Wedding Reception Forum

The dreaded "gap"

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Re: The dreaded "gap"

  • kakayeekakayee member
    Knottie Warrior
    Rather or not your cocktail hour "should" start at 3:30 or should you consider allowing time for your guest to check in before your reception don't really matter. It is your day plan the way you want. You won't be able to please anyone, at the same time people who love you they will understand. But you must take time in consideration. The church is about 15-20 minutes(driving or walking distance?), then make sure you allow time for you and your guests to get to the hotel. And most of the time guests don't leave immediately. They chat with other guests and take pictures. It may take up to 30 minutes for your first guest to arrive at the hotel. As a reader to your question, I don't think you need to have your cocktail start immediately at 3:30. Take time as your consideration, give enough time for your guest travel from the ceremony to get to the hotel. if they need to drive to from the ceremony to the hotel, it can take them 30 - 40 mins (walking back to their car, wait to leave the parking lot, maybe traffic lights, park at the hotel, walk to your cocktail session) Yes some readers strongly suggest that your cocktail hours starts at 3:30, but do what you are comfortable with. Only you know the real situation is, rather they need to drive or walk from the church to the hotel. Just allow enough time for your guest to the hotel (not talking about rather to allow time for them to check in or not) Just get to the hotel for the cocktail hour.
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    Awww. TK hates my gifs lately. :(
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kakayee said:
    Rather or not your cocktail hour "should" start at 3:30 or should you consider allowing time for your guest to check in before your reception don't really matter. It is your day plan the way you want. You won't be able to please anyone, at the same time people who love you they will understand. But you must take time in consideration. The church is about 15-20 minutes(driving or walking distance?), then make sure you allow time for you and your guests to get to the hotel. And most of the time guests don't leave immediately. They chat with other guests and take pictures. It may take up to 30 minutes for your first guest to arrive at the hotel. As a reader to your question, I don't think you need to have your cocktail start immediately at 3:30. Take time as your consideration, give enough time for your guest travel from the ceremony to get to the hotel. if they need to drive to from the ceremony to the hotel, it can take them 30 - 40 mins (walking back to their car, wait to leave the parking lot, maybe traffic lights, park at the hotel, walk to your cocktail session) Yes some readers strongly suggest that your cocktail hours starts at 3:30, but do what you are comfortable with. Only you know the real situation is, rather they need to drive or walk from the church to the hotel. Just allow enough time for your guest to the hotel (not talking about rather to allow time for them to check in or not) Just get to the hotel for the cocktail hour.
    No they won't understand. They will tolerate it but they certainly won't understand why you felt the need to throw in an hour or more gap to the event nor will they like it. But because they love you will they tolerate your decision and try to make the best of it and not say anything to your face to avoid hurting you.

    NYCMercedescrunchymamaof2
  • I can't help but laugh at some of the opinions for both sides and find myself in a circumstance where my wedding has a gap. I have had multiple conversations and finagling to figure out how to accommodate my guests without killing my bank, because I'm the only one paying for my wedding, and to make things easy for everyone. Unfortunately, weddings are a tricky subject and no matter what you choose to do, there will always be someone who is completely opposed to the idea and one who adores it. I happen to love gaps as I find social gatherings rather exhausting, I'm an introvert, not a big people person, and it is a great breather as I know my family is very smothering with weddings. The thing that I found as a remedy to my time gap so that people aren't sitting around with their thumbs up their ass is a movie. I did my research, looked at movies coming out and at policies for "renting" a theater and found one that is on the way to the reception venue. I had already arranged for shuttle services for my out of town guests as both venues are limited on parking so it is easy for my out of town guests to get to and no one's stuck without a ride. I spoke with the movie theater, they let me rent out one of the theaters to do a private viewing of a movie for $100 for the theater+ $5 per guest which includes a drink and a snack. I put on the invitations that there is a gap, that I did sign a contract to rent out a movie theater so people can have something to do and asked them to include how many would be joining us to see a movie. Besides that, my wedding is outside, in July, in the midwest, which means it's going to be hot. A nice cool movie theater has actually been enthusiastically welcomed by everyone who has rsvped to the wedding. I view gaps as perfectly fine only on the premise that you offer something for the guests to do during the gap. Make proper accommodations for wedding guests to do something and it is no different than having a longer cocktail hour, just a different location and just like every other aspect of the wedding, it's optional. I can understand immense opposition to a 2, 3, even 4 hour gap and the bride and groom come up with nothing for the guests to do, but a 1 hour gap, I've never been to a single wedding that had less than a 1 hour gap.
    NYCMercedes
  • No it really isn't. It's nice. It's certainly expected. But it's not mandatory. Just like the invitation wasn't a summons requiring your attendance. No, you can't have a party for some people you invite and not others, but just like some think it's better to have no alcohol at all than to have a cash bar, then it's better to have no party at all than a limited one. If someone wants to invite you to a ceremony in which they pledge their lives to another, you can go or not go. If it's an inconvenience and if your attendance is predicated on whether or not they'll feed you afterwards or properly pay homage to you in any other way more than a big hug and a word of thanks, is entirely up to you. They make the offer, you can accept or decline as you feel. If you choose to accept they owe you gratitude and nothing more.
  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I just would like to say, I was a Catholic bride the first time around and my church also had a 4 pm Mass...therefore I decided to have my wedding at 6:30 to avoid the gap.

