Bridesmaid with Hot Pink Hair

plainjane0415

sarawifenow said:

MadeleineFoster said:

I should mention too, that I personally will not be asking my bridesmaids to change anything about themselves. It will minimize my stress levels to give the stylists a guideline/idea of what I'm going for and let the bridesmaids pick from what they have to offer. That way I avoid having someone insist on pigtails and the sea urchin-encrusted headband they brought along. I'm not a terrible person for wanting that.

Let me guess, you aren't going to pay for the styles you are mandating upon them.

 

SITB

 

Of course not, this is her day.  @madeleinefoster, so you are going to tell your hairstylists that they have to present styles to your bridesmaids and they HAVE to pick something from those selected styles? 

beethery

esstee33 said:

I wish I could just report posts for stupidity. 

*SIIIIGH* People report shit for "rudeness" all the time. They really just end up reporting their own stupidity.

Best just to tag us on shit if we haven't already seen it

theartistformerlyknownas

mim29

It's possible; I haven't decided. I will probably do what my sister-in-law did and let them choose whatever they want. They can show it to me and (as she did) and only say no if it is too close to resembling mine. To answer your question though I will, in fact, be paying for their hair and make up. It is likely I will talk to the artists before the wedding and say "here is the look I'm going for, please do your best to keep it within that realm." Ex: If I say I want elegant, suggest neutral tones for makeup, and show [the artists] some examples of what I mean, I avoid them busting out hot pink lipstick and bright blue eye shadows. I have no reservations or insecurities about it whatsoever. Another ex: If one of them doesn't like blue and that's the color dress I picked for the wedding? Sorry I'm not sorry. She can handle wearing blue for a day; it's not like I'm asking her to change her body weight, tattoos, "insert permanent aesthetic here", etc., etc. THAT would be unforgivable and obscene. If this bridesmaid was dying her hair in support of say... an aunt dying of breast cancer, that's different. It does not however, sound as if she is supporting any type of cause/act of honor.

esstee33

MadeleineFoster said:

It's possible; I haven't decided. I will probably do what my sister-in-law did and let them choose whatever they want. They can show it to me and (as she did) and only say no if it is too close to resembling mine. To answer your question though I will, in fact, be paying for their hair and make up. It is likely I will talk to the artists before the wedding and say "here is the look I'm going for, please do your best to keep it within that realm." Ex: If I say I want elegant, suggest neutral tones for makeup, and show [the artists] some examples of what I mean, I avoid them busting out hot pink lipstick and bright blue eye shadows. I have no reservations or insecurities about it whatsoever. Another ex: If one of them doesn't like blue and that's the color dress I picked for the wedding? Sorry I'm not sorry. She can handle wearing blue for a day; it's not like I'm asking her to change her body weight, tattoos, "insert permanent aesthetic here", etc., etc. THAT would be unforgivable and obscene. If this bridesmaid was dying her hair in support of say... an aunt dying of breast cancer, that's different. It does not however, sound as if she is supporting any type of cause/act of honor.

So her chosen hair color is only OK by you if it falls within the guidelines you've created of "legitimate" causes to have pink (or whatever other color) hair? Really? Who made you the hair police of other adults? 

I just can't comprehend this hair-controlling obsession some brides have. It takes an incredibly special kind of person to be that batshit crazy and obsessive that she can't just let other adults do their hair however the fuck they want. 

sarawifenow

MadeleineFoster said:

It's possible; I haven't decided. I will probably do what my sister-in-law did and let them choose whatever they want. They can show it to me and (as she did) and only say no if it is too close to resembling mine. To answer your question though I will, in fact, be paying for their hair and make up. It is likely I will talk to the artists before the wedding and say "here is the look I'm going for, please do your best to keep it within that realm." Ex: If I say I want elegant, suggest neutral tones for makeup, and show [the artists] some examples of what I mean, I avoid them busting out hot pink lipstick and bright blue eye shadows. I have no reservations or insecurities about it whatsoever. Another ex: If one of them doesn't like blue and that's the color dress I picked for the wedding? Sorry I'm not sorry. She can handle wearing blue for a day; it's not like I'm asking her to change her body weight, tattoos, "insert permanent aesthetic here", etc., etc. THAT would be unforgivable and obscene. If this bridesmaid was dying her hair in support of say... an aunt dying of breast cancer, that's different. It does not however, sound as if she is supporting any type of cause/act of honor.

