Breastfeeding controversy in my town. What say ye? UPDATED with links to the articles

kaos16

Apparently a scandal has erupted in my town. I'll post the link when I get to a real computer, but here's my understanding of the situation:

A woman takes her 12 year old son and infant to an ex's house to pick up her third child, the one in common with him. They have some issue and the woman calls the police. While waiting for the police to come she begins nursing her infant. The male police officer shows up to interview her. He sees her nursing and asks her to cover up. He asks her repeatedly and she freaks out on him.

The woman immediately goes to the media expressing her right to Breastfeeding wherever she wants and claiming that the police officer was awful and wrong and horrible. At some point she gets the chief of the police on the phone. He told her the same thing he told the media, that the police officer needed to interview her, that he was a male there alone and that he was concerned she could accuse him of looking at her breast, so he asked her to cover up.

The woman is now staging a nurse-in at the police department because the chief didn't apologize, acknowledge the police officer was wrong and make him go to sensitivity training.

Discuss.......

AddieCake

I think the cop had a valid concern.

theartistformerlyknownas

Hmm... this particular issue, I can see the cops' reasoning... although I feel like it was probably made up after the fact. Cops don't have any problem arresting naked hookers and whatnot. They were probably both a little in the wrong.

In general though, I personally think that anyone who has a problem with moms nursing their babies needs to put a blanket over their own head. It's the most natural thing in the world and the biggest reason people are skeeved is because society has oversexualized something that shouldn't have been sexualized in the first place. Boobs are tools, not toys. And when the baby's head is in there you can't see anything anyway.

kaos16

It seems like he only asked her to cover too, not to stop

wandajune6

I think the police officer did the right thing.

I'm very pro-breastfeeding. I think there should be legal and social support of moms who want to breastfeed. However - and this would make me very unpopular with some of my mommy friends - I think there's also an etiquette around it. Don't whip it out in situations where you might make others uncomfortable.

The woman was clearly upset and the cop needed to protect himself from any false allegations. The fact that both parents allowed an argument to escalate to such an extent in front of their children shows that they lack good judgment. The cop did the right in protecting himself from potential lawsuits.

The woman's response is completely disproportionate.

manateehugger

If you want/need to breastfeed in public, go for it. But when a cop has to respond to a domestic disturbance call, I don't think he's out of line to ask you to cover up. I feel like he couldn't win - either he's anti-breastfeeding or he risks being accused of inappropriate/illegal conduct. 

jdluvr06

I don't have a problem with public breast feeding most of the time. I mean most women cover up with a blanket or something like that and are aware that others might not be comfortable so they are a discreet as possible. However, I would have done what the cop asked. I might not have stopped nursing but I would have some sort of cover on.

HisGirlFriday13

I don't think it's unreasonable, ever, for a woman to be asked to be discreet about breastfeeding, and I certainly don't fault the cop for wanting to cover his own ass, legally, in case he inadvertently saw her boob.

manateehugger

lolo883 said:

Hmm... this particular issue, I can see the cops' reasoning... although I feel like it was probably made up after the fact. Cops don't have any problem arresting naked hookers and whatnot. They were probably both a little in the wrong.

In general though, I personally think that anyone who has a problem with moms nursing their babies needs to put a blanket over their own head. It's the most natural thing in the world and the biggest reason people are skeeved is because society has oversexualized something that shouldn't have been sexualized in the first place. Boobs are tools, not toys. And when the baby's head is in there you can't see anything anyway.

I cannot stand the box!! Why is it so hard for TK to develop a system that doesn't make us look like kindergartners who can't stay inside the lines?!?!

Anyway, obviously we can't know what what going through this guy's head, but I could fully believe he would ask her to at least throw a blanket over herself out of concern he might be accused of inappropriate conduct. I have a couple friends who work in law enforcement, and they get drilled on this type of liability stuff. 

And obviously there are all sorts of issues with prostitution laws (HI cops can seal the deal, what the what?), but even in these cases cops are usually trained to be careful. Obviously, some of them are not and abuse their power, but that's a different debate. 

chkmeowt

I disagree. I don't think she's "whipping" it out. She's feeding her child. Which she has the legal right to do. You see less of a womans breast while she's breastfeeding than when a woman is at the beach in a bikini. Covering may not be convenient for the mother and child and furthermore, breastfeeding in public is necessary when your child is hungry. Unless, that is, you mandate that all breastfeeding women stay in their houses at all times with their children until they are weaned, lest they offend anyone with their mammary glands. /rant

chkmeowt

shrekspeare said:

lolo883 said:

Hmm... this particular issue, I can see the cops' reasoning... although I feel like it was probably made up after the fact. Cops don't have any problem arresting naked hookers and whatnot. They were probably both a little in the wrong.

