Wedding Reception Forum

The dreaded "gap"

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Re: The dreaded "gap"

  • No, actually it is a matter of etiquette. Guests don't feel like they can leave as long as the couple is still there partying. The couple making their exit allows guests to feel comfortable leaving whenever they feel ready. I think that's silly, but it is the etiquette.
    No, a grand exit is a tradition.

    In the 30+ weddings I have attended/been in, I have only ever seen one grand exit and it confused everyone. . . they thought the reception was over and stated leaving, even though the venue and DJ were still on contract for another 1.5hrs and there was still plenty of food and drinks.

    Of the other 29something weddings I've been in/attended no guest ever felt uncomfortable leaving whenever they wanted to.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I am having my wedding out of town next March and will be having a long gap between my ceremony (3pm) and reception (7pm) for a few reasons. 1) Many of our family and friends cannot afford to rent a hotel for the night so I want to leave ample time for people to make the 3 hour drive home. 2)I want to allow people time to checkin after the outdoor ceremony and freshen up. 3)I want an evening reception. I'm paying for it and it's a day that only will happen once in my life. 4)My ceremony and reception are at a cabin where close family and the wedding party are staying. I will have movies playing in the theater. Note- I am doing the traditional cake cutting, first dance, and throwing of the bouquet right after the wedding in addition to hor d'oeurves and lemonade. It's your day. Do what you have to do. People don't have to go to your reception if they don't want to. Have fun!
    Wait what? That makes no sense at all.
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  • I've been to Friday weddings and Sunday weddings. None of those had gaps.
  • Although a gap in between ceremony and rehearsal isn't ideal, I do not think it is rude or unfair to the guests by any means... IT IS YOUR DAY!!! Of course, if you can have it flow that would be the best situation but if you are unable to do so due to location and time restrictions I say make the best of it! My entire life, I wanted to get married in the Amphitheatre in my town and due to date restrictions with a lot of my family, we decided on a date that would make us have to have our wedding at 1PM, when ideally we would have wanted a 330p or 4p ceremony. Of course many of you will probably say that we should have picked a better day, but if we did not do it on this date then a majority of my immediate family would not be able to attend and having family there is one of our top priorities. Since having a reception at 2 or 3 would be too early ( as we didn't want nor could we afford to have a 9 hour reception), we decided we would extend the cocktail hour to 1 1/2 hours so the gap was not too long. Also, most of our guest will be staying onsite of where the reception will be so going back to their cabin will not be that big of an issue. When it comes down to it, IT IS YOUR DAY and the people that are there aren't going to care about the minor stuff. They are there to see you get married and it should be exactly how you and your soon to be husband have in-visioned it!

    PS If your guest are unable to check into their hotels, you might want to find a place where they can all gather and have light appetizers/cocktails and or games to keep them occupied until the reception starts. Most people are there to see you two and have a good time so food booze and music are all you need! Good luck!
  • I am having my wedding out of town next March and will be having a long gap between my ceremony (3pm) and reception (7pm) for a few reasons. 1) Many of our family and friends cannot afford to rent a hotel for the night so I want to leave ample time for people to make the 3 hour drive home. 2)I want to allow people time to checkin after the outdoor ceremony and freshen up. 3)I want an evening reception. I'm paying for it and it's a day that only will happen once in my life. 4)My ceremony and reception are at a cabin where close family and the wedding party are staying. I will have movies playing in the theater. Note- I am doing the traditional cake cutting, first dance, and throwing of the bouquet right after the wedding in addition to hor d'oeurves and lemonade. It's your day. Do what you have to do. People don't have to go to your reception if they don't want to. Have fun!