First off, if that is your real name, maybe you should change it. You know, internet safety is cool.

 

It's great that you are paying for their hair and makeup. In fact, it is one of the only things that I agree with you with.

 

Do you really trust your bridesmaids so little that you think they would show up in bright pink lipstick and blue eyeshadow? I mean, unless they do this on a regular basis, that is not something I think someone would try out as a BM at someone's wedding.

 

Also, being forced to wear a dress in a color that you don't like for a day is a lot different than having to make a semi-permanent change to your appearance for one day. It is apples to oranges and just doesn't work.

theycallmelinz

I don't understand what the issue is with a bridesmaid having hair 'similar to mine' on my wedding day. You know why I'm gonna stand out? I'm gonna be in a white dress with a veil. I guarantee people are going to realize who's the one getting married. This is just utterly ridiculous. But hey, without BSC women/brides we wouldn't have the show Bridezillas, so for that we thank you.

slothiegal

I seriously fucking can't with this thread.  But here's a new point that I want to comment on....

MadeleineFoster said:

It's possible; I haven't decided. I will probably do what my sister-in-law did and let them choose whatever they want. They can show it to me and (as she did) and only say no if it is too close to resembling mine. To answer your question though I will, in fact, be paying for their hair and make up. It is likely I will talk to the artists before the wedding and say "here is the look I'm going for, please do your best to keep it within that realm." Ex: If I say I want elegant, suggest neutral tones for makeup, and show [the artists] some examples of what I mean, I avoid them busting out hot pink lipstick and bright blue eye shadows. I have no reservations or insecurities about it whatsoever. Another ex: If one of them doesn't like blue and that's the color dress I picked for the wedding? Sorry I'm not sorry. She can handle wearing blue for a day; it's not like I'm asking her to change her body weight, tattoos, "insert permanent aesthetic here", etc., etc. THAT would be unforgivable and obscene. If this bridesmaid was dying her hair in support of say... an aunt dying of breast cancer, that's different. It does not however, sound as if she is supporting any type of cause/act of honor.

Like what the fuck?  Who gives a shit if hairstyles are similar?  I let my bridesmaids know that I had a stylist booked, and they were all welcome to make user of her services, if they were so inclined.  They asked me what hair I wanted them to have.  I said fuck if I care; HOWEVER, it will be outdoors in California, so I'm wearing mine up, and you might want to as well.  They were kind of lost, so I sent them a picture of my trial.  They loved it and all three actually ended up getting similar ones the day of the wedding.  Guess what?  I was still the star.  No one confused a BM for the bride.

It makes me SO HAPPY to look at my pics with my girls.  They are all so fucking beautiful and it's largely because they were all so comfortable and thrilled with how they looked.    

levioosa

This thread:

esstee33

slothiegal said:

I seriously fucking can't with this thread.  But here's a new point that I want to comment on....

MadeleineFoster said:

It's possible; I haven't decided. I will probably do what my sister-in-law did and let them choose whatever they want. They can show it to me and (as she did) and only say no if it is too close to resembling mine. To answer your question though I will, in fact, be paying for their hair and make up. It is likely I will talk to the artists before the wedding and say "here is the look I'm going for, please do your best to keep it within that realm." Ex: If I say I want elegant, suggest neutral tones for makeup, and show [the artists] some examples of what I mean, I avoid them busting out hot pink lipstick and bright blue eye shadows. I have no reservations or insecurities about it whatsoever. Another ex: If one of them doesn't like blue and that's the color dress I picked for the wedding? Sorry I'm not sorry. She can handle wearing blue for a day; it's not like I'm asking her to change her body weight, tattoos, "insert permanent aesthetic here", etc., etc. THAT would be unforgivable and obscene. If this bridesmaid was dying her hair in support of say... an aunt dying of breast cancer, that's different. It does not however, sound as if she is supporting any type of cause/act of honor.

Like what the fuck?  Who gives a shit if hairstyles are similar?  I let my bridesmaids know that I had a stylist booked, and they were all welcome to make user of her services, if they were so inclined.  They asked me what hair I wanted them to have.  I said fuck if I care; HOWEVER, it will be outdoors in California, so I'm wearing mine up, and you might want to as well.  They were kind of lost, so I sent them a picture of my trial.  They loved it and all three actually ended up getting similar ones the day of the wedding.  Guess what?  I was still the star.  No one confused a BM for the bride.