    Having a Catholic wedding is no excuse for having a gap. If you're wanting a day wedding in a Catholic chuch, you may just have to suck it up and have an evening wedding in order to be more accommodating to your guests.
    Anniversary
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    PrettyGirlLostNYCMercedesSKPMemmaaa
  • Man, we've got some brutal responses.  I was also curious about this, but very appalled at how rude people can be with their responses.  I think you asked a very valid question and I feel bad that more responses weren't respectful.  But I do hope you got a good answer for your question. 
  • No it really isn't. It's nice. It's certainly expected. But it's not mandatory. Just like the invitation wasn't a summons requiring your attendance. No, you can't have a party for some people you invite and not others, but just like some think it's better to have no alcohol at all than to have a cash bar, then it's better to have no party at all than a limited one. If someone wants to invite you to a ceremony in which they pledge their lives to another, you can go or not go. If it's an inconvenience and if your attendance is predicated on whether or not they'll feed you afterwards or properly pay homage to you in any other way more than a big hug and a word of thanks, is entirely up to you. They make the offer, you can accept or decline as you feel. If you choose to accept they owe you gratitude and nothing more.

    Well, it's not mandatory like paying taxes or breathing but you're definitely rude to ask people watch you get married and then not even host cake and punch.

    I'm going to wager a guess that you've never actually read an etiquette book.
    cupcait927PrettyGirlLostNYCMercedes
  • Butterflyz419Butterflyz419 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    And you'd be wrong. I've read more than one actually. And I'd never host a wedding without a reception personally, but I think that there's a lot of confusion over what a wedding ceremony is. It's not just an extension of a party. It stands on its own and doesn't need what follows, but what follows only makes sense in terms of what came before. The party is predicated on the wedding, but not vice versa.

    Did you also know it's against etiquette to stay at your own wedding reception until the end? You're supposed to leave while the party is still raging. I'm not doing that one either, sorry. I guess that's pretty rude and inconsiderate of me as well.
  • It is your wedding, your day.  The way I see it, if people don't like how I have my dream day, then don't come.  Most of the guest list is family and friends of your parents--the people who would really understand are your friends.  If you go the traditional route and don't see your future husband before your wedding ceremony, where will you take pictures?  If you plan on taking them at the church, your ceremony will have to start sooner than 2pm because you will already be looking at clearing out by 330 at the earliest and they will be pushing you out.  All you have to remember YOUR day by is the pictures, so make sure that you get the pictures you want and the time is spent on what you care about most.  I have a guest list of 300 people for the reception, 60 of those are our actual friends--everyone else is family or parents friends...we decided to have a small, intimate ceremony and not even invite everyone to the ceremony.  We have invited parents, grandparents, siblings, and spouses to the ceremony.  I'm sure that if that was the only option to not have a gap, people would prefer a couple hours of a break over not being invited to the ceremony at all.  We have lots of reasons why we chose this way (we are 27, have been together for 7 years, have two children, and prefer an intimate ceremony between us and our children--not putting on a show for 300 people).  bottom line---IT IS YOUR DAY, DO WHAT YOU WANT--you can't please everyone.  If people don't like it, let them complain, or let them not come....they should see that what you are doing is what you want and the day is about you, your future husband, and your commitment to each other
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    And you'd be wrong. I've read more than one actually. And I'd never host a wedding without a reception personally, but I think that there's a lot of confusion over what a wedding ceremony is. It's not just an extension of a party. It stands on its own and doesn't need what follows, but what follows only makes sense in terms of what came before. The party is predicated on the wedding, but not vice versa.

    Did you also know it's against etiquette to stay at your own wedding reception until the end? You're supposed to leave while the party is still raging. I'm not doing that one either, sorry. I guess that's pretty rude and inconsiderate of me as well.
    That is not against etiquette it is against tradition.  Those are two separate things.

