Grounds for divorce... After 3 weeks of marriage

Maggie0829

The amount of time that you have been together has no bearing on whether or not you stay.  He placed his hands on you.  He punched you twice!  No one should ever stay in a relationship that has turned violent.  I don't care if it was out of character or that he was drunk or any other possible excuse one can think of.  Abuse is a non-negotiable.  Get out.  Now.  Seek legal advice immediately and figure out a way to co-parent during this transition period.

I am from Baltimore and a big hot topic news item has been Ray Rice and him punching his then girlfriend (now wife) in an elevator to the point where she feel, hit her head and was knocked out.  The tape from inside the elevator was finally released today.  And even though this may sound like victim blaming, I am not only enraged with him but also his wife because she married him only a month later.  He should have been criminally charged for what he did and suspended for the entire season.  And she should have left him, not married him.

I am so sorry that this happened to you but this kind of thing, IMO, is a 100% leave the relationship thing.  Because no matter how much counseling he gets or if he stops drinking you will always be wondering in the back of your mind when or if he will ever do it again.  That is just not a way to live.

JCbride2015

Maggie0829 said:

The amount of time that you have been together has no bearing on whether or not you stay.  He placed his hands on you.  He punched you twice!  No one should ever stay in a relationship that has turned violent.  I don't care if it was out of character or that he was drunk or any other possible excuse one can think of.  Abuse is a non-negotiable.  Get out.  Now.  Seek legal advice immediately and figure out a way to co-parent during this transition period.

I am from Baltimore and a big hot topic news item has been Ray Rice and him punching his then girlfriend (now wife) in an elevator to the point where she feel, hit her head and was knocked out.  The tape from inside the elevator was finally released today.  And even though this may sound like victim blaming, I am not only enraged with him but also his wife because she married him only a month later.  He should have been criminally charged for what he did and suspended for the entire season.  And she should have left him, not married him.

I am so sorry that this happened to you but this kind of thing, IMO, is a 100% leave the relationship thing.  Because no matter how much counseling he gets or if he stops drinking you will always be wondering in the back of your mind when or if he will ever do it again.  That is just not a way to live.

I want to agree but I also feel like, we never know how we would react if it was us.  I think it's a lot harder to see so clearly when you're inside that dynamic.

LittlePeachBlossom

LaPeanut1018 said:

 We are speeding down the freeway at 65 mph. I hit the brakes pull over, throw the car in park and it skids to a stop. I hop out and start wasking. Nothing happens. 20 seconds late I hear the zoom towards me. I jump the gaurdrail. Jump a fence and run. I hid in the bushes of a shopping center for about 40 mins while he looked for me. He would come and go. Calling my phone 12 times in an hour. Once I hadn't seen him in a while i walked 1.5 miles back to campus and took a cab home.

Listen...you need to 1. Call the police and report this. It sounds like he tried to RUN YOU OVER! This is even more than him punching you twice. 2. You need to visit a doctor asap and get your face checked out. Like PP said, it could be important to have that record on hand later on. 3. Call a woman's shelter. You need to see a counselor and talk to someone about this. I know you aren't feeling scared right now...but he hit you! This is not ok no matter your history! I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. It doesn't matter how sorry he feels right now...he still made the decision to hit you not once, but twice, and potentially tried to run you over with your car! This is too serious to just continue with the status quo.

This! I forgot to comment on that. What if he would have caught you at that moment? Would he have run you over? Would he have beat you hard, landing you in the hospital? You don't know what his limit is since, thankfully, you got away. THAT is the scariest part of all. Please seek help.

birdybride2014

I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. The social worker in me says that you need to leave, with your kids, at least for a while. You need to have a chance to gather your thoughts, in a safe environment, and decide what you are going to do. Ugh, how awful this is!! I'm so sorry! Sending comforting thoughts!

@jenna8984 I was thinking the exact same thing.

southernbelle0915

I'm so, so sorry. My heart breaks for you.

I know it's hard to think about this objectively but I think you have two options:

1) You stay in the relationship. Counseling is not an option. He will go by himself AND with you. While you are going to counseling, he lives somewhere else. YOU decide when/if you're ready for him to move back in. The kids stay with you in the mean time. 

