? Young people can hardly afford to have a wedding, let alone a honeymoon. My fiancé and I are in our early twenties and blessed with good jobs, a nice home with home amenities. We want a few things but not a lot since we are planning to build later on and don't want to move a bunch of stuff. I have quite a few girlfriends who have wedding gifts they never even use or have opened! We are doing a honeymoon registry and are damn glad about it. I could care less if people think it's "tacky" buy us a damn gift then or better yet. Don't come to our wedding! People who love, care, and know us will know we aren't being deceitful, rude, tacky or anything of the sort. If that's what you want to do then do it.

MckaylaLee

mkrourke said:

My fiance and I are doing a honeymoon registry where guests may gift us certificates to be used toward our accommodations or travel. We are going to be consolidating two households (currently living across country from each other) and our wedding is in a state where neither of us currently reside. We were concerned about the logistics of trying to move gifts from the wedding state to our new home state in the midst of this big relocation. We have been very honest with friends and family about the situation and many people have commented on how unique and creative it was to set up a honeymoon registry. (As a side note, our travel agent set up our honeymoon registry personally without using an online site or service. She has been wonderful to work with and sending guests a gift certificate to include in their wedding card to let us know they gifted toward our honeymoon)

Thank you, mkrourke. I am going to look into using AAA as a travel agent and try to set up something through there. I am in the same position (why have guests put money into things we already have? I am not going to ask for top of the line items, which most wedding registeries are based on..). I hope most people will look positively at a honey-moon registery, especially one by a reputable company like AAA. And if I was going to use a site, I go for one where we pay all fees beforehand and gifts can come into us as received. I appreciate this feedback very much.

~MK

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MobKaz

NinaBice said:

It always amazes me how we humans are so resistant to change, usually as a knee jerk reaction to being pushed from a comfort zone and without really thinking it through. I absolutely respect those who register at traditional places and ask people to give them things to start their lives together. However, me being 30 and my fiancé being 35, we have all of the items we've chosen to purchase for ourselves. I should have the option to not upgrade perfectly wonderful possessions (many with sentimental attachments) and instead ask our loved ones to bless us with memories, without the harsh judgement. I agree that the honeymoon registries available do charge ridiculous amounts for the service. My man and I have created a website with a PayPal link attached; this allows the loved one to give any amount and we are the only ones charged a fee of any kind (and a minimal one at that). On the website, we've added a thoughtful explanation of our choice to not register traditionally. We explained that what really matters are happy wishes, love and emotional support but if they choose to give, know that it's going toward our bonding and memory making. Happiest wishes and so much love to you and yours!

NYCBruin

jneen101 said:

I guess maybe this is just regional but everyone I know just knows how to write a check and put it in a card.  Literally no one I know has difficulty doing that.  A honeymoon registry doesn't make that any easier because it's already a really, really easy process.  You just write the check.  So maybe it's regional and people everywhere don't know how to write checks?

mlsilva21

The last 3 weddings I have been to have all had honeymoon registries. I don't find it tacky at all, in fact I would much rather put money towards a cool experience than a blender.

Maggie0829

For everyone thinking that it is okay to have a HM registry, why do you think it is okay to think that your guests should fund your vacation?  Why do you feel like you even deserve a honeymoon?  H and I wanted to go to Maui.  But we bought a house so our savings dropped dramatically making Maui impossible.  Never once did we think "You know what we should do?  Ask our guests to fund our honeymoon.  I mean we deserve one right?  And since we can't afford Maui we may as well have them pay for it for us."  No, we changed our plans and went to Key West.  And if we couldn't have afforded that we would have done something smaller (maybe a day or two away somewhere) and then saved up for a larger vacation later.

nar1982

Wow. Some people on here are really mean! I thought the purpose of The Knot was to give each other kind and uplifting advice? I've had a couple friends do Honeyfund and I never considered it tacky. I haven't decided what to do, but my fiancé and are both in our 30s, good jobs, don't need money and certainly don't need more stuff in our house. Would it be bad to not register anywhere? I honestly wouldn't mind getting no gifts at all. I'm really not sure what to do and I wasn't worried about being considered rude until reading through this message board. Geesh!!

