Wedding Reception Forum

Alcohol Dispute

245

Re: Alcohol Dispute

  • I never said I wanted an open bar so no, I wasn't saving up for that. $4,000 for beer wine only and $7,000 for a full open bar just seems like a ridiculous waste of money. It's just a wedding. Again, guests can choose not to drink if they don't want to spend money. That's fine. I can't think of one guest at our wedding that would be offended. It just makes me laugh how serious people here take cash bars. Life will go on without open bar I promise.
    Then don't have it at all!  But to push the expense on your guests because you think it's a waste of money is just rude.  You are hosting your guests.....they should not have to open their wallet for anything the entire night.

    Of course life will go on.   No one is going to tell you they're offended.  No one wants to hurt your feelings.  Hell, I never told my best friend of 20 years that she was hosting a shitty wedding.  The thoughts were there and I certainly heard mutterings from other people though.  But no one told her and, in her eyes, she had the most fabulous wedding.  Keep believing, keep believing.
  • edited May 2014
    This is like the orgasm scene in 'When Harry Met Sally.'

    If you want to be the orgasm-faker, be my guest.

    ETF my smartypants phone thought 'orgasm' should be 'organ' because DYAC.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    I never said I wanted an open bar so no, I wasn't saving up for that. $4,000 for beer wine only and $7,000 for a full open bar just seems like a ridiculous waste of money. It's just a wedding. Again, guests can choose not to drink if they don't want to spend money. That's fine. I can't think of one guest at our wedding that would be offended. It just makes me laugh how serious people here take cash bars. Life will go on without open bar I promise.
    Life will also go on with no alcohol at all, darling.  Nobody at your wedding is entitled to alcohol, but if you want to serve it, everyone is entitled to free alcohol.

    We do take politeness and good hosting seriously, and cash bars are rude.  In case you didn't notice, this is an etiquette forum, and we advocate politeness.  There is nothing polite or "funny" at laughing about how we take politeness, which includes no cash bars, seriously.  Grow up.
  • Jen4948 said:



    I never said I wanted an open bar so no, I wasn't saving up for that. $4,000 for beer wine only and $7,000 for a full open bar just seems like a ridiculous waste of money. It's just a wedding. Again, guests can choose not to drink if they don't want to spend money. That's fine. I can't think of one guest at our wedding that would be offended. It just makes me laugh how serious people here take cash bars. Life will go on without open bar I promise.



    Life will also go on with no alcohol at all, darling.  Nobody at your wedding is entitled to alcohol, but if you want to serve it, everyone is entitled to free alcohol.

    We do take politeness and good hosting seriously, and cash bars are rude.  In case you didn't notice, this is an etiquette forum, and we advocate politeness.  There is nothing polite or "funny" at laughing about how we take politeness, which includes no cash bars, seriously.  Grow up.


    Sweetheart, you're in the reception ideas forum. My guests and I will be enjoying my lovely rude, not hosted properly wedding in September with a wonderful cash bar. They would much rather pay for their drinks than not have a bar. Even my stuck up very opinionated future MIL isn't offended with cash bars. Get off your high horse, not everything has to be cookie cutter perfect.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I never said I wanted an open bar so no, I wasn't saving up for that. $4,000 for beer wine only and $7,000 for a full open bar just seems like a ridiculous waste of money. It's just a wedding. Again, guests can choose not to drink if they don't want to spend money. That's fine. I can't think of one guest at our wedding that would be offended. It just makes me laugh how serious people here take cash bars. Life will go on without open bar I promise.
    Life will also go on with no alcohol at all, darling.  Nobody at your wedding is entitled to alcohol, but if you want to serve it, everyone is entitled to free alcohol.

    We do take politeness and good hosting seriously, and cash bars are rude.  In case you didn't notice, this is an etiquette forum, and we advocate politeness.  There is nothing polite or "funny" at laughing about how we take politeness, which includes no cash bars, seriously.  Grow up.
    Sweetheart, you're in the reception ideas forum. My guests and I will be enjoying my lovely rude, not hosted properly wedding in September with a wonderful cash bar. They would much rather pay for their drinks than not have a bar. Even my stuck up very opinionated future MIL isn't offended with cash bars. Get off your high horse, not everything has to be cookie cutter perfect.
    Sweetheart, this is an etiquette-based forum, and all the boards are about wedding etiquette.  And if you're going to advocate being rude and proud of it, you have some growing up to do.  We don't have to get off any high horses for you and you have no right to expect it.
  • nash0814 said:
    My Fi and I are paying for the wedding, my mom is helping with some (with what she can) and my Fi's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner only...

