Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

NYCBruin

ljbyrnes04 said:

NYCBruin said:

ljbyrnes04 said:

I'm just gonna put this out there one more time, although I know it'll likely be ignored/negated somehow...

1) No one should make their guests feel obligated to give ANY gift, monetary or physical; either way is rude. I don't think it's appropriate to write where you're registered on the invitation at all. If they want to know, they can either ask you or go to your website that has the information for those seeking it. Given this, if the person is choosing to give you a gift and wants to find out what you want via your website I don't think it's a terrible thing to have a HM registry if it's free, bringing me to my second point. 

2) There is a FREE/NO FEE option for the Honeyfund website. This means your guests can decide what part of your HM to contribute to, print out a cute gift certificate and put it with their check in the card they give you. NO MONEY IS TAKEN from you or your guest for the website. From my experience people like to feel that they're contributing to the couple's future in some concrete way, not that the recipients would be any less thankful for the gift. 

I guess I'm also not sure how it's different to tell an inquiring guest that you're saving for your HM and they consequently write you a check vs. having it on your website as information for those inquiring using that avenue and having the same thing happen... 

The difference is that in the case where someone ASKS you what you would like for a gift and you respond with "oh we don't really need anything, we are saving up for x, y or z" and you just putting on your website a honeymoon fund is that in the first case someone ASKED you about it and in the second case you just flat out asked for cash without being prompted.

If this is your logic, then should we not have ANY registry information on our website (even for home products we would like)? I guess you're saying anyone with any type of registry information on their website is being rude for putting that on there at all. I assume you just wait for someone to ask you where you're registered then, because otherwise you're a complete hypocrite. We are not ASKING for anything but if someone wants to know, they can either ask us personally or PURPOSEFULLY CLICK on the registry tab where they will find our store registries and our HM registry which is a completely free/no fee website. No one is forcing them to go to that tab if they do not want to consider a gift. I do not have on the main page of our site: PLEASE GIVE US MONEYS! KTHXBYE! The information is there for those who seek it, but it's not forced on anyone. Whether they ask us in person about it or CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE to click on the registry information tab, I do not see the difference. 

I have put out several completely logical explanations and compromises for this type of issue, but people on the other side of things just refuse to compromise at all on it. I don't understand this type of thinking, and I don't think that kind of "I'm right, and you can never convince me otherwise even if you present a meaningful and logical argument" works very well in real life and especially in a marriage, so good luck with that. 

Oh good grief.  

1.  No, we don't have registry information on our wedding website.  I assume our guests that want to purchase something from our registry who are tech savvy enough to go to our website are also tech savvy enough to use google and find our registries themselves.

2.  That said, numerous posters have explained the differences between a traditional registry and a honeymoon registry.  A traditional registry answer's questions like "what color towels would you prefer" or "do you already have a toaster" whereas a honeymoon registry just tells people you want cash.  That's not helpful for guests.  Everyone knows cash is a great gift and it only comes in one color.  So, while I don't have our registries on our website, for people who do put them on their website there's a world of difference between a honeymoon registry and a traditional registry.

3.  As for your last sentence, well you just seem like a lovely individual.  I could say the same exact thing about you.  You refuse to listen to the logical posts explaining why you're wrong, but you want money from your guests so you'll do whatever you can to justify your honeymoon registry.  Etiquette isn't about compromises.  It's not open to opinion.  There are rules.  You can choose to not follow them, but that doesn't mean the rule doesn't exist.

4.  There are probably some people on your guest list who agree with the ladies on here trying to talk sense into you.  They probably will never say anything to your face about your rudeness, but will probably think less of you.  Since no one will say anything to your face, you'll never know which relationships you've damaged, so good luck with that.

PrettyGirlLost

ljbyrnes04 said:

NYCBruin said:

ljbyrnes04 said:

I'm just gonna put this out there one more time, although I know it'll likely be ignored/negated somehow...

