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Introduction Post (just a little late!)

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Re: Introduction Post (just a little late!)

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    PepperallyPepperally member
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    wiggsaj said:
    Yes, we will change in our tewnties. And our thirties. And our fourties. But isn't the art of a relationship growing and changing together? I've changed more in the last three years of my life than I have changed ever sense I was a toddler, and all three of those years have been a dance between he and myself. We change and grow together through communication, sharing precious time, laughs, tears, and many kisses. Our relationship is based off of mutual respect, trust, and love of each other and Jesus. When we fight, we do not yell or scream, we discover. There is no hiding your feelings in our relationship. We think before we talk and we ALWAYS talk through everything. We go through premarital counseling and relationship classes. We know the statistics. We know the odds. More importantly than all of that, we love each other faithfully and endlessly, and we know that for a fact. 





    I just can't get past the bolded, I was laughing so hard.  I personally don't have any input at this point.  I, like others have stated, don't see much that I would want to continue to get to know you or give a crap what you choose to do.  Your approach at attempting to nuture new internet friendships is just not my cup of tea. 

     

     

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    audrewuhaudrewuh member
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    Blue & White said:
    You know you have to work full time with no pay for an entire semester at the end of an education degree? And you won't have time for work aka income. Have you socked away enough to keep you afloat for over four months? And how do you and your fi have high paying jobs when you're still in high school? Cause a) teaching doesn't pay well so you're not getting valuable teaching experience and b) you still hAve school...? I'm doing it wrong. I should move to Texas where I can roll in the money!
    I find this particularly comical because school districts are suing the state for underfunding their educators. 

    Says the girl who recently graduated with an education degree. 
    --------------------------------------------------------------


     
    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
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    Blackbird230Blackbird230 member
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    @lennonkdc, I love your poodle metaphor.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
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    If the OP ever returns, I just want to chime in. I am also one of the younger ones on TK (just turned 23 years old).  I moved across the country away from everything I had ever known at age 22, and left behind my current boyfriend who I had been dating for over a year at the time, never knowing when I would see him next. That was the one of the most difficult things that I ever had to do, but the job offer was too great to pass up. At 17, I would have laughed in your face out of disbelief if you told me that I would end up on the opposite coast in a few years. We talked about breaking up, just so that we would both have a chance to be with someone close by to where we each lived. Fortunately a few months after my move, he got a better job offer near where I lived, and we now live together. My point is, there are going to be things that you couldn't even imagine happen in the next few years of your life. Those are going to be exponentially more difficult to work out if you are married.

    What happens if you get a teaching job in an area of the country hours away from your fiance at the end of college? Have you considered that possibility? Someone that I know who went to Harvard for a teaching degree is currently teaching in China. What if that happens to you? I agree with previous posters in that if it is meant to be, it will work out eventually.

    Also, I would like to know how you plan on financing a house with no credit? Guess what, you get good credit by having loans, and a small credit card won't help to improve your credit score as much as a large car loan that you don't miss payments on would. Just something else to consider.


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    crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
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    I don't get it. Why must you have that piece of paper to feel complete at 17 years old? It's an incredibly important and meaningful piece of paper, but not one that should be taken at the fist opportunity. You can do many of the things a married couple does without being married...you can live together, own a home together, share your finances, get a pet, travel together, have kids, etc etc. if you say you can't live or sleep together until marriage then you simply wait on those things. Marriage is such an incredible right, one that so many have to unfairly fight for. You're treating it like it's not as big of a dal than it is. You are too young to truly understand what marriage is and how much work it takes.

    No one has said that you aren't in love or that the marriage would definitely fail. They're pointing out the fact that the odds aren't in your favor and you are not emotionally mature enough to make such a decision. Even just a few years would make a huge difference! I know that they're right. I was you. I was that stereotypical honor student, taking college credits, had a decent job for my age,and I felt I was this 30 year old in a 17 year olds body. My bf and I talked marriage, made life plans.

