**Updated** NWR: I think I may have been drugged.

LizM61409

I would definitely file a police report. Just be honest with them and say you think you were drugged but weren't sure if anything else happened. BTW drugging you without your knowledge or permission is illegal by itself, so even if nothing else happened that's still a crime they can investigate.

I don't think they process the "rape kit" unless the police are involved. Just having that processed could get you some answers.

And you also get more hugs, and encouragement for counseling with FI

photokitty

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Update #6354: I just spoke with the host of the party. Holy effing shitballs, I'm RAGINGGGG.

Long story short: he initially didn't seem to believe me. He said I was perfectly fine when I left and was even smiling (doubtful, and I clearly was NOT fine), and that I woke up on my own when they turned on the light in the room (which, apparently, also means 'fine'?).

I called him out on that being bullshit, and recounted my lovely hospital experience. He stated that there was no way that happened at his house. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and because I messaged him the next morning and didn't say, "I was drugged", he basically doesn't believe it.

I defended myself again and pretty much told him his head is up my ass. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone right now -- I'm just laying out the facts. Facts which cannot be refuted. He said he can vouch for everyone who was there and doesn't want to get involved. He also said, "they only did a drug test?" and "they're only saying you were drugged right?"  ONLY? No, that's not the ONLY test they did. I wasn't "only" drugged. I was drugged. At your house. Maybe show some fucking sympathy (he didn't, even when I called him out on it).

I laid into him a little more about being in denial and defending the person who did this instead of putting himself in my shoes and trying to understand how I feel. He stopped answering after that.

What a jackass!

Please disregard my advice as it will not be helpful considering the douchecanoe you are dealing with.

I'm so sorry! I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better

Drewsgirl31

photokitty said:

As hard as it would be I would go back to the house and see if I could look through the trash. I am assuming they did not find any evidence bc if there was an assault the perpetuator used a condom - so I would want to see if there was a condom in the trash. Assuming the host is not the perpetrator or protecting them, it would be worth checking to see. If you found one it would be easy to test for your DNA and show it was the one used.

I'm so sorry. I have been drugged too, I only had one drink at the bar and then we went back to my friend's. I could barely walk, I was like a rag doll. Fortunately nothing happened - bc my friend kicked the guy out of her house, it was her roommate's friend. He wason top of me and I knew what was happening,but I had no muscle control and couldn't fight him off. She took me up to a bedroom and I woke up the next morning half in the bed, half out - I couldn't even get myself into the bed. It's so scary how often it happens. I'm so sorry, I hate that this happened to you.

This is also close to my story. I was drugged while out at a bar with my friends by 2 guys that kept trying to get us to come back to their house. Luckily my friends and I got out of there but I was done by the time I got to the car. The only thing I remember is crawling from the car inside. I've seen pics from that night, music blaring, vacuuming, doing our usual weekend stuff except I'm passed out on the couch. This was after 3 drinks and a shot. (At this time in my life I could drink and drink A LOT) The last drink was when the guys at the bar started talking to me and trying to get us to come home. I turned my back for one second to show them who I was with. So scary.

Pumpkin the way he's acting I really think he could be involved. Like other pp said it's usually not a stranger and even if he had a gf doesn't mean anything. There's stories on the news all the time where the SO is an accomplice. People are fucked up plain and simple and it's usually the people you would least expect. I am definitely pissed at your friends though! I would never leave a friend of mine alone no matter what. They checked on you every hour, it only takes the amount of time it would take to "use the bathroom"

I'm so sorry thins happened to you. I will be praying for you and your FI to lean on each other and get through this ❤️

afox007

photokitty said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Update #6354: I just spoke with the host of the party. Holy effing shitballs, I'm RAGINGGGG.

Long story short: he initially didn't seem to believe me. He said I was perfectly fine when I left and was even smiling (doubtful, and I clearly was NOT fine), and that I woke up on my own when they turned on the light in the room (which, apparently, also means 'fine'?).