1) No one should make their guests feel obligated to give ANY gift, monetary or physical; either way is rude. I don't think it's appropriate to write where you're registered on the invitation at all. If they want to know, they can either ask you or go to your website that has the information for those seeking it. Given this, if the person is choosing to give you a gift and wants to find out what you want via your website I don't think it's a terrible thing to have a HM registry if it's free, bringing me to my second point. 

2) There is a FREE/NO FEE option for the Honeyfund website. This means your guests can decide what part of your HM to contribute to, print out a cute gift certificate and put it with their check in the card they give you. NO MONEY IS TAKEN from you or your guest for the website. From my experience people like to feel that they're contributing to the couple's future in some concrete way, not that the recipients would be any less thankful for the gift. 

I guess I'm also not sure how it's different to tell an inquiring guest that you're saving for your HM and they consequently write you a check vs. having it on your website as information for those inquiring using that avenue and having the same thing happen... 

The difference is that in the case where someone ASKS you what you would like for a gift and you respond with "oh we don't really need anything, we are saving up for x, y or z" and you just putting on your website a honeymoon fund is that in the first case someone ASKED you about it and in the second case you just flat out asked for cash without being prompted.

If this is your logic, then should we not have ANY registry information on our website (even for home products we would like)? I guess you're saying anyone with any type of registry information on their website is being rude for putting that on there at all. I assume you just wait for someone to ask you where you're registered then, because otherwise you're a complete hypocrite. We are not ASKING for anything but if someone wants to know, they can either ask us personally or PURPOSEFULLY CLICK on the registry tab where they will find our store registries and our HM registry which is a completely free/no fee website. No one is forcing them to go to that tab if they do not want to consider a gift. I do not have on the main page of our site: PLEASE GIVE US MONEYS! KTHXBYE! The information is there for those who seek it, but it's not forced on anyone. Whether they ask us in person about it or CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE to click on the registry information tab, I do not see the difference. 

I have put out several completely logical explanations and compromises for this type of issue, but people on the other side of things just refuse to compromise at all on it. I don't understand this type of thinking, and I don't think that kind of "I'm right, and you can never convince me otherwise even if you present a meaningful and logical argument" works very well in real life and especially in a marriage, so good luck with that. 

Traditional registries and honeymoon registries are two completely different things.

1st- you should never put any registry info on your actual invitations because that comes off as gift grabby.  No guest is required to give you a gift.  But, it is often stated on these boards that having registry info on your website is ok.

Traditional registries are like serving suggestions.  They let your guests know what types of items you would like in order to start setting up your home with your spouse.  They are not edicts, and no one is forced to buy items from them.  If you already have a bunch of household items you can either choose to register for upgrades or not to register at all.  Then your gusts will get the hint and give you cash if they wish to give you a gift.

Now here is where we get to HM registries and why they are tacky.  HM registries are the equivalent for directly asking your guests for cash, and asking for cash under any circumstance is tacky and rude. 

The reason they are equivalent to asking for cash is because that is what you get- you get a check from the company minus all of the fees they screw your gusts over with.  You do not show up to your honeymoon location and get a pass to do that dolphin experience, or a spa day, or whatever.  You get a check in the mail.  If your guests want to give you cash or a check directly, they can and will.

Maggie0829

I am in the camp that absolutely no registry information should go on a wedding website.  I see a wedding website as a virtual invitation.  What is on your website is basically what goes into your invitations and if it is a no-no to put the registry info in the paper invite then it should be a no-no to put it on the online version.

In addition, you give out your website information either through the STD or invite.  By doing this you are directing your guests to check it out for more information.  Thus by including your registry information it seems as though you are expecting your guests to purchase you a gift which is a rude thing to do.

The only time, IMO, when registry information should be given is bridal shower invitations and when asked for it.

ljbyrnes04

PrettyGirlLost said:

ljbyrnes04 said:

NYCBruin said:

ljbyrnes04 said:

I'm just gonna put this out there one more time, although I know it'll likely be ignored/negated somehow...

