Registering and Gifts

Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged  ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt. :) 

marinakperezashley82488
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Re: Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Honeymoon registries are tacky, don't do it.

    If you want cash, keep your registry small. People will get the hint.
    image



    Anniversary
    marniisgreenLinzMarieePrettyGirlLostUnicorn112
  • Honeymoon fund = super duper tacky.
    marniisgreenLinzMarieeThepettis2014PrettyGirlLost
  • Congratulations on your engagement and welcome to the boards.

    To answer your question, asking for cash even disguised as a HM registry is always inappropriate. 

    Follow PDKH's advice. Happy wedding planning!
    marniisgreenLinzMarieePrettyGirlLost
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    Please don't do the honeyfund.  Outside of being rude, it's deceitful to your guests and wastes money.

    Simply spread the word that you are saving for the honeymoon, home renovations, whatever.  People who are comfortable giving money will put it in an envelope.  No lies, no fees.  People who aren't comfortable giving money will shop at BB&B.
    marniisgreenLinzMarieePrettyGirlLost
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    OP, it really isn't a question at all. HM funds are super tacky. They are deceitful and a 'clever' way to ask for cash.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    marniisgreenLinzMarieePrettyGirlLost
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    What made you think your question was any different than any of the other threads on this board about honeymoon registries?  Your question was answered multiple times there.
    marniisgreen
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    It's tacky! Don't do it! I'm in my 30s and FI is 40. We have more than enough. We're not registering for anything. 

    PrettyGirlLost
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited January 2014
    Gizmo813 said:
    My FI and I are in our 30's and have been living together for 2 years. I've been living on my own for 10 years. We already have a fully furnished apartment, and are trying to save money to buy a house within a year after our wedding. (And we live in NJ, so saving for a down payment for ANYTHING is no small task). 

    I am using Hatch My House registry. We are also doing a small, more traditional registry for upgrades to appliances, serving stuff, towels, etc. Everybody I've mentioned Hatch My House to has very sincerely said that they thought the idea was wonderful. Some friends stumbled upon the fact that we were using it by visiting our website, and they, without prompting, said it was an awesome idea. 

    But, we understand that there are people who do prefer to give an actual gift, and we could use upgrades to a lot of our stuff. Which is why we are also having a small traditional registry and letting our guests decide which, if anything, they would like to do for us.  
    This is the same thing as a honeymoon registry - hidden fees and lies about what the money actually pays for. Do not do this.
    If you want money, don't register or have a very small registry. People will get the hint or ask. If they ask you can say, we are saving for a house or house repairs. 
    EVERYONE knows money is always an appropriate and appreciated gift, you don't have to register for it. Your guests know you want it, don't be rude and tell them.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    chibiyuiLiatris2010
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    Don't do it.

    If you do, a big chunk of the "gifts" will be taken by the HoneyFund for fees.  If you don't register, you can keep all of whatever cash you get without having to fork over a big percentage, and you don't look tacky.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I have to echo PPs.

    It's rude.  It's tacky.  It's a thinly veiled way of asking for money, which is rude and tacky.  Plus, your guests are likely deceived about what they're really giving - they think it's a nice dinner on your honeymoon, you get a check for their amount minus 6 - 10 % in fees.

    I'd be really upset if I gave someone $200 to swim with the dolphins and realized they didn't swim with dolphins and got $180 in a check later. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Gizmo813 said:
    My FI and I are in our 30's and have been living together for 2 years. I've been living on my own for 10 years. We already have a fully furnished apartment, and are trying to save money to buy a house within a year after our wedding. (And we live in NJ, so saving for a down payment for ANYTHING is no small task). 

    I am using Hatch My House registry. We are also doing a small, more traditional registry for upgrades to appliances, serving stuff, towels, etc. Everybody I've mentioned Hatch My House to has very sincerely said that they thought the idea was wonderful. Some friends stumbled upon the fact that we were using it by visiting our website, and they, without prompting, said it was an awesome idea. 

    But, we understand that there are people who do prefer to give an actual gift, and we could use upgrades to a lot of our stuff. Which is why we are also having a small traditional registry and letting our guests decide which, if anything, they would like to do for us.  
    Excuses.

    DH and I are in our mid 30s.  We also live in NJ, in one of the most expensive counties.  We lived together for a year and prior to that I owned a condo for 10 years.  We started saving for our down payment a couple of years ago.  We used our own money and bought a house 6 months after we were married.  We did not ask for any help with the down payment.