I called him out on that being bullshit, and recounted my lovely hospital experience. He stated that there was no way that happened at his house. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and because I messaged him the next morning and didn't say, "I was drugged", he basically doesn't believe it.

I defended myself again and pretty much told him his head is up my ass. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone right now -- I'm just laying out the facts. Facts which cannot be refuted. He said he can vouch for everyone who was there and doesn't want to get involved. He also said, "they only did a drug test?" and "they're only saying you were drugged right?"  ONLY? No, that's not the ONLY test they did. I wasn't "only" drugged. I was drugged. At your house. Maybe show some fucking sympathy (he didn't, even when I called him out on it).

I laid into him a little more about being in denial and defending the person who did this instead of putting himself in my shoes and trying to understand how I feel. He stopped answering after that.

What a jackass!

Please disregard my advice as it will not be helpful considering the douchecanoe you are dealing with.

I'm so sorry! I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better

Even if he didn't do it the douchecanoe is now the first in line for our angry bride skinning party.

pumpkinsandturkeys

afox007 said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Update #6354: I just spoke with the host of the party. Holy effing shitballs, I'm RAGINGGGG.

Long story short: he initially didn't seem to believe me. He said I was perfectly fine when I left and was even smiling (doubtful, and I clearly was NOT fine), and that I woke up on my own when they turned on the light in the room (which, apparently, also means 'fine'?).

I called him out on that being bullshit, and recounted my lovely hospital experience. He stated that there was no way that happened at his house. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and because I messaged him the next morning and didn't say, "I was drugged", he basically doesn't believe it.

I defended myself again and pretty much told him his head is up my ass. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone right now -- I'm just laying out the facts. Facts which cannot be refuted. He said he can vouch for everyone who was there and doesn't want to get involved. He also said, "they only did a drug test?" and "they're only saying you were drugged right?"  ONLY? No, that's not the ONLY test they did. I wasn't "only" drugged. I was drugged. At your house. Maybe show some fucking sympathy (he didn't, even when I called him out on it).

I laid into him a little more about being in denial and defending the person who did this instead of putting himself in my shoes and trying to understand how I feel. He stopped answering after that.

What a jackass!

Please disregard my advice as it will not be helpful considering the douchecanoe you are dealing with.

I'm so sorry! I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better

Even if he didn't do it the douchecanoe is now the first in line for our angry bride skinning party.

I'm now picturing an angry mob a la Beauty and the Beast, and I kinda love it.

afox007

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

afox007 said:

photokitty said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Update #6354: I just spoke with the host of the party. Holy effing shitballs, I'm RAGINGGGG.

Long story short: he initially didn't seem to believe me. He said I was perfectly fine when I left and was even smiling (doubtful, and I clearly was NOT fine), and that I woke up on my own when they turned on the light in the room (which, apparently, also means 'fine'?).

I called him out on that being bullshit, and recounted my lovely hospital experience. He stated that there was no way that happened at his house. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and because I messaged him the next morning and didn't say, "I was drugged", he basically doesn't believe it.

I defended myself again and pretty much told him his head is up my ass. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone right now -- I'm just laying out the facts. Facts which cannot be refuted. He said he can vouch for everyone who was there and doesn't want to get involved. He also said, "they only did a drug test?" and "they're only saying you were drugged right?"  ONLY? No, that's not the ONLY test they did. I wasn't "only" drugged. I was drugged. At your house. Maybe show some fucking sympathy (he didn't, even when I called him out on it).

I laid into him a little more about being in denial and defending the person who did this instead of putting himself in my shoes and trying to understand how I feel. He stopped answering after that.

What a jackass!

Please disregard my advice as it will not be helpful considering the douchecanoe you are dealing with.

I'm so sorry! I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better

Even if he didn't do it the douchecanoe is now the first in line for our angry bride skinning party.

I'm now picturing an angry mob a la Beauty and the Beast, and I kinda love it.