    Instead I wound up abusing drugs, dropping out of college after my first semester, breaking up with that bf, in drug treatment. Then at 20 I found a wonderful man. We knew we'd marry a few months into the relationship but were in no rush. We ended up buying a home, I got a good job and we have 2 beautiful boys. We just got married this past October when I was 25 and he was 33. Waiting was a great decision as we already had the foundation and knew what marriage would entail. We could have married within that first year, we knew it was going to happen anyway. But we were mature enough to wait. Being mature and ready means knowing when waiting is the best option. Maturity means realizing that things can change and wanting to have the best chance at success. There are too many variables at your age to have the odds in your favor. There is no single good reason not to wait.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    CLoGreenEyes said:

    @wiggsaj, if you continue to argue and respond to our questions this way, no one is really going to want to interact with you on here. I'm not trying to be mean; it's just the facts. There is a difference between explaining yourself and going so far as to say we're wrong and that you are actually SORRY for how our relationships must be going if this is what we say to you. That's not a way to make friends. I'm sure you would agree that walking up to people IRL and physically saying what you just wrote would be perceived as pretty aggressive. Regardless of what other people say to you, don't YOU want to conduct yourself in a way that you can be proud of?

    I think a much more effective response on your part would have read something like, "Thank you all for sharing your concerns. To answer your questions, FI and I realize we are very young, but we have worked very hard to make sure our finances, education, faith, and personal identities are in good standing. Since you were curious, I'm not much of a reader, but I did enjoy (insert a book, a magazine, ANYTHING), and I like my potatoes (insert method of potato preparation here). I like to spend my time (insert other hobbies here, and perhaps a question as to whether anyone else likes those one or two things too)." If you don't want to focus on this one thing (that you specifically made sure to share with us in your OP, by the way), that's fine, I guess, but give us something else to focus on instead of making it the target of every one of your posts. The fact that you continue to so ardently defend your every life decision indicates (perhaps falsely, but still) that you're NOT 100% comfortable with it, whereas simply stating your stance and moving on at least gives us more to go on to understand you as a whole person, rather than the 17-year-old girl who is already engaged and apparently doesn't like to read.

    For what it's worth, I think it's great that you have a steady, long-term relationship with someone you think is good for you. I sincerely hope it will work out as a wonderful, supportive lifelong relationship for you, because the alternative is heartbreaking. You've already heard the numerous things you need to consider, both practical matters and otherwise, so I won't reiterate. You're right, just because you're 17 doesn't mean it won't work out. And just because you're mature for your age and "none of us would think you were only 17 if we met you" doesn't mean it will. That's entirely up to you, and it makes no difference to us what happens in your relationship in the end. That's why I hope you will really take to heart what has been said here - it's not for our sake but for yours and yours alone.


    Cant get out of the box...

    This is one of the comments I actually appreciate. 

    Thank you. :)

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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    crunchymamaof2 said:
    I don't get it. Why must you have that piece of paper to feel complete at 17 years old? It's an incredibly important and meaningful piece of paper, but not one that should be taken at the fist opportunity. You can do many of the things a married couple does without being married...you can live together, own a home together, share your finances, get a pet, travel together, have kids, etc etc. if you say you can't live or sleep together until marriage then you simply wait on those things. Marriage is such an incredible right, one that so many have to unfairly fight for. You're treating it like it's not as big of a dal than it is. You are too young to truly understand what marriage is and how much work it takes.

    No one has said that you aren't in love or that the marriage would definitely fail. They're pointing out the fact that the odds aren't in your favor and you are not emotionally mature enough to make such a decision. Even just a few years would make a huge difference! I know that they're right. I was you. I was that stereotypical honor student, taking college credits, had a decent job for my age,and I felt I was this 30 year old in a 17 year olds body. My bf and I talked marriage, made life plans.