In general though, I personally think that anyone who has a problem with moms nursing their babies needs to put a blanket over their own head. It's the most natural thing in the world and the biggest reason people are skeeved is because society has oversexualized something that shouldn't have been sexualized in the first place. Boobs are tools, not toys. And when the baby's head is in there you can't see anything anyway.

So is urinating and defecating, but we don't do that in public. The only difference is that there is a kid involved.

Hm, and also nutrition. I don't see anyone forcing adults (or the rest of the non breastfed population) to eat shamefully in the privacy of their homes, so why should breastfed babies?

lyndausvi

debmonn said:

I disagree. I don't think she's "whipping" it out. She's feeding her child. Which she has the legal right to do. You see less of a womans breast while she's breastfeeding than when a woman is at the beach in a bikini. Covering may not be convenient for the mother and child and furthermore, breastfeeding in public is necessary when your child is hungry. Unless, that is, you mandate that all breastfeeding women stay in their houses at all times with their children until they are weaned, lest they offend anyone with their mammary glands. /rant

I get what you are saying, but this woman was part of disagreement that escalated to cops being called.  In front her own kids, no less.    As a cop you have to have your guard up.  Asking her to cover up to protect himself while doing an interview is a lot different then him walking down the street and forcing random mothers cover up to BF.

manateehugger

lyndausvi said:

debmonn said:

I disagree. I don't think she's "whipping" it out. She's feeding her child. Which she has the legal right to do. You see less of a womans breast while she's breastfeeding than when a woman is at the beach in a bikini. Covering may not be convenient for the mother and child and furthermore, breastfeeding in public is necessary when your child is hungry. Unless, that is, you mandate that all breastfeeding women stay in their houses at all times with their children until they are weaned, lest they offend anyone with their mammary glands. /rant

I get what you are saying, but this woman was part of disagreement that escalated to cops being called.  In front her own kids, no less.    As a cop you have to have your guard up.  Asking her to cover up to protect himself while doing an interview is a lot different then him walking down the street and forcing random mothers cover up to BF.

Agreed. The circumstances here are fundamentally different than your average mom breastfeeding in a Starbucks. 

larrygaga

She should have done what the police asked of her. However, I feel it is a big problem in our society that something as natural and important as breastfeeding scares and makes people uncomfortable. I'm not saying everyone should whip out their boobs all the time, but boobs are so crazy sexualized it's kind of ridiculous. The cop wouldn't have to cover his ass about seeing her boob if nobody made a huge deal about seeing a boob. It's a damn sack of fat like holy crap.

manateehugger

larrygaga said:

She should have done what the police asked of her. However, I feel it is a big problem in our society that something as natural and important as breastfeeding scares and makes people uncomfortable. I'm not saying everyone should whip out their boobs all the time, but boobs are so crazy sexualized it's kind of ridiculous. The cop wouldn't have to cover his ass about seeing her boob if nobody made a huge deal about seeing a boob. It's a damn sack of fat like holy crap.

Right but considering this woman is staging a sit in over this incident, I'm not sure she's the type who WOULDN'T make a huge deal about him glancing at the boob. 

monkeysip

lolo883 said:

Hmm... this particular issue, I can see the cops' reasoning... although I feel like it was probably made up after the fact. Cops don't have any problem arresting naked hookers and whatnot. They were probably both a little in the wrong.

In general though, I personally think that anyone who has a problem with moms nursing their babies needs to put a blanket over their own head. It's the most natural thing in the world and the biggest reason people are skeeved is because society has oversexualized something that shouldn't have been sexualized in the first place. Boobs are tools, not toys. And when the baby's head is in there you can't see anything anyway.

I can't judge the specific situation too much because maybe the mom overreacted, or maybe the cop wasn't rude at all... who knows.  But I also don't know why a cop can't interview a woman while she's nursing.  What's the problem?

I completely agree with the bolded.  I think it's ridiculous that people have problems with moms nursing in public.  

A LOT of babies won't nurse under a cover, and it's not always possible to just "go home" to feed your baby.  Some babies feed every hour.  And no, bathrooms are not acceptable places to feed your infant.  No one else has to eat in the bathroom.

And suggesting pumping is even worse.  Pumping is a much bigger hassle than you think, and a lot of babies have difficulties going back and forth between boob and bottle.  

It's like saying women who breastfeed (from the breast) should just have to stay in their homes all the time.  It's ridiculous.  And comparing breastfeeding to DEFECATION is even more ridiculous.  

