The dreaded "gap"

PrettyGirlLost

Butterflyz419 said:

The "guests are adults" bit applies equally to gaps. And as Miss Manners points out, the bridal couple is supposed to leave early because the party is in their honor. Notice that the toasts are made to the couple, not to the guests. Once they "receive the guests" they needn't stay and proper etiquette says they shouldn't. Just because you don't care what the etiquette books say doesn't make you right. But of course now you sound like everyone defending gaps. Just because you want to stay til the end doesn't make it good etiquette.

The party isn't in the bride and groom's honor, though.  It's held in honor and thanks of their guests.

ETA:  I have never heard of this "rule" about the couple leaving the reception early until today, and only from you.  No one in the 30+ weddings I have been to ever mentioned it, nor seemed put out if the couple didn't make a grand exit, and only one couple ever did, and as I said it confused everyone and prematurely ended the party.

What I have heard repeated complaints about IRL and on this forum are gaps.  And the reasoning behind them being rude is totally logical and w/o any attached emotions, such as people feeling guilty if they leave too early.  Again, that's a personal issue and is of no reflection on anyone else.

Will I personally leave my reception early.  No way.  1st, my guests will see that as rude actually, since FI and I are hosting the reception and many of the guests are from OOT and traveling to see us.  Plus, since I'm staying the night at the same site as my reception, well it would be pointless for me to leave early.  What am I going to do, go sit up in my room and watch TV while everyone else is still hanging out at the reception?

Do I think this is rude, absolutely not.  Is it inconveniencing any guests, certainly not.  The doors aren't locked, they can come and go as they please- it's their party.

AddieCake

It's like I said during the last blizzard. If some of you snowflakes crying about how mean everyone is would maybe come out of your igloos for more than just ONE thread that you clicked on from the newsletter and then drift away never to be heard from again, maybe you would have a fucking clue about some of these etiquette issues and would also have a clue about this community and the people that make it up, the people who are here helping brides not make fools of themselves on their wedding days. Maybe you would know that everyone here is not, as YOU claim, mean and horrible. Maybe you would really know what this place is about instead of constantly embarrassing yourselves in these threads the same way you might on your wedding days. 

celticwoman14

Our wedding is going to have a gap. Maybe we are selfish, but we are only paying for so many hours of bar time. I did not want that starting at 4. it is only an hour gap. Coctails at 5. There will be photos, we are going to be in a beautiful park for the ceremony. We are having a shuttle from the hotels to the reception and back so people don't have to drink and drive. I have suggested to my guests to return to the hotel and ride a shuttle, or take a nice walk in the park. the reception venue is only 5 minutes from the ceremony. and paying the extra hour of cocktails would have put us over our budget. Your wedding, don't feel guilty. I myself am so tired of people saying "You HAVE to do this, or that." no, i don't. my day, my way

bouncertony

Butterflyz419 said:

The "guests are adults" bit applies equally to gaps. And as Miss Manners points out, the bridal couple is supposed to leave early because the party is in their honor. Notice that the toasts are made to the couple, not to the guests. Once they "receive the guests" they needn't stay and proper etiquette says they shouldn't. Just because you don't care what the etiquette books say doesn't make you right. But of course now you sound like everyone defending gaps. Just because you want to stay til the end doesn't make it good etiquette.

Actually that's an old etiquette hold out from when the bride's parents hosted the wedding reception. Your hosts never leave first.

Now most couples are hosting their own weddings, so they turn into the hosts who also happen to be the guest of honor, which is why more couples are staying until the end, they're the hosts and the hosts don't leave before the guests.

Butterflyz419

Oh and it's well established that it is poor etiquette for a mother to host the bridal shower. Even if it is common now. But again everyone here seems fine and dandy about violating etiquette when it suits them. It's just hypocrisy. You prioritized differently and think that your etiquette violations are just dandy but any others are the height of rudeness.

chibiyui

NosterAmorInvictus said:

Actually no. It's not the pot calling the kettle black. I'm not sure when weddings became about the guests more than the couple getting married, because I've never been to a wedding and even thought about whether there was a gap or not. I've been to all kinds of weddings. Some with ceremonies and receptions at the same location, some with 1-3 hour gaps between, some with long distance travel between the ceremony and reception. I enjoyed them all. They were fun and joyous occasions. I never felt impositioned. They can do what they want. I was nothing but happy for them. Why is that so difficult to understand?