1) No one should make their guests feel obligated to give ANY gift, monetary or physical; either way is rude. I don't think it's appropriate to write where you're registered on the invitation at all. If they want to know, they can either ask you or go to your website that has the information for those seeking it. Given this, if the person is choosing to give you a gift and wants to find out what you want via your website I don't think it's a terrible thing to have a HM registry if it's free, bringing me to my second point. 

2) There is a FREE/NO FEE option for the Honeyfund website. This means your guests can decide what part of your HM to contribute to, print out a cute gift certificate and put it with their check in the card they give you. NO MONEY IS TAKEN from you or your guest for the website. From my experience people like to feel that they're contributing to the couple's future in some concrete way, not that the recipients would be any less thankful for the gift. 

I guess I'm also not sure how it's different to tell an inquiring guest that you're saving for your HM and they consequently write you a check vs. having it on your website as information for those inquiring using that avenue and having the same thing happen... 

The difference is that in the case where someone ASKS you what you would like for a gift and you respond with "oh we don't really need anything, we are saving up for x, y or z" and you just putting on your website a honeymoon fund is that in the first case someone ASKED you about it and in the second case you just flat out asked for cash without being prompted.

If this is your logic, then should we not have ANY registry information on our website (even for home products we would like)? I guess you're saying anyone with any type of registry information on their website is being rude for putting that on there at all. I assume you just wait for someone to ask you where you're registered then, because otherwise you're a complete hypocrite. We are not ASKING for anything but if someone wants to know, they can either ask us personally or PURPOSEFULLY CLICK on the registry tab where they will find our store registries and our HM registry which is a completely free/no fee website. No one is forcing them to go to that tab if they do not want to consider a gift. I do not have on the main page of our site: PLEASE GIVE US MONEYS! KTHXBYE! The information is there for those who seek it, but it's not forced on anyone. Whether they ask us in person about it or CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE to click on the registry information tab, I do not see the difference. 

I have put out several completely logical explanations and compromises for this type of issue, but people on the other side of things just refuse to compromise at all on it. I don't understand this type of thinking, and I don't think that kind of "I'm right, and you can never convince me otherwise even if you present a meaningful and logical argument" works very well in real life and especially in a marriage, so good luck with that. 

Traditional registries and honeymoon registries are two completely different things.

1st- you should never put any registry info on your actual invitations because that comes off as gift grabby.  No guest is required to give you a gift.  But, it is often stated on these boards that having registry info on your website is ok.

Traditional registries are like serving suggestions.  They let your guests know what types of items you would like in order to start setting up your home with your spouse.  They are not edicts, and no one is forced to buy items from them.  If you already have a bunch of household items you can either choose to register for upgrades or not to register at all.  Then your gusts will get the hint and give you cash if they wish to give you a gift.

Now here is where we get to HM registries and why they are tacky.  HM registries are the equivalent for directly asking your guests for cash, and asking for cash under any circumstance is tacky and rude. 

The reason they are equivalent to asking for cash is because that is what you get- you get a check from the company minus all of the fees they screw your gusts over with.  You do not show up to your honeymoon location and get a pass to do that dolphin experience, or a spa day, or whatever.  You get a check in the mail.  If your guests want to give you cash or a check directly, they can and will.

Thank you for the kind and thoughtful response, unlike some of the people on here. Honestly I didn't mean for anything to sound mean when I was trying to explain how I thought about it, but I think a lot of girls who have the same view as you are writing their comments in a very undermining and rude fashion, and somehow seem to think they know something about you. I will completely ignore that, but your explanation is thorough, clear, and unassuming. I do understand what you're saying about everything. I guess I just thought that if you have a way for guests who are choosing to give cash to label it for a specific honeymoon activity and if that service did not incur any fees, then that it was ok. I certainly wouldn't want to offend anyone, and if this really is such a hot and messy topic (as it appears to be from this thread!) I guess I would avoid it altogether. 

