Wedding Etiquette Forum

FFF

12467

Re: FFF

  • @PrettyGirlLost - but isn't even a secular marriage ceremony still a unity ceremony?


     

  • abbyj700 said:

    We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    We're not involving a church or any type of "god". I don't see the need to use these things to make it seem more real.
    We're doing a sand ceremony to include our three kids and symbolize our coming together as a family. If it was just the two of us, we probably wouldn't do it. That's what vows are for.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
  • PDKH said:

    We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    This argument bothers me though - because tons of stuff surrounding ceremonies that most people do doesn't make them more or less "real" - rings, attire, walking down the aisle, etc. but everyone does those anyway.

    It's just a symbol of unity. If people choose to do one, who cares? We are doing a candle because we wanted our mothers to have a small role in the ceremony, because they are a huge part of who we are.
      A few Pope's ago the decision was made to stop allowing the secular unity events from the wedding masses, because they are not and have never been part of the wedding mass. . . dunno if that ruling has made it's way into all diocese yet.

    My wedding was 2 weeks ago and we did the unity candle.  And it wasn't even our choice.  It was listed on the list of things for our Catholic ceremony.  We just followed what the priest told us to do! Apparently priests in Pittsburgh aren't offended by the unity candle.
  • I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    I didn't think I cared. But I'm going to one tomorrow and FI went to the bachelor party last night and the whole time I was thinking "you're not a bachelor, you're already married" and it's really irking me that I have to give up a big part of my weekend to drive to Cape Cod to watch them pretend to get married. But at least they're up front about it  - their invitation says celebration of marriage, so maybe they won't even try and do a re-do ceremony.
    Anniversary

  • ashleyep said:
    I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    I didn't think I cared. But I'm going to one tomorrow and FI went to the bachelor party last night and the whole time I was thinking "you're not a bachelor, you're already married" and it's really irking me that I have to give up a big part of my weekend to drive to Cape Cod to watch them pretend to get married. But at least they're up front about it  - their invitation says celebration of marriage, so maybe they won't even try and do a re-do ceremony.
    A bachelor party? Really? WTF....
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
  • KGold80 said:

    ashleyep said:
    I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    I didn't think I cared. But I'm going to one tomorrow and FI went to the bachelor party last night and the whole time I was thinking "you're not a bachelor, you're already married" and it's really irking me that I have to give up a big part of my weekend to drive to Cape Cod to watch them pretend to get married. But at least they're up front about it  - their invitation says celebration of marriage, so maybe they won't even try and do a re-do ceremony.
    A bachelor party? Really? WTF....
    Well I guess that is strange.  But if I didn't know that they were married, I wouldn't think it's strange.

    Definitely more strange to know in that situation.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • Also, I can tell you that I can't remember what ANYONE at my wedding was wearing other than myself, my bridal party, and my mother. I don't even remember what MIL was wearing. Or FIL for that matter.  The only other clothing-related thing I remember is that our one friend had a whole lot of clevage.  Can't tell you what her dress looked like.

     

    Don't know, didn't care.

  • I can guarantee that I will not notice what anyone is wearing at my wedding. 

    However, as a guest. I will judge you for wearing an all white dress. And I will judge you for wearing jeans. 
  • KGold80 said:


    My wedding isn't until November, but I doubt I'll suddenly go blind that day.  I remember what certain people (coughcoughjeanscoughcough) wore to my first wedding ten years ago.  I don't get nervous in social situations, I think I'll still be coherent.
    Exactly this! I'm sorry, but we aren't spending a shit-ton of money (to us) to throw a classy event so people can show up in jeans and a t-shirt. That said, I've seen a lot of folks say on here that adults are supposed to know how to dress, but sometimes they just really, really don't. Info regarding attire will be posted on our website for sure and maybe a quick line will be included on the invitation as well - we'll keep it simple though - none of that kind of vague flowery language that no one understands.
    Please, please, DO NOT mention anything about attire on your invitations nor on your wedding website.

    I don't care how much money you are spending on your wedding, nor how classy it is, please don't be rude to your guests.  It doesn't matter how they dress to attend your wedding- it's not going to affect you in any way, it will not ruin your pictures, etc.   A guest wearing jeans will not "declassify" your classy wedding.