Honestly I think all of us will make that angry mob look tame. I do however have a few pitch forks at home. And I think it only fitting we find you a kick ass Belle dress!

vt&dt

After reading what the host said, I'm RAGING with you.

HOW DARE HE not respond with AT LEAST some sort of empathy or compassion for you, his so-called friend, who was definitely drugged and possibly attacked in THE WORST WAY at HIS OWN HOUSE.

People like that are the reason why SO MANY rapists get away with it.  When a girl says she may have been drugged and/or attacked, her whole world should pause to help her figure out what happened and how, and to help her recover.

Asshats that don't jump to the aid of the victim and say "it's no big deal" or "I bet nothing happened" are perhaps the worst type of people.

WildMagelet

T&P sent your way.  I'm glad you're seeking support.

IAW counseling for both you and FI together.  It will help you both cope, communicate, and move on.

I know you don't want to file a report, but I would have FI or one of those 2 BFFs you were talking about go down to the police station with you and get it on file regardless.  Even if you were "only" drugged, as the douchecanoe so lightly put it, you were stilled drugged.  Photokitty's condom theory has some merit to it as well, and if you don't want to deal with it yourself its always something the cops could do on your behalf as long as its before trashday.

I totally judge the party host and your co-workers for leaving you alone.  If they thought something was off they should have taken you home or to the hospital, not left you alone in a spare bedroom unsupervised with a bunch of strangers.  It was his party, he should own up and be responsible and help you work through this and piece some of the puzzle together.  I get that he is in denial and doesn't think any of his friends or acquaintances are capable of anything like that, but the hospital report already throws that out the window and he needs to get real.

I hope you find the answers you're looking for and can get back to some sort of normalcy with work, your FI, and life in general very soon.  T,P & best wishes.

KPBM89

OhMyGod.  How could he say that?!  No, no, absofuckinglutely no.  I am livid!  He is a terrible friend and guaranteed he knows who did it.  I'm joining in on the mob: and even if the host didn't do it himself, he deserves to go down, too.  FI will join the mob to make us look tougher: he's like 6'5" and a big guy.

HisGirlFriday13

After your update, I really, really think you need to file a police report. Even if all that happens is the detectives show up and grill his ass, there's a record now, and there's the suspicion, and maybe this will scare him into thinking before he does this again.

Because I totally think he was involved. 

Also, instead of skinning him, which I feel might be too quick a death, I think we need to come up with slow ways of torture for him. 

smalfrie19

we can always hog tie him and leave him for the crows!

Chipmunk415

The host just got added to Evil Chipmunk's list. I know you gals are thinking Beauty and the Beast mob....Evil Chipmunk thinks more along the lines of Delphine LaLaurie's attic a la American Horror Story: Coven and peeling this jerk's skin off like an orange.

Pumpkin, I'm so sorry at this turn of events. If I could fly to your location to give you a hug right now, I would. In the interim, I'm praying for you.

HaileyDancingbear

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Update #6354: I just spoke with the host of the party. Holy effing shitballs, I'm RAGINGGGG.

Long story short: he initially didn't seem to believe me. He said I was perfectly fine when I left and was even smiling (doubtful, and I clearly was NOT fine), and that I woke up on my own when they turned on the light in the room (which, apparently, also means 'fine'?).

I called him out on that being bullshit, and recounted my lovely hospital experience. He stated that there was no way that happened at his house. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and because I messaged him the next morning and didn't say, "I was drugged", he basically doesn't believe it.

I defended myself again and pretty much told him his head is up his ass. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone right now -- I'm just laying out the facts. Facts which cannot be refuted. He said he can vouch for everyone who was there and doesn't want to get involved. He also said, "they only did a drug test?" and "they're only saying you were drugged right?"  ONLY? No, that's not the ONLY test they did. I wasn't "only" drugged. I was drugged. At your house. Maybe show some fucking sympathy (he didn't, even when I called him out on it).