NYCBruin

Maggie0829 said:

I am in the camp that absolutely no registry information should go on a wedding website.  I see a wedding website as a virtual invitation.  What is on your website is basically what goes into your invitations and if it is a no-no to put the registry info in the paper invite then it should be a no-no to put it on the online version.

In addition, you give out your website information either through the STD or invite.  By doing this you are directing your guests to check it out for more information.  Thus by including your registry information it seems as though you are expecting your guests to purchase you a gift which is a rude thing to do.

The only time, IMO, when registry information should be given is bridal shower invitations and when asked for it.

I'm 100% with you on this one.  

MountainAmor

A friend had a honeymoon registry and I didn't think it was rude or tacky. I'm spending money on them either way, so if they want a massage on their honeymoon instead of linens, so be it! 

photokitty

MountainAmor said: A friend had a honeymoon registry and I didn't think it was rude or tacky. I'm spending money on them either way, so if they want a massage on their honeymoon instead of linens, so be it! 

That's the problem - they won't get a massage, they will get a check minus 7% for FEES

Cash is always an appropriate and appreciated gift - EVERYONE already knows this, they don't need to be told.

KatWAG

MountainAmor said:

A friend had a honeymoon registry and I didn't think it was rude or tacky. I'm spending money on them either way, so if they want a massage on their honeymoon instead of linens, so be it! 

Why would you want to spend $100 on her and have her only receive $93. That makes no sense.

Maggie0829

KatWAG said:

MountainAmor said:

A friend had a honeymoon registry and I didn't think it was rude or tacky. I'm spending money on them either way, so if they want a massage on their honeymoon instead of linens, so be it! 

Why would you want to spend $100 on her and have her only receive $93. That makes no sense.

And have her receive that money in check form and not actually have the massage or what not booked?  

I mean, you could easily write your friend a check for $100 and tell her to use it on her honeymoon right?  So why the need for the middle man?

radiatein

Looks like my point was missed....

From what I know of a HM registry yes, they take your money with a fee(s). But you know what so do stores. It is called making a profit. That is what they do.

Ever give a gift card? or better yet ever receive one? Was it the end of the world?  No, you/them went shopping and purchased something. Same thing. Yes the money goes into an account and the couple uses is as they see fit. But if you have an issue with a HM registry because you feel you are being lied to then buy them a gift they don't want at a store they didn't register with.

My suggestion to any bride and groom looking to use a HM Registry would be go for it. Don't believe all the hype, and don't book a Honeymoon you aren't prepared to pay for yourself. BUT Please give your guests a couple options (register at different places so if they want to shop they can shop.)

Oh and by the way, there is an actual difference between asking for cash and having a HM Registry.

KatWAG said:

rhinchcl said:

Tacky means Distasteful or offensive. If someone is getting offended because you asked for a dolphin excursion on your honeymoon and/or towels for your house that is their problem. A gift is a gift. A registry is a suggestion of what the bride and groom are wanting. Anyone who thinks it is distasteful is being judgmental.

They might as well criticize the color of the towels you asked for as well! 

Thats right. It is distasteful and offensive to ask for cash. Pay for your own dolphin excursion

MNVegas

rhinchcl said:

Looks like my point was missed....

From what I know of a HM registry yes, they take your money with a fee(s). But you know what so do stores. It is called making a profit. That is what they do.

Ever give a gift card? or better yet ever receive one? Was it the end of the world?  No, you/them went shopping and purchased something. Same thing. Yes the money goes into an account and the couple uses is as they see fit. But if you have an issue with a HM registry because you feel you are being lied to then buy them a gift they don't want at a store they didn't register with.

My suggestion to any bride and groom looking to use a HM Registry would be go for it. Don't believe all the hype, and don't book a Honeymoon you aren't prepared to pay for yourself. BUT Please give your guests a couple options (register at different places so if they want to shop they can shop.)

Oh and by the way, there is an actual difference between asking for cash and having a HM Registry.

