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What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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    Phew!  Glad I'm not the only one who is shocked by some of these "pet hates".  I thought this chat was going to be about etiquette in terms of the silly rules like whether ladies at the wedding can take their hats off before the mother of the bride, and who the wedding invites should be written from - not a chance to slate couples that can't afford to pay for a full day of eating and drinking!  Crazy.
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    Alright, so I seem to have broken two deals, but I'm looking for feedback to understand if my situation is unique. My wedding is coming up this August.

    1. Most of my guests (90%) are traveling from out of town, so I am having a wedding weekend. My fiance and i met in college and neither of us have family from that area. Saturday afternoon guests will arrive, then that evening we will have a meet and greet dinner for everyone. The following day will be the ceremony and reception. i have paid to feed guests multiple times over the wedding weekend, i have arranged for their airport transportation, and have special transportation arranged to take everyone from the hotel to the wedding weekend sites. So needless to say I have paid for a lot and my budget is high. Saturday I have a cash bar and the wedding is open bar. I told gusts about the cash bar in the wedding packet. Is this wrong to have a cash bar for my meet & greet event the day before the wedding?

    2. I wanted the meet & greet to feel very different from the wedding reception the next day. So i made it more themed. It's being called my "Something Blue Meet & Greet Party" where everyone has been asked to wear "something" blue. Each and everyone one of my guests will represent MY something blue...so they all play a role in the tradition. They dont have to wear all blue, they could wear blue underwear for all i care, just SOMETHING blue. There are no attire requirements for the wedding the next day, just this fun event the day before. Is it wrong that i have asked them to participate by wearing something blue? 

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    ShiaShia member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2014
    My #1 plan was to keep my wedding as simple as possible and to stay under our $5k budget. It has not been easy, but I am doing all of my own research. 
    We have no intentions to spend a lot of money on are wedding but with the small budget we have, will make it look like we did. 
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    Not very many people would be outright rude about it irl, especially to the couple. Those who judge other's weddings, usually realize that being rude is a two-way street. I for one, would never go up to a couple after the wedding and complain about a cash bar.

    If you can't afford to host everyone you want properly, then you need to either continue waiting and saving, or cut your guest list down. There are a lot of people on this board who have had beautiful, budget weddings. And unfortunately there are people who come in and stomp their feet and insist that their friends and family won't care (TELEPATHY). Obviously, that's just not true.
    Well, I'm happy to say that we are doing our absolute best to create a reception that our guests will enjoy, and we might be cutting back on some of the things that you and others are saying are needed in order to not be rude. And I'm totally confident that everyone we are inviting cares for us enough to realize that more time and spending even more money on one single day isn't needed in order for them to not judge us about our decisions, or for them to realize that we appreciate them. 
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    lyndausvi said:
    Phew!  Glad I'm not the only one who is shocked by some of these "pet hates".  I thought this chat was going to be about etiquette in terms of the silly rules like whether ladies at the wedding can take their hats off before the mother of the bride, and who the wedding invites should be written from - not a chance to slate couples that can't afford to pay for a full day of eating and drinking!  Crazy.
    A properly hosted reception can be a simple cake and punch reception during a meal time.   Most people can afford that. 


    Just because you choose to have a 5 course meals doesn't mean you get a pass for having a cash bar in order to do that.  

    *not during a meal time?

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    e-mail save the dates, to me it is the most impersonal and cheapest thing you can do!

    For those of you that hate their SO's not getting invited, just wait until you plan and pay for your own wedding... You will see how fast, inviting everyone SO's can be. Another highly costly wedding expense is the liquor. While some may consider a cash bar tacky... Just remember most likely that your $50 gift probably will not even cover the cost of dinner!!!!


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    Sorry all, but what exactly is a PPD?  We will be getting married very soon and I think I'm breaking some etiquette issues per all of the above comments.  Wedding situation:  Traditional / Church / Reception / Open Bar / Plated Dinner / 275 +  Guests (including children of family members).  There will possibly an hour gap from the Church to the Reception.  It is a plated dinner so not enough food or having our guest pay for their dinner is NOT going to be an issue.  We are also having a midnight buffet table available.  So my questions are below:

    I have SINGLE friends who aren't in a relationship so my invite is only for them, do I need to add and "guest"?