When guests started being invited, it became about the guests. 

You don't give a fuck about guests? ELOPE.

Kauris

Gaps are rude. Don't be rude. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You are not an exception to the rule. Also be nice to people who are giving their time, money and support to you. Simple as that. 

Hosting properly does not have to cost a lot of money, ask the ladies on the budget board. Hosting well will get you rave reviews from your friends and family. Remember, those people that LOVE you so very much?

chibiyui

celticwoman14 said:

Our wedding is going to have a gap. Maybe we are selfish, but we are only paying for so many hours of bar time. I did not want that starting at 4. it is only an hour gap. Coctails at 5. There will be photos, we are going to be in a beautiful park for the ceremony. We are having a shuttle from the hotels to the reception and back so people don't have to drink and drive. I have suggested to my guests to return to the hotel and ride a shuttle, or take a nice walk in the park. the reception venue is only 5 minutes from the ceremony. and paying the extra hour of cocktails would have put us over our budget. Your wedding, don't feel guilty. I myself am so tired of people saying "You HAVE to do this, or that." no, i don't. my day, my way

Or, you could end your reception an hour earlier then planned, not be over budget, not make your guests wait, and use cocktail hour as it's meant to be used, a time to take pictures without making your guests stand around doing nothing. 

Jen4948

Butterflyz419 said:

The "guests are adults" bit applies equally to gaps. And as Miss Manners points out, the bridal couple is supposed to leave early because the party is in their honor. Notice that the toasts are made to the couple, not to the guests. Once they "receive the guests" they needn't stay and proper etiquette says they shouldn't. Just because you don't care what the etiquette books say doesn't make you right. But of course now you sound like everyone defending gaps. Just because you want to stay til the end doesn't make it good etiquette.

I think even Miss Manners would agree that no one has to stay to the end, but I doubt she requires the couple to leave immediately.  "Receiving the guests" can take the full length of the reception.  As long as the couple does properly receive their guests, they are perfectly welcome to enjoy the reception.  What they are not allowed to do is indulge themselves while expecting their guests to wait around for them.  That includes not only gaps but serving themselves anything that the guests are not also offered, or expecting the guests to open their wallets.

And sorry, but guests being adults does not make it polite to plan for a gap.  Proper etiquette, regardless of which writers endorse what, says that hosts need to not expect their guests to stand around and wait for them for a long period of time with no attention paid to their needs at all.

jdluvr06

Butterflyz419 said:

Oh and it's well established that it is poor etiquette for a mother to host the bridal shower. Even if it is common now. But again everyone here seems fine and dandy about violating etiquette when it suits them. It's just hypocrisy. You prioritized differently and think that your etiquette violations are just dandy but any others are the height of rudeness.

Most people on here don't care if you violate etiquette for things that won't inconvenience anyone. Like not hand addressing the invites. However, it is inconveniences your guest then it is a big no no. A gap is an inconvenience. IMO a gap is a huge inconvenience mainly because I find it so disrespectful to your guest.

PrettyGirlLost

Butterflyz419 said:

Oh and it's well established that it is poor etiquette for a mother to host the bridal shower. Even if it is common now. But again everyone here seems fine and dandy about violating etiquette when it suits them. It's just hypocrisy. You prioritized differently and think that your etiquette violations are just dandy but any others are the height of rudeness.

I think that is probably an antiquated rule that has since evolved.  You can't really argue that having a gap has evolved to not be rude.

You should probably stop making assumptions- like that I'm personally doing things that are against etiquette or that I think any and all other etiquette mistakes are the height of rudeness.  Personally, I find PPDs and Gaps the height of rudeness.  Most other things I don't really give a shit about.

I'm on this forum so that I don't make any etiquette violations, and so far this forum has been super informative.

ashleyep

Jen4948 said:

Butterflyz419 said:

The "guests are adults" bit applies equally to gaps. And as Miss Manners points out, the bridal couple is supposed to leave early because the party is in their honor. Notice that the toasts are made to the couple, not to the guests. Once they "receive the guests" they needn't stay and proper etiquette says they shouldn't. Just because you don't care what the etiquette books say doesn't make you right. But of course now you sound like everyone defending gaps. Just because you want to stay til the end doesn't make it good etiquette.