    People that don't dress appropriately wilt still not dress appropriately even if you put a note on your invitations.  Because they don't give a shit about how other people think they look. . . and neither should you.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • @PrettyGirlLost - but isn't even a secular marriage ceremony still a unity ceremony?


    Sure, but I was talking about those secular sub ceremonies during a religious ceremony specifically, and why some ppl on here criticize their use during the religious ceremonies.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • KGold80 said:


    My wedding isn't until November, but I doubt I'll suddenly go blind that day.  I remember what certain people (coughcoughjeanscoughcough) wore to my first wedding ten years ago.  I don't get nervous in social situations, I think I'll still be coherent.
    Exactly this! I'm sorry, but we aren't spending a shit-ton of money (to us) to throw a classy event so people can show up in jeans and a t-shirt. That said, I've seen a lot of folks say on here that adults are supposed to know how to dress, but sometimes they just really, really don't. Info regarding attire will be posted on our website for sure and maybe a quick line will be included on the invitation as well - we'll keep it simple though - none of that kind of vague flowery language that no one understands.
    WHOA WHOA WHOA

    Hold on a minute, please.  I did not say ANYWHERE that it is acceptable to tell people what to wear.  It's not.  Don't do it.

    All I said was that I notice and care what people wear.  And those observations and feelings are things I will politely keep to myself.
    So allowing someone to stick out like a sore thumb because they are inappropriately dressed due to ignorance is somehow more polite than suggesting that they wear "Semiformal attire" or something along those lines? I wholeheartedly disagree.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
  • KGold80 said:
    KGold80 said:


    My wedding isn't until November, but I doubt I'll suddenly go blind that day.  I remember what certain people (coughcoughjeanscoughcough) wore to my first wedding ten years ago.  I don't get nervous in social situations, I think I'll still be coherent.
    Exactly this! I'm sorry, but we aren't spending a shit-ton of money (to us) to throw a classy event so people can show up in jeans and a t-shirt. That said, I've seen a lot of folks say on here that adults are supposed to know how to dress, but sometimes they just really, really don't. Info regarding attire will be posted on our website for sure and maybe a quick line will be included on the invitation as well - we'll keep it simple though - none of that kind of vague flowery language that no one understands.
    WHOA WHOA WHOA

    Hold on a minute, please.  I did not say ANYWHERE that it is acceptable to tell people what to wear.  It's not.  Don't do it.

    All I said was that I notice and care what people wear.  And those observations and feelings are things I will politely keep to myself.
    So allowing someone to stick out like a sore thumb because they are inappropriately dressed due to ignorance is somehow more polite than suggesting that they wear "Semiformal attire" or something along those lines? I wholeheartedly disagree.
    That's their problem, not yours.  If someone is unsure how formal the event is, they can ask.  You indicate formality by venue choice, time of day, and the style of your invitations, NOT by telling people how to dress.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • @PrettyGirlLost - but isn't even a secular marriage ceremony still a unity ceremony?


    Sure, but I was talking about those secular sub ceremonies during a religious ceremony specifically, and why some ppl on here criticize their use during the religious ceremonies.
    Now I'm tracking.  I missed the part of the argument about using them during religious ceremonies.  I thought it was just in general usage of those sub-ceremonies. 

    Personally, if that's what you want to do, go for it, regardless of what type of ceremony - religious or secular; however, I also think that in any marriage ceremony is a unity ceremony and the other stuff is redundant, but whatever makes your cheese whiz.

     

  • edited April 2014
    PDKH said:

    We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    This argument bothers me though - because tons of stuff surrounding ceremonies that most people do doesn't make them more or less "real" - rings, attire, walking down the aisle, etc. but everyone does those anyway.

    It's just a symbol of unity. If people choose to do one, who cares? We are doing a candle because we wanted our mothers to have a small role in the ceremony, because they are a huge part of who we are.
      A few Pope's ago the decision was made to stop allowing the secular unity events from the wedding masses, because they are not and have never been part of the wedding mass. . . dunno if that ruling has made it's way into all diocese yet.