    Money Dance - Well, that's a tradition in our culture so I think we will have to have that, people are certainly not obligated to do this.  

    Bouquet and Garter toss - Isn't this a wedding tradition?  

    We have an 18 year old daughter who wants to party with some of her friends after dinner.  Is it ok to invite them then?  We are not close to them to pay X amount for dinner and we are not expecting any gifts from them either.  Would this fall in the tiered category?  They are welcome to enjoy our after dinner spread as well as the party though.  

    Thank you cards are already in the works (as I make our own invitations).  

    No Honeyfund.

    Not inviting "acquaintances" (other than the kids that my daughter wants to party with).  


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    It's really unfortunate that you've resigned yourself to being rude. There are many, many poster here that could help you plan a gracious wedding on a budget. There are quite a few people who have been saved from having rude receptions-myself included.

    You always have the choice.
    I'm sorry if you think my response was rude, I was simply explaining that it ISN'T the case that everyone's friends and family find these things offensive. As I mentioned earlier, we are doing everything we possibly can, and in a previous comment, we happen to have the means to be able to offer a partially-hosted bar. I assure you, I need no help in creating a wedding where my guests are appreciated. But I can also assure you that everyone that will be there is there to support us, and understands if we make mistakes or leave out certain things. 

    My frustration here is that everyone's situation is different, and I don't think there's any reason to put other brides down for doing the best they can to appreciate guests. This is the kind of thing that ruins the joy that people have on their big day because many of these items simply are not needed in every situation.
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    lisakemi said:
    e-mail save the dates, to me it is the most impersonal and cheapest thing you can do!

    For those of you that hate their SO's not getting invited, just wait until you plan and pay for your own wedding... You will see how fast, inviting everyone SO's can be. Another highly costly wedding expense is the liquor. While some may consider a cash bar tacky... Just remember most likely that your $50 gift probably will not even cover the cost of dinner!!!!


    You are wrong. So wrong. Planning my wedding on a budget - still inviting SOs because it's rude not to. Would you like to be invited to a wedding without your SO? Be honest. And the covering your plate rule is not real. No one HAS to ever to give a gift; they are not expected. You should be gracious of any gift that a couple can afford to give you.

    AGAIN - your reception is a thank you to your guests. It is not for you to make money or have them pay for your reception.

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    JaimeAndDerekJaimeAndDerek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited April 2014
    You are incredibly rude. It would have been polite for you to sit through the game and try to enjoy it or understand where the couple was coming from, you could have even just walked out, but what would possess you to ruin the event for the couple?
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    cmb08cmb08 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    I am not trying to say that wedding guests should be treated poorly, or that it's okay for the bride and groom to act entitled. My point is that GUESTS should not act so entitled. A lot of couples choose not to invite many people to cut down on costs, and if you were invited to a wedding, it's important to keep in mind that the couple is probably spending a pretty penny so they can include you.

    I do agree that it's rude for couples to shamelessly ask for money or behave ungratefully toward their guests. But if it's such a burden for you to attend that you feel the need to complain about, say, buying your own drinks, well, maybe you should skip the wedding and save your precious money.
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    Hi all, bear with me, but I find it so strange that not inviting a SO is so taboo for so many of you. I don't find it rude at all. I've been to several weddings solo - especially work colleagues. Besides, yes you are a couple but you are an individual as well, no? I think it would only bother me if it was a close friend of the family or family itself - but friends, etc? Nope. My real pet peeve is a cash bar - I understand budgetary constraints, but this is where I feel spending a bit more is important.
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    Tiered weddings.
    Not inviting my husband.
    Lying about a PPD.
    Paying for soft drinks at a reception
    Being asked to supply anything for the reception.
    Being asked to clean up at a reception.
    Jack and Jills

    Destination weddings... it's not against etiquette, but I probably wouldn't go unless you were one of 10 people.

    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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    lyndausvi said:
    Phew!  Glad I'm not the only one who is shocked by some of these "pet hates".  I thought this chat was going to be about etiquette in terms of the silly rules like whether ladies at the wedding can take their hats off before the mother of the bride, and who the wedding invites should be written from - not a chance to slate couples that can't afford to pay for a full day of eating and drinking!  Crazy.
    A properly hosted reception can be a simple cake and punch reception during a meal time.   Most people can afford that. 