    If you want an evening reception then have an evening ceremony. Also I'm not sure how having a huge gap will help out those who need the time to go home. Are you expecting these people to leave right after the ceremony and not stay for the reception? It seems like you're more worried about having an evening reception than the comfort of your family and friends. That is sad.
  • edited May 2014
    I am having my wedding out of town next March and will be having a long gap between my ceremony (3pm) and reception (7pm) for a few reasons. 1) Many of our family and friends cannot afford to rent a hotel for the night so I want to leave ample time for people to make the 3 hour drive home. 2)I want to allow people time to checkin after the outdoor ceremony and freshen up. 3)I want an evening reception. I'm paying for it and it's a day that only will happen once in my life. 4)My ceremony and reception are at a cabin where close family and the wedding party are staying. I will have movies playing in the theater. Note- I am doing the traditional cake cutting, first dance, and throwing of the bouquet right after the wedding in addition to hor d'oeurves and lemonade. It's your day. Do what you have to do. People don't have to go to your reception if they don't want to. Have fun!
    Wait, what? Where does the three hour drive come in? Color me confused.

    Anyway, you spoke the truth with #3 bolded above. You can justify it by talking about guests and where wedding party is staying, but ultimately you are choosing your desire for an evening reception over the proper etiquette and comfort of your guests. If a guest feels the need to freshen up, that is their prerogative. They can do so at the expense of arriving later to the reception. Having a gap means a lot of people who don't want or need to freshen up with be put out by your poor hosting.
    Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.
  • Well apparently you haven't read the etiquette books. That things are changing now doesn't change the fact that it not how it is supposed to be done. I agree, nowadays, most people expect the bride and groom to stay til the end and understand they may leave early if they want to, but they may not like being the first to leave, just like some guests may not like a gap, even if it is expected. If etiquette is all ruling, then you must admit that staying until the very end is a breach of good etiquette that imposes on your guests, making them feel forced to stay until the end, or to feel guilty about leaving early, neither of which is a feeling they will appreciate. But oh well, you just had to it your way and stay until the very end didn't you? So rude.
  • laitevb1 said:
    Although a gap in between ceremony and rehearsal isn't ideal, I do not think it is rude or unfair to the guests by any means... IT IS YOUR DAY!!! Of course, if you can have it flow that would be the best situation but if you are unable to do so due to location and time restrictions I say make the best of it! My entire life, I wanted to get married in the Amphitheatre in my town and due to date restrictions with a lot of my family, we decided on a date that would make us have to have our wedding at 1PM, when ideally we would have wanted a 330p or 4p ceremony. Of course many of you will probably say that we should have picked a better day, but if we did not do it on this date then a majority of my immediate family would not be able to attend and having family there is one of our top priorities. Since having a reception at 2 or 3 would be too early ( as we didn't want nor could we afford to have a 9 hour reception), we decided we would extend the cocktail hour to 1 1/2 hours so the gap was not too long. Also, most of our guest will be staying onsite of where the reception will be so going back to their cabin will not be that big of an issue. When it comes down to it, IT IS YOUR DAY and the people that are there aren't going to care about the minor stuff. They are there to see you get married and it should be exactly how you and your soon to be husband have in-visioned it!

    PS If your guest are unable to check into their hotels, you might want to find a place where they can all gather and have light appetizers/cocktails and or games to keep them occupied until the reception starts. Most people are there to see you two and have a good time so food booze and music are all you need! Good luck!
    Oh this thread just keeps getting worse. Where's my vodka?!
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  • laitevb1 said:
    Although a gap in between ceremony and rehearsal isn't ideal, I do not think it is rude or unfair to the guests by any means... IT IS YOUR DAY!!! Of course, if you can have it flow that would be the best situation but if you are unable to do so due to location and time restrictions I say make the best of it! My entire life, I wanted to get married in the Amphitheatre in my town and due to date restrictions with a lot of my family, we decided on a date that would make us have to have our wedding at 1PM, when ideally we would have wanted a 330p or 4p ceremony. Of course many of you will probably say that we should have picked a better day, but if we did not do it on this date then a majority of my immediate family would not be able to attend and having family there is one of our top priorities. Since having a reception at 2 or 3 would be too early ( as we didn't want nor could we afford to have a 9 hour reception), we decided we would extend the cocktail hour to 1 1/2 hours so the gap was not too long. Also, most of our guest will be staying onsite of where the reception will be so going back to their cabin will not be that big of an issue. When it comes down to it, IT IS YOUR DAY and the people that are there aren't going to care about the minor stuff. They are there to see you get married and it should be exactly how you and your soon to be husband have in-visioned it!

