FFF

STARMOON44

Anyone else really miss flame-fest Friday? In the spirit of it, how about we share things that the lovely ladies of the etiquette board think are proper, but that we personally disagree with.

For me: cocktail hour seating. I don't think it's rude to not have a seat for every single person for a cocktail hour. Some seats, yes, but not for everyone. And I don't get the "people need to park their bags and coats" argument- do you not have coat check? People don't need a place to sit and eat during the cocktail hour because you shouldn't be serving knife and fork required food. Your shoes should be comfortable enough to mingle in. And if somehow able bodied people hog all the chairs, there's nothing wrong with someone who needs a seat asking for one.

I don't chime in with this advice in threads because there's clearly a consensus here that seats are a must, but in honor of Friday this is my vent.

sofakingmad

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that had seating during cocktail hour.  Ever. 

grumbledore

I actually agree with you - I have never seen full seating at a cocktail hour unless it's in the same room as the reception, and I haven't thought twice about it.  I wouldn't judge a couple for not having full seating during cocktails, as long as there was some seating available for those who wanted it.  I'm usually too busy stuffing my face with apps to care.

Our wedding will have full seating during cocktails because it's in the same room as dinner.

Also, I am sad that this isn't a real FFF thread because I got really excited since we had quite a few Snowflakes this week.

climbingsingle

I thought it was mostly agreed upon that the cocktail hour didn't require a seat for every butt. 

grumbledore

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I thought it was mostly agreed upon that the cocktail hour didn't require a seat for every butt. 

I've seen quite a few E regs argue for a seat for everyone during cocktail hour - I think it's an unsettled debate.

MrsMack10612

I was also excited at the prospect of a FFF.

The E Board had given me the advice that I should have seating for half of my guests.  So, we were expecting 120, I should have a minimum of 60 chairs during cocktail hour.

I would never expect a cocktail hour to have enough seats for every guest; I would expect folks to mingle. 

sofakingmad

I didn't have any seats at my cocktail hour, but the reception area was just a few feet away and guests were more than welcome to head up there and take their seats at anytime.  

TheGrimReaper

I've been to quite a few weddings int he past couple of years, and none of them had seating for cocktail hour. At one, it was so packed you could barely move. I wished I had a seat. I was super uncomfortable.

The set up of our venue (a ball park) had it so cocktail hour was in the main concourse of the 'club section' so, without us planning it, there were twice the numbers of chairs/tables as people. Our guests seemed to really appreciate it, so I was glad it worked out that way.

Cookie Pusher

STARMOON44 said:

Anyone else really miss flame-fest Friday? In the spirit of it, how about we share things that the lovely ladies of the etiquette board think are proper, but that we personally disagree with. For me: cocktail hour seating. I don't think it's rude to not have a seat for every single person for a cocktail hour. Some seats, yes, but not for everyone. And I don't get the "people need to park their bags and coats" argument- do you not have coat check? People don't need a place to sit and eat during the cocktail hour because you shouldn't be serving knife and fork required food. Your shoes should be comfortable enough to mingle in. And if somehow able bodied people hog all the chairs, there's nothing wrong with someone who needs a seat asking for one. I don't chime in with this advice in threads because there's clearly a consensus here that seats are a must, but in honor of Friday this is my vent.

To the bolded, I've actually been to many, many weddings without a coat check. Those are usually the ones with ZERO seating, too. In the colder months when you're actually wearing a coat, and the parking lot is too far away to walk to the venue without it. I honestly don't care much about sitting down when I'm at a cocktail hour, but I think it's also a know-your-crowd thing. If you have a lot of older guests, it's nice to have ample seating so they don't necessarily HAVE to ask someone for a seat. For me, I feel that 50% seating is enough for most cocktail hours.

pinkshorts27

We will have seating for everyone during cocktail hour, mainly because cocktail hour is in the restaurant part of our clubhouse, while they flip the ballroom. There will also be standing room.

netskyblue2

Coat check?  I've never seen one in my life, except on TV!

Most public spaces do have coat racks where you may hang your coats, but that's all I've ever seen.

Couggal12

We will most likely not have enough seating for our cocktail hour either. Our ceremony room is also the reception area so they will be flipping the room. We will have a space set up with mini tables, think the really tall ones, where people can put their purses, drinks, etc. down with some chairs but, not enough for anyone. However, once the room is turned over everyone will have a seat.

 

We also won't have a coat check but, in September it definitely won't be winter coat weather so I don't think anyone will have one or if they do it'll be a light sweater.