I think even Miss Manners would agree that no one has to stay to the end, but I doubt she requires the couple to leave immediately.  "Receiving the guests" can take the full length of the reception.  As long as the couple does properly receive their guests, they are perfectly welcome to enjoy the reception.  What they are not allowed to do is indulge themselves while expecting their guests to wait around for them.  That includes not only gaps but serving themselves anything that the guests are not also offered, or expecting the guests to open their wallets.

And sorry, but guests being adults does not make it polite to plan for a gap.  Proper etiquette, regardless of which writers endorse what, says that hosts need to not expect their guests to stand around and wait for them for a long period of time with no attention paid to their needs at all.

And, @butterfylz419, that same article you posted from Miss Manners about the B&G leaving early, goes on to say:

"As you point out, however, nowadays it is a challenge to outlast them. A good time to make a getaway is after the cake has been cut and served."

Miss Manners admits that the B&G rarely leaves before their guests anymore. She's not saying the B&G are horrible for not doing so.

sarawifenow

Butterflyz419 said:

Oh and it's well established that it is poor etiquette for a mother to host the bridal shower. Even if it is common now. But again everyone here seems fine and dandy about violating etiquette when it suits them. It's just hypocrisy. You prioritized differently and think that your etiquette violations are just dandy but any others are the height of rudeness.

Actually we tell people all the time that the mother of the bride shouldn't be hosting the shower...do you lurk at all?

Butterflyz419

EVERYTHING inconveniences someone. You can't possibly prevent every single person on the guest list from feeling inconvenienced by some choice you made. We're all doing the best we can. As this post should have made clear, there are many people who are happier to have a gap, therefore they might be inconvenienced without a gap in some cases. Having your wedding in the morning or at 8 pm or on Friday or Sunday? You're no doubt inconveniencing someone. Just because you let guests know in advance that there will be a 60 minute gap between ceremony and reception doesn't make you some little "snowflake" only interested in your "vision" while the person who has the early morning wedding is just doing what's best for them (even if that inconveniences others). It's a ridiculous and inconsistent standard. Oh and things like hand addressing envelopes? I agree no one in their right mind should care but some people do and some people think that if you can't take time to hand address your envelopes then you don't really care about them. Etiquette is etiquette for a reason.

phelpswindsorwedding

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding once that had about an hour gap between the ceremony and the reception and then had a cocktail hour afterwards.  As a wedding party member, it's not like I could just leave, sit at a bar, and go do my own thing.  I was crazy bored by the time the gap was over (even the bride and groom looked bored during the gap) and even more bored during the cocktail hour since I just spent the previous hour chatting up all these people.

Guests checking in the day of the wedding should do that during the first part of the cocktail hour.  It is not mandatory that people need to be there the whole time.

Jen4948

Butterflyz419 said: EVERYTHING inconveniences someone. You can't possibly prevent every single person on the guest list from feeling inconvenienced by some choice you made. We're all doing the best we can. As this post should have made clear, there are many people who are happier to have a gap, therefore they might be inconvenienced without a gap in some cases. Having your wedding in the morning or at 8 pm or on Friday or Sunday? You're no doubt inconveniencing someone. Just because you let guests know in advance that there will be a 60 minute gap between ceremony and reception doesn't make you some little "snowflake" only interested in your "vision" while the person who has the early morning wedding is just doing what's best for them (even if that inconveniences others). It's a ridiculous and inconsistent standard. Oh and things like hand addressing envelopes? I agree no one in their right mind should care but some people do and some people think that if you can't take time to hand address your envelopes then you don't really care about them. Etiquette is etiquette for a reason.


While it's true that anyone might be inconvenienced by something, deliberately planning for the inconvenience of others is rude. That's why planning for a gap is rude. It doesn't matter how much they love you or care about you-all that good feeling is going to go out the window if you do this. The standard is not inconsistent, because you're trying to add apples and oranges. While it's a victimless crime if you label or print your envelopes, gaps deliberately leave your guests with nothing to do while waiting for you. That's not appropriate hosting.

lacey420

What about couples who don't care about the ceremony that much? My fiancé and I are having a 30 min ceremony, keeping it as short and sweet as possible. But if I'm correct your wedding is supposed to be about you and the person you love committing to each other and the awesome party that goes with that. If I was a guest at her wedding I would completely appreciate having the the time to check in and handle everything so I could relax and enjoy celebrating with loved ones. There are no rules you HAVE to abide by. 

sarawifenow

PrettyGirlLost said:

Butterflyz419 said:

Oh and it's well established that it is poor etiquette for a mother to host the bridal shower. Even if it is common now. But again everyone here seems fine and dandy about violating etiquette when it suits them. It's just hypocrisy. You prioritized differently and think that your etiquette violations are just dandy but any others are the height of rudeness.