I laid into him a little more about being in denial and defending the person who did this instead of putting himself in my shoes and trying to understand how I feel. He stopped answering after that.

ETF: his head is up HIS ass, not mine. Silly autocorrect.

Take this with a grain of salt because obviously I can't be certain about anything as I'm just reading comments, but that is insanely suspicious.  I think he had something to do with it- perhaps one of his buddies did this and he's trying to cover for them?  I seriously doubt anyone is truly that insensitive that they could be so dismissive/defensive over this without a reason to be that way.  

But if you are looking for suspects, given this attitude I'd be very suspicious of him and his buddies.  It really does sound like he's trying to cover for someone.  

ETA even if he's innocent, fuck him and everyone else who feels the need to give the victim a fucking attitude.  Fuck them up the ass with a cactus.  You've been through a giant fucking ordeal and fucktards like this have to give you shit on top of it?  Fuck no.  Just fuck society's attitude towards sexual assault in general.  Fucking rapists out there and we give the victim shit.  Sorry, I'm fucking pissed.  Hopefully nothing I wrote is against TOS and if it is please let me know so I can edit.  

vollebell

Chipmunk415 said:

The host just got added to Evil Chipmunk's list. I know you gals are thinking Beauty and the Beast mob....Evil Chipmunk thinks more along the lines of Delphine LaLaurie's attic a la American Horror Story: Coven and peeling this jerk's skin off like an orange.

Pumpkin, I'm so sorry at this turn of events. If I could fly to your location to give you a hug right now, I would. In the interim, I'm praying for you.

My fiance wants to join the skinning party too, he is FURIOUS for you Pumpkin. We are all here for you.

So that's two more Chipmunk!

afox007

HisGirlFriday13 said:

After your update, I really, really think you need to file a police report. Even if all that happens is the detectives show up and grill his ass, there's a record now, and there's the suspicion, and maybe this will scare him into thinking before he does this again.

Because I totally think he was involved. 

Also, instead of skinning him, which I feel might be too quick a death, I think we need to come up with slow ways of torture for him. 

I agree its too nice. I vote hog tie with barbed wire then drag behind a truck over salt flats.

Cookie Pusher

FI and I have no problems joining the party. We got places to get rid of things. *wink wink*

rajahmd

HisGirlFriday13 said:

After your update, I really, really think you need to file a police report. Even if all that happens is the detectives show up and grill his ass, there's a record now, and there's the suspicion, and maybe this will scare him into thinking before he does this again.

Because I totally think he was involved. 

Also, instead of skinning him, which I feel might be too quick a death, I think we need to come up with slow ways of torture for him. 

Hmm. Better means of torture?

We could go all Lorena Bobbitt on his ass to start. Seems fitting given the circumstances.

pumpkinsandturkeys

Millionth Update: I finally got around to reading the large amount of literature the nurse gave me. Apparently, the Sexual Assault Centre here facilitates anonymous reporting with our local police service. I fill out a form, answering questions, etc, and they file that with the police so that there's something on record. This way, the police can look for trends or repeat offenders. Also, all of my specimens will stay frozen for 6 months, no matter what, just in case I decide to file an official report under my own name or the police notice a pattern and need access to any possible DNA.

I think I like the idea of anonymous reporting, even if it's just for the time being.

natswild

add me and FI to your group of justice providers...I also agree that the host is acting extremely suspicious, and it wouldn't hurt to have the police put the fear of god into him, before we all descend on him, and get medieval on his ass.

WinstonsGirl

I'm so sorry to hear about this Pumpkin.  I like the idea of anonymous reporting.  Even if nothing comes of it, the Police then have a record of it happening and it may help other cases in the future.  Thoughts to you and your FI

firebabe6519

I second the trash hunt for condoms. You can file anonymously and still have the police go through his house and trash.