    Instead I wound up abusing drugs, dropping out of college after my first semester, breaking up with that bf, in drug treatment. Then at 20 I found a wonderful man. We knew we'd marry a few months into the relationship but were in no rush. We ended up buying a home, I got a good job and we have 2 beautiful boys. We just got married this past October when I was 25 and he was 33. Waiting was a great decision as we already had the foundation and knew what marriage would entail. We could have married within that first year, we knew it was going to happen anyway. But we were mature enough to wait. Being mature and ready means knowing when waiting is the best option. Maturity means realizing that things can change and wanting to have the best chance at success. There are too many variables at your age to have the odds in your favor. There is no single good reason not to wait.
    I, by no means, am treating it like it's no big deal. 
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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    Viczaesar said:
    wiggsaj said:
    So it takes a complete explination of each and every life decision to "gain" respect from all of you? 

    I didn't even want to answer your questions because I know that no matter what I would have said, you would have argued that I was being immature. I don't respond at all, I'm immature. I don't answer your questions because I don't care what you all have to say about my decisions when you don't know me, I'm immature. I try to answer your questions in the very most polite and respectable way I possibly can, I'm immature. I say I don't like to read, I'm immature. I say I love Jesus, I'm immature. I say that it's politically incorrect to ask a woman if she's pregnant, I'm immature. I say that I can't wait to get to know all of you, I'm immature.

    My family, my friends, my coworkers, my pastors, even my grandparents (who were married at 18 and just celebrated their 40th anniversary) are all blindly convinced that even though I'm a "speshul snowflake" (whatever that is) that my relationship is very healthy and they foresee it lasting forever. Literally the only issue that we could have due to our age would be finances, and because we've been saving for so long, we could put a heafty downpayment on a house. So finances are not an issue for us either. 

    Yes, we will change in our tewnties. And our thirties. And our fourties. But isn't the art of a relationship growing and changing together? I've changed more in the last three years of my life than I have changed ever sense I was a toddler, and all three of those years have been a dance between he and myself. We change and grow together through communication, sharing precious time, laughs, tears, and many kisses. Our relationship is based off of mutual respect, trust, and love of each other and Jesus. When we fight, we do not yell or scream, we discover. There is no hiding your feelings in our relationship. We think before we talk and we ALWAYS talk through everything. We go through premarital counseling and relationship classes. We know the statistics. We know the odds. More importantly than all of that, we love each other faithfully and endlessly, and we know that for a fact. 

    Why do I want to get married right now?
    When I look at my future, my past, and today, I couldn't be happier with the way it all looks. I can't picture myself traveling the world, going to school, or further discovering myself without my best friend beside me in the process. You all ask me, "why now" and I can't help but answer with "why wait?" They say that when you know, you just know. You guys, I'm so happy. I really am so happy. I know I've got so much to learn about being a bride and being a wife. Quite honestly, I'll probably never quite figure it out. But I can't wait to start that adventure with my beautiful soon to be husband. People have honestly told me that I should feel so lucky because I've found a man who loves me more than most people will ever be loved in their whole life, and that even more so, I've found him while I'm so young. This isn't like some little fling. This isn't one of those break-up-every-week-but-want-to-get-married-to-make-it-officail type of things. No, this is something very beautiful and special. 

    All of you that are trying to tell me that I should expect this type of behavior, you should be especially ashamed of yourselves. If we all met up and had coffee one day, none of you would even guess my age unless I told you. I'm a very honest young woman, so I'd tell you, but we could talk for hours before you'd know. I don't mean the way I look, because standing next to 17 year olds I look 17 while standing next to 22 year olds I look 22 (according to just about everyone who has met me). I mean that I'm not an ignorant child, but rather a very sensitive old soul. The people that have actually met me have all agreed. If any of you had an ounce of education in psychology, you'd know that the things you notice about other people are things you actually notice about yourself. Directly translated: I'm very sorry that you all feel insecure about yourselves or your relationships. I pray blessings over your current or future marriages. 