NYCBruin

mlsilva21 said:

The last 3 weddings I have been to have all had honeymoon registries. I don't find it tacky at all, in fact I would much rather put money towards a cool experience than a blender.

Why do you need a honeymoon registry to do this?  Since before I was born (well before honeymoon funds were a thing), my parents have been giving plane tickets as wedding gifts.  

You can also always right on the memo line of a check or in a card "buy yourself a nice dinner on the beach on your honeymoon" or something to that effect.  Since buying through a honeymoon registry doesn't mean that the couple is going to actually "use" the experience you "bought" them, it's exactly the same thing except that they are getting 100% of the money you gave them.

NYCBruin

nar1982 said:

Wow. Some people on here are really mean! I thought the purpose of The Knot was to give each other kind and uplifting advice? I've had a couple friends do Honeyfund and I never considered it tacky. I haven't decided what to do, but my fiancé and are both in our 30s, good jobs, don't need money and certainly don't need more stuff in our house. Would it be bad to not register anywhere? I honestly wouldn't mind getting no gifts at all. I'm really not sure what to do and I wasn't worried about being considered rude until reading through this message board. Geesh!!

There's nothing rude about not registering.  It's always rude to ask for money, no matter how the ask is dressed up.

ljbyrnes04

People are so quick to mark these things as "TACKY! NO QUESTION!" without any thought. There are so many couples (including me and my fiancé) that have been together for so long and don't need much more in our home. We would never insist on people getting us a gift at all, but if they would like to spend money on us in addition to what they're paying to be able to attend then I don't think it's unreasonable to allow them the option to fund your dream honeymoon! The only way this could be tacky is if you're lying and actual use the money for something else. We can definitely afford our own honeymoon, however I think anyone would love to be able to help you have an even better time (better food, more excursions, etc) if possible! You just have to be truthful and tell your guests out-right how it works and whether there are fees associated with giving towards your honeymoon fund. For us, we're using HoneyFund and there is the option of allowing the guest to "purchase" part of the trip, and then they simply write you a check and print out a sort of "gift certificate" for what they would like you to use the money for. The website does not take any percentage of that gift, but if you choose to allow your guests to use their credit card or whatever, then of course there's fees associated with that. It's only if you don't inform your guests of these things that you're being rude/deceitful I think. 

Maggie0829

What does everyone not understand about the whole "If you don't need anything do not register. Your guests will get the hint that you want money and will give you what you want." aspect that has been said over and over again?

jocelynmoye

It is not tacky or wrong to register for a honey fund. It is something new and older people are just not custom to it. Gifts such as appliances are bought from cash and if you already have everything you need then it is being considerate. All my friends prefer to give me cash for our wedding because they would rather see that their gift is actually being used and appreciated and they say it is easier than to go buy a gift. Also most of my family lives in another city so it is easier for them to go to honey find to give us a gift.

michelechantel

Some of these responses are disgusting. It is not 1950 anymore therefore most couples already live together and don't need more CRAP. My fiancé and I have lived together for over 3 years and couldn't possibly fit more into our house. Sure everyone needs towels and sheets which I am happy to buy myself. We are paying for our wedding almost entirely ourselves...being in our late 20's this is a huge feat and we would love nothing more than to have a nice getaway after it all. What better gift than peace and relaxation...there is nothing deceitful about that! That is a memory you will have for the rest of your life whereas the glasses will break and the sheets will get old. Traditions change deal with it people! 

Maggie0829

jocelynmoye said:

It is not tacky or wrong to register for a honey fund. It is something new and older people are just not custom to it. Gifts such as appliances are bought from cash and if you already have everything you need then it is being considerate. All my friends prefer to give me cash for our wedding because they would rather see that their gift is actually being used and appreciated and they say it is easier than to go buy a gift. Also most of my family lives in another city so it is easier for them to go to honey find to give us a gift.

I don't get your logic.

I am 29 so definitely not old.  I guess I just believe asking for money is rude.  And that is exactly what these registries do.

And if you have people who would prefer to give you cash then why the need for the registry?  They already have their preference so they don't need a registry to back that preference up.