Sorry.... this issue really gets me.

larrygaga

monkeysip said:

lolo883 said:

Hmm... this particular issue, I can see the cops' reasoning... although I feel like it was probably made up after the fact. Cops don't have any problem arresting naked hookers and whatnot. They were probably both a little in the wrong.

In general though, I personally think that anyone who has a problem with moms nursing their babies needs to put a blanket over their own head. It's the most natural thing in the world and the biggest reason people are skeeved is because society has oversexualized something that shouldn't have been sexualized in the first place. Boobs are tools, not toys. And when the baby's head is in there you can't see anything anyway.

I can't judge the specific situation too much because maybe the mom overreacted, or maybe the cop wasn't rude at all... who knows.  But I also don't know why a cop can't interview a woman while she's nursing.  What's the problem?

I completely agree with the bolded.  I think it's ridiculous that people have problems with moms nursing in public.  

A LOT of babies won't nurse under a cover, and it's not always possible to just "go home" to feed your baby.  Some babies feed every hour.  And no, bathrooms are not acceptable places to feed your infant.  No one else has to eat in the bathroom.

And suggesting pumping is even worse.  Pumping is a much bigger hassle than you think, and a lot of babies have difficulties going back and forth between boob and bottle.  

It's like saying women who breastfeed (from the breast) should just have to stay in their homes all the time.  It's ridiculous.  And comparing breastfeeding to DEFECATION is even more ridiculous.  

Sorry.... this issue really gets me.

Spot on

chibiyui

I feel like this is one of those situations were nobody is likable. I agree the mom escalated a bit much, but I also don't really see why she needed to cover up if the baby is on the tit. And I'll be honest, I have a hard time giving cops the benefit of the doubt anymore . (Nothing in my personal life, just how law enforcement works in this country)

Except the baby. The baby is likable. 

theartistformerlyknownas

larrygaga said:

monkeysip said:

lolo883 said:

Hmm... this particular issue, I can see the cops' reasoning... although I feel like it was probably made up after the fact. Cops don't have any problem arresting naked hookers and whatnot. They were probably both a little in the wrong.

In general though, I personally think that anyone who has a problem with moms nursing their babies needs to put a blanket over their own head. It's the most natural thing in the world and the biggest reason people are skeeved is because society has oversexualized something that shouldn't have been sexualized in the first place. Boobs are tools, not toys. And when the baby's head is in there you can't see anything anyway.

I can't judge the specific situation too much because maybe the mom overreacted, or maybe the cop wasn't rude at all... who knows.  But I also don't know why a cop can't interview a woman while she's nursing.  What's the problem?

I completely agree with the bolded.  I think it's ridiculous that people have problems with moms nursing in public.  

A LOT of babies won't nurse under a cover, and it's not always possible to just "go home" to feed your baby.  Some babies feed every hour.  And no, bathrooms are not acceptable places to feed your infant.  No one else has to eat in the bathroom.

And suggesting pumping is even worse.  Pumping is a much bigger hassle than you think, and a lot of babies have difficulties going back and forth between boob and bottle.  

It's like saying women who breastfeed (from the breast) should just have to stay in their homes all the time.  It's ridiculous.  And comparing breastfeeding to DEFECATION is even more ridiculous.  

Sorry.... this issue really gets me.

Spot on

Really though. Breast feeding your own baby doesn't present a public health/sanitation issue for anyone else so let's not lump it with taking a dump on the sidewalk. It does present very big problems when babies can't be fed at a time and in a manner that is acceptable to that baby, or when moms are shamed/discouraged/prevented from doing that.

ktjanesmom

Perhaps the baby unlatched when he/she heard the police officer talking and her nipple was in clear view.  We dont know the details. She should have simply covered up as requested but she chose to cause controversy.

VulgarGirl

I've never nursed a kid but I have walked around in public in just pasties (either I was making a statement or I was drunk and it was hot...probably the latter). Gotta say, you saw way more of my boobies then I've ever seen of a nursing mom's...not that I pay a lot of attention. Boobs are boobs. Whatever they're doing, I've never been offended by seeing them.

I can see the cop's point. If while he was interviewing her, she finished nursing and removed the baby, there was a chance he could see something. If he looked down at his notepad (do they still use notepads? Surprisingly I have little interaction with cops) she could have said he was looking at her breasts. But I also agree with @lolo883 that it was probably thought up after the fact. Like his boss came and said "So why'd you ask this chick to cover up? Where you worried she might accuse you of being inappropriate" and he was like "Uh, yeah, that was it".