2leadsingers

DragonBlood13 said:

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that had seating during cocktail hour.  Ever. 

At least not one where cocktail hour was separate from the rest of dinner. When I worked a wedding venue we rarely had seating for cocktail hour. 

pinkshorts27

netskyblue2 said:

Coat check?  I've never seen one in my life, except on TV!

Most public spaces do have coat racks where you may hang your coats, but that's all I've ever seen.

We will have a real cost and purse check, it came free with our venue

ETA: we are also having a wedding in mid December in OR. A coat check in OR would be needed from September to June (and some days in the summer) due to the amount of rain.

JCbride2015

We won't have full cocktail hour seating (although there will be some, not sure exactly how many chairs yet), but the reception space will be accessible if anybody wants to go in there.  I didn't even ask about coat check because it's May 30.  I'm 90% sure they have coat check but I bet nobody will use it.

TheGrimReaper

netskyblue2 said:

Coat check?  I've never seen one in my life, except on TV!

Most public spaces do have coat racks where you may hang your coats, but that's all I've ever seen.

Yeah, our venue charged us for it (weather dependent) and then we'd get the money back if we had a freakishly nice day (got married in March).  They ended up having the coat check because it got chilly toward the evening.

Kauris

Our cocktail hour is only a half hour and we weren't planning on having any seats, but our venue will have the reception set up already so if someone can't make it they are free to go sit ahead of time. Plus our ceremony and reception is in one place...

thisismynickname2

Yeah, I've never been to cocktail hour with ample seating because people are mingling with finger-foods.  I wouldn't want to sit... seated dinners take forever, food coma kicks in.... yuck.

Incidentally I've also never been to a wedding with a coat check because I've never been to a cold-weather wedding. The latest was my own sister's in October, and it snowed (out of the ordinary), but we put our coats on our dinner chairs right away. 

WinstonsGirl

netskyblue2 said:

Coat check?  I've never seen one in my life, except on TV!

Most public spaces do have coat racks where you may hang your coats, but that's all I've ever seen.

My "date" to one wedding (we were just good friends so we went together) slept with one of the BM's in the coat room.  They did date for a few months after that actually.  I was just pissed that he ditched me for 30 min alone.  

abbyj700

Haha - a couple at my brother's wedding had sex in the coat room. They apparently were a little less stealth then they thought they were - most of the younger crowd knew it had occurred before the end of the night! 

mellyD2014

So here's another one for you all. I TOTALLY understand why the vast majority of the ladies on the E board think they're rude, but I just am not on board with condemning honeyfunds. I know, shoot me now! I absolutely see that people can view it as a money grab, that a percentage of the funds go to whatever site is hosting, that you're not actually getting them that dinner on the beach, or whatever it is. I just personally don't see it as a big deal (though, to reiterate, I understand 100% those who find them inappropriate). I also think that it will become more common and less frowned upon now that it's normal for people to be in relationships for years and decades prior to marriage.

*waits in corner for the backlash*

abbyj700

I don't understand why typing labels for envelopes is considered bad etiquette. Each person was very specifically chosen for our wedding, we love them, they're important - and their full names are put on said envelope. No person is listed as a +1. But damn it - I printed labels for our STD - and I'm using the same labels for the invites. FI writes like a 5 year old and I'm not all that great either. It's not in the budge to pay a calligrapher. And well damn it - I'm just being rude and putting on labels. :-)

I also have mixed feelings on the dollar dance. I don't think we're doing one, but being from an Italian family from Western Pennsylvania - it's a VERY common tradition. Even though I found out it was rude on here - I wouldn't side-eye anyone doing one.

Edited to say I'm waiting for my spanking and backlash as well.

TheGrimReaper

mellyD2014 said:

So here's another one for you all. I TOTALLY understand why the vast majority of the ladies on the E board think they're rude, but I just am not on board with condemning honeyfunds. I know, shoot me now! I absolutely see that people can view it as a money grab, that a percentage of the funds go to whatever site is hosting, that you're not actually getting them that dinner on the beach, or whatever it is. I just personally don't see it as a big deal (though, to reiterate, I understand 100% those who find them inappropriate). I also think that it will become more common and less frowned upon now that it's normal for people to be in relationships for years and decades prior to marriage.