It makes me SO HAPPY to look at my pics with my girls.  They are all so fucking beautiful and it's largely because they were all so comfortable and thrilled with how they looked.    

Right? I was going to comment on that, too, but then I actually had to accomplish some shit before I left work. 

I just can't even fathom how self-absorbed you have to be to dictate that nobody else's hair looks like yours. YOU'RE THE FUCKING BRIDE. HOW MUCH MORE IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION? Literally nobody is going to be like "OH MY GOD ETHEL DO YOU SEE THAT FUCKING BRIDESMAID'S HAIR??? HOW DARE SHE STYLE IT SO SIMILARLY TO THE BRIDE!!!"

Get. The. Fuck. Over. It. 

Furthermore, what are you going to do if a guest accidentally styles her hair like yours, too? Will you be pissy then, too? 

theycallmelinz

esstee33 said:

slothiegal said:

I seriously fucking can't with this thread.  But here's a new point that I want to comment on....

MadeleineFoster said:

It's possible; I haven't decided. I will probably do what my sister-in-law did and let them choose whatever they want. They can show it to me and (as she did) and only say no if it is too close to resembling mine. To answer your question though I will, in fact, be paying for their hair and make up. It is likely I will talk to the artists before the wedding and say "here is the look I'm going for, please do your best to keep it within that realm." Ex: If I say I want elegant, suggest neutral tones for makeup, and show [the artists] some examples of what I mean, I avoid them busting out hot pink lipstick and bright blue eye shadows. I have no reservations or insecurities about it whatsoever. Another ex: If one of them doesn't like blue and that's the color dress I picked for the wedding? Sorry I'm not sorry. She can handle wearing blue for a day; it's not like I'm asking her to change her body weight, tattoos, "insert permanent aesthetic here", etc., etc. THAT would be unforgivable and obscene. If this bridesmaid was dying her hair in support of say... an aunt dying of breast cancer, that's different. It does not however, sound as if she is supporting any type of cause/act of honor.

Like what the fuck?  Who gives a shit if hairstyles are similar?  I let my bridesmaids know that I had a stylist booked, and they were all welcome to make user of her services, if they were so inclined.  They asked me what hair I wanted them to have.  I said fuck if I care; HOWEVER, it will be outdoors in California, so I'm wearing mine up, and you might want to as well.  They were kind of lost, so I sent them a picture of my trial.  They loved it and all three actually ended up getting similar ones the day of the wedding.  Guess what?  I was still the star.  No one confused a BM for the bride.

It makes me SO HAPPY to look at my pics with my girls.  They are all so fucking beautiful and it's largely because they were all so comfortable and thrilled with how they looked.    

Right? I was going to comment on that, too, but then I actually had to accomplish some shit before I left work. 

I just can't even fathom how self-absorbed you have to be to dictate that nobody else's hair looks like yours. YOU'RE THE FUCKING BRIDE. HOW MUCH MORE IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION? Literally nobody is going to be like "OH MY GOD ETHEL DO YOU SEE THAT FUCKING BRIDESMAID'S HAIR??? HOW DARE SHE STYLE IT SO SIMILARLY TO THE BRIDE!!!"

Get. The. Fuck. Over. It. 

Furthermore, what are you going to do if a guest accidentally styles her hair like yours, too? Will you be pissy then, too? 

I just love that you said the name 'Ethel.' It made me picture my Memaw with her hair in curlers clutching her pearls haha

beethery

@MadeleineFoster do you shit a brick if you see someone wearing something similar to you when you're out? Do you get offended if you go to a store and they still have the shirt you bought last week on display for others to buy?

Have you ever gone up to a stranger and yelled at them for having the same purse as you but in a different color? What if they braided their hair on the same day as you?

I mean, those are all things that a delusional person with no idea what the hell their priorities are about would do. You meet the hallmarks for that so I just wondered.

If so, please tell me the stories about how things like that have all gone down because I loooooooove reading about a mess like that.

mim29

Sigh, go find something better to do with your time and cry along to a Fall Out Boy album. I've stopped caring.

beethery

MadeleineFoster said:

Sigh, go find something better to do with your time and cry along to a Fall Out Boy album. I've stopped caring.

You care about people's hair choices, go micromanage somebody's scalp.

You and I at least agree on one thing, Fall Out Boy is awful. Congratulations.

ohannabelle

I googled Fall Out Boy. Should I know them? Do they have something to do with hair? Or is that supposed to mean something else? 