KatWAG said:

rhinchcl said:

Tacky means Distasteful or offensive. If someone is getting offended because you asked for a dolphin excursion on your honeymoon and/or towels for your house that is their problem. A gift is a gift. A registry is a suggestion of what the bride and groom are wanting. Anyone who thinks it is distasteful is being judgmental.

They might as well criticize the color of the towels you asked for as well! 

Thats right. It is distasteful and offensive to ask for cash. Pay for your own dolphin excursion

Geez seriously!! Having a HM registry is asking for cash. People are giving you cash thru the registry!! They are not buying you something, they are depositing cash in the registry. 

What do you not get about that????? 

KatWAG

rhinchcl said:

Looks like my point was missed....

From what I know of a HM registry yes, they take your money with a fee(s). But you know what so do stores. It is called making a profit. That is what they do.

Ever give a gift card? or better yet ever receive one? Was it the end of the world?  No, you/them went shopping and purchased something. Same thing. Yes the money goes into an account and the couple uses is as they see fit. But if you have an issue with a HM registry because you feel you are being lied to then buy them a gift they don't want at a store they didn't register with.

My suggestion to any bride and groom looking to use a HM Registry would be go for it. Don't believe all the hype, and don't book a Honeymoon you aren't prepared to pay for yourself. BUT Please give your guests a couple options (register at different places so if they want to shop they can shop.)

Oh and by the way, there is an actual difference between asking for cash and having a HM Registry.

KatWAG said:

rhinchcl said:

Tacky means Distasteful or offensive. If someone is getting offended because you asked for a dolphin excursion on your honeymoon and/or towels for your house that is their problem. A gift is a gift. A registry is a suggestion of what the bride and groom are wanting. Anyone who thinks it is distasteful is being judgmental.

They might as well criticize the color of the towels you asked for as well! 

Thats right. It is distasteful and offensive to ask for cash. Pay for your own dolphin excursion

In fact, I dont miss your point at all.

There is a huge difference between charging a fee and making a profit. if you dont understand that, then we have bigger issues.

Adn If I buy a gift card for $100, whomever I give it too will be able to spend ALL $100. Not $93 like a HM registry.

And there is no difference between askign for cash and a HM registry. BUt are tacky for the exact same reasons.

Pay for your own sexfest!

chibiyui

rhinchcl said:

Looks like my point was missed....

From what I know of a HM registry yes, they take your money with a fee(s). But you know what so do stores. It is called making a profit. That is what they do.

Ever give a gift card? or better yet ever receive one? Was it the end of the world?  No, you/them went shopping and purchased something. Same thing. Yes the money goes into an account and the couple uses is as they see fit. But if you have an issue with a HM registry because you feel you are being lied to then buy them a gift they don't want at a store they didn't register with.

My suggestion to any bride and groom looking to use a HM Registry would be go for it. Don't believe all the hype, and don't book a Honeymoon you aren't prepared to pay for yourself. BUT Please give your guests a couple options (register at different places so if they want to shop they can shop.)

Oh and by the way, there is an actual difference between asking for cash and having a HM Registry.

KatWAG said:

rhinchcl said:

Tacky means Distasteful or offensive. If someone is getting offended because you asked for a dolphin excursion on your honeymoon and/or towels for your house that is their problem. A gift is a gift. A registry is a suggestion of what the bride and groom are wanting. Anyone who thinks it is distasteful is being judgmental.

They might as well criticize the color of the towels you asked for as well! 

Thats right. It is distasteful and offensive to ask for cash. Pay for your own dolphin excursion

Some giftcards charge fees if they are not used over a long period of time. Laws have gone into place to cut down many of those "gotchas".

No store (that I know of) charges for a registry. Why? Stores are in the business of selling tangible products and services. Registries are free business for them. Stores make money selling physical items. Honeyfund does not sell excursions, dinners or activities. You do not "buy" from them. They transfer money. They make money by charging transaction fees to transfer money from one account to another.