    My wedding was 2 weeks ago and we did the unity candle.  And it wasn't even our choice.  It was listed on the list of things for our Catholic ceremony.  We just followed what the priest told us to do! Apparently priests in Pittsburgh aren't offended by the unity candle.
    Not true.  The parish I am getting married in there does not allow their use any more, and the head Pastor was the one that told me that this is something coming from the Vatican.

    Here's the church policy:
    "The history of the unity candle is unclear but it appears that it was invented in the1970s. The ritual was first popularized when the lighting of a unity candle was performed in the fictional wedding of Luke and Laura on the TV soap opera General Hospital in 1981 and has since enjoyed widespread commercialization by the wedding industry.

    Although some churches and clergy may allow its use, it is strongly discouraged at Church because of the candle’s secular origins and lack of Christian symbolism.

    While non-Judeo-Christian rituals are not necessarily without merit (and,
    indeed, some have made their way into Christian worship over the centuries), the appropriate place for the unity candle is outside the Christian liturgy, such as at the wedding reception. There are several powerful signs of unity that the liturgy offers us.

    Among them are the exchange of vows and rings between the bride and groom. The most powerful symbol of unity is the gift of the Eucharist, given to us by Christ. When the bride and groom partake of the Body and Blood of Christ, they are professing a oneness with Christ and his Church.

    No other candles are to be used in the wedding liturgy other than the candles that are always present in the church and in the Sanctuary."

    I personally am not bothered by any of of it, btw.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • PDKH said:

    We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    This argument bothers me though - because tons of stuff surrounding ceremonies that most people do doesn't make them more or less "real" - rings, attire, walking down the aisle, etc. but everyone does those anyway.

    It's just a symbol of unity. If people choose to do one, who cares? We are doing a candle because we wanted our mothers to have a small role in the ceremony, because they are a huge part of who we are.
      A few Pope's ago the decision was made to stop allowing the secular unity events from the wedding masses, because they are not and have never been part of the wedding mass. . . dunno if that ruling has made it's way into all diocese yet.

    My wedding was 2 weeks ago and we did the unity candle.  And it wasn't even our choice.  It was listed on the list of things for our Catholic ceremony.  We just followed what the priest told us to do! Apparently priests in Pittsburgh aren't offended by the unity candle.
    Not true.  The parish I am getting married in there does not allow their use any more, and the head Pastor was the one that told me that this is something coming from the Vatican.

    Here's the church policy:
    "The history of the unity candle is unclear but it appears that it was invented in the1970s. The ritual was first popularized when the lighting of a unity candle was performed in the fictional wedding of Luke and Laura on the TV soap opera General Hospital in 1981 and has since enjoyed widespread commercialization by the wedding industry.

    Although some churches and clergy may allow its use, it is strongly discouraged at Church because of the candle’s secular origins and lack of Christian symbolism.

    While non-Judeo-Christian rituals are not necessarily without merit (and,
    indeed, some have made their way into Christian worship over the centuries), the appropriate place for the unity candle is outside the Christian liturgy, such as at the wedding reception. There are several powerful signs of unity that the liturgy offers us.

    Among them are the exchange of vows and rings between the bride and groom. The most powerful symbol of unity is the gift of the Eucharist, given to us by Christ. When the bride and groom partake of the Body and Blood of Christ, they are professing a oneness with Christ and his Church.

    No other candles are to be used in the wedding liturgy other than the candles that are always present in the church and in the Sanctuary."

    I personally am not bothered by any of of it, btw.


    Ok then I rephrase to "apprently the priest in MY Pittsburgh church..."  It's very odd that they don't have a diocese-wide policy on that.  I wouldn't have chosen to do the unity candle on my own, but when they sent the form that outlines the mass and has you fill in parts (readings, people doing said readings, music, etc), it was already on there.
  • Also, I can tell you that I can't remember what ANYONE at my wedding was wearing other than myself, my bridal party, and my mother. I don't even remember what MIL was wearing. Or FIL for that matter.  The only other clothing-related thing I remember is that our one friend had a whole lot of clevage.  Can't tell you what her dress looked like.

     

    Don't know, didn't care.

    I remember what some people wore.   Specifically my brother and his wife.  Separately their outfits were fine.   Standing together they looked ridiculous. Both had very loud prints that completely clashed.   I didn't even print out our family shot because of how they looked.