FI and I would gladly join in the torture party! We have excellent ideas for slow and hellacious torture. :-)

bethsmiles

Wow...your "friend"...there just aren't even words. If he isn't involved (which I, like some of the PPs, suspect he might be) he is still an absolute piece of crap. Just reading your post about him makes me want to hurt him.

Also, I'm glad you are considering reporting, you never may know what will come of it.

JCbride2015

Cookie Pusher said:

FI and I have no problems joining the party. We got places to get rid of things. *wink wink*

My Italian, Jersey-boy Fi just said the exact same thing. Jersey has plenty of places to hide... Trash.

Fi will join the angry mob. He's raging for you, too.

Cookie Pusher

I think I've mentioned before, but there were more big guys in dark suits with their arms folder over their chests at my parents' wedding than there were regular guests. Things just get taken care of around here. FI's brother is a Green Beret, in case that might be useful...

FutureMrsN3312

Thoughts and prayers for you and your FI. I want to kick the party host in the balls really really hard and make him look like a human unicorn . Don't get me started on your "friends". I've been out with people I'm not even found of and would never just leave them alone in a bathroom or bedroom. Look into counseling for you alone and you and your FI. I've been a victim of a violent crime (armed robbery) and I regret not seeking help right away. Here if you need me. xoxo

jdluvr06

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Update #6354: I just spoke with the host of the party. Holy effing shitballs, I'm RAGINGGGG.

Long story short: he initially didn't seem to believe me. He said I was perfectly fine when I left and was even smiling (doubtful, and I clearly was NOT fine), and that I woke up on my own when they turned on the light in the room (which, apparently, also means 'fine'?).

I called him out on that being bullshit, and recounted my lovely hospital experience. He stated that there was no way that happened at his house. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and because I messaged him the next morning and didn't say, "I was drugged", he basically doesn't believe it.

I defended myself again and pretty much told him his head is up his ass. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone right now -- I'm just laying out the facts. Facts which cannot be refuted. He said he can vouch for everyone who was there and doesn't want to get involved. He also said, "they only did a drug test?" and "they're only saying you were drugged right?"  ONLY? No, that's not the ONLY test they did. I wasn't "only" drugged. I was drugged. At your house. Maybe show some fucking sympathy (he didn't, even when I called him out on it).

I laid into him a little more about being in denial and defending the person who did this instead of putting himself in my shoes and trying to understand how I feel. He stopped answering after that.

ETF: his head is up HIS ass, not mine. Silly autocorrect.

Wow... What an asshole. ETA: please file a police report. My BIL is a cop and when I was telling him about this he said that you should file a police report and bug the shit out of the cops to search your friends home. My sister, BIL, and FI are very angry on your behalf.

pumpkinsandturkeys

The rapidly-expanding and increasingly diverse mob that's forming is making me smile, and laugh at times (ie: the Jersey trash collectors, the Green Beret, and the "human unicorn"). Thank you all -- I really needed this.

HisGirlFriday13

I live in Central PA -- home of the bazillion and one state game lands (read: large areas of woods where things go missing all the time).

Just sayin'

firebabe6519

I think its soooooo much crueler to leave the bastard alive after. You can slowly dismember a live and coherent human one tiny sliver at a time until nothing but a head, neck, and mangled trunk of a body remain without causing death all the while keeping the person alive and able to feel every Godforsaken second of the hell inflicted. I'm pretty partial to this method. :-P

pumpkinsandturkeys

firebabe6519 said:

I think its soooooo much crueler to leave the bastard alive after. You can slowly dismember a live and coherent human one tiny sliver at a time until nothing but a head, neck, and mangled trunk of a body remain without causing death all the while keeping the person alive and able to feel every Godforsaken second of the hell inflicted. I'm pretty partial to this method. :-P

@firebabe6519 I'm not even going to ask how you know this, but you're proving to be a valuable resource haha

@HisGirlFriday13 We have a large amount of hunting/forested areas in Ontario, too... I like the way you think.

ETF grammar