    That's my piece. If I had the time or the energy to tell you all the reasons I'm getting married than I would. However this is not my first rodeo and I'm not ignorant enough to believe that any of you would actually respect me after reading this. I know that your 2-10 years of life experience gives you all "wisdom" but the fact that I actually know me, and I know the situation in it's entirety gives me a leg up over any word of advice coming from someone who doesn't know anything about me other than my age and the fact that I don't like to read. I know some of you will quote me and type in some snide remarks about how "immature" or "wrong" I am, or about how something I said is "BS." Some of you will comment and explain how what I'm doing is stupid and I shouldn't go through with it because the odds are against me, or anyway they were against you when you were 17. Some of you wont even respond either due to the fact that you have no idea what you should say or because you wont be waisting your time with someone as immature as myself. I, on the other hand, will continue being "rude" and get back to my real human life. As you all know, it's Sunday and I'm not going to be back for another 5 days (or 12 years, as some of you like to exaggerate).

    While I'm gone, just remember that no matter what you say on this forum, I wont judge you as a human being, and I continue to anticipate the relationships I'll create with you. I'm sure that outside of this, you are all beautiful people who would never honestly think it's appropriate to treat a person this way. So, I will accept all of your snide remarks or completely rude comments as "congratulations on your engagement!" :)

    For that, thanks!



    Is this an example of the "college education" you're supposedly getting? 
    If you were reading, you'd know that I'm not taking college classes to be a psychologist. I'm taking them to be a teacher. 
    I googled it to find an article for you all to read, if you don't believe me. 
    It's pretty funny how I could find at least 4 articles on something that doesn't exist in the first page of the google search. Hmm.

    Must be because I am uneducated.

    Please enjoy the following:





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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    AuroraRose41 said:

    If the OP ever returns, I just want to chime in. I am also one of the younger ones on TK (just turned 23 years old).  I moved across the country away from everything I had ever known at age 22, and left behind my current boyfriend who I had been dating for over a year at the time, never knowing when I would see him next. That was the one of the most difficult things that I ever had to do, but the job offer was too great to pass up. At 17, I would have laughed in your face out of disbelief if you told me that I would end up on the opposite coast in a few years. We talked about breaking up, just so that we would both have a chance to be with someone close by to where we each lived. Fortunately a few months after my move, he got a better job offer near where I lived, and we now live together. My point is, there are going to be things that you couldn't even imagine happen in the next few years of your life. Those are going to be exponentially more difficult to work out if you are married.

    What happens if you get a teaching job in an area of the country hours away from your fiance at the end of college? Have you considered that possibility? Yes. We will find something local so that we never have to be so far away from family. Someone that I know who went to Harvard for a teaching degree is currently teaching in China. What if that happens to you? I agree with previous posters in that if it is meant to be, it will work out eventually.

    Also, I would like to know how you plan on financing a house with no credit? Guess what, you get good credit by having loans, and a small credit card won't help to improve your credit score as much as a large car loan that you don't miss payments on would. Just something else to consider. There are plenty of other ways to build credit. For example, renting an apartment and paying on time every month. Having a credit card and making maximum payments on it. Renting property and paying every month on time. It's not required to take loans on big purchases if you can afford to do otherwise.

    Thank you for your concern, though. 
    & I truly appreciate the inside view. Thanks for sharing your story!
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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    lennonkdc said:
    ohannabelle said:
    The OP is an adolescent. That's not an opinion, not a judgement, just fact. Her brain is not yet developed. Her reasoning skills, ability to predict outcomes, and overall ability to make reason based as opposed to emotion based decisions are not there yet. It's simply not possible. Her cognitive development is still under construction. Her brain chemistry is not that of an adult. By about age 22-25, she should be capable of adult reasoning.
    This has nothing to do with intelligence. It's true of both the brightest and stupidest 17 year old.
    So to the OP, yes. No matter what you say, someone will probably say "that's immature." Because you are. You are an adolescent, which shows in your "writing." You don't respond or reason like an adult. If you need to understand more, you will probably need to read some of those tiresome books that "limit your imagination." Start with a book on adolescent psychology, because it seems apparent that your mother hasn't educated herself on it, and someone needs to. One day, you'll look back on this and cringe with shame, or laugh like hell at your melodramatic teenage posturing.
    If you are as "mature" as you claim, and want a happy and successful life, you would wait to become engaged/married until you were, indeed, fully physically and mentally mature. You aren't.
    THIS x a billion!!