    That is why I'm a firm believer that immediate family should try and coordinate at weddings.   COORDINATE DOES NOT MEAN MATCHY-MATCHY.   For example, I will coordinate my outfit for my SIL's wedding. Everyone is in the wedding party.  I don't want a clashing outfit for the family shot.   I'm not going to wear the wedding color, just something that will look nice with the wedding color.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • PDKH said:

    We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    This argument bothers me though - because tons of stuff surrounding ceremonies that most people do doesn't make them more or less "real" - rings, attire, walking down the aisle, etc. but everyone does those anyway.

    It's just a symbol of unity. If people choose to do one, who cares? We are doing a candle because we wanted our mothers to have a small role in the ceremony, because they are a huge part of who we are.
      A few Pope's ago the decision was made to stop allowing the secular unity events from the wedding masses, because they are not and have never been part of the wedding mass. . . dunno if that ruling has made it's way into all diocese yet.

    My wedding was 2 weeks ago and we did the unity candle.  And it wasn't even our choice.  It was listed on the list of things for our Catholic ceremony.  We just followed what the priest told us to do! Apparently priests in Pittsburgh aren't offended by the unity candle.
    Not true.  The parish I am getting married in there does not allow their use any more, and the head Pastor was the one that told me that this is something coming from the Vatican.

    Here's the church policy:
    "The history of the unity candle is unclear but it appears that it was invented in the1970s. The ritual was first popularized when the lighting of a unity candle was performed in the fictional wedding of Luke and Laura on the TV soap opera General Hospital in 1981 and has since enjoyed widespread commercialization by the wedding industry.

    Although some churches and clergy may allow its use, it is strongly discouraged at Church because of the candle’s secular origins and lack of Christian symbolism.

    While non-Judeo-Christian rituals are not necessarily without merit (and,
    indeed, some have made their way into Christian worship over the centuries), the appropriate place for the unity candle is outside the Christian liturgy, such as at the wedding reception. There are several powerful signs of unity that the liturgy offers us.

    Among them are the exchange of vows and rings between the bride and groom. The most powerful symbol of unity is the gift of the Eucharist, given to us by Christ. When the bride and groom partake of the Body and Blood of Christ, they are professing a oneness with Christ and his Church.

    No other candles are to be used in the wedding liturgy other than the candles that are always present in the church and in the Sanctuary."

    I personally am not bothered by any of of it, btw.


    Ok then I rephrase to "apprently the priest in MY Pittsburgh church..."  It's very odd that they don't have a diocese-wide policy on that.  I wouldn't have chosen to do the unity candle on my own, but when they sent the form that outlines the mass and has you fill in parts (readings, people doing said readings, music, etc), it was already on there.
    Yeah, I agree.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • PDKH said:

    We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    This argument bothers me though - because tons of stuff surrounding ceremonies that most people do doesn't make them more or less "real" - rings, attire, walking down the aisle, etc. but everyone does those anyway.

    It's just a symbol of unity. If people choose to do one, who cares? We are doing a candle because we wanted our mothers to have a small role in the ceremony, because they are a huge part of who we are.
      A few Pope's ago the decision was made to stop allowing the secular unity events from the wedding masses, because they are not and have never been part of the wedding mass. . . dunno if that ruling has made it's way into all diocese yet.

    My wedding was 2 weeks ago and we did the unity candle.  And it wasn't even our choice.  It was listed on the list of things for our Catholic ceremony.  We just followed what the priest told us to do! Apparently priests in Pittsburgh aren't offended by the unity candle.
    Not true.  The parish I am getting married in there does not allow their use any more, and the head Pastor was the one that told me that this is something coming from the Vatican.

    Here's the church policy:
    "The history of the unity candle is unclear but it appears that it was invented in the1970s. The ritual was first popularized when the lighting of a unity candle was performed in the fictional wedding of Luke and Laura on the TV soap opera General Hospital in 1981 and has since enjoyed widespread commercialization by the wedding industry.

    Although some churches and clergy may allow its use, it is strongly discouraged at Church because of the candle’s secular origins and lack of Christian symbolism.