I'm also of the thought process that one should do what a police officer asks of you so long as it does not place you in any danger. Mostly because the police have very effective ways of making your life difficult. I might have thought it was stupid to cover up, but I probably would have done it and filed a report later that police officers need to be better trained on dealing with nursing moms. 

chkmeowt

shrekspeare said:

debmonn said:

shrekspeare said:

lolo883 said:

Hmm... this particular issue, I can see the cops' reasoning... although I feel like it was probably made up after the fact. Cops don't have any problem arresting naked hookers and whatnot. They were probably both a little in the wrong.

In general though, I personally think that anyone who has a problem with moms nursing their babies needs to put a blanket over their own head. It's the most natural thing in the world and the biggest reason people are skeeved is because society has oversexualized something that shouldn't have been sexualized in the first place. Boobs are tools, not toys. And when the baby's head is in there you can't see anything anyway.

So is urinating and defecating, but we don't do that in public. The only difference is that there is a kid involved.

Hm, and also nutrition. I don't see anyone forcing adults (or the rest of the non breastfed population) to eat shamefully in the privacy of their homes, so why should breastfed babies?

However, you can always pump and feed, or enter a restroom. No one is stopping anyone from doing that. There are plenty of other options you can use. Apples and oranges. If there were literally no other option, I could see the justification, but that's just not the case any longer.

Not all babies take bottles. And if you are breastfeeding exclusively you don't have to. You go ahead and bring your lunch or dinner into the bathroom if you think that is an ok place to eat.

grumbledore

kaos16 said:

Apparently a scandal has erupted in my town. I'll post the link when I get to a real computer, but here's my understanding of the situation: A woman takes her 12 year old son and infant to an ex's house to pick up her third child, the one in common with him. They have some issue and the woman calls the police. While waiting for the police to come she begins nursing her infant. The male police officer shows up to interview her. He sees her nursing and asks her to cover up. He asks her repeatedly and she freaks out on him. The woman immediately goes to the media expressing her right to Breastfeeding wherever she wants and claiming that the police officer was awful and wrong and horrible. At some point she gets the chief of the police on the phone. He told her the same thing he told the media, that the police officer needed to interview her, that he was a male there alone and that he was concerned she could accuse him of looking at her breast, so he asked her to cover up. The woman is now staging a nurse-in at the police department because the chief didn't apologize, acknowledge the police officer was wrong and make him go to sensitivity training. Discuss.......

I think women should breastfeed wherever they want.  It in no way impacts me.

MairePoppy

Please don't suggest that babies should be fed in restrooms. That's gross. If the cop was uncomfortable interviewing the mother while she was feeding her baby, he should have waited until she was done or he could have called another officer.

banana468

@shrekspeare, your comments are really ignorant and at least borderline offensive. A nursing infant can't just wait and mom can't "just go pump. " Even if she DOES pump, she may not bring it with her wherever she goes. If her child was fussing from the car, exactly where should the mother go to feed the baby? Leaving the scene wasn't really an option here. Furthermore, suggesting that she nurse in a bathroom is repulsive. Would you eat YOUR lunch in the bathroom? It's actually illegal for an employer to tell a nursing mom that she needs to pump in the bathroom. They need to provide her with a private spot where she can do so throughout her work day as needed. As another knottie said, not all babies take a bottle or will nurse with a cover. You can't always cover up or the child may not eat.

That said, I think this could have been avoided by the cop asking if the mother was feeling up to giving a statement while she feed her child and the mom is really blowing this out of proportion. However, the police force needs to be more sensitive to this issue as a mother can nurse in public by law - the very things they are supposed to uphold.

pinkshorts27

chibiyui said:

I feel like this is one of those situations were nobody is likable. I agree the mom escalated a bit much, but I also don't really see why she needed to cover up if the baby is on the tit. And I'll be honest, I have a hard time giving cops the benefit of the doubt anymore . (Nothing in my personal life, just how law enforcement works in this country)

Except the baby. The baby is likable. 

This statement bothers me. Sorry if I offend, but every police officer I have known has actually wanted the best for people. They are some of the nicest people I have met. And they deal with so much shit. My cousin was dating a cop. He approached a car that he pulled over for weaving lanes. I'm sure, like any profession, that there are ass-holes, but I can't get on the whole cop-hate bandwagon. 