    Also, I would never tell anyone their idea was crappy to their face.  Would these people who think it's "wonderful" still feel the same way if they knew the site took a 5.9% fee?  Wouldn't it be smarter to, I dunno......just write a check directly to the couple?  Everyone knows cash is well received.  
    chibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged  ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt. :) 

    I have been in the same position as you. Asked this question and had people attack me. Only difference I got defensive and lets just say it wasn't pretty.

    I am in the same position as you. My fiance and I live together and we already have everything that we need. I plan on doing a Honeymoon Registry through Honeyfund as well as registering for a few things at BBB. My parents were supposed to pay for my Honeymoon but that fell through. I didn't budget for the Honeymoon when planning my wedding so I think that doing a Honeymoon Registry is fine.

    It's your wedding. Do what you want. I don't suggest taking advice on this topic from people on the Internet.

     

    Congratulations & Good Luck with your planning!!

    This is a poor excuse.  

    The most important rule about money is not to count on it until you have it.  Sorry your parents aren't paying for then honeymoon they said they would, but that isn't a valid reason to create a honeymoon registry.  If you cannot afford it, then save up and take one when you can. 

    What if you only get a couple people giving you gifts of money to your honeymoon?  If you don't have the money and still can't go, how is that going to make those people feel who THINK they are giving you a dinner on the beach or whatever.

    And the "it's your wedding, do what you want" needs to die.  Once you invite guests, it's not your wedding anymore.
    marniisgreenPrettyGirlLost

  •  I love giving couples money over gifts because they can use it for whatever they want. 
    People who love giving money will just continue to give money.  No one needs to be told to give money.  I love giving money too but I don't want to have a percentage of that money taken away when I could just write a check.  Writing a check is really, really easy.
    chibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    It's YOUR day so do what you want. It's not tacky. People want to gift things that are meaningful and what better way than to help make the honeymoon a little more special. I love giving couples money over gifts because they can use it for whatever they want. 
    But do you really need a registry to tell you this?  Because that is exactly what Honeyfund does.  I am sure you were capable of writing that check or stuffing that card with bills without a registry telling you that it was a welcomed gift.

    chibiyuiRebeccaB88vt&dtPrettyGirlLost
  • JoanE2012 said:

    Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged  ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt. :) 

    I have been in the same position as you. Asked this question and had people attack me. Only difference I got defensive and lets just say it wasn't pretty.

    I am in the same position as you. My fiance and I live together and we already have everything that we need. I plan on doing a Honeymoon Registry through Honeyfund as well as registering for a few things at BBB. My parents were supposed to pay for my Honeymoon but that fell through. I didn't budget for the Honeymoon when planning my wedding so I think that doing a Honeymoon Registry is fine.

    It's your wedding. Do what you want. I don't suggest taking advice on this topic from people on the Internet.

     

    Congratulations & Good Luck with your planning!!

    This is a poor excuse.  

    The most important rule about money is not to count on it until you have it.  Sorry your parents aren't paying for then honeymoon they said they would, but that isn't a valid reason to create a honeymoon registry.  If you cannot afford it, then save up and take one when you can. 

    What if you only get a couple people giving you gifts of money to your honeymoon?  If you don't have the money and still can't go, how is that going to make those people feel who THINK they are giving you a dinner on the beach or whatever.

    And the "it's your wedding, do what you want" needs to die.  Once you invite guests, it's not your wedding anymore.

    Quite honestly...I can give a flying crap about what you think. IT'S MY WEDDING AND I DO WHAT I WANT & IF I WANT TO GIVE ADVICE I WILL. I think that it is very sensible advice for people who actually live in 2014. Times have changed.


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    StacyM0274
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    mkrourke said:
    My fiance and I are doing a honeymoon registry where guests may gift us certificates to be used toward our accommodations or travel. We are going to be consolidating two households (currently living across country from each other) and our wedding is in a state where neither of us currently reside. We were concerned about the logistics of trying to move gifts from the wedding state to our new home state in the midst of this big relocation. We have been very honest with friends and family about the situation and many people have commented on our unique and creative it was to set up a honeymoon registry.
    Are you able to cover the entire cost of your HM without any help from your friends and family?

    Also, if you didn't want boxed gifts then you just don't register.  When you don't register people get the idea that you just want money.  And since you will be moving people will also know that money/checks travel the best.

    PrettyGirlLost
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