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good grief

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Re: good grief

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    esstee33esstee33 member
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    SaraBrideSoon said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    tiphenieB said:
    novella1186 said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    Geeze, put your bra in the freezer for an hour because you need to cool the heck off.  If you get your feelings hurt so quickly over snarky responses then I really don't think this place, or the internet for that fact, is for you.

    As to the bolded.  Are you expecting us to feel sorry for you?  Because that is not going to happen.  You aren't the only one who works multiple jobs or is paying for your own wedding on here.  Many, many other posters are in the same position.  And registering for a vacation is asking for a handout.

    Finally, on forums you don't get to dictate how people respond to your posts.  If you don't like what they write then scroll right on by it or block them from your feed.  Posters on here give plenty of constructive criticism but we do not like these silly posts that basically tell us that we are bashing people all the time because that is never the case.  What is the case is some poster coming on here, asks for advice and then for some reason when we say that it is not a good idea and here is why, they aren't happy with the answers given.  Or they aren't happy with how the answers are given because they weren't dunked in chocolate and then sprinkled in powdered sugar and then delivered by a puppy in a rainbow colored convertible.


    Can we please make this happen?

     

     image

    Can we make a cash registry for it? 
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    tiphenieBtiphenieB member
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    beethery said:
    tiphenieB said:
    novella1186 said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    Anyone who does this kind of thing is absolutely horrible and sheisty.
    So you're going to tell me that NO ONE not even yourself has returned a gift because you didn't need it? I have an idea. How about WE ALL(including myself) find a different discussion to post on so that we aren't making MORE out if a conversation that NEVER needed to go this far. Its incredible how out of hand this got. Now lets all move on. shall we? 
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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    tiphenieB said:

    beethery said:
    tiphenieB said:
    novella1186 said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    Anyone who does this kind of thing is absolutely horrible and sheisty.
    So you're going to tell me that NO ONE not even yourself has returned a gift because you didn't need it? I have an idea. How about WE ALL(including myself) find a different discussion to post on so that we aren't making MORE out if a conversation that NEVER needed to go this far. Its incredible how out of hand this got. Now lets all move on. shall we? 
    You go right ahead. You're the one perpetuating it. Or do you want to blame us evil Knotties for that too? 
    image
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    tiphenieB said:
    novella1186 said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    Geeze, put your bra in the freezer for an hour because you need to cool the heck off.  If you get your feelings hurt so quickly over snarky responses then I really don't think this place, or the internet for that fact, is for you.

    As to the bolded.  Are you expecting us to feel sorry for you?  Because that is not going to happen.  You aren't the only one who works multiple jobs or is paying for your own wedding on here.  Many, many other posters are in the same position.  And registering for a vacation is asking for a handout.

    Finally, on forums you don't get to dictate how people respond to your posts.  If you don't like what they write then scroll right on by it or block them from your feed.  Posters on here give plenty of constructive criticism but we do not like these silly posts that basically tell us that we are bashing people all the time because that is never the case.  What is the case is some poster coming on here, asks for advice and then for some reason when we say that it is not a good idea and here is why, they aren't happy with the answers given.  Or they aren't happy with how the answers are given because they weren't dunked in chocolate and then sprinkled in powdered sugar and then delivered by a puppy in a rainbow colored convertible.
    image

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    loveislouderloveislouder member
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    FWIW, FI and I just moved into a house and bought everything we needed, so we don't really need an actual registry, but we're doing one with China and pretty lamps and stuff because one of my favourite memories of my grandma is when we went around her house and she pointed out all the wedding gifts she still had 50 years later.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    KatieinBkln said:
    tiphenieB said:

    beethery said:
    tiphenieB said:
    novella1186 said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    Anyone who does this kind of thing is absolutely horrible and sheisty.
    So you're going to tell me that NO ONE not even yourself has returned a gift because you didn't need it? I have an idea. How about WE ALL(including myself) find a different discussion to post on so that we aren't making MORE out if a conversation that NEVER needed to go this far. Its incredible how out of hand this got. Now lets all move on. shall we? 
    No. The person who started a "woe is me" thread and then continued to reply to the thread does not get to say that it "got out of hand." That passive voice crap really cannot stand. 