    And in the wordy mix above that, basically if you invite people to witness your ceremony you should host something as a thank you to them for taking the time out of their lives to be there.  Is it an absolute requirement and will you be arrested if you don't?  No.  But it is a common courtesy.

    cupcait927PrettyGirlLostluckysnorkelRebl90
  • xtlxtl member
    First Comment
    I am really ashamed of what I have just read. Are you serious? First of all, whose special day is it? The newlyweds'! Get along with it!

    If you plan your day the way you want - it will be your day. Everyone will know because it will be authentic and true.

    Anything else will be a party that someone throws who has a book at hand or whatever trying to copy an event somebody else thought would be nice. That would be preposterous! And so embarrassing! You look back years later and will think: What have I done?! I celebrated someone else's party! I copied something from a magazine without thinking about myself! Without being creative or innovative myself! I just took a template an put my name on it, because people do so.

    I feel sad for you, because you're so much into pleasing anyone else that you forget to think about what you would like and what would be your personal style. Your weddings will be average if not below. Guest will leave and think: Well, just one of those weddings. Been there. Done that.

    BE TRUE TO YOURSELF! THINK ABOUT YOUR WISHES AND FULFILL THEM! THIS IS YOUR DAY AND EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY WITH YOU!

    @all those being so low down: What's up with you? Are you jealous? Didn't you dare to do your own thing? Guess what - it's your fault all alone!

    xoxo for those standing up for themselves!
  • edited May 2014
    I wonder if some of the people who are saying gaps are rude have also thrown friday, sunday or midweek weddings. To each is own. Gaps = no rush! Chill out! I rather take my time getting to where I need to go and if that means that i get to enjoy the cocktail hour with the bride and groom even better! 
    [Deleted User]
  • No, actually it is a matter of etiquette. Guests don't feel like they can leave as long as the couple is still there partying. The couple making their exit allows guests to feel comfortable leaving whenever they feel ready. I think that's silly, but it is the etiquette.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    It is your wedding, your day.  The way I see it, if people don't like how I have my dream day, then don't come.  Most of the guest list is family and friends of your parents--the people who would really understand are your friends.  If you go the traditional route and don't see your future husband before your wedding ceremony, where will you take pictures?  If you plan on taking them at the church, your ceremony will have to start sooner than 2pm because you will already be looking at clearing out by 330 at the earliest and they will be pushing you out.  All you have to remember YOUR day by is the pictures, so make sure that you get the pictures you want and the time is spent on what you care about most.  I have a guest list of 300 people for the reception, 60 of those are our actual friends--everyone else is family or parents friends...we decided to have a small, intimate ceremony and not even invite everyone to the ceremony.  We have invited parents, grandparents, siblings, and spouses to the ceremony.  I'm sure that if that was the only option to not have a gap, people would prefer a couple hours of a break over not being invited to the ceremony at all.  We have lots of reasons why we chose this way (we are 27, have been together for 7 years, have two children, and prefer an intimate ceremony between us and our children--not putting on a show for 300 people).  bottom line---IT IS YOUR DAY, DO WHAT YOU WANT--you can't please everyone.  If people don't like it, let them complain, or let them not come....they should see that what you are doing is what you want and the day is about you, your future husband, and your commitment to each other
    And if you don't give a flying rat's ass about how you treat your supposed loved ones, then just freaking elope.

    Seriously, if your dream wedding vision is more important then marrying the love of your life and then celebrating with your family and friends, then you're doing it wrong and you should elope.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    jdluvr06fotiadishk
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I wonder if some of the people who are saying gaps are rude have also thrown friday, sunday or midweek weddings. To each is own. Gaps = no rush! Chill out! I rather take my time getting to where I need to go and if that means that i get to enjoy the cocktail hour with the bride and groom even better! 
    Having a friday, sunday or midweek wedding is not rude.

    buddysmom80luckysnorkel
  • I am having my wedding out of town next March and will be having a long gap between my ceremony (3pm) and reception (7pm) for a few reasons.
    1) Many of our family and friends cannot afford to rent a hotel for the night so I want to leave ample time for people to make the 3 hour drive home.
    2)I want to allow people time to checkin after the outdoor ceremony and freshen up.
    3)I want an evening reception. I'm paying for it and it's a day that only will happen once in my life.
    4)My ceremony and reception are at a cabin where close family and the wedding party are staying. I will have movies playing in the theater.

    Note- I am doing the traditional cake cutting, first dance, and throwing of the bouquet right after the wedding in addition to hor d'oeurves and lemonade.

    It's your day. Do what you have to do. People don't have to go to your reception if they don't want to. Have fun!
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