**Updated** NWR: I think I may have been drugged.

Cokezerofreak

He needs to talk to someone about it too.  I'm sure he just wants to kill whomever hurt you and might feel responsible for not being there to protect you.  I know my FI would be the same way.

sarahufl

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Update #578: I'm pretty much useless at work today -- I'm running at maybe 25% productivity. One of my best friends has offered to pick me up on her way home from school. I also realized that I left my keys at home, so we're going to have to stop off at FI's office and pick up his.

He's having a really hard time with this. I know he's not angry with me, but with the situation. In any case, I feel as though I'm bearing the brunt of his bad mood. I understand him being upset and it's completely justified, but I really need him to understand that I can't cope well unless I feel as though I can lean on him for support, and not just have him snap at me or be in a foul mood. This is going to be a tricky one.

Go home if you can. It is good to see you have support. FWIW, I am a trained rape and sexual assault crisis counselor and I feel the need to point out that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Please make sure you don't blame yourself. No matter what happened, it was not your fault. Talk to your friends who were with you and see if you can piece together what may have happened. This will give you piece of mind. Ask the hospital where you were seen if they provide follow-up care. I know we do and it is very helpful. Especially if you are in a relationship, it is useful to attend counseling alone and as a couple.

I hope you feel good about your treatment and the steps you are already taking. Know that most people who this happens to actually don't come forward, so taking action was a huge step that you should be proud you took. I work with women who don't and it is tough to see.

I hope you get answers and I hope you feel better. This is terrible and shouldn't happen to anyone.

pinkcow13

Yea, he definitely needs someone to talk to. He probably feels helpless right now because he was not there, and even responsible. He also probably wants to kill the person that did this, and probably hates that you are at work right now, with people the involved. Were the friends that you were with at the party able to provide any insight into all of this? 

HaileyDancingbear

I wouldn't wish this situation on my worst enemy.  I am so sorry this happened to you, are you seeing a therapist about this?  Of course you have TK community to lean on, but I think you and FI could really benefit from speaking with a professional.  I promise you'll get through this, what happened was horrible but it doesn't change the fact that you have plenty of people in your life who love and support you.  I really hope you feel better soon.

MrsDeRuyter87

I just want to wrap my arms around you and tell you it's all going to be ok! There is a saying,

 "Those who have suffered are best able to help those who are suffering."

 If I were you, when I am feeling up to it, I would try to find an online community like this where people who have gone through what you have are able to talk freely and comfort each other. They might have good advice on how to approach the healing process for you and your FI. Best wishes my dear.

chibiyui

*hugs* I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'll keep you in my prayers, and definitely what some of the PP's have said, talking to someone/some type of counseling will be very beneficial to you and your FI.

JCbride2015

Glad to hear your friend is taking you home.

It sounds like you and Fi are both probably in shock right now.  Agree with PPs he is probably raging angry at whomever did this to you and is trying to process his anger/ figure out how to be there for you.  You'd probably do this without anybody telling you, but it's important to seek follow-up care and professional counseling.  And follow up with your friends-- again, I'm sure you don't need us to tell you to do those things.

Go home and take a rest.  Watch silly movies and eat comfort food.  We're all thinking of you.

Senecaf

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I cannot even begin to express that. Im also sorry for your FI. I hope that he is able to come to a place that allows him to be supportive more than angry. His emotions are probably all over the place too.

Many hugs and positive thoughts going your way.

pumpkinsandturkeys

I've spoken with a few friends/co-workers who were there last night, and they've filled in a few gaps. We got to the party around 11:30, and I spent most of the next hour or so with a couple I'm friends with (but not the entire time). Around 12:30 - 1:00, I started feeling sick, so my girlfriend took me upstairs to the washroom. She said I didn't have bruises or broken nails then.

She then put me to bed in the spare room around 1:00. A few people woke me up around 4:00, and at 4:15, one of the friends I came to the party with drove me home (I have a hazy memory of asking to go home, but nothing more). I woke up at home, in bed, around 5:30 - 6:00. Everyone thought it was weird that I passed out so early, after not having much to drink. No one has been able to account for the injuries.

I agree that I need to speak with someone. The Community Supervisor is supposed to call me today to follow up, and they gave me a package with a bunch of resources. I'll go through those later when I get home. I also agree that FI and I should see someone together, because I think he needs to learn how to relate to me and us without this getting in the way.

OliveOilsMom

Just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers are with you too.

RAINN is an organization that may be able to help you.  They can provide you with any help that you need.

misscoffeeplease

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Update #578: I'm pretty much useless at work today -- I'm running at maybe 25% productivity. One of my best friends has offered to pick me up on her way home from school. I also realized that I left my keys at home, so we're going to have to stop off at FI's office and pick up his.