    PS If your guest are unable to check into their hotels, you might want to find a place where they can all gather and have light appetizers/cocktails and or games to keep them occupied until the reception starts. Most people are there to see you two and have a good time so food booze and music are all you need! Good luck!
    No. Your ONLY priority is fulfilling a childhood fantasy of having your wedding at a certain location. Which you could do, btw, and have an afternoon reception and be done early and be not rude.

    Yes, they will. They will remember it, forever, and judge you. I can tell you every etiquette faux pas of every wedding I have ever attended. 
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • I am running into the same problem you are. It's important to me to be married in a Catholic Church but I also don't want to be kicking guests out at 9pm when it's July and still light outside.  Have you asked your church if they do Friday night weddings? Friday masses are usually in the morning and you can also get great deals on Fridays.  I think a gap is not so much inconsiderate as a party fowl. With an hour or two between the ceremony and the reception the wedding excitement may subside for both you and your guests and people may end up leaving earlier than you want anyway or not coming to the reception at all.
  • I am running into the same problem you are. It's important to me to be married in a Catholic Church but I also don't want to be kicking guests out at 9pm when it's July and still light outside.  Have you asked your church if they do Friday night weddings? Friday masses are usually in the morning and you can also get great deals on Fridays.  I think a gap is not so much inconsiderate as a party fowl. With an hour or two between the ceremony and the reception the wedding excitement may subside for both you and your guests and people may end up leaving earlier than you want anyway or not coming to the reception at all.
    Everything but the bolded is great advice.
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  • Well apparently you haven't read the etiquette books. That things are changing now doesn't change the fact that it not how it is supposed to be done. I agree, nowadays, most people expect the bride and groom to stay til the end and understand they may leave early if they want to, but they may not like being the first to leave, just like some guests may not like a gap, even if it is expected. If etiquette is all ruling, then you must admit that staying until the very end is a breach of good etiquette that imposes on your guests, making them feel forced to stay until the end, or to feel guilty about leaving early, neither of which is a feeling they will appreciate. But oh well, you just had to it your way and stay until the very end didn't you? So rude.
    I have read etiquette books and have never read that the B&G have to leave before the guests.

    Please cite your sources.