2) You kick him out. If needed, tell your family/friends why. Get an attorney. Press charges for the domestic violence. He hit you while driving on the freeway and then drove off wasted. That is incredibly dangerous! And you want him around your CHILDREN? Take pictures of your face and document, document, document.

When you say you can't have him gone because of groceries and kids, I think you are making excuses, quite honestly. You CAN make it work and you ARE strong enough to do the right thing for your family. I would not hesitate to tell family/friends. What happened happened. He is accountable for his actions. And I guarantee they will help you if they can with groceries/kids/anything else while you sort through this.

ETA: And he enrolls in AA if he wants a snows chance in hell of seeing his children again. If he's using alcohol as an excuse ("I don't even remember" "I'm sorry, I was so drunk"), how can you trust him not to drink while the kids are under his supervision?

manillabar

You've already gotten a lot of great advice, so I just wanted to add my support and lots of virtual hugs! I also wanted to echo that you should seek medical attention. Firstly, to make sure you're ok, and secondly PPs are right in that if you should choose legal recourse, it would be helpful to have some kind of documentation about the injury. It may be worth asking your H to spend a few days out of the home while you figure things out. Let him work out the logistics of groceries, picking up the kids, and whatever else. You need your space to make some tough decisions.

Maggie0829

JCbride2015 said:

Maggie0829 said:

The amount of time that you have been together has no bearing on whether or not you stay.  He placed his hands on you.  He punched you twice!  No one should ever stay in a relationship that has turned violent.  I don't care if it was out of character or that he was drunk or any other possible excuse one can think of.  Abuse is a non-negotiable.  Get out.  Now.  Seek legal advice immediately and figure out a way to co-parent during this transition period.

I am from Baltimore and a big hot topic news item has been Ray Rice and him punching his then girlfriend (now wife) in an elevator to the point where she feel, hit her head and was knocked out.  The tape from inside the elevator was finally released today.  And even though this may sound like victim blaming, I am not only enraged with him but also his wife because she married him only a month later.  He should have been criminally charged for what he did and suspended for the entire season.  And she should have left him, not married him.

I am so sorry that this happened to you but this kind of thing, IMO, is a 100% leave the relationship thing.  Because no matter how much counseling he gets or if he stops drinking you will always be wondering in the back of your mind when or if he will ever do it again.  That is just not a way to live.

I want to agree but I also feel like, we never know how we would react if it was us.  I think it's a lot harder to see so clearly when you're inside that dynamic.

True, but that is why you need outsiders perspective and help from a therapist to realize that being abused, even one time, is not acceptable, ever.  She should at least find a temporary location to live because staying with him, even if they only talk to parent their children, will make it seem like what he did was not as bad as it was.  Yes, he may feel awful, but staying just shows him that you somewhat accept what he did.  You need to leave to make it known that that kind of behavior does not float in your world.  Staying sends the wrong message, IMO.

Senecaf

LittlePeachBlossom said:

LaPeanut1018 said:

 We are speeding down the freeway at 65 mph. I hit the brakes pull over, throw the car in park and it skids to a stop. I hop out and start wasking. Nothing happens. 20 seconds late I hear the zoom towards me. I jump the gaurdrail. Jump a fence and run. I hid in the bushes of a shopping center for about 40 mins while he looked for me. He would come and go. Calling my phone 12 times in an hour. Once I hadn't seen him in a while i walked 1.5 miles back to campus and took a cab home.

Listen...you need to 1. Call the police and report this. It sounds like he tried to RUN YOU OVER! This is even more than him punching you twice. 2. You need to visit a doctor asap and get your face checked out. Like PP said, it could be important to have that record on hand later on. 3. Call a woman's shelter. You need to see a counselor and talk to someone about this. I know you aren't feeling scared right now...but he hit you! This is not ok no matter your history! I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. It doesn't matter how sorry he feels right now...he still made the decision to hit you not once, but twice, and potentially tried to run you over with your car! This is too serious to just continue with the status quo.

This! I forgot to comment on that. What if he would have caught you at that moment? Would he have run you over? Would he have beat you hard, landing you in the hospital? You don't know what his limit is since, thankfully, you got away. THAT is the scariest part of all. Please seek help.

Yeah I don't know. At the time that is what I thought. Maybe he would have hit me maybe nothing. Not worth the fear. I just told him to have his stuff ready when I get home and leave. He asked if we can talk and I said no. Not in person. I know what he will try to do.