And easier to give the gift?  Are you telling me that it is really difficult to write a check, put it in an envelope, slap a stamp on it and place it in a mailbox?

chibiyui

ashley82488 said:

JoanE2012 said:

ashley82488 said:

LinzMariee said:

Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged  ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt.  

I have been in the same position as you. Asked this question and had people attack me. Only difference I got defensive and lets just say it wasn't pretty.

I am in the same position as you. My fiance and I live together and we already have everything that we need. I plan on doing a Honeymoon Registry through Honeyfund as well as registering for a few things at BBB. My parents were supposed to pay for my Honeymoon but that fell through. I didn't budget for the Honeymoon when planning my wedding so I think that doing a Honeymoon Registry is fine.

It's your wedding. Do what you want. I don't suggest taking advice on this topic from people on the Internet.

 

Congratulations & Good Luck with your planning!!

This is a poor excuse.  

The most important rule about money is not to count on it until you have it.  Sorry your parents aren't paying for then honeymoon they said they would, but that isn't a valid reason to create a honeymoon registry.  If you cannot afford it, then save up and take one when you can. 

What if you only get a couple people giving you gifts of money to your honeymoon?  If you don't have the money and still can't go, how is that going to make those people feel who THINK they are giving you a dinner on the beach or whatever.

And the "it's your wedding, do what you want" needs to die.  Once you invite guests, it's not your wedding anymore.

Quite honestly...I can give a flying crap about what you think. IT'S MY WEDDING AND I DO WHAT I WANT & IF I WANT TO GIVE ADVICE I WILL. I think that it is very sensible advice for people who actually live in 2014. Times have changed.

WE NEED A CARTMAN GIF IN HERE STAT.

LollyBeans

Maggie0829 said: What does everyone not understand about the whole "If you don't need anything do not register. Your guests will get the hint that you want money and will give you what you want." aspect that has been said over and over again?
It honestly depends on who you know. I am aware for a fact that if I had not said to my stepmother "I would honestly prefer money to help cover the expenses of the wedding/pay off my student loan/not live in a bachelor apartment/etc" she and all of her family would have bought me 5 blenders, regardless of whether or not I had registered.

Some people are stupid. Some people are stubborn. Some people are stupid and stubborn and they need a bit of nudging.

I think you should maybe take a step back from your computer, and this thread. You've said your piece, you've given your opinion, and that's honestly all that's needed. You're cluttering up this woman's thread with the exact same message over and over and you're getting progressively more insulting with each comment that you make. There's no need to get so angry over it. We get it - you think it's rude. Your opinion has been shared, never fear - you aren't going to convince anyone that 'you're right', though, so why waste your time?

Maggie0829

I'm sorry @LollyBeans and all the people voicing the opposite opinion aren't cluttering up her thread with their thoughts and the same message over and over again? And I get it, you don't think that HM registries are rude so I can say the same thing to you and the rest of the posters that agree with you. And none of you are going to convince me or anyone else who has the same opinion as me that you are right either.  So why are you wasting your time?

chibiyui

Annergirl said:

Holy cow! Are all the people saying its tacky in their forties or older? Young people can hardly afford to have a wedding, let alone a honeymoon. My fiancé and I are in our early twenties and blessed with good jobs, a nice home with home amenities. We want a few things but not a lot since we are planning to build later on and don't want to move a bunch of stuff. I have quite a few girlfriends who have wedding gifts they never even use or have opened! We are doing a honeymoon registry and are damn glad about it. I could care less if people think it's "tacky" buy us a damn gift then or better yet. Don't come to our wedding! People who love, care, and know us will know we aren't being deceitful, rude, tacky or anything of the sort. If that's what you want to do then do it.

I'm 27. I just know its rude to ask for money, and fucking stupid to use a service that charges guests a fee.

misshart00

Do people not understand that Aunt Sally isn't buying you dinner on the beach? She thinks she is, but really, you just get a check for $93. I understand that people want memories instead of physical gifts and I have no problem with it. My problem is Aunt Sally thinks she's buying you a lovely dinner memory, but she's not.