This 17 year old kid pulled a gun and shot him twice (once in each leg). Cop went down. His partner car took the kid out. Emptied his gun. Sad day for the kid, but kid just shot a cop twice and was still shooting. The kids parents then tried to have the cop sued for profiling and hurting their boy. Protests followed. It was bad. Everyone was mad at the cop. The cop wasn't profiling. He pulled the kid over because he was going at an excessive speed and weaving dangerously between cars. The cop was investigated for pulling the kid over, was in the hospital for a while. I talked to him and someone asked him why he didn't react (pull gun first). He said that every time they pull someone over they don't know what situation they are facing. Each ticket is different and you can't pull your gun just because you are nervous or something looks off.  I can't imagine how stressful that job is. 

MyNameIsNot

banana468 said:

@shrekspeare, your comments are really ignorant and at least borderline offensive. A nursing infant can't just wait and mom can't "just go pump. " Even if she DOES pump, she may not bring it with her wherever she goes. If her child was fussing from the car, exactly where should the mother go to feed the baby? Leaving the scene wasn't really an option here. Furthermore, suggesting that she nurse in a bathroom is repulsive. Would you eat YOUR lunch in the bathroom? It's actually illegal for an employer to tell a nursing mom that she needs to pump in the bathroom. They need to provide her with a private spot where she can do so throughout her work day as needed. As another knottie said, not all babies take a bottle or will nurse with a cover. You can't always cover up or the child may not eat. 

 That said, I think this could have been avoided by the cop asking if the mother was feeling up to giving a statement while she feed her child and the mom is really blowing this out of proportion. However, the police force needs to be more sensitive to this issue as a mother can nurse in public by law - the very things they are supposed to uphold.

I 100% agree with the first section.

The bolded gives me pause.  The text of the OP is so overly dramatic and one sided that I have a hard time believing it isn't biased by OP or the people who are telling her the story.  If the whole thing is as one sided as OP claimed, then the mother over-reacted.  

As sensitive as people can be about this issue, I'm surprised that cops aren't given some training about this.  Cops are not supposed to tell breast feeding mothers to cover up in a lot of places.  I would be surprised if there wasn't more to this story.  

kaos16

MyNameIsNot said:

banana468 said:

@shrekspeare, your comments are really ignorant and at least borderline offensive. A nursing infant can't just wait and mom can't "just go pump. " Even if she DOES pump, she may not bring it with her wherever she goes. If her child was fussing from the car, exactly where should the mother go to feed the baby? Leaving the scene wasn't really an option here. Furthermore, suggesting that she nurse in a bathroom is repulsive. Would you eat YOUR lunch in the bathroom? It's actually illegal for an employer to tell a nursing mom that she needs to pump in the bathroom. They need to provide her with a private spot where she can do so throughout her work day as needed. As another knottie said, not all babies take a bottle or will nurse with a cover. You can't always cover up or the child may not eat. 

 That said, I think this could have been avoided by the cop asking if the mother was feeling up to giving a statement while she feed her child and the mom is really blowing this out of proportion. However, the police force needs to be more sensitive to this issue as a mother can nurse in public by law - the very things they are supposed to uphold.

I 100% agree with the first section.

The bolded gives me pause.  The text of the OP is so overly dramatic and one sided that I have a hard time believing it isn't biased by OP or the people who are telling her the story.  If the whole thing is as one sided as OP claimed, then the mother over-reacted.  

As sensitive as people can be about this issue, I'm surprised that cops aren't given some training about this.  Cops are not supposed to tell breast feeding mothers to cover up in a lot of places.  I would be surprised if there wasn't more to this story.  

Interesting that you'd call me overly dramatic in my telling of what was reported. Perhaps saying the mom "freaked out" was a poor choice of words. Other than that I tried to stay as neutral as possible, just relaying what was reported. I made sure not to give my opinion on the situation or any connection to anyone involved specifically to give an unbiased view. I just though it was an interesting and controversial occurrence that could be fun to chat about.

larrygaga

ktjanesmom said:

Perhaps the baby unlatched when he/she heard the police officer talking and her nipple was in clear view.  We dont know the details. She should have simply covered up as requested but she chose to cause controversy.

Sometimes people who cause controversy make progress.

FiancB

monkeysip beat me to it. Lots of babies refuse to feed under cover or from a bottle. And pumping is a lot more hassle than you'd think, and you may not have a bottle ready to go in a given situation for whatever reason. In this case the mom was at home and started feeding before the cop got there. While I see potential reasons for him to not want to interview her like that, he could've waited. I think in this situation the cop was a bit ignorant and the mom was a bit reactionary.

doeydo

Obviously she felt OK breastfeeding in front of him.  It probably just weirded him out so he told her to cover up, and then came up with excuses afterwards.  Whoop dee doo if he saw a nipple or something.  Women can breastfeed their children where they want, when they want.