    A gap is never, ever expected.  Nice try.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • courtneyand john2014: I truly do NOT understand the nasty tones in the many replies posted. Guests at a ceremony and a reception are simply that...guests. Of course they will be taken care of and entertained accordingly; however, it is still the bride and groom's big day. As a whole, brides want what they want and make sacrifices when it comes to comfortability for those attending. If someone cannot understand a 45(ish) minute gap between the ceremony and the reception then they are well within their right to not attend one or both. Yes, as brides we are honored when someone takes the time to share our special day. Yes, we want everyone to have a fabulous time. No, we are not going to please everyone on this day --- because it's not THEIR wedding day. If you can't manage to entertain yourself or enjoy time with others attending the festivities then you need not attend. You just show others how selfish and unreasonable you are as a person when you complain about the situation later or demand that it's the couple's duty to properly spoil you on their wedding day. As a guest, you should feel honored to be invited (and judging by the nasty tone of oh so many responses, I'm going to suggest that some of you be REALLY honored that someone overlooked your generally holier-than-thou attitude and dropped an invitation in the mail for you) So, courtneyandjohn2014, have your gap if that's what you need to make things work for you, smile and enjoy your special day!
  • I think a gap is absolutely fine!  I am doing it at my wedding as my church has 4pm Mass as well so we had to do a 2pm wedding ceremony.  All of the venues we looked at had start time of 6pm unless we could afford to book the ENTIRE day so that we could start earlier if we wanted but that was outrageous.  This is an all adult wedding and the adults can find something to do (i.e. walk their dog, check in with their kids, check into the hotel, freshen up, take pictures with family while it's still light out, grab a snack to eat, et cetera).  I've been to countless weddings where there were gaps and I've never had a problem with it.  Now that it's my turn to get married, it's my turn to be selfish.  The guests know that there is a gap before they come and if they don't want to deal with that, then they don't have to come, that's their decision.  While I should care about the guests (and I do), they should be respecting our choices and decisions without judging our wedding.  And just because we have a gap between the ceremony and reception doesn't mean that we don't care about our guests.  We have gone above and beyond to make everyone happy with favors, hiring and paying for a babysitter for families with children, seating people with others they get along with, inviting them to our rehearsal dinner and cookout the day after the wedding, getting a bus to transport everyone to the venue and back to the hotel so no one has to drink and drive, et cetera.  It's not poor planning and frankly, I'm sort of upset at all of the negative responses to this question, especially the ones that state that you don't care about your guests if you do it.  If my dream has always to get married at the same church our parents did and have the reception at a specific venue, just because the timing doesn't accommodate the guests schedule, doesn't mean I am going to give up my dream wedding.  In the end, this is my day that I will remember forever but just another wedding the guests have to attend and will probably forget 5 years from now.  Ultimately, if they don't want to come, or if they are going to be unhappy and judge it because of the gap, then I don't want you there nor do I want to pay $100 a plate for them.  Get over yourselves and let the bride and groom have their day.
  • courtneyand john2014: I truly do NOT understand the nasty tones in the many replies posted. Guests at a ceremony and a reception are simply that...guests. Of course they will be taken care of and entertained accordingly; however, it is still the bride and groom's big day. As a whole, brides want what they want and make sacrifices when it comes to comfortability for those attending. If someone cannot understand a 45(ish) minute gap between the ceremony and the reception then they are well within their right to not attend one or both. Yes, as brides we are honored when someone takes the time to share our special day. Yes, we want everyone to have a fabulous time. No, we are not going to please everyone on this day --- because it's not THEIR wedding day. If you can't manage to entertain yourself or enjoy time with others attending the festivities then you need not attend. You just show others how selfish and unreasonable you are as a person when you complain about the situation later or demand that it's the couple's duty to properly spoil you on their wedding day. As a guest, you should feel honored to be invited (and judging by the nasty tone of oh so many responses, I'm going to suggest that some of you be REALLY honored that someone overlooked your generally holier-than-thou attitude and dropped an invitation in the mail for you) So, courtneyandjohn2014, have your gap if that's what you need to make things work for you, smile and enjoy your special day!
     
    SITB
     
    We are not going to sugar coat bad behavior. If that makes me rude, then oh well. My guests are going to have a hell of a time and no one is going to have to figure out what to do in between my ceremony and reception. Sorry not sorry.
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  • Well Good on Ya, for finding a reference, but I'm not sure how credible that book is.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I am running into the same problem you are. It's important to me to be married in a Catholic Church but I also don't want to be kicking guests out at 9pm when it's July and still light outside.  Have you asked your church if they do Friday night weddings? Friday masses are usually in the morning and you can also get great deals on Fridays.  I think a gap is not so much inconsiderate as a party fowl. With an hour or two between the ceremony and the reception the wedding excitement may subside for both you and your guests and people may end up leaving earlier than you want anyway or not coming to the reception at all.
    Friday night. Saturday before Mass. Saturday after Mass. Sunday afternoon.

    Also, what's the big deal if your guests leave while it's still light out? Why is that a problem? Does the fact that you might not get to monopolise your guests' WHOLE ENTIRE SUMMER SATURDAY bother you that much?

    Otherwise, I agree with you (expect that a gap is a great deal more than a party foul.)
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Uuuuummmm... HOW DID I MISS THIS!?!?

    And where did all these speshul snowflakes come from!?

    image

    Hahahahahaha I can't stop watching!!!!
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  • The only gap wedding I went to? The one where the reception venue wouldn't let us in for 2 hours so we all got hammered in the parking lot? It was a Friday night wedding. Every other Catholic wedding I've ever been to was either Saturday or Sunday. None had gaps. A few had early dinner or late dinner, but not a single one of them made us sit around to find other things to do.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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