I hate this so much. He is an amazing parent and our life was so awesome. This fucking blows. I know I can single parent. I just don't want to because the kids need him. He is the better of the two of us that way. They can see him of course but it won't be the same. I know what I have to do. I just wish I didn't have to do it.

beethery

Yeah I don't know. At the time that is what I thought. Maybe he would have hit me maybe nothing. Not worth the fear. I just told him to have his stuff ready when I get home and leave. He asked if we can talk and I said no. Not in person. I know what he will try to do. I hate this so much. He is an amazing parent and our life was so awesome. This fucking blows. I know I can single parent. I just don't want to because the kids need him. He is the better of the two of us that way. They can see him of course but it won't be the same. I know what I have to do. I just wish I didn't have to do it.

Stay strong, you can do this. You can handle it and rise way the hell above this situation. You're doing good. A good parent does not hit the kids' other parent. Or try to run them over with a fucking car.

sarawifenow

@Senecaf--I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I agree with PPs; the fact that he hit you twice is a huge issue. I have no real advice, but I am thinking about you and sending you so many Ts and Ps!

JCbride2015

Senecaf said:

LaPeanut1018 said:

 We are speeding down the freeway at 65 mph. I hit the brakes pull over, throw the car in park and it skids to a stop. I hop out and start wasking. Nothing happens. 20 seconds late I hear the zoom towards me. I jump the gaurdrail. Jump a fence and run. I hid in the bushes of a shopping center for about 40 mins while he looked for me. He would come and go. Calling my phone 12 times in an hour. Once I hadn't seen him in a while i walked 1.5 miles back to campus and took a cab home.

Listen...you need to 1. Call the police and report this. It sounds like he tried to RUN YOU OVER! This is even more than him punching you twice. 2. You need to visit a doctor asap and get your face checked out. Like PP said, it could be important to have that record on hand later on. 3. Call a woman's shelter. You need to see a counselor and talk to someone about this. I know you aren't feeling scared right now...but he hit you! This is not ok no matter your history! I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. It doesn't matter how sorry he feels right now...he still made the decision to hit you not once, but twice, and potentially tried to run you over with your car! This is too serious to just continue with the status quo.

This! I forgot to comment on that. What if he would have caught you at that moment? Would he have run you over? Would he have beat you hard, landing you in the hospital? You don't know what his limit is since, thankfully, you got away. THAT is the scariest part of all. Please seek help.

Yeah I don't know. At the time that is what I thought. Maybe he would have hit me maybe nothing. Not worth the fear. I just told him to have his stuff ready when I get home and leave. He asked if we can talk and I said no. Not in person. I know what he will try to do. I hate this so much. He is an amazing parent and our life was so awesome. This fucking blows. I know I can single parent. I just don't want to because the kids need him. He is the better of the two of us that way. They can see him of course but it won't be the same. I know what I have to do. I just wish I didn't have to do it.

You just made a really good decision.  For you and your kids.  I can only imagine how hard this must be-- you will get through it.

pinklilly122

Wow that's horrible. Im so sorry you had to go through that. I can't even imagine. I wonder has he ever shown any signs of violent tendencies? From what you said that seems like it was out of character for him? If it truly was, I'll deviate from what everyone is saying, slightly. Maybe there is an issue he needs to address. Like his drinking for one. If you even want to consider giving him a second chance, which I don't know that I personally could, I would only consider if he agrees to not only never drink again, but seek therapy or help of some sort. But I would definitely find some place safe to stay for a few days while you consider your options. I know it would be hard, and a huge change, but you can absolutely do it on your own.

LadyMillil

I'm so sorry you're going through this. PPs have given you great advice. I have nothing to add except that I'm thinking good thoughts for you during all this.

Fran1985

 

Senecaf said:

LaPeanut1018 said:

 We are speeding down the freeway at 65 mph. I hit the brakes pull over, throw the car in park and it skids to a stop. I hop out and start wasking. Nothing happens. 20 seconds late I hear the zoom towards me. I jump the gaurdrail. Jump a fence and run. I hid in the bushes of a shopping center for about 40 mins while he looked for me. He would come and go. Calling my phone 12 times in an hour. Once I hadn't seen him in a while i walked 1.5 miles back to campus and took a cab home.

Listen...you need to 1. Call the police and report this. It sounds like he tried to RUN YOU OVER! This is even more than him punching you twice. 2. You need to visit a doctor asap and get your face checked out. Like PP said, it could be important to have that record on hand later on. 3. Call a woman's shelter. You need to see a counselor and talk to someone about this. I know you aren't feeling scared right now...but he hit you! This is not ok no matter your history! I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. It doesn't matter how sorry he feels right now...he still made the decision to hit you not once, but twice, and potentially tried to run you over with your car! This is too serious to just continue with the status quo.

This! I forgot to comment on that. What if he would have caught you at that moment? Would he have run you over? Would he have beat you hard, landing you in the hospital? You don't know what his limit is since, thankfully, you got away. THAT is the scariest part of all. Please seek help.

Yeah I don't know. At the time that is what I thought. Maybe he would have hit me maybe nothing. Not worth the fear. I just told him to have his stuff ready when I get home and leave. He asked if we can talk and I said no. Not in person. I know what he will try to do. I hate this so much. He is an amazing parent and our life was so awesome. This fucking blows. I know I can single parent. I just don't want to because the kids need him. He is the better of the two of us that way. They can see him of course but it won't be the same. I know what I have to do. I just wish I didn't have to do it.

It does fucking blow, but not because you lose him as a spouse. It fucking blows that the man you chose to give your heart to is a violent man. It blows that he decided he hit punched you in the face, twice, and tried to run you over. That's what blows. That he did those things, not that you have to leave.

I hate to say it, but he may have been waiting until you were married. It is not the first time I've heard of a man who had never abused before start after the wedding.

pinkcow13

Oh my god Seneca, I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I am sending you so many hugs right now. Has he ever displayed any sort of violence in the past? Or gone completely off the hinges when drunk before? I think there is some underlying reason why he acted the way he did. I know that sometimes we can get sloppy drunk, and forget what we do, but I think that being drunk brings out feelings or emotions that we keep bottled up. Could there be something going on that caused this?

I am not trying to excuse this because this is obviously NOT okay. I have been with FI for 12 years myself, and I would be in complete shock if he did a complete 360 in one night. Right now your kids are the #1 priority, so maybe you can try to stay at a friend or family members house, or have HIM leave the home until you are ready to get a grasp on things. It might be harder right now to co parent but it can be done, unless you do not feel that the kids are safe with him.

And please get some counseling, I think it will help you out a lot. Are you bruised at all? Again, I am so so sorry. You have us all here, and you can always PM me if you just need to talk, or just talk to all of us here.

LDay2014

every relationship is different, every dynamic is different and I wouldn't be so quick to divorce after a single, one off hit...there'd be counselling and all that stuff.

However, he didn't just hit you, he HUNTED you down.  He continued to actively pursue you after the 'heat of the moment'.  That's different.  I think there's some serious underlying issues that need to be looked at and you have to decide what you want to do from here.  But, I think you both need some counselling together and apart on this one.

I'm a big believer that you don't just walk away without examining the issues....even if you know you will eventually - if you're still emotionally attached, you need to work through it before filing for divorce, regardless of what the outcome will be. But I agree, some physical space for a little while is in the best interest of everyone.

Best luck, thinking of you.

climbingsingle

My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry. 

loveislouder

You don't need him around to parent. Plus, if he punched you twice and tried to run you over, what is he going to do to the kids?

FI's parents have been divorced for a number of years.  His dad got drunk and punched his mom in the face. She grabbed all four kids, all of them under 5 years old, and high tailed it out of there.  He tried to tell her he was sorry, that it was a mistake and he'd never do it again.  So she went back.  Then next time he got drunk, he stabbed her. She took her 4 kids and lived in a motel for 3 days before she gained her barrings and told her parents what happened.  FI's dad wasn't in their lives for years because he's a drunk asshole.

We, as a community, support you and want you and your kids to be safe. If you need anything, want to talk or anything like that, PM me.

wandajune6

I don't have any real advice to offer you but just want to tell you how truly sorry I am to hear about what happened. On top of everything else, please make sure you get medical attention. I speak from experience- an old boyfriend punched me in the jaw and I was too ashamed to get help. I now have occasional problems with my jaw that could have been prevented.

I left when I got hit. However, I had no reasons to stay. Whatever you decide, make sure that it is what's best for you and your children. He lost the privilege of you worrying about his best interests.  After 12 years, you know your husband better than any of us ever could. If you decide to stay, counseling is mandatory and the days of drinking are over.

While you decide, get space. Take your kids and find somewhere else to stay. Better yet, kick him out so that your kids won't have as much of a shock.

How you handle this will impact not just your relationship but how your children view relationships as well.

Senecaf

I'm not bruised. Sore and it was a little swollen yesterday but ibuprofen took care of it. The thing is he has been violent in the past. Just never towards me. He's gotten into fights at bars and he got a DUI last spring. He just makes really poor choices sometimes. He has an alcohol problem. I cannot fix it and I don't want to try.

All of you mention my safety and the safety of my kids. And no matter what anyone says I don't belive he would EVER cause harm to the kids.
Me again, yeah, maybe but not the kids. I don't know how to justify that. But I just know.

holyguacamole79

Seneca, forgive me if you've addressed this, but have you seen a doctor for your jaw yet? You're in my prayers; I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You and your children deserve so much better.

LDay2014

Senecaf said:

I'm not bruised. Sore and it was a little swollen yesterday but ibuprofen took care of it. The thing is he has been violent in the past. Just never towards me. He's gotten into fights at bars and he got a DUI last spring. He just makes really poor choices sometimes. He has an alcohol problem. I cannot fix it and I don't want to try. All of you mention my safety and the safety of my kids. And no matter what anyone says I don't belive he would EVER cause harm to the kids. Me again, yeah, maybe but not the kids. I don't know how to justify that. But I just know.

_______________________________________

SIB

RUN.

If you stay, you are teaching your children that this is acceptable behavior.  It is a pattern now and neither you NOR them deserve that, he'd never been violent towards you, now he has been.  Your children are the next step.

RUN.

RebeccaFlower

Senecaf said:

I'm not bruised. Sore and it was a little swollen yesterday but ibuprofen took care of it. The thing is he has been violent in the past. Just never towards me. He's gotten into fights at bars and he got a DUI last spring. He just makes really poor choices sometimes. He has an alcohol problem. I cannot fix it and I don't want to try. All of you mention my safety and the safety of my kids. And no matter what anyone says I don't belive he would EVER cause harm to the kids. Me again, yeah, maybe but not the kids. I don't know how to justify that. But I just know.

I'm really not trying to be an asshole, but did you think prior to this that he would have hit you either? 

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. For your safety, I would remove any pictures of you guys here, even your AW of wedding pictures. 

cupcait927

I was going to ask if he had a history of violence prior. Your last post makes his actions towards you make a little more sense, not that it's okay. I am so, so sorry that you're going through this. I've never been in a physically abusive relationship but I know that my last relationship was headed that way. He was abused by his father and I knew that if we had stayed together, based on his actions, that one day I was going to be on the receiving end and that was terrifying.

Your'e right when you say that you can't change him. My dad was an alcoholic (17 years sober now) and my ex is an alcoholic. They have to want to change and until they do, you need to look out for yourself and your kids. They're better off with parents that are separated than seeing mom and dad fight and mom get hurt. We all support you and will be here whenever you need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to talk to.

theartistformerlyknownas

Senecaf said:

I'm not bruised. Sore and it was a little swollen yesterday but ibuprofen took care of it. The thing is he has been violent in the past. Just never towards me. He's gotten into fights at bars and he got a DUI last spring. He just makes really poor choices sometimes. He has an alcohol problem. I cannot fix it and I don't want to try. All of you mention my safety and the safety of my kids. And no matter what anyone says I don't belive he would EVER cause harm to the kids. Me again, yeah, maybe but not the kids. I don't know how to justify that. But I just know.

You made a good decision to leave. And based on the above, he is absolutely an alcoholic. He needs to get help for that for his own sake and for any chance at being a good parent/human being in the future. 

Alcoholism isn't just about people being addicted to alcohol, or even liking to drink/get drunk. Their brains react differently to alcohol than a normal person's brain does. There is no controlling that, any more than a person with a peanut allergy can will away anaphylaxis. I didn't know FI when he was drinking, but he recognized that drinking made him an entirely different person - one he didn't want to be. Your H needs to recognize that and get help immediately. 

And we are all here for you. YOU CAN DO THIS. All the internet hugs my dear!

pinklilly122

Seems to me then that he absolutely has a drinking problem. If he is unwilling to address it and stop drinking permanently you really should leave him. That's the only way Id even think about considering a second chance if he never drank again. My biological father was the same way. Wonderful man normally, but an abusive asshole when drunk. He wouldn't get help or stop drinking so my mom left him. She did great on her own. I should add she only left when he eventually hit me, I was 2.

Maggie0829

RebeccaFlower said:

Senecaf said:

I'm not bruised. Sore and it was a little swollen yesterday but ibuprofen took care of it. The thing is he has been violent in the past. Just never towards me. He's gotten into fights at bars and he got a DUI last spring. He just makes really poor choices sometimes. He has an alcohol problem. I cannot fix it and I don't want to try. All of you mention my safety and the safety of my kids. And no matter what anyone says I don't belive he would EVER cause harm to the kids. Me again, yeah, maybe but not the kids. I don't know how to justify that. But I just know.

I'm really not trying to be an asshole, but did you think prior to this that he would have hit you either? 

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. For your safety, I would remove any pictures of you guys here, even your AW of wedding pictures. 

This.

themuffinman16

My family grew up poor.  We were always on foodstamps. My mom married a guy to help her with finances... and I would have preferred that we stayed on welfare. My step-father NEVER DRANK... NEVER. My mother found out why. He drank VERY rarely, but when he does, he does terrible things.  My mother has a broken back from him jumping on her when she wouldn't give him the keys when he was drunk, one time. She tried to reason and say he never got drunk, so it would never happen.  Turns out, he shared with her that the last time he got drunk, he doused his ex's house in gasoline and passed out before he lit a match. SHE STILL DIDN'T LEAVE HIM.

  His violence then escalated to not needing to be drunk to become violent.  My mother never left him.  And then the abuse was directed toward me. One time he picked me up by my neck and tried to strangle me after I "made him mad.". Me feet were kicking in the air because I couldn't tell him to stop. I got really weak, and everything got dark. I almost lost consciousness. I kept praying while he had his hands around my neck, that he would just finish me off and kill me.  I couldn't handle his abusiveness, anymore, and I wanted to die.. My mother was screaming at him. He finally let me go, and I fell to the floor. I was coughing for an hour. To this day I have terrible issues with my neck being touched in ANY way. I can't be kissed there, touched, wear tight necklaces, or scarves.  

   I called my father and told him what happened. My father called the police.  My mother told me to tell them it never happened. I lied, but I lost so much respect for her, that day.  My father, jointly, thought I was a liar and made the whole thing up.  My step-father is dead, so I don't live in fear, anymore. As a child, I would have preferred to be on welfare than my mother to stay married to him. That is how your children will feel. It may take years for his violence to come to the surface again, like in my case. But is it worth it? 

pinkcow13

I think once a person has a violent past, the chances for that violence to manifest itself unto you increases. Maybe instead of hitting you, he would have hit someone else at the bar and gotten into another bar fight that night, had you guys stayed out. It seems as if he has had some issues for a while now, and unfortunately the opportunity presented itself for you to be the victim this time.

He needs help. He needs to get counseling and he needs to get to AA. Drinking is not an excuse for violence. And not being able to control oneself while drinking is a big problem. It's up to him to get the help that he needs. I can understand that he is a good father. There are many terrible spouses who are wonderful parents. 

You are making the correct decision right now in making him leave. 

LittlePeachBlossom

Senecaf said:

I'm not bruised. Sore and it was a little swollen yesterday but ibuprofen took care of it. The thing is he has been violent in the past. Just never towards me. He's gotten into fights at bars and he got a DUI last spring. He just makes really poor choices sometimes. He has an alcohol problem. I cannot fix it and I don't want to try. All of you mention my safety and the safety of my kids. And no matter what anyone says I don't belive he would EVER cause harm to the kids. Me again, yeah, maybe but not the kids. I don't know how to justify that. But I just know.

Sorry to say but you cannot be sure of that. He's demonstrated he lacks self-control. I would not feel the children are safe under his supervision. It only takes one time.

Here's the hotline: 1-800-799-7233 and website.