That, is a huge difference. If you can't see that, then well there isn't much anyone can do to help you.




On a slightly unrealted note, can we get this thread closed? It's been going on way too long.

KatWAG

I posted this on the host your own engagement pary thread, but it seems to fit here as well.

This is the thread that never ends,

It goes on and on, my friends.

Some people started reading not knowing what it was.

And they will contunite reading it forever, just because....

This is the thread that never ends...

bremnerschmitz

I'm in the same position and I think honeymoon registries have their place, if done right.   My fiancee and I met after each establishing our own lives, so we already have two blenders, two slow cookers, two toasters, and two of everything else, so we plan to do a traditional registry with some items, but also a honeymoon registry.  I don't like the idea of just a blanket "please help us pay for the honeymoon with cash" - I do find that tacky.  

Instead, we plan on doing a honeymoon registry with a specific list of things we want to do on our honeymoon (i.e. our honeymoon will be in Australia and we're registering for things like tickets to the Sydney Opera House, and snorkeling).  And then to prove to the gift giver how much their gift was appreciated, we'll be sending out thank yous after the honeymoon so we can say "thank you for the dinner in Sydney, it was a perfect way to celebrate our arrival in Australia"

I'd say do what you want! Why register for a bunch of stuff you'd never use, when you can register for things you'd truly enjoy instead. 

chibiyui

bremnerschmitz said:

I'm in the same position and I think honeymoon registries have their place, if done right.   My fiancee and I met after each establishing our own lives, so we already have two blenders, two slow cookers, two toasters, and two of everything else, so we plan to do a traditional registry with some items, but also a honeymoon registry.  I don't like the idea of just a blanket "please help us pay for the honeymoon with cash" - I do find that tacky.  

Instead, we plan on doing a honeymoon registry with a specific list of things we want to do on our honeymoon (i.e. our honeymoon will be in Australia and we're registering for things like tickets to the Sydney Opera House, and snorkeling).  And then to prove to the gift giver how much their gift was appreciated, we'll be sending out thank yous after the honeymoon so we can say "thank you for the dinner in Sydney, it was a perfect way to celebrate our arrival in Australia"

I'd say do what you want! Why register for a bunch of stuff you'd never use, when you can register for things you'd truly enjoy instead. 

So, and this is my personal opinion, not backed by etiqutte;
IF your "honeymoon registry" actually allows guests to actually purchase you tickets, or an actual dinner, does not charge the guest fees, and is facillated by a legit travel agent, and you are not being handed a lump sum of cash to buy the stuff yourself, then have at it. Just have a traditional registry as well.

Places like Honeyfund, that just give you cash, are rude and tacky. Period.

jneen101

bremnerschmitz said:

 Why register for a bunch of stuff you'd never use, when you can register for things you'd truly enjoy instead. 

Why do people keep saying this in here??  Where has anyone here told people to register for stuff they don't need, don't want, or would never use?  Can someone quote that post for me?  I honestly have not seen anyone give that advice so I don't know why people keep acting like that is an option.  No one is saying to register for things you won't use.  No one.

balletteacher7

Wow.  I'm also surprised about how mean people can be about what seemed like a genuine and honest question.  Personally, as a guest, I want to get someone I care about something they'll really like, and since travel has been such an important part of my life, I would love to help them fund a trip together.  I have also never used checks... I've always done all my banking and bill-paying online, so it would be more convenient for me to give to an online registry.  I wouldn't see a honeymoon registry as "asking for money" any more than I would see a gift registry as "asking for a gift."  I would appreciate knowing that I got my friend something they'll really enjoy.

I have a similar question/doubt for my upcoming wedding, but after seeing the posts here, I think I'll stick to asking people who know me and care about me and will be honest without telling me I'm a horrible person for asking.  That's my suggestion to you.  Those are the people who are a part of your life, who care about you, and who want for you to be happy.  They're the only ones you need to care about offending.