    His parents feel very strongly about not having alcohol there period; they don't want it to be available at all. I was thinking that we could possibly try to find a compromise; that way we can meet half way. At the end of the day it is about my Fi and I but we want to make everyone happy too :/
    Is this how you plan to spend the rest of your lives -- taking everybody else's happiness into consideration before making a decision? That's what you're setting yourselves up for. What if your FILs don't like the way you raise your future children? Are you going to change just to make them happy? What if they don't like the color you decide to paint your house? Are you going to change just to make them happy?
  • I'm not sure where everyone else is from but around here I never go to a wedding empty handed because I never know ahead of time what the bar situation is going to be. As someone who enjoys drinks when attending events socially I would be more irritated about showing up to a wedding that doesn't have the option of even purchasing a drink. I've been to weddings where there was a full open bar, a cash bar and no alcohol. We stayed for dinner at the no alcohol wedding. Left early at the full bar because some guests were getting totally trashed and it was a shit fest. And stayed the longest at ones with a cash bar.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm not sure where everyone else is from but around here I never go to a wedding empty handed because I never know ahead of time what the bar situation is going to be. As someone who enjoys drinks when attending events socially I would be more irritated about showing up to a wedding that doesn't have the option of even purchasing a drink. I've been to weddings where there was a full open bar, a cash bar and no alcohol. We stayed for dinner at the no alcohol wedding. Left early at the full bar because some guests were getting totally trashed and it was a shit fest. And stayed the longest at ones with a cash bar.
    I would not stay at a wedding with a cash bar.  It's not my job to finance my own thank-you from the couple-they should have done a better job of planning and hosting their wedding than expecting the guests to pay for their own drinks.  It's a rude and inappropriate expectation that guests should pay for their own drinks.  They wouldn't at a party you hosted in your own home, so they shouldn't have to at your wedding.  If you want to serve drinks so badly, pay for them yourself.  And people who really want to get drunk will do so whether or not the drinks are free, so trying to control alcohol consumption with cash bars doesn't work.
  • @nash0814‌

    So, cash bar debate notwithstanding, have you made any decisions on how you're going to handle this?
    image



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  • KLM7386KLM7386 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm not a huge fan of cash bars, but I'm also more against dry weddings. No offense but the dry weddings I went to wasn't as fun and really boring. If you could do a cheap cash bar (say $1 beer or $2 cocktail) I think that would be a good compromise. That's IF you want alcohol at your wedding, if you're unable to afford it then that's fine. Don't let the family dictate.
  • KLM7386KLM7386 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I dunno, I'd rather pay cash for the option of alcohol than to have no alcohol at all.
  • I never said I wanted an open bar so no, I wasn't saving up for that. $4,000 for beer wine only and $7,000 for a full open bar just seems like a ridiculous waste of money. It's just a wedding. Again, guests can choose not to drink if they don't want to spend money. That's fine. I can't think of one guest at our wedding that would be offended. It just makes me laugh how serious people here take cash bars. Life will go on without open bar I promise.

    To me the happiness of my guests is more important. You can have a cash bar all you want but be prepared for a lot of unhappy people.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    KLM7386 said:
    I dunno, I'd rather pay cash for the option of alcohol than to have no alcohol at all.
    Thing is, you are not entitled to alcohol at a wedding.  If you would rather pay for alcohol then accept that none is available, that says undesirable things about you and why you attend weddings.
  • Jen4948 said:


    KLM7386 said:

    I dunno, I'd rather pay cash for the option of alcohol than to have no alcohol at all.

    Thing is, you are not entitled to alcohol at a wedding.  If you would rather pay for alcohol then accept that none is available, that says undesirable things about you and why you attend weddings.


    I am sure alcohol is not the only reason she is attending weddings.

    While I find a cash bar extremely rude, I would be more pissed if no alcohol was available at all.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    KLM7386 said:
    I dunno, I'd rather pay cash for the option of alcohol than to have no alcohol at all.
    Thing is, you are not entitled to alcohol at a wedding.  If you would rather pay for alcohol then accept that none is available, that says undesirable things about you and why you attend weddings.
    I am sure alcohol is not the only reason she is attending weddings. While I find a cash bar extremely rude, I would be more pissed if no alcohol was available at all.
    That's just it-getting pissed because there is no alcohol is out of line.  While you are entitled to not have to pay for alcohol, you are not entitled to alcohol at all.
  • Jen4948 said:



    Jen4948 said:


    KLM7386 said:

    I dunno, I'd rather pay cash for the option of alcohol than to have no alcohol at all.

    Thing is, you are not entitled to alcohol at a wedding.  If you would rather pay for alcohol then accept that none is available, that says undesirable things about you and why you attend weddings.
    I am sure alcohol is not the only reason she is attending weddings.

    While I find a cash bar extremely rude, I would be more pissed if no alcohol was available at all.

    That's just it-getting pissed because there is no alcohol is out of line.  While you are entitled to not have to pay for alcohol, you are not entitled to alcohol at all.