He's having a really hard time with this. I know he's not angry with me, but with the situation. In any case, I feel as though I'm bearing the brunt of his bad mood. I understand him being upset and it's completely justified, but I really need him to understand that I can't cope well unless I feel as though I can lean on him for support, and not just have him snap at me or be in a foul mood. This is going to be a tricky one.

He is probably thinking of the "what it's." It's not your fault at all and I'm sorry he is in a bad mood. Have you decided to set up an appointment with a therapist? 

jdluvr06

Pumpkin I think you going home is a good idea. If you're not wanting to be alone maybe your friend will stay with you. As for FI, he is probably more scared than angry and doesn't know how to channel those emotions. He needs to talk with someone.

Cookie Pusher

So much love and many, many hugs to you. I know it can be easier said than done, but please be good to yourself right now. I hope you and FI can get the support you need to work through this difficult situation.

Cokezerofreak

Pumpkin, I don't know your friends and pardon me for judging, but I want to strangle them for leaving you alone in a bedroom during a party.  I know they probably thought it was harmless at the time...sigh.

*Hugs* I feel so bad for you hon.  You'll get past this!

cruffino

so very, very sorry for you. sending you positive thoughts and strength. 

pumpkinsandturkeys

Cokezerofreak said:

Pumpkin, I don't know your friends and pardon me for judging, but I want to strangle them for leaving you alone in a bedroom during a party.  I know they probably thought it was harmless at the time...sigh.

*Hugs* I feel so bad for you hon.  You'll get past this!

Thanks! I'm feeling the same way about it. I sat there and went, "So you left me alone in an upstairs bedroom that no one passes by -- save for using the next-door washroom -- for 3 hours?" They said they checked on me periodically, but it's still more than a little unnerving.

As for seeing someone, I think I should. I'm waiting to hear from the Community Supervisor to discuss my options.

climbingsingle

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Cokezerofreak said:

Pumpkin, I don't know your friends and pardon me for judging, but I want to strangle them for leaving you alone in a bedroom during a party.  I know they probably thought it was harmless at the time...sigh.

*Hugs* I feel so bad for you hon.  You'll get past this!

Thanks! I'm feeling the same way about it. I sat there and went, "So you left me alone in an upstairs bedroom that no one passes by -- save for using the next-door washroom -- for 3 hours?" They said they checked on me periodically, but it's still more than a little unnerving.

As for seeing someone, I think I should. I'm waiting to hear from the Community Supervisor to discuss my options.

I'd be upset with those friends too. Why couldn't someone take you home???

pumpkinsandturkeys

ClimbingBrideNY said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Cokezerofreak said:

Pumpkin, I don't know your friends and pardon me for judging, but I want to strangle them for leaving you alone in a bedroom during a party.  I know they probably thought it was harmless at the time...sigh.

*Hugs* I feel so bad for you hon.  You'll get past this!

Thanks! I'm feeling the same way about it. I sat there and went, "So you left me alone in an upstairs bedroom that no one passes by -- save for using the next-door washroom -- for 3 hours?" They said they checked on me periodically, but it's still more than a little unnerving.

As for seeing someone, I think I should. I'm waiting to hear from the Community Supervisor to discuss my options.

I'd be upset with those friends too. Why couldn't someone take you home???

I know, right? I had planned to stay over that night, but if I was that out of it, come on. One of them even said they thought it was odd that I passed out so early.

I'm also fairly annoyed that the host of the party has yet to text me back. I consider him to be a good friend, and he hasn't replied to one of my messages, asking what happened that night. He hasn't even responded to the one telling him I was drugged and had to spend yesterday in the hospital. Some friend.

chibiyui

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Cokezerofreak said:

Pumpkin, I don't know your friends and pardon me for judging, but I want to strangle them for leaving you alone in a bedroom during a party.  I know they probably thought it was harmless at the time...sigh.

*Hugs* I feel so bad for you hon.  You'll get past this!

Thanks! I'm feeling the same way about it. I sat there and went, "So you left me alone in an upstairs bedroom that no one passes by -- save for using the next-door washroom -- for 3 hours?" They said they checked on me periodically, but it's still more than a little unnerving.

As for seeing someone, I think I should. I'm waiting to hear from the Community Supervisor to discuss my options.

I'd be upset with those friends too. Why couldn't someone take you home???

I know, right? I had planned to stay over that night, but if I was that out of it, come on. One of them even said they thought it was odd that I passed out so early.

I'm also fairly annoyed that the host of the party has yet to text me back. I consider him to be a good friend, and he hasn't replied to one of my messages, asking what happened that night. He hasn't even responded to the one telling him I was drugged and had to spend yesterday in the hospital. Some friend.

Ouch. Yeah. I'd be a little upset with that friend. I think a phone call is in order. As the host, he needs to know that one of his guests drugged you.