    OP, my cousin started dating her now H at 12, they 'knew' at 17 they wanted to get married and have a life together. So they did, she went to school, he worked, they got an apartment together and waited until they were 22 get married. They both wish they had waited longer b/c marriage isn't just getting to live together and have sex with gods approval, and until you have lived longer than a well cared for poodle you have no idea how to successfully be an adult, let alone a good spouse. 
    Thank you for their story. I appreciate the inside view. It's good to see that they are working out! :) 

    I think that it's a beautiful thing how we don't have to know how to be a good spouse when going into marriage. It's a never ending process of becoming a perfect spouse by continuing to learn and grow through every experience in life, no matter when it takes place. I'm blessed to have the experiences that I do, and I can't wait to learn more.

    Thank you for the positive thinking and well wishes!
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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    Blue & White said:
    You know you have to work full time with no pay for an entire semester at the end of an education degree? And you won't have time for work aka income. Yes. Have you socked away enough to keep you afloat for over four months?  Yes. And how do you and your fi have high paying jobs when you're still in high school? Cause a) teaching doesn't pay well so you're not getting valuable teaching experience I am a receptionist, not a teacher. I'm going to be a teacher after college, and in the next few months I will be a teacher in a daycare for children 0-5. My valuable teaching experience will come when I enter that job. and b) you still hAve school...?  I don't know why it's hard for you to believe that there are people in the world who work and attend school. That's what I'm doing. I'm doing it wrong. I should move to Texas where I can roll in the money!

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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    ohannabelle said:
    The OP is an adolescent. That's not an opinion, not a judgement, just fact. Her brain is not yet developed. Her reasoning skills, ability to predict outcomes, and overall ability to make reason based as opposed to emotion based decisions are not there yet. It's simply not possible. Her cognitive development is still under construction. Her brain chemistry is not that of an adult. By about age 22-25, she should be capable of adult reasoning. It's not 22-25. It's 25. 
    This has nothing to do with intelligence. It's true of both the brightest and stupidest 17 year old.
    So to the OP, yes. No matter what you say, someone will probably say "that's immature." Because you are. You are an adolescent, which shows in your "writing." You don't respond or reason like an adult. If you need to understand more, you will probably need to read some of those tiresome books that "limit your imagination." Start with a book on adolescent psychology, because it seems apparent that your mother hasn't educated herself on it, and someone needs to. One day, you'll look back on this and cringe with shame, or laugh like hell at your melodramatic teenage posturing.
    If you are as "mature" as you claim, and want a happy and successful life, you would wait to become engaged/married until you were, indeed, fully physically and mentally mature. You aren't.  
    60% of those who marry before 25 years old get divorced.
    You seem to be under the impression that it's 100%. It sounds crazy, but there are some people actually do get married at 18, and they actually do last! They seem to be able to have a "happy and successful life", don't they? Even though they are not, indeed, "fully physically and mentally mature." So are you trying to say that based off of my 2 or 3 posts, you can dictate exactly what my future is bound to look like and exactly how I am different from those "happy and successful" marriages, huh?
    Or, is it just a matter of judgment? Maybe it's the fact that you do not like the idea of people having a successful life after doing something that you disagree with. Maybe it's the fact that you have some sort of "speshul snowflake" mentality (as you all like to throw around) making you honestly believe that the only type of marriage that could possibly last is the type that you choose.
    Maybe that's all false. I guess those are questions you should be asking yourself.
    There is still 40% of those young marriages that last a lifetime. That's only 10% less than the overall divorce rate, which is what every single one of you is looking at.
    That's right. Some of you have a 50% chance of staying married and the rest of us have a 40% chance. 

    And what about those other stats that we are blindly ignoring. 60-70% of couples who live together before marriage end up getting divorced. [source: McCarthy]. Well... it looks like you guys are in deeper crap than I am, but I'm not asking you if you're pregnant? Must be because I'm immature.