Jells2dot0

balletteacher7 said:

Wow.  I'm also surprised about how mean people can be about what seemed like a genuine and honest question.  Personally, as a guest, I want to get someone I care about something they'll really like, and since travel has been such an important part of my life, I would love to help them fund a trip together.  I have also never used checks... I've always done all my banking and bill-paying online, so it would be more convenient for me to give to an online registry.  I wouldn't see a honeymoon registry as "asking for money" any more than I would see a gift registry as "asking for a gift."  I would appreciate knowing that I got my friend something they'll really enjoy.

I have a similar question/doubt for my upcoming wedding, but after seeing the posts here, I think I'll stick to asking people who know me and care about me and will be honest without telling me I'm a horrible person for asking.  That's my suggestion to you.  Those are the people who are a part of your life, who care about you, and who want for you to be happy.  They're the only ones you need to care about offending.

That's the problem with asking people that you are close to- unless they are brutally honest people, they are going to just tell you it's okay. They aren't going to want to hurt your feelings or risk offending you. people on here don't know you at all, so they are going to be honest and tell you what they would think of their friends or family if they did this. 

MyNameIsNot

bremnerschmitz said:

I'm in the same position and I think honeymoon registries have their place, if done right.   My fiancee and I met after each establishing our own lives, so we already have two blenders, two slow cookers, two toasters, and two of everything else, so we plan to do a traditional registry with some items, but also a honeymoon registry.  I don't like the idea of just a blanket "please help us pay for the honeymoon with cash" - I do find that tacky.  

Instead, we plan on doing a honeymoon registry with a specific list of things we want to do on our honeymoon (i.e. our honeymoon will be in Australia and we're registering for things like tickets to the Sydney Opera House, and snorkeling).  And then to prove to the gift giver how much their gift was appreciated, we'll be sending out thank yous after the honeymoon so we can say "thank you for the dinner in Sydney, it was a perfect way to celebrate our arrival in Australia"

I'd say do what you want! Why register for a bunch of stuff you'd never use, when you can register for things you'd truly enjoy instead. 

The problem is that most HM registries don't work that way.  They let guests think they are buying tickets to the opera house or for snorkeling or whatever, but in reality the couple just gets a check for the value.  That's why so many people have an issue with HM registries being deceptive.  

Sure, the couple may choose to spend the money on the tickets, but if you're going to do that, it's better for the guest to write you a check and let you spend the money on the tickets without any fees or deductions by a "registry" service.  

If you found a registry that allows the guest to purchase the actual item, great.  But most of these HM registries, including Honeyfund, don't do it that way because they can't make a profit off it.  

chibiyui

balletteacher7 said:

Wow.  I'm also surprised about how mean people can be about what seemed like a genuine and honest question.  Personally, as a guest, I want to get someone I care about something they'll really like, and since travel has been such an important part of my life, I would love to help them fund a trip together.  I have also never used checks... I've always done all my banking and bill-paying online, so it would be more convenient for me to give to an online registry.  I wouldn't see a honeymoon registry as "asking for money" any more than I would see a gift registry as "asking for a gift."  I would appreciate knowing that I got my friend something they'll really enjoy.

I have a similar question/doubt for my upcoming wedding, but after seeing the posts here, I think I'll stick to asking people who know me and care about me and will be honest without telling me I'm a horrible person for asking.  That's my suggestion to you.  Those are the people who are a part of your life, who care about you, and who want for you to be happy.  They're the only ones you need to care about offending.

When I was newly engaged I had mentioned to my Mom that I was thinking of doing a down payment registry. She didn't really saw anything, but wasn't excited about it either. Now I know, it's because she didn't want to tell me how rude I was beingm since I was so excited.

MrsMarende

I can tell you honestly the first time I encountered a honeymoon registry I was really put off. Did I tell my friend this? No, because telling my friend at her wedding that I found something about her most special day distasteful is also rude! 