Either way, it doesn't make you any less rude or shallow. Or less wrong.

F-.

mikenberger

MadeleineFoster said:

It's possible; I haven't decided. I will probably do what my sister-in-law did and let them choose whatever they want. They can show it to me and (as she did) and only say no if it is too close to resembling mine. To answer your question though I will, in fact, be paying for their hair and make up. It is likely I will talk to the artists before the wedding and say "here is the look I'm going for, please do your best to keep it within that realm." Ex: If I say I want elegant, suggest neutral tones for makeup, and show [the artists] some examples of what I mean, I avoid them busting out hot pink lipstick and bright blue eye shadows. I have no reservations or insecurities about it whatsoever. Another ex: If one of them doesn't like blue and that's the color dress I picked for the wedding? Sorry I'm not sorry. She can handle wearing blue for a day; it's not like I'm asking her to change her body weight, tattoos, "insert permanent aesthetic here", etc., etc. THAT would be unforgivable and obscene. If this bridesmaid was dying her hair in support of say... an aunt dying of breast cancer, that's different. It does not however, sound as if she is supporting any type of cause/act of honor.

You are the absolute worst. ever. In the history of ever. I feel awful for your bridal party who has to clear their life choices by you first because they accepted the invite to be in your wedding.

I'd shave my head just to spite you. Considering I already had pink hair. BECAUSE I WANTED TO.

beethery

ohannabelle said:

I googled Fall Out Boy. Should I know them? Do they have something to do with hair? Or is that supposed to mean something else? 

Either way, it doesn't make you any less rude or shallow. Or less wrong.

F-.

I think she was trying to infer that I am an emo tween or something. She was incorrect. I'm the fucking pope.

chibiyui

beethery said:

ohannabelle said:

I googled Fall Out Boy. Should I know them? Do they have something to do with hair? Or is that supposed to mean something else? 

Either way, it doesn't make you any less rude or shallow. Or less wrong.

F-.

I think she was trying to infer that I am an emo tween or something. She was incorrect. I'm the fucking pope.

I like that listening to Fall Out Boy is apparently a thing people still try to make fun of. Or maybe she's a time travellet from my high school in 2005.

Signed,
Girl Who Listens to Fall Out Boy, GIves Zero Fucks About Unimportant Shit Like My Bridesmaids Hair Color.

ohannabelle

Ohmygod, truly funny. Moose informed me that I do know who Fall Out Boy is. They're the stick figures that sing "going down to the luleeloorah."  I think that's hilarious. 

http://youtu.be/kvx0ncTxxL0

Has fuck all to do with anything, though.

beethery

chibiyui said:

ohannabelle said:

I googled Fall Out Boy. Should I know them? Do they have something to do with hair? Or is that supposed to mean something else? 

Either way, it doesn't make you any less rude or shallow. Or less wrong.

F-.

I think she was trying to infer that I am an emo tween or something. She was incorrect. I'm the fucking pope.

I like that listening to Fall Out Boy is apparently a thing people still try to make fun of. Or maybe she's a time travellet from my high school in 2005. Signed, Girl Who Listens to Fall Out Boy, GIves Zero Fucks About Unimportant Shit Like My Bridesmaids Hair Color.

I have no issue with those who enjoy FAB. People have different taste in music, at least we know better than to try to use it as a dig

ohannabelle

I don't mind them. At least based on the luleeloorah song, and not being entirely certain what they're actually singing. There is much worse sounding music out there.

esstee33

Hahahaha, wait, what? Did she seriously just take a random shot in the dark to try to insult someone based on musical preferences they may or may not even have? 

slothiegal

esstee33 said:

Hahahaha, wait, what? Did she seriously just take a random shot in the dark to try to insult someone based on musical preferences they may or may not even have? 

Somebody was trying to play with the big girls and couldn't keep up  

ohannabelle

She was trying to defend an indefensible position. Unarmed.

beethery

ohannabelle said:

She was trying to defend an indefensible position. Unarmed.