I think that is probably an antiquated rule that has since evolved.  You can't really argue that having a gap has evolved to not be rude.

You should probably stop making assumptions- like that I'm personally doing things that are against etiquette or that I think any and all other etiquette mistakes are the height of rudeness.  Personally, I find PPDs and Gaps the height of rudeness.  Most other things I don't really give a shit about.

I'm on this forum so that I don't make any etiquette violations, and so far this forum has been super informative.

 

Effing box trap

 

This! I have been stopped by making so many etiquette mistakes by reading these threads. And, honestly, not doing these blunders did not inconvenience me at all. People act like having a gap is the only way to make the day perfect for them. This is not the case!

PrettyGirlLost

Butterflyz419 said:

EVERYTHING inconveniences someone. You can't possibly prevent every single person on the guest list from feeling inconvenienced by some choice you made. We're all doing the best we can. As this post should have made clear, there are many people who are happier to have a gap, therefore they might be inconvenienced without a gap in some cases. Having your wedding in the morning or at 8 pm or on Friday or Sunday? You're no doubt inconveniencing someone. Just because you let guests know in advance that there will be a 60 minute gap between ceremony and reception doesn't make you some little "snowflake" only interested in your "vision" while the person who has the early morning wedding is just doing what's best for them (even if that inconveniences others). It's a ridiculous and inconsistent standard. Oh and things like hand addressing envelopes? I agree no one in their right mind should care but some people do and some people think that if you can't take time to hand address your envelopes then you don't really care about them. Etiquette is etiquette for a reason.

The people who are posting that they are happier to have a gap seem to be the brides trying to rationalize and justify the gap on order to have an evening reception.

Not having a gap should not inconvenience your guests.

If you can't make a Sunday wedding you can decline, but God forbid someone is honest and states they would decline a wedding or skip part of one that had a lengthy gap just so the bride and groom can have an evening reception. Then somehow that makes us rude.

xtl

Are you sad you don't / didn't have an evening reception? I am - really - sorry for you.

As a guest I hate being rushed through the day having dinner at five like I was my own granny. And to be asked to leave at 9 pm is rude, too. It's not your nephew's seventh birthday! I came over just for you, booked a room, dressed and changed and then you're done at 9pm... And skipping the hand addressing is a sin - in my opinion.

But well, as the wedding will never be perfect for all I still claim it should be perfect for you. If you like to celebrate early, eat early and leave early then do so. And if you like to have it another way do that.

abl13

I honestly don't know anyone IRL that cares about this. They're common where I'm from and I actually prefer having that down time. You know there's going to be one before the event so if it is that offensive to you it probably would be best to RSVP no.

PrettyGirlLost

xtlmobile said:

Are you sad you don't / didn't have an evening reception? I am - really - sorry for you.

As a guest I hate being rushed through the day having dinner at five like I was my own granny. And to be asked to leave at 9 pm is rude, too. It's not your nephew's seventh birthday! I came over just for you, booked a room, dressed and changed and then you're done at 9pm... And skipping the hand addressing is a sin - in my opinion.

But well, as the wedding will never be perfect for all I still claim it should be perfect for you. If you like to celebrate early, eat early and leave early then do so. And if you like to have it another way do that.

What? Are you trying to claim that a reception ending at 9 pm is rude?

Butterflyz419

Yep, you can decline because of a gap and I'll think your petty. I also think declining a morning wedding, or a night wedding, or a Sunday wedding just because it's not the most convenient thing ever for your precious schedule is also petty.  I think it's petty to complain that the ceremony lasted an hour and a half because the couple wanted to honor their religious traditions in their ceremony. 