    While non-Judeo-Christian rituals are not necessarily without merit (and,
    indeed, some have made their way into Christian worship over the centuries), the appropriate place for the unity candle is outside the Christian liturgy, such as at the wedding reception. There are several powerful signs of unity that the liturgy offers us.

    Among them are the exchange of vows and rings between the bride and groom. The most powerful symbol of unity is the gift of the Eucharist, given to us by Christ. When the bride and groom partake of the Body and Blood of Christ, they are professing a oneness with Christ and his Church.

    No other candles are to be used in the wedding liturgy other than the candles that are always present in the church and in the Sanctuary."

    I personally am not bothered by any of of it, btw.


    Ok then I rephrase to "apprently the priest in MY Pittsburgh church..."  It's very odd that they don't have a diocese-wide policy on that.  I wouldn't have chosen to do the unity candle on my own, but when they sent the form that outlines the mass and has you fill in parts (readings, people doing said readings, music, etc), it was already on there.
    Yeah, I agree.
    I don't know what the diocese policy is really by me on that. I was asked by my organist if we were doing one and I said no and she said good our priest doesn't like that as part of the ceremony so it works out for everyone I guess.

    Anniversary

  • @TheGrimReaper - I think it was listed in our options as well, but we chose not to do it.  It was never presented as a "have to" in our ceremony. 

     

  • I have never known or cared who hosted any showers or engagement parties I have attended.

    I do think 2nd baby showers, especially if the kids are within 1-3 years of each other, are gift grabby.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I have never known or cared who hosted any showers or engagement parties I have attended.

    I do think 2nd baby showers, especially if the kids are within 1-3 years of each other, are gift grabby.
    The invites didn't tell you?

    That said, I would only side-eye  shower that was hosted by the couple themselves.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    I have never known or cared who hosted any showers or engagement parties I have attended.

    I do think 2nd baby showers, especially if the kids are within 1-3 years of each other, are gift grabby.
    The invites didn't tell you?

    That said, I would only side-eye  shower that was hosted by the couple themselves.  
    Ok, good point.  I think I was usually invited by the MOH or MOB.

    If the bride was actually hosting or involved with the planning I wouldn't have cared.  Same with couples hosting their own E-parties. . . doesn't really bother me.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • @TheGrimReaper - I think it was listed in our options as well, but we chose not to do it.  It was never presented as a "have to" in our ceremony. 

    Yeah I think it may have just been an option, too.  I never actively wanted to do it, but I think I looked at it and thought "Oh. People do this. Ok. I guess we'll do that...." Didn't really think it through.
  • @TheGrimReaper - I think it was listed in our options as well, but we chose not to do it.  It was never presented as a "have to" in our ceremony. 

    Yeah I think it may have just been an option, too.  I never actively wanted to do it, but I think I looked at it and thought "Oh. People do this. Ok. I guess we'll do that...." Didn't really think it through.
    That makes sense too.  We were only doing the ceremony and not a full mass because I'm not Catholic but H is, so we didn't see a need for any extras.

    We also vetoed the candle because traditionally it's the mothers that light the tapers and I my mom was in a wheelchair and wouldn't have been able to.

     

  • I'm not sold on the "birthday gift" concept for BMs but I do think the gift should be something they want or like if you know these preferences. 

    If as a BM I said I wanted to get my hair and makeup done and then the bride paid for it as a gift I would be very happy with that.  Because I chose it meaning it was something I wanted.  I would still like a thank you note but I wouldn't feel slighted by not getting a physical gift beyond that.

    And if you have BMs that all like the same types of things then what is wrong with getting them all a bottle of wine and box of chocolates. 


  • csuave said:

    I'm not sold on the "birthday gift" concept for BMs but I do think the gift should be something they want or like if you know these preferences. 

    If as a BM I said I wanted to get my hair and makeup done and then the bride paid for it as a gift I would be very happy with that.  Because I chose it meaning it was something I wanted.  I would still like a thank you note but I wouldn't feel slighted by not getting a physical gift beyond that.

    And if you have BMs that all like the same types of things then what is wrong with getting them all a bottle of wine and box of chocolates. 

