Wedding Reception Forum

The dreaded "gap"

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Re: The dreaded "gap"

  • No one said you were wrong about being good hosts. We said you were wrong for being an extremist.

    Anyways, this board is terrible for any brides ACTUALLY looking for advice. I'm out of here. Continue with your bickering.


    Jsmith262
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you really believe people can have a good time without alcohol (your belief in which I am not actually convinced) then how could it possibly be rude to think that your guests may be able to have a good time chatting with one another before the official party begins? How is that crazy? No one is forcing them to buy a drink to pass the time or spend additional money in any way.

    Most of you here confuse the ceremony and the party. I said this earlier but I'm going to say it again. The wedding ceremony is the reason for the day. It is a serious, solemn, life changing event. The reception is the party to celebrate what took place at the ceremony. There is nothing rude in having them in different locations or separated by some amount of time. Again, I repeat: the ceremony is NOT the start of the party, it is the REASON for the party. Once you realize that, you realize it's not so crazy to say that the ceremony is at one time and the party is at another. 

    Ever been to a graduation party on the same day as a graduation? Same thing. The graduation is the reason for the party, not the start of it. There may be good reasons there as well to have a gap between when the graduation ends and when the party begins if the parents for instance have to set up the house for food after the ceremony since you know, they're a little busy attending the ceremony. 

    A wedding invitation is just that, an invitation, not a subpoena, and if you can't fathom spending 60 minutes in the middle of the day without your entertainment being handed to you, then you shouldn't go, but that doesn't make the couple the unreasonable one.

    First of all, comparing graduation to a wedding is apples and oranges. You're not hosting the graduation itself so it doesn't matter when you throw the graduation party. So let go of that comparison.

    Second, the reception is to RECEIVE your guests that just attended your ceremony. The bride and groom are saying thank you to their guests for witnessing the ceremony with food, drink, etc. Yes, the bride and groom can decide how to decorate, what food and drink to serve but they need to keep in mind that they are THANKING their loved ones for supporting them on their wedding day. Why is this concept so hard to understand?!

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Not when your guests need every second of your attention to be entertained.
    No one is saying that they need every second of your attention.  What we are saying is that your guests should not be left to fend for themselves for a few hours between the ceremony and reception. Do you not see the difference?

    jdluvr06PrettyGirlLost
  • I'm getting the feeling that everyone's cycles may have synced up. This is out of hand. Also, hilarious.
    sullyhays2015
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    No one said you were wrong about being good hosts. We said you were wrong for being an extremist.

    Anyways, this board is terrible for any brides ACTUALLY looking for advice. I'm out of here. Continue with your bickering.


    That makes zero sense. We're good hosts by not having a gap. That's not extreme. Couples that have gaps are being rude to their guests.
    Maggie0829luckysnorkel
  • angelinah21angelinah21 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2014
    I know I shouldn't be surprised, because reading discussion threads/comments on the internet is, as a general rule, a terrible idea. But I really am shocked at the amount of people telling brides they are horrible, inconsiderate idiots who obviously don't give a crap about their guests over something that is, in the grand scheme of things, this mundane. Telling someone you've never met how rude a gap is AND in the same breath stating that they are terrible people makes you the rude one, sorry.

    Do I think gaps are inconvenient? Yep. Would I prefer not to have one? Definitely. Do I understand that they are often difficult to avoid? Completely. I have been to countless weddings with a gap, both as a family member, friend, and awkward plus one of a groomsman who doesn't know anyone and guess what? I handled it fine. I never thought to myself, "This bride and groom are so selfish and obviously rude people." I tend to have happier thoughts than that on a wedding day. The argument that all guests loathe a gap is invalid since so many people on here, myself included, have been to weddings with a gap and not minded.