    Feel free to check out my source on that one as you wish:

    I am immature, mentally and physically. I don't know how to be a wife yet because I haven't been one yet. I have no idea what I'm getting into. But as far as I can tell, there is a 40% chance that I will have my happily ever after, and I'm sorry for counting on that. 
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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    GoldenPenguin said:
    Oh for FUCKS sake. (I hope I didn't bother your gentle little ears with the profanity.) 

    I don't care how judgmental it sounds - you should be far more worried about your prom dress than your fucking wedding. You're a fucking child - and you prove that more & more with every post.  

    A loan is the "worst financial decision" a person could make? Seriously? You're so independently wealthy at fucking 17 that you can afford to go to college without a loan? Yes. There are grants and scholorships available for teachers to work in inner-city schools. Many of those opportunities will pay for my schooling 100%. I'm looking at less than $5,000 that I need to either pay indepentently or using grants. I have no plans of taking out a loan. 

    Also, it's "interest," not "intrest." You would think a worldly writer would know such things. 
    I figured there would be at least one person who would find my one or two typos. I like to write. I never said I have an editorial buisness grading and rating all of my posts on TK. I just enjoy picking up my journal or my computer and writing. I don't know why every single thing I say has to be some sort of a judgment on here.

    image

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    doeydodoeydo member
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    I just read through this entire thread and am shocked at how in denial you seem to be about how your age affects your ability to make adult decisions and how it will affect your marriage.  These men and women have good points, and you should listen to them instead of just brushing them aside as if "This won't happen to me/doesn't apply to me".  Also, I think a sad and large part of you choosing to get married right away has to do with your religiousness and wanting to wait for sex until marriage.  If you get married now, you can have sinless sex, as I am sure you two are tempted to.   http://forums.thenest.com/discussion/12014507/did-anyone-wait#latest  In case anyone is interested. 
    OP, when I was a teenager I was constantly referred to as mature for my age, but I still made stupid decisions that I regret now.  I have been dating my FI since I was 16.  We got started living together and got engaged when I was 20, and plan on getting married when I am 22.   I have changed a hell of a lot since we started dating.  I am in college and working.  My FI, who is older than myself, also works.  I love him to death, and if you had asked me a couple of years ago if I thought we would get married and be together forever I would undoubtedly have said yes. Lately, though, we have been having a few issues and honestly, right now I am not sure how it will work out, but I hope it does.
    So, you seriously do not have a favourite book?  
    image
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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    I tried to respond to almost everyone. I'm sorry if I missed your post. I'm sure you wont take it as a personal offense. I think I got plenty of questions answered, and if you feel that yours has not been answered, please read the other comments. Many questions were asked more than once.

    If I truly missed it, I'm truly sorry. I had no intentions of making you feel as though your thoughts are not not valuable to me. They are very valuable, but also offensive. 

    To those of you who have wished me well, thank you. 

    To those of you who have shared personal stories, thank you. 

    Honestly, the only response I was expecting when I created this post was a "welcome" or something. I have tried wedding websites before, and I have only ever run into brutal and horrible things being said by women who have every religious and civil right to be married as I do. I'm sorry if you disagree, but that's a fact.

    I am a hard working, kind, happy, loving young woman. I do my job as a human by showing up to work on time, by donating money and time to those who need it, and by being exactly the person I am supposed to be. I have unique personality trates, such as the fact that I don't like to read and I like potatoes every single way because I'm a carb fanatic. I'm sorry if you disagree with those things, but that's who I am and I don't care to change for any one of you. It's sad that you'd ask that of me.

    I don't deserve to have any one of you attack me with these personal offenses. Not any single one of you. That said, it's pretty clear to me that I'm not the only one who has a little bit of growing up to do.