Chipmunk415

I'm sorry pumpkin. This is in no way your fault. I'm sorry you and your fiance have to go through this. I'm also sorry your friends and the host were/are not being helpful. Big hugs, and a shoulder for you here.

Evil Chipmunk would also like to chime in and offer her services skinning whoever did this to you, along with other forms of retribution if the person is found. Right now, I can't say I'd rein her in if this were possible, having gone through something similar some years ago.

Drewsgirl31

Not judging your friends but could the friend whose house it was be involved? IMO it's kinda shady that he's not responding at all. Can anyone account for him being downstairs the whole time or anything?

pumpkinsandturkeys

rwhite0123 said:

Not judging your friends but could the friend whose house it was be involved? IMO it's kinda shady that he's not responding at all. Can anyone account for him being downstairs the whole time or anything?

I have NO idea, but the thought has crossed my mind. I don't know why he would (he lives with his gf, who was at the party), but I don't know who to trust anymore. Either that or he thinks I'm being a drama queen and exaggerating (and anyone who knows me knows that's not my MO at all). In any case, unacceptable. He'd better have a damn good excuse for not answering his phone.

The good thing is that I have other friends who have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive -- men and women alike. And all of you have been so wonderful, too! I'm still having a hard time reconciling it all, but I know it will get easier.

bethsmiles

I'm mad at your friends for you! I'm sure they didn't think leaving you alone would mean anything bad would happen but considering how out of it you were and how unusual it was for you to pass out so early there should've been more concern from them about what was going on. Also, your friend who hasn't replied at all is being a dick.

I hope your FI comes out of his bad mood and agrees to also seek help for dealing with this situation. I'm sure he is just trying to process everything and doesn't know how to be there for you the way you need.

*all the hugs*

KPBM89

I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, but I am so sorry you have to go through this.  I can't believe your friends left you in that room and that the host will not answer you!  Just know that we're all sending you love, prayers, hugs, shoulders, and anything else you need!  Even FI is sending his love and good thoughts your way (he read over my shoulder when he wondered why I was so upset reading TK).

jdluvr06

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

rwhite0123 said:

Not judging your friends but could the friend whose house it was be involved? IMO it's kinda shady that he's not responding at all. Can anyone account for him being downstairs the whole time or anything?

I have NO idea, but the thought has crossed my mind. I don't know why he would (he lives with his gf, who was at the party), but I don't know who to trust anymore. Either that or he thinks I'm being a drama queen and exaggerating (and anyone who knows me knows that's not my MO at all). In any case, unacceptable. He'd better have a damn good excuse for not answering his phone.

The good thing is that I have other friends who have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive -- men and women alike. And all of you have been so wonderful, too! I'm still having a hard time reconciling it all, but I know it will get easier.

Maybe he just doesn't know what to say.

pumpkinsandturkeys

jdluvr06 said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

rwhite0123 said:

Not judging your friends but could the friend whose house it was be involved? IMO it's kinda shady that he's not responding at all. Can anyone account for him being downstairs the whole time or anything?

I have NO idea, but the thought has crossed my mind. I don't know why he would (he lives with his gf, who was at the party), but I don't know who to trust anymore. Either that or he thinks I'm being a drama queen and exaggerating (and anyone who knows me knows that's not my MO at all). In any case, unacceptable. He'd better have a damn good excuse for not answering his phone.

The good thing is that I have other friends who have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive -- men and women alike. And all of you have been so wonderful, too! I'm still having a hard time reconciling it all, but I know it will get easier.

Maybe he just doesn't know what to say.

I understand that it's a difficult thing to hear from a friend, and that it means that one of his other friends did it. However, I know for a fact that he read the most recent message hours ago -- the one explaining that I know I was drugged and just want to know what he remembers -- and he has said nothing. That hurts more than anything.

MrsDeRuyter87

Did you file a police report or something? If the host fails to contact you back maybe it would be best to state he should be expecting a visit from the police. His behavior seems suspicious to me, like he knows who did it or was involved...unfortunately.

Belthil

Oh my god, I'm so angry that this happened to you! Just remember none of this was your fault, AT ALL.  I'm glad to hear that you sought medical attention. I can't even begin to imagine what you (or your FI) are feeling. I echo what everyone else has said about both of you getting counseling and taking with some of the girls that have gone through something similar.

Hugs and positive thoughts are being sent your way. 

climbingsingle

I can't believe the host of this party hasn't even gotten back to you. I'm furious for you! 

pinkshorts27

Everyone is saying they aren't judging your friends, and you may hate me for this, but I'm totally judging your friends. I would never ever leave someone who is passed out in a bedroom alone at a party, even if I was in a "safe" place.  That makes me angry. And I'm completely raging at the host who isn't answering the texts. That is ridiculous.