I feel like this is us every day. (We're Indy)

MobKaz

MadeleineFoster said:

This is not about my lack of ability to read, thank you for that though. She's asking for perspectives. If she doesn't like mine so be it. Just because there is a majority opinion does not make it law, nor does it make it any more acceptable or valid than mine - at least on this site. It's a discussion and gathering of VARIOUS opinions. At no point is it okay for you to pass judgment on me because I think it's okay to ask a bridesmaid to change her hair color for a day, or have makeup/a style conducive to uniformity or differentiation depending on what she wants. It all depends on the bride. Some choose to make an executive decision and see it as a way to reduce stress levels, some choose to go with a "vision" and give their brides the freedom to choose within that theme, and others say "have at it" to give their bridesmaids full reign on the decision(s). There is no right or wrong answer here. It's about what she wants and mutual respect.

There IS a right and wrong answer. 

The WRONG answer is to treat your wedding like a business making "executive decisions", or like Project Runway, telling the hair and make up "artists before the wedding, "here is the look I'm going for" regarding your bridesmaids.

You do not "use friends and their attitudes to your advantage".  It is NOT okay to ask friends to be anything but who they are, on your wedding day, or any other day.  Deferring the dirty work to your stylists of dictating hairstyles does not wipe your hands clean.  It might minimize YOUR stress level (and Lord knows it is all about YOU) but it does not make you any less a bridezilla, or a bad friend.

beethery

Addressed to the general you:

Basically, if your bridesmaid's hairstyle stresses you out, you are a moron who needs to get her fucking priorities straight. If you can't get past somebody's hairstyle, you're a truly shitty friend and individual.

holyguacamole79

This thread needs a puppy.

themosthappy91

MadeleineFoster said:

Sigh, go find something better to do with your time and cry along to a Fall Out Boy album. I've stopped caring.

Well this response reaffirms what I already assumed based on your position on this issue- that you have the maturity of a 12 year old.  So congrats on you "sick burn" or whatever you were going for.

I am normally extremely nice, understanding, and forgiving when it comes to these forums, but I can't with this.  WHAT about the following don't you (and I mean you, @MadeleineFoster) understand: If your "vision" of a certain look for your wedding day is more important than honoring the authenticity of your friends, hire models to be your bridal party.  It is disgusting to think it is appropriate to ask ANYONE- your mom, grandma, best friend, or a stranger on the street- to change something about their appearance based on your personal preferences.  Like absolutely vile.  And I don't know where you are getting the idea that dyeing your hair is something you can do one day and then change it back the next- back-to-back dyeing is WAY more damaging for your hair in a permanent capacity (since you seem so hung up on the distinction between permanent and temporary changes to one's physical appearance) than regular dyeing at appropriate intervals.  

If you in any way, shape or form ask a bridesmaid to change her hair color for your wedding day you are a bad friend and a shallow person.

Or anyone considering doing this may consider it this way: take this thread as a random sample of women.  If you are comfortable with the fact that (based on the distribution of responses here) there is a 90% chance your friend will think you are a horrible monster for asking this of her and will be irreparably offended, and a 10% chance that she will say "Oh sure, it's YOUR day!"- if you are truly comfortable with those odds- go right ahead.  Quite frankly I think your friends deserve to know that you think of them as props and don't love them for who they truly are, so go right ahead.  

mrsdee15

Really, how would that conversation go?  "Hey, person who is so important in my life that I want you to stand up with me the day of our wedding, you're just super, buuuuut your look just doesn't quite fit with my photo desires.  Sooo maybe we just change your head?  Yeah, thanks."

To me, that is such a mean thing to say.  These people are (presumably) in your wedding because they are your close, dear friends, and their looks should have exactly zero effect on that. If someone asked me to change something like that, not only would I think they're awful, but I would be so hurt and would sit and wonder if everyone thought that I looked awful and would go down an anxiety rabbit hole.  

Beyond that, it is not a simple thing to go from hair color to hair color.  Those who say it would be okay to change the color say it like it would just be fine if a color was put over the other, and poof! then it would look natural or better or whatever.  That's not how hair color works.

I've dealt with colors in the red family, so I'm not sure about others, but for that, to change it you either have to bleach it out or cut it out.  It can be extremely damaging to go from a red tone to another color.  It took me almost a year to go from red to my natural dirty blond, with bleaching small sections at a time every six weeks.  It is expensive as hell, and I had to get keratin treatments every time I went in.  If you're asking someone to go from, say, pink to a natural color in one sitting, their hair could be irreparably damaged.  For someone like me who has tried to grow her hair out for literally 10 years, that is a no.  

Frankly, even if you're not asking to have that change in one sitting, I've got a big batch of Screw You Soup ready for you.