    None of us know how to be a spouse yet. I don't think anyone ever truly knows how to be a spouse. Maybe some of you are married now, or have been married before. If that's the case, sure, you have more experience than I do. In fact, I think all of you have been alive at least two years longer than myself, so you at least have a little bit more life experience under your belt. Some of you may know much more than I do about marriage and I love to read about those experiences. If you know another couple who got married young (below 20 is probably closest to my situation) and they either made it or didn't, please share their stories. If you did marry young, please share your story. Even still, while I love to hear your story and your words of wisdom, I don't need you to tell me that the odds are against me. I don't need you to curse at me or make fun of me. I don't need anyone to consider themselves better than me, because I consider all people equal. That is not constructive. Literally none of you ladies know me. Not a single one. All you know is what I've told you on this post (or other posts, for the few that have made the efforts to seriously continue this nastiness on other posts). That's not enough to make any sort of decisions about me or the things I'm doing. 

    If there is anything I've learned in my insignificant lifetime it is that it's okay to disagree with someone. Just because someone is doing something you don't like, that doesn't mean that you have to beat them down. It's okay to live the life you live without forcing others to agree with you. 
    So at this point I'm going to take my own advice and enjoy the life I lead to the fullest extent without having everyone agree with the things I'm doing. I think I should have stuck with my first approach by ignoring the snide remarks and not trying to defend my decisions. When some of you said that you were offended by that, I tried to go back and answer questions, being as naive as I am. I should have foreseen the mistreatment that I was in for. It was silly of me to assume that saying anything at all would earn respect. Especially when I was raised to believe that respect is something given, not earned. I'm in no place to ask you to take my advice by trying to live your own life without needing to have me agree with you, but I may as well recomend that to you because it makes for a much happier lifestyle. 
    I'd also like to ask if we could skip to the part where we all agree to disagree? I know you all have very valid things to say, but I can most likely guarantee you that I've heard it before either through this forum alone or elsewhere in my life. I don't need any more rudeness or hurtful remarks. As rude as that request may seem, it's very consuming to read these every weekend. I respect you all and I know that few to none of you respect me. I'm willing to fully accept that. I knew that would happen the moment I said yes. Now that we're clear, is that a fair request?

    Lastly, I don't need any of you to be my friend. We're on a forum. If you want to comment on my posts, great! If you don't, great! I'll be happy to read and comment on your posts when I see them. When I refer to the relationships that I'll build with you, I'm simply talking about the next 3-6 months that I'll be on this website. I have plenty of friends in my actual life. I'm not really interested in making any more through a website. You don't need to worry about rejecting me. 

    Absolutely none of this was written in sarcasm. It may seem like it, but you have my word.
    I hope you all have a great day!

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    doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    wiggsaj said:
    I tried to respond to almost everyone. I'm sorry if I missed your post. I'm sure you wont take it as a personal offense. I think I got plenty of questions answered, and if you feel that yours has not been answered, please read the other comments. Many questions were asked more than once.

    If I truly missed it, I'm truly sorry. I had no intentions of making you feel as though your thoughts are not not valuable to me. They are very valuable, but also offensive. 

    To those of you who have wished me well, thank you. 

    To those of you who have shared personal stories, thank you. 

    Honestly, the only response I was expecting when I created this post was a "welcome" or something. I have tried wedding websites before, and I have only ever run into brutal and horrible things being said by women who have every religious and civil right to be married as I do. I'm sorry if you disagree, but that's a fact.

    I am a hard working, kind, happy, loving young woman. I do my job as a human by showing up to work on time, by donating money and time to those who need it, and by being exactly the person I am supposed to be. I have unique personality trates, such as the fact that I don't like to read and I like potatoes every single way because I'm a carb fanatic. I'm sorry if you disagree with those things, but that's who I am and I don't care to change for any one of you. It's sad that you'd ask that of me.

    I don't deserve to have any one of you attack me with these personal offenses. Not any single one of you. That said, it's pretty clear to me that I'm not the only one who has a little bit of growing up to do.  Attacked?  Were you and I reading different posts?