    Pro tip: Threads die naturally when OPs stop posting, not when they tell other people to stop posting. Internet 101.
    Threads seem to die off once the stupidity does.  Non-stupidity just isn't as entertaining.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    flantastic said:
    Am I the only one who loves that OP is trying to call us out for being rude, when she clearly doesn't understand that etiquette is about not being rude to people?

    image
    Yeah, saying that etiquette is stuffy makes me think the OP thinks we're a bunch of aging, pearl-clutching Upper East Side socialites or the Queen of England. 
    I do wear pearls but otherwise I'm very far from stuffy. And I came here for etiquette advice so my guests wouldn't hate me after my wedding. 
    ________________________________


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    misshart00misshart00 member
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    misshart00 said:

    tiphenieB said:


    misshart00 said:

    I really don't understand the whole "we can't afford a honeymoon so we're going to register for one in this exotic location. Go big or go home, right?" A honeymoon doesn't have to be in the carribbean or Europe, or wherever. We went to Florida and it was great.

    And FWIW, someone gifted is their airline miles as a wedding gift and someone paid for our hotel, without us asking.

    no where did i say send us to cancun. People are assuming that themselves. 

    Who's the one assuming? I never said you were going to cancun.

    Also, I didn't even hint at cancun. As it's in Mexico, it is in neither the Caribbean not Eurpoe. I'm still waiting on you to tell me where I said you registered for Cancun.
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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    Newsflash: Many stores will give you store credit, not cash.

    If you don't want physical gifts, don't register for them. People aren't so stupid that they won't know what to do if you don't register for anything. Most people give money at a wedding anyway, and they've been doing that since LONG before Honeyfund was a thing.

    Honeyfund serves one purpose: to make money for the people who created the site. Wouldn't you rather your guest give you a check for $100 instead of buying a fake gift from a Honeyfund site, which results in you getting about $90 instead?

    I always give people money for their wedding, but when they register for Honeyfund or insert some stupid poem about needing cash instead of presents, I rip up that check.
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    KaurisKauris member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    tiphenieB said:
    kasmith1 said:

    I think the ladies on here are very supportive. I got a few replies to quesitons that hurt my feelings too, but I listened and had a much better wedding because of it.

    ANDalsoPLUS in your Honeyfund thread, you actually, literally said: Thank you to everyone who replied. It is nice to get outside opinions. :)

    So, I guess you take that back now?

    it is nice to get outside opinions.... whats not nice to get is a bunch of other people calling you a privileged princess because i think that the stuffy rules of etiquette don't apply to me. I am a rule follower. I never break the rules. However, i don't think there is a wedding rule book that says exactly how you have to plan your wedding. How, then, would you personalize your big day and make it your own? 

    That being said there are different levels of formality in weddings. If i'm having a black tie wedding, i would follow the "etiquette guidelines" of a formal wedding. On the same scale, if i am having a casual, laid back wedding, the rules and etiquette of a black tie, formal wedding are not going to apply. 

    I also believe that some groups and social circles have different opinions than others depending on where you are from. 

    I do appreciate all the constructive advise that was on the thread. What i don't appreciate is the comments implying they knew exactly what kind of person i am because of a post on a forum. 

    My dear, we were able to have our wedding, follow the rules of etiquette, no one thought our wedding was stuffy, we treated our guests very well, fed most of them at least twice that day and still managed to personalize it and make it our own. An etiqutte rule book dictates nothing about flower, dress, venue choice or any of these other silly things that personalize a wedding. It simply ensures that your nearest and dearest are treated well and taken care of in a manner that they are still your nearest and dearest after your one day is over with. And who wouldn't want that?

    Oh, and we are quite capable of paying for not only our wedding, but the rehearsal dinner and the after party and still have room left over to take OURSELVES on a month long honeymoon to Greece. We would never think it was okay to bother our guests to pay for a vacation.