    Agreed but I am still allowed to want it and believe me I am not the only one who feels this way. I would not get visibly pissed at a wedding to where ppl would notice, but inside I would still be pissed.
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  • I don't think it says anything about why I attend weddings. I attend them because they are family and friends and people I care about in my life. I would say being pissed at someone because they chose not to provide alcohol but give you an option to have some says more. No one that I know, including myself attends a wedding for alcohol. However when we (our families and friends) have social events yes we like to have a drink or two. The wedding I attended with no alcohol only had people sitting around their table chatting with their companions. I really wouldn't classify that as a social event. However I do agree with pp the drukie mcdrunkerson was bartending error for serving intoxicated people. Safety first!!
  • My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.

    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.
    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
  • I never realized it until I joined this site and started to think about it but I do tend to leave dry weddings earlier then I would at a wedding with alcohol. It isn't because I think I'm entitled to alcohol or anything. I'm just more likely to linger when I have a drink than otherwise. I think it is because I drink alcohol much more slowly than I do water. So at a dry wedding I'll stay to see all the important things (first dance, cake cutting, ect) then I say congrats to the couple and leave.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014

    jdluvr06 said:
    I never realized it until I joined this site and started to think about it but I do tend to leave dry weddings earlier then I would at a wedding with alcohol. It isn't because I think I'm entitled to alcohol or anything. I'm just more likely to linger when I have a drink than otherwise. I think it is because I drink alcohol much more slowly than I do water. So at a dry wedding I'll stay to see all the important things (first dance, cake cutting, ect) then I say congrats to the couple and leave.
    Not staying as long at a dry wedding as you would at one with alcohol is fine.  It's when people think that they're entitled to alcohol, free or for sale, that etiquette comes into play.  Nobody is entitled to alcohol.
  • Dry weddings were the norm until the 1970's for Protestant Christian weddings.  According to the book, "All Dressed in White", 92% of weddings were held in churches, and only Catholic churches permitted any form of alcohol.  Catholic weddings DID have the reputation for being booze fests.  (Sorry, but this was true in the past.) 
    Those of you who think that weddings must have alcohol need to understand that this is a rather new custom.  My relatives would have been shocked if I had alcohol at my wedding, and Methodists are one of the more laid back churches.  In the south, traditionally weddings were held in the afternoon, with cake and punch receptions.
    I feel very sorry for the posters who said that they would be unhappy at a wedding where there was no alcohol.  This is not why you attend a wedding!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Jen4948 said:



    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.

    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.


    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.
    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.
    "The least you can do is give them free booze."

    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.
  • Jen4948 said:



    Jen4948 said:



    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.

    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.


    "The least you can do is give them free booze."

    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.
    Jen4948 said:



    Jen4948 said:



    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.

    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.


    "The least you can do is give them free booze."


    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.


    Nope, the word entitled still isnt in there.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.
    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.
    "The least you can do is give them free booze."

    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.
    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.
    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.
    "The least you can do is give them free booze."

    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.
    Nope, the word entitled still isnt in there.
    You ever heard of the term "implied" ?  Your statement implies an entitled attitude.
  • Jen4948 said:



    Jen4948 said:



    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.

    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.


    "The least you can do is give them free booze."

    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.
    Jen4948 said:



    Jen4948 said:



    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.

    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.


    "The least you can do is give them free booze."


    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.


    Nope, the word entitled still isnt in there.
    Jen4948 said:



    Jen4948 said:



    Jen4948 said:



    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.

    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.


    "The least you can do is give them free booze."

    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.
    Jen4948 said:



    Jen4948 said:



    My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.

    So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

    You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla.  You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding.  They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
    Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.



    "The least you can do is give them free booze."


    Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements.  No one is entitled to booze.


    Nope, the word entitled still isnt in there.



    You ever heard of the term "implied" ?  Your statement implies an entitled attitude.

    We can agree to disagree. You have misinterpreted me. No one is entitled to alcohol at any wedding ever but I do feel it is the right thing to do. No one likes being denied things. I dont feel it is right to deny guests alcohol unless it is a $$ issue - cant afford or whatnot. Otherwise have a limited bar but I really dont agree with cash bars or dry weddings. I'd rather pay for something I want though then to be completely denied it.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    We can agree to disagree. You have misinterpreted me. No one is entitled to alcohol at any wedding ever but I do feel it is the right thing to do. No one likes being denied things. I dont feel it is right to deny guests alcohol unless it is a $$ issue - cant afford or whatnot. Otherwise have a limited bar but I really dont agree with cash bars or dry weddings. I'd rather pay for something I want though then to be completely denied it.
    I think you're going to have to agree to disagree with lots of other people here who don't support cash bars and do support the right of couples to have dry weddings.
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