    None of us know how to be a spouse yet. I don't think anyone ever truly knows how to be a spouse. Maybe some of you are married now, or have been married before. If that's the case, sure, you have more experience than I do. In fact, I think all of you have been alive at least two years longer than myself, so you at least have a little bit more life experience under your belt. Some of you may know much more than I do about marriage and I love to read about those experiences. If you know another couple who got married young (below 20 is probably closest to my situation) and they either made it or didn't, please share their stories. If you did marry young, please share your story. Even still, while I love to hear your story and your words of wisdom, I don't need you to tell me that the odds are against me. I don't need you to curse at me or make fun of me. I don't need anyone to consider themselves better than me, because I consider all people equal. That is not constructive. Literally none of you ladies know me. Not a single one. All you know is what I've told you on this post (or other posts, for the few that have made the efforts to seriously continue this nastiness on other posts). That's not enough to make any sort of decisions about me or the things I'm doing. No one said that they are better than you, they were trying to point out to you things that you may not have thought of because you are 17 turning 18 soon, which is very young to be entering into marriage.  Is this your first relationship?  

    If there is anything I've learned in my insignificant lifetime it is that it's okay to disagree with someone. Just because someone is doing something you don't like, that doesn't mean that you have to beat them down. It's okay to live the life you live without forcing others to agree with you. Believe it or not, I think the PPs were attempting to help you.  If you would just listen and think about what they are saying...
    So at this point I'm going to take my own advice and enjoy the life I lead to the fullest extent without having everyone agree with the things I'm doing. I think I should have stuck with my first approach by ignoring the snide remarks and not trying to defend my decisions. When some of you said that you were offended by that, I tried to go back and answer questions, being as naive as I am. I should have foreseen the mistreatment that I was in for. It was silly of me to assume that saying anything at all would earn respect. Especially when I was raised to believe that respect is something given, not earned. I'm in no place to ask you to take my advice by trying to live your own life without needing to have me agree with you, but I may as well recomend that to you because it makes for a much happier lifestyle. 
    I'd also like to ask if we could skip to the part where we all agree to disagree? I know you all have very valid things to say, but I can most likely guarantee you that I've heard it before either through this forum alone or elsewhere in my life. I don't need any more rudeness or hurtful remarks. As rude as that request may seem, it's very consuming to read these every weekend. I respect you all and I know that few to none of you respect me. I'm willing to fully accept that. I knew that would happen the moment I said yes. Now that we're clear, is that a fair request?  I cannot speak for other posters, but I most certainly respect you.  Yes, we disagree.  but that doesn't mean I should shut up.  This is a discussion forum, where people discuss things.
    Lastly, I don't need any of you to be my friend. We're on a forum. If you want to comment on my posts, great! If you don't, great! I'll be happy to read and comment on your posts when I see them. When I refer to the relationships that I'll build with you, I'm simply talking about the next 3-6 months that I'll be on this website. I have plenty of friends in my actual life. I'm not really interested in making any more through a website. You don't need to worry about rejecting me. 

    Absolutely none of this was written in sarcasm. It may seem like it, but you have my word.
    I hope you all have a great day!


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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    KeptInStitches said:
    Even though you've asked all of us who disagree to shut up, I have one more point to mention.

    If you don't get your scholarships or grants, will you still not take out loans? After all, according to you, that's the worst financial decision you could make.
    I will do whatever I can to avoid it, but if I need to, than that's what I will do. 

    But so far I haven't needed to spend a dime and all of my first year is already paid off by grants, so I'm really not in horrible shape so far. 

    I just don't want to be paying student loans for half my life.
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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    wiggsaj said:
    KeptInStitches said:
    Even though you've asked all of us who disagree to shut up, I have one more point to mention.

    If you don't get your scholarships or grants, will you still not take out loans? After all, according to you, that's the worst financial decision you could make.
    I will do whatever I can to avoid it, but if I need to, than that's what I will do. 

    But so far I haven't needed to spend a dime and all of my first year is already paid off by grants, so I'm really not in horrible shape so far. 

    I just don't want to be paying student loans for half my life.
    Sometimes that's just how life works out.
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