    I think the problem is that all too often the gifts are cheesy craptastic things that won't necessarily be used again - like monogrammed totes or robes or something.

    I was a BM in a friends wedding last year and as our gifts we all got clutches that matched our dresses, but inside the clutch was a necklace.  We all got the same one, but the bride had one also, the stone has special meaning to us as a group of friends.  That is an example of where I think the same for all is ok.

     

  • daria24 said:
    RajahBMFD said:


    STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX:
    Rituals don't have to be religious to have meaning. We did a sand ceremony as part of our wedding because we love what it symbolizes and we liked the idea of having a physical token representing us coming together. I think it's a bit narrow-minded to say that the only rituals that are important are religious ones. 

    I agree. We also had a sand ceremony because it held meaning for us. Readings during the ceremony aren't necessarily part of a religious practice-does that mean a couple shouldn't include a poem or passage because it isn't mandated by their religious practice? 
    This, IMHO, is different than the brides who come on here and are all like, 'My ceremony is too short, I need something to make it longer, tell me your unity ideas.'

    If the ceremony MEANS SOMETHING to you, I'll sit through it gladly. If you're just looking for something to eat up time, I'm going to judge you. 

    Your wedding should be about the things that matter TO YOU AS A COUPLE. Not random shit you come up with to make it longer.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  • csuave said:

    I'm not sold on the "birthday gift" concept for BMs but I do think the gift should be something they want or like if you know these preferences. 

    If as a BM I said I wanted to get my hair and makeup done and then the bride paid for it as a gift I would be very happy with that.  Because I chose it meaning it was something I wanted.  I would still like a thank you note but I wouldn't feel slighted by not getting a physical gift beyond that.

    And if you have BMs that all like the same types of things then what is wrong with getting them all a bottle of wine and box of chocolates. 

    I think the problem is that all too often the gifts are cheesy craptastic things that won't necessarily be used again - like monogrammed totes or robes or something.

    I was a BM in a friends wedding last year and as our gifts we all got clutches that matched our dresses, but inside the clutch was a necklace.  We all got the same one, but the bride had one also, the stone has special meaning to us as a group of friends.  That is an example of where I think the same for all is ok.
    Agree with both of you. Like FI is probably doing personalized whiskey barrels for his guys - but specifically because they all LOVE bourbon and whiskey and would actually use these. 

    And I honestly wish my brother and his wife would have paid for my hair (which was only like $40) rather than give me chocolates, a necklace for the wedding and a cheesy doormat with my dog on it (which still hasn't arrived at my house 6 months later). 
  • csuavecsuave member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    abbyj700 said:

    csuave said:

    I'm not sold on the "birthday gift" concept for BMs but I do think the gift should be something they want or like if you know these preferences. 

    If as a BM I said I wanted to get my hair and makeup done and then the bride paid for it as a gift I would be very happy with that.  Because I chose it meaning it was something I wanted.  I would still like a thank you note but I wouldn't feel slighted by not getting a physical gift beyond that.

    And if you have BMs that all like the same types of things then what is wrong with getting them all a bottle of wine and box of chocolates. 

    I think the problem is that all too often the gifts are cheesy craptastic things that won't necessarily be used again - like monogrammed totes or robes or something.

    I was a BM in a friends wedding last year and as our gifts we all got clutches that matched our dresses, but inside the clutch was a necklace.  We all got the same one, but the bride had one also, the stone has special meaning to us as a group of friends.  That is an example of where I think the same for all is ok.
    Agree with both of you. Like FI is probably doing personalized whiskey barrels for his guys - but specifically because they all LOVE bourbon and whiskey and would actually use these. 

    And I honestly wish my brother and his wife would have paid for my hair (which was only like $40) rather than give me chocolates, a necklace for the wedding and a cheesy doormat with my dog on it (which still hasn't arrived at my house 6 months later). 

    Lol at this! 

    Maybe the advice should simply be "don't buy crap for gifts."  And I think the that is how the advice is usually intended.  People don't realize a robe or a emergency kit kind of is crappy and hopefully the "birthday gift" advice steers them in the right direction.  But if you have a classy, nice, or even practical (paying for the salon for those that want it) idea then it doesn't have to be unique imo.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards