Bridesmaid with Hot Pink Hair

mikenberger

Knottie44471172 said:

I think the only thing you can do is accept whatever color she has going on ! Butttttt i say add some extensions to her hair on the wedding day to tone the bright color down and have it look more natural. Everyone wins in this situation. If you do an updo style and incorporate some extensions. She can take it out right after the wedding and everyone is happy. I don't see any conflict in that... after all you are the bride and it's nothing crazy.

So hot pink hair with extensions of dark brown, blonde, red or black is "more natural"? Whaaaaat? No. Not even a little bit. Boggles my mind.

Its her hair. You don't get to dye it. Or add extensions or put it in Shirley Temple ringlet curls.

theartistformerlyknownas

To all the people saying it's just one day so it's ok to ask people to change themselves, especially if you ask nicely (read in my best Special Snowflake impression):

Do you think just maybe it would be OK if, just for this one super special day, you could maybe just not act like such a self-righteous, egotistical, unmitigated, shit-stained ASSHOLE? Because it would really make my day so much more super duper if you could, like, not resemble an asshole today. Just for one day, lol, and you can go right back to being you tomorrow! I totally love you just the way you are! Except for today.

ETA: I said "act like." Don't ban me. 

AddieCake

Knottie44471172 said:

I think the only thing you can do is accept whatever color she has going on ! Butttttt i say add some extensions to her hair on the wedding day to tone the bright color down and have it look more natural. Everyone wins in this situation. If you do an updo style and incorporate some extensions. She can take it out right after the wedding and everyone is happy. I don't see any conflict in that... after all you are the bride and it's nothing crazy.

Welcome to TK. I don't like you.

Viczaesar

There is not enough booze in the world to make this thread palatable. 

[Deleted User]

pinkjunebride15

You chose her to be your bridesmaid knowing her personal style full well. If you're really that concerned, tell her she can't be your bridesmaid with pink hair. If she means that much to you, then you're going to have to accept her the way she is. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you're the one who picked her, no one forced you to. 

KelParedes

If you don't like her hair, don't ask her to be in your wedding. It really is that simple. Would you ask someone to lose weight to be in your wedding party? How about get a nose piercing? What about suggest a different haircut, because you think her current cut is God Awful. No? Sound like overstepping bounds? That's because it is. Her body is her body. So if you can't deal with her pink hair, don't ask her to stand by you. If you love her, if she's a friend, then do. No such thing as being a little bridezilla. Either you are, or you aren't.

mim29

First off, I totally understand where everyone is coming from when it comes to letting your bridesmaid and friend be herself, express herself, and feel accepted by you for who she is. BUT she is obviously close enough to you to have been included in this intimate role. So, she dyed her hair completely; this suggests (to me) that she isn't opposed to drastic change and trying new things! This is a good thing and you might be able to use it to your advantage. Emphasize that you love her to pieces but there may be one little thing she could do as a favor - if not? That's [probably] that. I wouldn't push it too far; let her know she obviously has time to think it over. As for whoever compared her to getting pregnant, having limbs removed, or getting cancer.... you're ridiculous and how dare you compare something like cancer or amputation to a box of hair dye in terms of "individuality". Not only are those two completely different things, but what you said is extremely offensive. Best case scenario, depending on how you feel about it as things get closer is that she realizes it's only temporary; it's not like you're telling her you can no longer been seen with her because of her hair. She can change it right back after the wedding; the damage of dying it has been done hair-health wise. One more dye job shouldn't necessarily crush her spirits.

mim29

YES. It is totally acceptable. This is your day and these are your pictures, which will ultimately be all you have left [aesthetically] of your wedding. If it comes to a matter of price, you can have that conversation with them privately. Generally if you're going to require something specific, and money is an issue, it would be polite to make up the difference. Saying "go natural" is totally fine! No one wants a bronzed out bride with 9 layers of eyeliner and a huge blow-out for what they envisioned as a "natural" look for their wedding party - depending on your definition of minimalism and natural of course

beethery

MadeleineFoster said:

YES. It is totally acceptable. This is your day and these are your pictures, which will ultimately be all you have left [aesthetically] of your wedding. If it comes to a matter of price, you can have that conversation with them privately. Generally if you're going to require something specific, and money is an issue, it would be polite to make up the difference. Saying "go natural" is totally fine! No one wants a bronzed out bride with 9 layers of eyeliner and a huge blow-out for what they envisioned as a "natural" look for their wedding party - depending on your definition of minimalism and natural of course

@MadeleineFoster It is abundantly clear that you didn't read this thread at all. Nobody is cool with this bullshit, and it will make you look like a big asshole to do this kind of shit.

IT IS NOT FUCKING ACCEPTABLE TO ASK YOUR WEDDING PARTY TO CHANGE THEIR APPEARANCE FOR YOU.

Try asking your mom or grandma to lose weight or dye their hair for your wedding pictures. Let me know how that goes over.

climbingsingle

I can't believe this post is still going on. Are you allowed to ask you bridesmaid to change her appearance? The answer is simple. 

You do not get to tell someone that they have to change their appearance for your stupid fucking wedding. It's not acceptable. 

ohannabelle

@MadelineFoster:

Nope. You're wrong. 

Being the bride does not give you the right to ask people to change their personal appearances. In. Any. Way.

If you want your pictures to look a certain way with people who have a certain look, hire actors or models. Reasonable people want their pictures to be a record of their day, and memories of their families and friends. Not a false, made-over to match version of that friend.

Telling someone to change their hair or appearance is, in essence, saying, "The way you really look isn't good enough for my pictures. I don't want to see pictures of you looking like you. I want to see you looking the way I want to see you."

In what way is that not hurtful? In what way is that not rude?

It's tacky, crass, and shallow. Did I say shallow? Let me repeat it. Shallow. It's the behavior of a shallow person who values a false aesthetic above the feelings of a friend.

mim29

The difference between something like weight loss and hair color is about as huge as your disrespect for outside input. OF COURSE you wouldn't dare ask someone to lose weight for your wedding!!!!  It's one day, HER day and if she wants to ask she can. If they are truly that close her friend can say she's not comfortable with it and respect the bride's open attitude toward whichever decision she chooses. If the bride is disappointed by the decision reached she should however, keep that to herself and understand the decision.  

beethery

MadeleineFoster said:

First off, I totally understand where everyone is coming from when it comes to letting your bridesmaid and friend be herself, express herself, and feel accepted by you for who she is. BUT she is obviously close enough to you to have been included in this intimate role. So, she dyed her hair completely; this suggests (to me) that she isn't opposed to drastic change and trying new things! This is a good thing and you might be able to use it to your advantage. Emphasize that you love her to pieces but there may be one little thing she could do as a favor - if not? That's [probably] that. I wouldn't push it too far; let her know she obviously has time to think it over. As for whoever compared her to getting pregnant, having limbs removed, or getting cancer.... you're ridiculous and how dare you compare something like cancer or amputation to a box of hair dye in terms of "individuality". Not only are those two completely different things, but what you said is extremely offensive. Best case scenario, depending on how you feel about it as things get closer is that she realizes it's only temporary; it's not like you're telling her you can no longer been seen with her because of her hair. She can change it right back after the wedding; the damage of dying it has been done hair-health wise. One more dye job shouldn't necessarily crush her spirits.

I can't even get over how incredibly terrible you are. You are the actual worst.

I swear to god, y'all come in here not reading a god damn thing and then spout off some bullshit like you own the people in your wedding party. Just AWFUL. TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE PEOPLE.

mim29

This person is also not her mother or grandmother - that's a completely different ball game and totally out of context to the situation. My sister-in-law however, did it in a way that was very open. She told us to pick a hairstyle, show it to her, and she would say yes/no. I picked one, she said no because it was too close to what hers would be. Was I offended? NO. It's a hairstyle, there are millions to choose from. What a bride CAN do which evades some of the awkwardness in terms of hairstyle (color not included) and makeup is to tell the stylists ahead of time what they are going for. That way, when the time comes the artists can just begin without question. The artist can ask about minor details and present options that they know the bride would like, or has already approved.

theycallmelinz

If you have a such a big issue with someone having pink hair or being "a bronzed out bride with 9 layers of eyeliner and a huge blow-out" why even be friends with someone like that? If you're that conceited and worried about your pictures or whatever else bullshit excuse, why associate with someone who embarrasses you? 

plainjane0415

MadeleineFoster said:

The difference between something like weight loss and hair color is about as huge as your disrespect for outside input. OF COURSE you wouldn't dare ask someone to lose weight for your wedding!!!!  It's one day, HER day and if she wants to ask she can. If they are truly that close her friend can say she's not comfortable with it and respect the bride's open attitude toward whichever decision she chooses. If the bride is disappointed by the decision reached she should however, keep that to herself and understand the decision. 

Here we go with the IT'S HER DAY crap.

Even if that did matter, (btw it doesn't) that doesn't excuse her rudeness.  I'd be royally pissed if someone asked me to change anything about my appearance for their wedding. You just don't do it. You seriously don't understand that after 7 pages of comments saying to not do this? 

sarawifenow

This is seriously how I feel about this fucking thread.

 

mim29

This is not about my lack of ability to read, thank you for that though. She's asking for perspectives. If she doesn't like mine so be it. Just because there is a majority opinion does not make it law, nor does it make it any more acceptable or valid than mine - at least on this site. It's a discussion and gathering of VARIOUS opinions. At no point is it okay for you to pass judgment on me because I think it's okay to ask a bridesmaid to change her hair color for a day, or have makeup/a style conducive to uniformity or differentiation depending on what she wants. It all depends on the bride. Some choose to make an executive decision and see it as a way to reduce stress levels, some choose to go with a "vision" and give their brides the freedom to choose within that theme, and others say "have at it" to give their bridesmaids full reign on the decision(s). There is no right or wrong answer here. It's about what she wants and mutual respect.

beethery

MadeleineFoster said:

This is not about my lack of ability to read, thank you for that though. She's asking for perspectives. If she doesn't like mine so be it. Just because there is a majority opinion does not make it law, nor does it make it any more acceptable or valid than mine. It's a discussion and gathering of VARIOUS opinions. At no point is it okay for you to pass judgment on me because I think it's okay to ask a bridesmaid to change her hair color for a day, or have makeup/a style conducive to uniformity or differentiation depending on what she wants. It all depends on the bride. Some choose to make an executive decision and see it as a way to reduce stress levels, some choose to go with a "vision" and give their brides the freedom to choose within that theme, and others say "have at it" to give their bridesmaids full reign on the decision(s). There is no right or wrong answer here. It's about what she wants and mutual respect.

That's all fine, your opinion is awful. The judgment ship has sailed.

IT IS NOT OKAY TO ASK THAT. IT IS NOT. You are deluded and wroooooooong.

theycallmelinz

MadeleineFoster said:

This is not about my lack of ability to read, thank you for that though. She's asking for perspectives. If she doesn't like mine so be it. Just because there is a majority opinion does not make it law, nor does it make it any more acceptable or valid than mine. It's a discussion and gathering of VARIOUS opinions. At no point is it okay for you to pass judgment on me because I think it's okay to ask a bridesmaid to change her hair color for a day, or have makeup/a style conducive to uniformity or differentiation depending on what she wants. It all depends on the bride. Some choose to make an executive decision and see it as a way to reduce stress levels, some choose to go with a "vision" and give their brides the freedom to choose within that theme, and others say "have at it" to give their bridesmaids full reign on the decision(s). There is no right or wrong answer here. It's about what she wants and mutual respect.

sarawifenow

MadeleineFoster said:

This is not about my lack of ability to read, thank you for that though. She's asking for perspectives. If she doesn't like mine so be it. Just because there is a majority opinion does not make it law, nor does it make it any more acceptable or valid than mine. It's a discussion and gathering of VARIOUS opinions. At no point is it okay for you to pass judgment on me because I think it's okay to ask a bridesmaid to change her hair color for a day, or have makeup/a style conducive to uniformity or differentiation depending on what she wants. It all depends on the bride. Some choose to make an executive decision and see it as a way to reduce stress levels, some choose to go with a "vision" and give their brides the freedom to choose within that theme, and others say "have at it" to give their bridesmaids full reign on the decision(s). There is no right or wrong answer here. It's about what she wants and mutual respect.

If someone is forcing their bridesmaids brideslaves to change their appearance to fit their "vision", then trust me, there is no mutual respect going on.

beethery

I have a "vision" every time I come to this thread. The vision is that these girls realize that they aren't a fucking paper doll PROP for their wedding.

Jesus fucking christ! It is a BITCH AND A HALF to change your hair color, and for some dipshit to say "Hi sweetheart, you know I love you, but could you please spend $X at the salon so that you can not look like what you want to look like just for one day, and then go back and spend $X again so that you can go be yourself again, it would just mean so much to me!"

That is some true bitch ass behavior. If my hair was Barbie pink, it would probably cost me $200.00 and take all day at the salon to get it right. And if one of my friends boarded the crazy train where the first stop is Delusionville and asked me to just change it for one day (and then I could change it back because OH BOY THAT COSTS NOTHING), I would tell her she needed to seek professional help and I'd see her when I fuckin see her.

And yes, I'd say that to a BFF who clearly got some kind of HEAD INJURY if she thought that was an acceptable request. If we're BFFs, we can be honest with each other, and by god she'll need the honesty by that point.

mim29

I should mention too, that I personally will not be asking my bridesmaids to change anything about themselves. It will minimize my stress levels to give the stylists a guideline/idea of what I'm going for and let the bridesmaids pick from what they have to offer. That way I avoid having someone insist on pigtails and the sea urchin-encrusted headband they brought along. I'm not a terrible person for wanting that.

theycallmelinz

MadeleineFoster said:

I should mention too, that I personally will not be asking my bridesmaids to change anything about themselves. It will minimize my stress levels to give the stylists a guideline/idea of what I'm going for and let the bridesmaids pick from what they have to offer. That way I avoid having someone insist on pigtails and the sea urchin-encrusted headband they brought along. I'm not a terrible person for wanting that.

Again, maybe you aren't a terrible person, but if the kind of person who might want to wear a sea urchin encrusted headband would bother you, WHY are you friends with this person and WHY are they in your wedding party?

ohannabelle

@MadelineFoster said:

"As for whoever compared her to getting pregnant, having limbs removed, or getting cancer.... you're ridiculous..."

No, it isn't ridiculous. It's a more heinous degree of exactly the same principle. That principle being, in it's simplest form "the way you look isn't good enough for me, and I have the right to ask you to look the way I want you to look."

And here's a big mind fucker for you, young lady. Get ready.

IT'S NOT YOUR DAY.

Think about it. I have seen a lot of terrible behavior in my time, and when brides behave like terrible people, they usually offer the self centered excuse, but, it's myyyyy daaay.

It's not your day.

There are roughly 7 billion other people in the world. The day belongs to all of them.

It may be the day that you (and many thousands of others) get married, but it doesn't make it "your day."

It's not your day. There are no official decrees on the national calendar, the planets don't realign themselves to put you at the center of the solar system, no special mystical karmic pass is issued decreeing that you and your wants are superior to any other person in the universe, and there is no social standard of behavior that is suspended, allowing you to treat other people as lesser than yourself, or disregard the feelings of other people, because you happen to be getting married on that day. 

You do not own the day, or become dictator for the day, or have the right to proclaim yourself Queen of All Asshats for the day. You have no special magical wedding powers for the day. 

Maybe 5 or 6 hours of that day involve you getting married. But the day belongs to the rest of the seven billion, equally. You are still obligated to treat them with human respect and decency.

This does not include having the right to dictate the appearances of any of those seven billion. It is not okay to ask them to. 

I am sorry to divest you of your imaginary powers. But it is not your day. 

beethery

sarawifenow

MadeleineFoster said:

I should mention too, that I personally will not be asking my bridesmaids to change anything about themselves. It will minimize my stress levels to give the stylists a guideline/idea of what I'm going for and let the bridesmaids pick from what they have to offer. That way I avoid having someone insist on pigtails and the sea urchin-encrusted headband they brought along. I'm not a terrible person for wanting that.

Let me guess, you aren't going to pay for the styles you are mandating upon them.

ohannabelle

I would like a copy of this book, please.

Because I can't.

esstee33

I wish I could just report posts for stupidity.