It is very simple that if you do not need anything for your home, do not register at all. If a guest wished to give you something they will likely give cash, something they would really love you to have, or will ask you. 

Having everything you need for your home does not make it ok to ask for other things you would prefer. 

What if I registered for a car? or a hand bag? Shoes? Diamond Earrings? A new cell phone? 

Don't those seem weird and a little assuming? So why is it ok for you to ask your guests to pay for your vacation? 

You do not have to receive gifts to have a wedding. 

Maggie0829

balletteacher7 said:

Wow.  I'm also surprised about how mean people can be about what seemed like a genuine and honest question.  Personally, as a guest, I want to get someone I care about something they'll really like, and since travel has been such an important part of my life, I would love to help them fund a trip together.  I have also never used checks... I've always done all my banking and bill-paying online, so it would be more convenient for me to give to an online registry.  I wouldn't see a honeymoon registry as "asking for money" any more than I would see a gift registry as "asking for a gift."  I would appreciate knowing that I got my friend something they'll really enjoy.

I have a similar question/doubt for my upcoming wedding, but after seeing the posts here, I think I'll stick to asking people who know me and care about me and will be honest without telling me I'm a horrible person for asking.  That's my suggestion to you.  Those are the people who are a part of your life, who care about you, and who want for you to be happy.  They're the only ones you need to care about offending.

So sticking some cash in a card with a note saying "please use this on a nice dinner on your honeymoon" is impossible to do?

delujm0

MrsMarende said:

I can tell you honestly the first time I encountered a honeymoon registry I was really put off. Did I tell my friend this? No, because telling my friend at her wedding that I found something about her most special day distasteful is also rude! 

It is very simple that if you do not need anything for your home, do not register at all. If a guest wished to give you something they will likely give cash, something they would really love you to have, or will ask you. 

Having everything you need for your home does not make it ok to ask for other things you would prefer. 

What if I registered for a car? or a hand bag? Shoes? Diamond Earrings? A new cell phone? 

Don't those seem weird and a little assuming? So why is it ok for you to ask your guests to pay for your vacation? 

You do not have to receive gifts to have a wedding. 

I cannot love this enough.

 

Your honeymoon is nothing but a vacation that happens after your wedding.  It is a luxury item.  You are not entitled to one, and some people don't even have them at all. 

 

If i wasn't getting married this year, but i still wanted to go to South Africa, would it be ok for me to ask my friends and family to pay for that trip?  No.  It would not.  However suddenly because the vacation is vaguely associated with a wedding it's totally ok to do this?  It doesn't make sense.

 

By this logic, in a few years everyone will have honeyfunds set up for their friends and family to make birthday donations to, so that they can go on regular vacations.  PEOPLE.  IF YOU WANT TO GO ON A VACATION, SAVE UP YOUR OWN MONEY AND PAY FOR IT YOURSELF.

Maggie0829

I you @delujm0 !

Sophinisba

Welcome to the one question that EVERYONE has an opinion about.  

My two cents?  Do what makes you and your fiance happy.  If you want to register for china and toasters and linens, go for it.  If you have all that stuff already and really would like some moolah for a honeymoon?  Why not.  Yes, some people are going to think it's tacky, and yes, some people might even be affronted by the whole idea and NOT give you a gift because of this. . . .and you know what?  That's completely their prerogative. 

We aren't registering for anything as we have lived together for years and the one thing we NEED is a roof for our house.  We are letting our guests know that if they really want to give us something, please either choose something they think we need/want/would love or donate to the house fund. If they provide gifts, that's awesome, but I am inviting them to share in the joy of our wedding.  The only thing I am expecting and asking for is their love and support in our new life together. 

In my not-so-humble opinion, an invitation to a wedding does not come with a gift requirement.  If you choose to give a gift (tangible or otherwise) at a wedding, that is wonderful, but it should not be seen as a price of admission.  Moral of the story?  Do what you want.  You're never going to please everyone, and at the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with the decision.