I think it's petty to complain that address labels were used instead of hand addressing the invitation envelope. I think it's petty to complain about a buffet or that a DJ was chosen over a band (or vice versa).  I think it's petty to complain that the bride did a bouquet toss and on and on on all things I've heard complaints about. Guests have become every bit as demanding and little "snowflakes" as any of the brides thinking that weddings ought to be catered to their expectations. And so yup, the wedding reception is to receive the guests, but I will receive them in a way that makes the most sense to my budget and my priorities, which is why I'm doing a receiving line, even if guests think that's inconvenient because I'm not spending my dinner time going from table to table and I will trust that my guests being the adults that they are and that they knowing me and my fiancé that everyone is doing the best they can to serve the diverse interests and needs and expectations of 125 people. 

Best of luck to you well meaning brides, it's rough out there.

banana468

Do people who hate afternoon meals not have Sunday dinners or eat a big afternoon meal on a holiday?    Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter are never meals I've consumed at noon or six PM.  They're often mid-late afternoon events and it's just part of the plan.   I find the complaint that eating at 5 is like a nephew's birthday party to be absolute bullshit.

To @lacey420, sure you don't HAVE to abide by etiquette rules but if you don't, you run the risk of offending your guests.

DH and I are both Catholic and we were married in a Catholic ceremony (see siggy pic).   Together we've probably been to two dozen weddings in our adult lives.   Most of them were Catholic.   Of them, TWO had extended gaps of 2 hours or more.    In one instance we were in the wedding party so our time was occupied but for the other wedding, we sat around a family member's home just killing time.    We were close enough to home to not need a hotel but far away enough that it was silly to go to the ceremony and then back home for the afternoon and THEN go to the reception.

It's not a "Catholic Gap" and stop calling it inevitable.    I understand that it's tough to plan when you're locked into times at the church and many reception venues are inflexible but it CAN be done.   

xtl

PrettyGirlLost said:

Are you sad you don't / didn't have an evening reception? I am - really - sorry for you.

As a guest I hate being rushed through the day having dinner at five like I was my own granny. And to be asked to leave at 9 pm is rude, too. It's not your nephew's seventh birthday! I came over just for you, booked a room, dressed and changed and then you're done at 9pm... And skipping the hand addressing is a sin - in my opinion.

But well, as the wedding will never be perfect for all I still claim it should be perfect for you. If you like to celebrate early, eat early and leave early then do so. And if you like to have it another way do that.

What? Are you trying to claim that a reception ending at 9 pm is rude?

Now that you asked I thought about it once again - and yes. I'm from a big city, I live in a big city, and I would have to find another party when your wedding was over that early. Luckily those are found easily around here.

chibiyui

xtlmobile said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Are you sad you don't / didn't have an evening reception? I am - really - sorry for you.

As a guest I hate being rushed through the day having dinner at five like I was my own granny. And to be asked to leave at 9 pm is rude, too. It's not your nephew's seventh birthday! I came over just for you, booked a room, dressed and changed and then you're done at 9pm... And skipping the hand addressing is a sin - in my opinion.

But well, as the wedding will never be perfect for all I still claim it should be perfect for you. If you like to celebrate early, eat early and leave early then do so. And if you like to have it another way do that.

What? Are you trying to claim that a reception ending at 9 pm is rude?

Now that you asked I thought about it once again - and yes. I'm from a big city, I live in a big city, and I would have to find another party when your wedding was over that early. Luckily those are found easily around here.

bouncertony

xtlmobile said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Are you sad you don't / didn't have an evening reception? I am - really - sorry for you.

As a guest I hate being rushed through the day having dinner at five like I was my own granny. And to be asked to leave at 9 pm is rude, too. It's not your nephew's seventh birthday! I came over just for you, booked a room, dressed and changed and then you're done at 9pm... And skipping the hand addressing is a sin - in my opinion.

But well, as the wedding will never be perfect for all I still claim it should be perfect for you. If you like to celebrate early, eat early and leave early then do so. And if you like to have it another way do that.

What? Are you trying to claim that a reception ending at 9 pm is rude?

Now that you asked I thought about it once again - and yes. I'm from a big city, I live in a big city, and I would have to find another party when your wedding was over that early. Luckily those are found easily around here.

Or you could just go home. Parties end. That's what they do. Sometimes they end at 9pm, or 2am, or noon. They end and then your life continues. 

KPBM89

I'm sure this post is going to get lost in the snow, but I have some advice for everyone who seems to think they're too special to follow proper etiquette.  You want advice, you're getting it.  