*waits in corner for the backlash*

A friend of ours got married a few years ago and they had some sort of honeymoon fund with a travel agent.  We called directly and bought them an upgrade of a hotel they went to in Florence. They may not have even found out until they got there, but the travel agent went right ahead and booked it for them as we paid for it.  It didn't bother me at all.

daria24

I don't think you need 100% seating for cocktail hour, but I often wish there was a few more chairs, and more high top tables. The last wedding I was at, there were 200+ people there, and only 16 seats. There were more elderly guests than seats, and my poor MIL, who can barely stand for 15 minutes, spent TWO HOURS in misery while we waited for them to finish flipping the ceremony room for the reception.

Some of the things (not necessarily E-related) that I see a lot of negativity towards on these board, that I don't agree with:

-The anti-flip flop basket hate. Every wedding I've been to with flip flops-they are a huge hit.

-The pearl clutching over cake alternatives-I love cake, but I wouldn't complain if the wedding had pie, cookies, etc instead. Especially since 90% of the wedding cake I've had has been practically inedible

-the hate toward 'unity' ceremonies-if a sand ceremony, unity candle, etc are meaningful to the couple-who cares? Sure, don't include something to 'pad out' the ceremony-but if the ritual means something to you, then it's valid. I personally don't find it meaningful to watch a bride walk 7 times around her partner at a Jewish ceremony, or believe in the liturgy of the Eucharist, but I would never criticize a couple for including it in their wedding ceremony. 

-Labels on invites. I can't work up outrage over this. 

And for the more controversial thing-I think we need to throw out the whole "telling the WP what to wear" thing. I cannot think of a logical, valid reason why the people standing next to you have to be wearing a certain color dress or suit.  

MairePoppy

I've been to plenty of daytime weddings where the groom and gm wore tuxes. It didn't bother me a bit. After all, no one seems to say anything about the bm wearing formal floor length dresses during the daytime. I also don't think the pants and vest look is horrible. 

I'm okay with a simple dress code printed on website or invitations, cocktail attire, formal, casual etc... as long as it's reasonable - no black tie unless you're going the whole 9 yards and no 'dressy rustic casual' or whatever that was in yesterday's STD thread.

PrettyGirlLost

You guys have covered many that I agree are NBFD- using labels, tuxes in the day time, flip flop baskets.

Here's my controversial, unpopular opinion- If we are going to tell Brides that they cannot dictate their guests' attire and that they shouldn't give a fuck what their guests wear. . . well Ladies, that includes guests wearing white.  Time to let that supposed sartorial rule go and stop judging women who wear white to weddings.  It's just a color.

mellyD2014

PrettyGirlLost I agree! It's pretty obvious which person in attendance is the bride - I don't think I'd care too much about anyone else wearing white at my wedding.

ashleyep

I still don't think an 18 year old high school senior needs his own invite. I know that "legally" they're an adult, but we argue that legal status (married vs not) doesn't matter when making your guest list and deciding who is "serious" enough, so I don't see why legal status should matter in this case either.

lyndausvi

PrettyGirlLost said:

You guys have covered many that I agree are NBFD- using labels, tuxes in the day time, flip flop baskets.

Here's my controversial, unpopular opinion- If we are going to tell Brides that they cannot dictate their guests' attire and that they shouldn't give a fuck what their guests wear. . . well Ladies, that includes guests wearing white.  Time to let that supposed sartorial rule go and stop judging women who wear white to weddings.  It's just a color.

I completely agree.    It really bothers me women get so worked up over a guest wearing white yet no one even cares that men are wearing the same color as the groom.  IDK, it's just such a bizarre thing to get worked up over.

manateehugger

I don't give a damn about gaps unless they are more than a couple hours long. I'll change, fool around with FI, hit up a local bar for a drink, and waltz into the reception.

I understand why they are a bad hosting practice, I just never understand the people who are like "OMG WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF?!?!"

pinkshorts27

lyndausvi said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

You guys have covered many that I agree are NBFD- using labels, tuxes in the day time, flip flop baskets.

Here's my controversial, unpopular opinion- If we are going to tell Brides that they cannot dictate their guests' attire and that they shouldn't give a fuck what their guests wear. . . well Ladies, that includes guests wearing white.  Time to let that supposed sartorial rule go and stop judging women who wear white to weddings.  It's just a color.

I completely agree.    It really bothers me women get so worked up over a guest wearing white yet no one even cares that men are wearing the same color as the groom.  IDK, it's just such a bizarre thing to get worked up over.

I agree with this. But I think I would still side-eye it if someone showed up in a wedding dress, like a full out wedding gown.