    Just because you choose to have a 5 course meals doesn't mean you get a pass for having a cash bar in order to do that.  

    *not during a meal time?
    oops. 

    NOT during meal time.

    That is what you get when Knotting on the fly.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Hi all, bear with me, but I find it so strange that not inviting a SO is so taboo for so many of you. I don't find it rude at all. I've been to several weddings solo - especially work colleagues. Besides, yes you are a couple but you are an individual as well, no? I think it would only bother me if it was a close friend of the family or family itself - but friends, etc? Nope. My real pet peeve is a cash bar - I understand budgetary constraints, but this is where I feel spending a bit more is important.


    You (general you) and your SO are a social unit. It's insulting to the relationship for one of you to be invited without the other. I would DEFINITELY feel like the hosts were judging my relationship if they invited only one of us. This happened 3 years into our relationship while Fi was in college, and I still feel hurt about it. Fi and I both have some negative feelings toward the cousin who didn't invite me.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    I can't believe all these stories of couples asking guests to dress in very specific attire/colors! Unbelievably inconsiderate.

    Etiquette no-nos that really get on my nerves:

    1) Assuming you get to bring a guest with you - many posters here seem to be annoyed when they aren't allowed to bring a significant other, and I agree if you are married/in a long-term committed relationship with your SO they should be invited...but don't expect me to invite your boyfriend-of-the-month who I've never met to my wedding where I'm paying $75+ a head. Sorry.

    2) Cash bars - The only time I've been to a wedding when I thought this was acceptable was when the groom's father was a Southern Baptist minister and felt strongly against drinking alcohol; were it up to him he wouldn't serve it at all, but he compromised and allowed it to be served, but he didn't feel comfortable paying for it. Okay, in my opinion. But otherwise, if you're going to serve alcohol, you need to pay for it. You wouldn't invite someone over to your house and charge them for a Bud Light, would you?

    3. Not writing a thank you note. Seriously?

    4. Couple blatantly asks for cash as a gift. No, no, no. I'm okayyyy with honeyfunds...wouldn't make one myself, but seems fairly comparable to a traditional registry.
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    This is an ethnic tradition...  Different ethnicities have different meanings/symbolism.  This is definitely optional.  I guess this is a play by ear situation, if majority of your guests are like you, who probably have not heard of this, you probably shouldn't have one as it may come off as tacky.  But if your guests are from the below ethnicities, it is almost expected for you to have one.  

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    I can't believe all these stories of couples asking guests to dress in very specific attire/colors! Unbelievably inconsiderate.

    Etiquette no-nos that really get on my nerves:

    1) Assuming you get to bring a guest with you - many posters here seem to be annoyed when they aren't allowed to bring a significant other, and I agree if you are married/in a long-term committed relationship with your SO they should be invited...but don't expect me to invite your boyfriend-of-the-month who I've never met to my wedding where I'm paying $75+ a head. Sorry.

    2) Cash bars - The only time I've been to a wedding when I thought this was acceptable was when the groom's father was a Southern Baptist minister and felt strongly against drinking alcohol; were it up to him he wouldn't serve it at all, but he compromised and allowed it to be served, but he didn't feel comfortable paying for it. Okay, in my opinion. But otherwise, if you're going to serve alcohol, you need to pay for it. You wouldn't invite someone over to your house and charge them for a Bud Light, would you?

    3. Not writing a thank you note. Seriously?

    4. Couple blatantly asks for cash as a gift. No, no, no. I'm okayyyy with honeyfunds...wouldn't make one myself, but seems fairly comparable to a traditional registry.
    You don't get to dictate how serious a relationship is and what the hell does it matter if you have met this person or not? 

    I'm inviting FI's cousins' SO's and I have no idea how long they have been dating, nor have I ever met some of them.  They are being invited because they are his cousin's SO's.  Doesn't matter if we have met them.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Oh and 4 days to go?!?  Congratulations!!!  Aren't you glad it's almost there?  
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