    Bottom line: avoid the gap if you can, but if you can't, not a big deal. Do your best to give guests options, and remember that they love you enough to work with whatever you can give them.
    rgrimesAllieM88sullyhays2015[Deleted User]
  • Our cocktail hour is technically just the first hour of the reception. We won't be there for most of it so that we can get photos taken with our bridal party after the ceremony takes place. As you can imagine, with seven children between us, we are on a budget as well. We have been to several weddings where there were 2+ hour gaps and really didn't know what to do for that amount of time.  While they were beautiful weddings, we did not want to have a gap at ours. In reality, the cost of the photographer was more than we expected but that was one thing we didn't want to skimp on, which is why we are opting to do First Look instead. It's not as traditional, but we were both married once prior. It allows us to not be so rushed trying to get so many people on the same page for a photograph and also to get some more intimate photos of us prior to the actual ceremony. I think it just depends on what you are going for in your wedding.  Our wedding will be fairly small (about 75 people) but we want it to be tasteful. There are a lot of ways to make things work on a smaller budget and although our guests happiness is important, we really feel it boils down to you and your finance and what you want. :)
    NYCMercedescrunchymamaof2
  • You people are seriously out of touch with what a wedding is all about. I'm done arguing about this because it's obvious a few people on here have their heads so far up their asses they CLEARLY don't know what the hell they're talking about anymore. You simply can't argue with stupidity. My final advice (and I say advice because that's what this bride who started this whole thing was looking for!) is do what you want. It's your day. And if your guests don't understand that then that's their problem - not yours. You plan a whole year for just one day, but remember a marriage is for a lifetime! Good luck!!
    MissLiz82mrsgarcia0628

  • First of all, comparing graduation to a wedding is apples and oranges. You're not hosting the graduation itself so it doesn't matter when you throw the graduation party. So let go of that comparison.

    Second, the reception is to RECEIVE your guests that just attended your ceremony. The bride and groom are saying thank you to their guests for witnessing the ceremony with food, drink, etc. Yes, the bride and groom can decide how to decorate, what food and drink to serve but they need to keep in mind that they are THANKING their loved ones for supporting them on their wedding day. Why is this concept so hard to understand?!


    Why is the graduation apples and oranges? Just like at a Catholic ceremony where you may not have control over what time the ceremony begins, you don't have control over what time the graduation ceremony starts, according to all of you, you always have control over what time the party starts, so why should a gap after a graduation be okay before the party but not for a wedding?? Either gaps between ceremonies and parties are ALWAYS rude and inexcusable and unforgivable or there are valid reasons that may lead to a gap between ceremony and party and consideration from guests as much from hosts is warranted.
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    tmueller1 said:
    Our cocktail hour is technically just the first hour of the reception. We won't be there for most of it so that we can get photos taken with our bridal party after the ceremony takes place. As you can imagine, with seven children between us, we are on a budget as well. We have been to several weddings where there were 2+ hour gaps and really didn't know what to do for that amount of time.  While they were beautiful weddings, we did not want to have a gap at ours. In reality, the cost of the photographer was more than we expected but that was one thing we didn't want to skimp on, which is why we are opting to do First Look instead. It's not as traditional, but we were both married once prior. It allows us to not be so rushed trying to get so many people on the same page for a photograph and also to get some more intimate photos of us prior to the actual ceremony. I think it just depends on what you are going for in your wedding.  Our wedding will be fairly small (about 75 people) but we want it to be tasteful. There are a lot of ways to make things work on a smaller budget and although our guests happiness is important, we really feel it boils down to you and your finance and what you want. :)
    As long as you host your guests (apps/something to drink), that's totally fine. Completely reasonable and what a lot of the regulars on this board did. We'd never say don't take any pictures at all after your ceremony, just make sure that your guests are able to get to cocktail hour immediately after and that it doesn't last much longer than an hour. I don't think we're giving anyone crazy suggestions.
    crunchymamaof2
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    First of all, comparing graduation to a wedding is apples and oranges. You're not hosting the graduation itself so it doesn't matter when you throw the graduation party. So let go of that comparison.

    Second, the reception is to RECEIVE your guests that just attended your ceremony. The bride and groom are saying thank you to their guests for witnessing the ceremony with food, drink, etc. Yes, the bride and groom can decide how to decorate, what food and drink to serve but they need to keep in mind that they are THANKING their loved ones for supporting them on their wedding day. Why is this concept so hard to understand?!


    Why is the graduation apples and oranges? Just like at a Catholic ceremony where you may not have control over what time the ceremony begins, you don't have control over what time the graduation ceremony starts, according to all of you, you always have control over what time the party starts, so why should a gap after a graduation be okay before the party but not for a wedding?? Either gaps between ceremonies and parties are ALWAYS rude and inexcusable and unforgivable or there are valid reasons that may lead to a gap between ceremony and party and consideration from guests as much from hosts is warranted.