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    charlottesmom0626charlottesmom0626 member
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    penguin44 said:
    penguin44 said:
    esstee33 said:
    penguin44 said:
    The etiquette forum is probably not for you...

    **SITB** 

    Or, like, the internet in general. 
    Well yeah. But this would be like me going to a penguin-killing website (I hope this doesn't exist), and then getting upset that they talk about killing penguins.
    Oh, man, I really hope a website like that doesn't exist. 

    Although, sidenote: Did you know there's a bar in Japan at which you can actually watch live penguins? http://www.penginbar.jp/en/

    I would get so wasted, just sitting there watching penguins. 
    That is so cool! I just sent the link to DH. Haha. I'm pretty sure people think I'm weird when I go see the penguins at the zoo. I stand there for about 30 minutes. Is that not normal?

    Completely normal...I'm a bird trainer. I hate penguins. The public LOVES penguins.
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    luckysnorkelluckysnorkel member
    First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I just can't get over the 'etiquette = stuffy' assumption.  That attitude really grinds my gears.  I've been to some stuffy-ass luxury weddings with terrible etiquette blunders (gaps, ceremony starting EXTREMELY late, not inviting SOs, etc).  And I've been to just as many laid-back, budget weddings that were 100% etiquette perfect.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
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    tiphenieB said:
    kasmith1 said:

    I think the ladies on here are very supportive. I got a few replies to quesitons that hurt my feelings too, but I listened and had a much better wedding because of it.

    ANDalsoPLUS in your Honeyfund thread, you actually, literally said: Thank you to everyone who replied. It is nice to get outside opinions. :)

    So, I guess you take that back now?

    it is nice to get outside opinions.... whats not nice to get is a bunch of other people calling you a privileged princess because i think that the stuffy rules of etiquette don't apply to me. I am a rule follower. I never break the rules. However, i don't think there is a wedding rule book that says exactly how you have to plan your wedding. How, then, would you personalize your big day and make it your own? 

    I think you might be confused about what "etiquette" is. Etiquette has little to do with personalizing your big day and everything to do with hosting in a gracious manner. In short, etiquette is about making sure your guests are comfortable. Also, I fail to see how a honeyfund personalizes your wedding day. It's something you will be doing without all of your guests, but that you expect them to fund. It actually seems like the antithesis of personalizing your wedding day that you are sharing with loved ones.

    There are literally endless possibilities for personalizing your wedding that would not infringe on the comfort of others, while still ensuring that you are a hospitable host. Examples? Heartfelt vows, table cloths, uplighting, centerpieces, choosing a pink dress, etc. As you can see, the possibilities are *almost* endless. There are, in fact, MANY things you can do to personalize your day that won't at all infringe on the comfort of your guests! (Hooray!)

    That being said there are different levels of formality in weddings. If i'm having a black tie wedding, i would follow the "etiquette guidelines" of a formal wedding. On the same scale, if i am having a casual, laid back wedding, the rules and etiquette of a black tie, formal wedding are not going to apply.

    Sure. At your casual wedding I certainly would not expect white gloved servers, valet service, a bathroom attendant, and the like. That's a given. I would, however, expect to be hosted properly regardless of the formality of the wedding. Think about it like you would any other hosting event: you wouldn't invite your friends over for a dinner party and ask that they refund you for the groceries, would you? You would provide them all with seats, right? This is the distinction we're all trying to help you to understand. Etiquette that interferes with comfort is necessary at any event you host, whether it be your in laws for a Sunday night dinner or a black tie wedding. 

    I also believe that some groups and social circles have different opinions than others depending on where you are from. 

    I do appreciate all the constructive advise that was on the thread. What i don't appreciate is the comments implying they knew exactly what kind of person i am because of a post on a forum. 

    image
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    arrippaarrippa member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    Um, you should consider changing your user name. With such a uniquely spelled name, it would be very easy to google you. PM knotporscha if you want to do this.

    Also, did you just start using the Interwebz? Because usually it's a bad idea to run into a community like a bull in a china shop, post some thing that's against etiquette *ON AN ETIQUETTE BOARD*, and then proceed to start a butthurt thread telling people *who took the time to respond to your other thread* that they don't have lives. 

    In what world would you think that's a good idea? Did you even think? I think not.
    I tried to warn her about that and she gave me attitude about it. 


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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    arrippa said:


    southernbelle0915 said:

    Um, you should consider changing your user name. With such a uniquely spelled name, it would be very easy to google you. PM knotporscha if you want to do this.

    Also, did you just start using the Interwebz? Because usually it's a bad idea to run into a community like a bull in a china shop, post some thing that's against etiquette *ON AN ETIQUETTE BOARD*, and then proceed to start a butthurt thread telling people *who took the time to respond to your other thread* that they don't have lives. 

    In what world would you think that's a good idea? Did you even think? I think not.

    I tried to warn her about that and she gave me attitude about it. 




    I found her website in about 5 seconds. Its really not a good idea with all the personal information out there. Seriously OP, consider changing it.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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    crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Um, you should consider changing your user name. With such a uniquely spelled name, it would be very easy to google you. PM knotporscha if you want to do this.

    Also, did you just start using the Interwebz? Because usually it's a bad idea to run into a community like a bull in a china shop, post some thing that's against etiquette *ON AN ETIQUETTE BOARD*, and then proceed to start a butthurt thread telling people *who took the time to respond to your other thread* that they don't have lives. 

    In what world would you think that's a good idea? Did you even think? I think not.
    I tried to warn her about that and she gave me attitude about it. 


    I found her website in about 5 seconds. Its really not a good idea with all the personal information out there. Seriously OP, consider changing it.
    Yeah, me too.

    This sort of thing always reminds me of my younger (very naive) cousin who, on FACEBOOK, posted a photo of his credit card with his finger over half of the numbers. The following week, he posted another photo of his credit card with his finger over the other half of the numbers so if you looked at both photos, you could see the number in it's entirety.

    I messaged him privately with his full CC number and expiration date, and told him that if it was that easy for me to steal his CC, it would be much easier for someone really desperate.

    Then again, he was posting his CC to show the promotional card he received from the pyramid scheme he joined....so you can probably interpret from there where his head was at.
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    I also found her honeyfund, complete with poem. Literally the first page of results is all her wedding.
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    SachaBeeSachaBee member
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    God fuckng damnit, she used the poem. 
    Also, is there something wrong with the website? Seems like it...
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    themosthappy91themosthappy91 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I have a sincere question, OP, that I really would like an answer too: why did you ask here if it would be okay to do a honeymoon fund and, after getting an overwhelming response that this is bad etiquette, decide to do it anyway?  Sure you can argue that some people who have been against the idea have been rude to you, but plenty of people who haven't been remotely rude have also expressed thinking that this is a bad idea.  So why did you ask for opinions if you were going to do it regardless of the answers you got?  And why did you come to an etiquette forum if you feel that etiquette is "stuffy" and doesn't apply to you?  I really am genuinely curious.    
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Yeahhhh, @tiphenieB‌ ... Your phone number is on your Honeyfund, too. Not too wise.




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    ohannabelleohannabelle member
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    themosthappy91 said:
    I have a sincere question, OP, that I really would like an answer too: why did you ask here if it would be okay to do a honeymoon fund and, after getting an overwhelming response that this is bad etiquette, decide to do it anyway?  Sure you can argue that some people who have been against the idea have been rude to you, but plenty of people who haven't been remotely rude have also expressed thinking that this is a bad idea.  So why did you ask for opinions if you were going to do it regardless of the answers you got?  And why did you come to an etiquette forum if you feel that etiquette is "stuffy" and doesn't apply to you?  I really am genuinely curious.    
    The honest answer would be greed. She perceives her wedding as an opportunity to use her friends and family as a free source of cash, and is too greedy to care that it's rude. 
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