-First off, please for the love of God stop using being a Catholic as your excuse for being an asshole.

-Second, if you value being a Catholic as much as you're claiming, then the ceremony should be the most important part of your day.  Didn't you learn that during pre-cana or marriage prep?  Plan a ceremony first, because that's the entire point of the day.  The time of day has nothing to do with the meaning behind the ceremony, nor does the time of the reception have anything to do with the total experience of it.  Putting time in between does effect the day, the entire experience of your "special day," and the way everyone will remember your day (think "oh Sally's wedding was beautiful, except the hour we had to waste driving around before her reception.  That was the worst.").

-Third, for all the damn 2pm brides, this is an example of a perfect schedule for the day (and no boo-fucking-hoo it's going to end at 9/10pm; it doesn't matter what time it ends and you're a dick if you value the night sky more than you value your guests):

ceremony 2-3, receiving line, everyone drives to reception, cocktail hour when they arrive 3:15/3:30-4:15/4:30, bridal party announced into the room and first dances, dinner served at 5pm; if that's too early for dinner, have some snacks available for later

-Fourth, everyone that is telling you that you are being rude is correct.  They are not being rude to you, you are being rude to your guests.

I am saying all of this as a Catholic, and a guest at several Catholic weddings without gaps.

banana468

Butterflyz419 said:

Yep, you can decline because of a gap and I'll think your petty. I also think declining a morning wedding, or a night wedding, or a Sunday wedding just because it's not the most convenient thing ever for your precious schedule is also petty.  I think it's petty to complain that the ceremony lasted an hour and a half because the couple wanted to honor their religious traditions in their ceremony. 

I think it's petty to complain that address labels were used instead of hand addressing the invitation envelope. I think it's petty to complain about a buffet or that a DJ was chosen over a band (or vice versa).  I think it's petty to complain that the bride did a bouquet toss and on and on on all things I've heard complaints about. Guests have become every bit as demanding and little "snowflakes" as any of the brides thinking that weddings ought to be catered to their expectations. And so yup, the wedding reception is to receive the guests, but I will receive them in a way that makes the most sense to my budget and my priorities, which is why I'm doing a receiving line, even if guests think that's inconvenient because I'm not spending my dinner time going from table to table and I will trust that my guests being the adults that they are and that they knowing me and my fiancé that everyone is doing the best they can to serve the diverse interests and needs and expectations of 125 people. 

Best of luck to you well meaning brides, it's rough out there.

You're right that some people will complain no matter what.   My late (not so) great uncle complained that we picked a bad location for the wedding reception because 40 years ago there was a better place to have them.   He was never happy throughout his entire life so no matter what we did, he would have been unhappy with what he was given.   

BUT many of the things you reference are traditions and not etiquette.   People can complain about traditions until the cows come home.    I don't like bouquet tosses either but they're not really rude.   They're just NMS.   I don't like the mason jar trend either but it's not a BAD thing.

However there's a big difference between planning things that are traditions and having some guests not like them and planning things that are RUDE.    You don't have to like that DH and I had our first dance to Annie's Song or that DH danced with his mother to the Godfather Waltz.   BUT, we visited all our guests in the receiving line and table visits, the bar was open with a variety of beer, wine and top shelf liquor and no one left hungry.    We didn't have a gap and despite the 100 degree heat, guests were comfortable in the air conditioned area since we knew better than to plan an outdoor wedding in the beginning of August.

Some things are going to annoy people and they (and you) will just have to get over it.   But don't do things that are rude.    By doing so you're generally setting yourselves up to turn a portion of your wedding into something that your guests have to "get over".   Why would you do that??     I don't understand the logic.     

sedwards0123

I don't know about everyone else out there, but my fiance and I are going to use the cocktail hour (it's actually going to be 1.5 hours) to socialize with our guests so we can actually spend some time talking to them. Our ceremony is at 4pm so we're going to take most of the pictures beforehand. Our guest list is around 200 so it won't be possible for us to spend quality time with everyone between dinner, cake cutting, bouquet toss, dancing, etc. Just for the record, I really don't think it's a huge deal to have a gap. Personally, I think it's the perfect time to catch up with others in a smaller group, or get to know some of the other people at the wedding. It's a wedding and a party; I think too many people get caught up in the little details and forget to enjoy the show.