    The bolded is always the case.  There are no "valid reasons that may lead to a gap between ceremony and party" regardless of the occasion.
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm not even going to break out my 'BYE' gif. It's not worth it.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    [Deleted User]
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014

    First of all, comparing graduation to a wedding is apples and oranges. You're not hosting the graduation itself so it doesn't matter when you throw the graduation party. So let go of that comparison.

    Second, the reception is to RECEIVE your guests that just attended your ceremony. The bride and groom are saying thank you to their guests for witnessing the ceremony with food, drink, etc. Yes, the bride and groom can decide how to decorate, what food and drink to serve but they need to keep in mind that they are THANKING their loved ones for supporting them on their wedding day. Why is this concept so hard to understand?!


    Why is the graduation apples and oranges? Just like at a Catholic ceremony where you may not have control over what time the ceremony begins, you don't have control over what time the graduation ceremony starts, according to all of you, you always have control over what time the party starts, so why should a gap after a graduation be okay before the party but not for a wedding?? Either gaps between ceremonies and parties are ALWAYS rude and inexcusable and unforgivable or there are valid reasons that may lead to a gap between ceremony and party and consideration from guests as much from hosts is warranted.

    Are you yourself hosting the whole graduation ceremony? No, the school is. Not you. Graduation parties aren't mandatory either. You didn't receive the ALL guests at the graduation so there is no reason why you HAVE to have a party for them. You can decide whenever you want to have a party because it's not a reception.

    ETA - now if you're inviting grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc you better be doing something for them after the graduation if they attended, even if it's just lunch. I tend to think of grad parties as more for the child with his/her friends and that's fine to have on a different day.

    As for a wedding, which is completely different, the couple may not have control over when the ceremony can start/end but they sure as hell can decide when the reception starts and that should be RIGHT AFTER the ceremony. The real reason why all of these brides are defending gaps is because the wedding industry have created this idea that only evening receptions are fun and "the right way" to have wedding. It's a lie and numerous brides on this site can tell how much fun their brunch/afternoon/early evening receptions were, with or without alcohol, but always without a gap.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948 said:

    First of all, comparing graduation to a wedding is apples and oranges. You're not hosting the graduation itself so it doesn't matter when you throw the graduation party. So let go of that comparison.

    Second, the reception is to RECEIVE your guests that just attended your ceremony. The bride and groom are saying thank you to their guests for witnessing the ceremony with food, drink, etc. Yes, the bride and groom can decide how to decorate, what food and drink to serve but they need to keep in mind that they are THANKING their loved ones for supporting them on their wedding day. Why is this concept so hard to understand?!


    Why is the graduation apples and oranges? Just like at a Catholic ceremony where you may not have control over what time the ceremony begins, you don't have control over what time the graduation ceremony starts, according to all of you, you always have control over what time the party starts, so why should a gap after a graduation be okay before the party but not for a wedding?? Either gaps between ceremonies and parties are ALWAYS rude and inexcusable and unforgivable or there are valid reasons that may lead to a gap between ceremony and party and consideration from guests as much from hosts is warranted.

    The bolded is always the case.  There are no "valid reasons that may lead to a gap between ceremony and party" regardless of the occasion.
    Well Jen, you ought to tell me your secret of cloning that allows people to be in multiple places at once, you know, simultaneously at a ceremony and preparing for a party and taking pictures all at the same time. It's really an incredible feat.
  • Sorry ckel, Wedding receptions aren't "mandatory" either. And aren't you just as stridently pushing for there being only one right way to have a wedding reception?
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2014
    You can feel free to have a gap for as long as you want between the ceremony and reception. 

    Just don't expect people to loooooooove waiting on you, and certainly don't come here looking for validation.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    PrettyGirlLostKauris
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Sorry ckel, Wedding receptions aren't "mandatory" either. And aren't you just as stridently pushing for there being only one right way to have a wedding reception?
    Whoa, what? You absolutely must host your guests after a wedding. It doesn't ever have to be a full blown evening reception. It can be cake and punch, it can be brunch, it can be lunch, it can even be pizza and beer like @maggie0829 suggested. That is a reception. Are you confused about what that word means? I suggest a dictionary then. And please tell me where I said there is only one right way to have a reception.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I think if you can give some ideas of what folks can do between the time of your gap (post it on your website) - you should be fine. They can try to do it or not. They can also attend your ceremony or not and go straight to the reception if it is that bothersome. What is the worst that can happen? Don't sweat the small stuff. People will figure out what to do or decide not to come.
    copenhafer9
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