My Matron of Honor refuses to get a babysitter for the wedding

c+j2015

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

flantastic

Cam&Justin2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

You don't replace either of them if they back out. Even sides are not an actual concern.

I am a BM in an upcoming wedding, and will have a very young baby who will need to nurse. If the bride hadn't chosen to be accommodating of the fact that I will have to have them with me for pretty much the whole day except the ceremony itself, I would have had to decline attending the wedding. It's not a hard feelings thing, just a practical reality.

My SIL had the same issue at my wedding. She and the baby were there when we got ready, and she was there for the ceremony, and then basically had to skip out on a few things. That's life. However, the only requirement for her to be an "active participant" in the wedding was being there next to me for the ceremony. You may want her to be able to be there with you and for you all day (I would have loved to see more of SIL), and you can be disappointed if she can't be, but this is not something to blame her for, and you have to be accommodating. She sounds like she's doing all she can as a responsible parent - most parents won't leave a kid with a babysitter they don't know, and perhaps not at all at that age.

novella1186

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

Holy shit there's a lot of selfishness in this post. The bolded is such an atrocious thing to say. Come back when you have a baby and let us know how you feel about that sentiment then.

You do not get to control how she cares for her infant. You do not get to demand that she is separated from her infant for an amount of time that you dictate. Your post is seriously so gross. I can't even.

Asking her to step down and/or replacing her is a super hurtful thing to do, and could likely put an end to your friendship, but I think it would probably be a great benefit to her to lose you as a friend.

For your own benefit, I highlighted everything that is horribly selfish, because I'm sure you won't be able to see it yourself. Your bridesmaids and groomsmen should be your dearest friends. They are not mannequins to put dresses on, or props to even things out and look nice. JFC.

levioosa

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

Just.  Wow.  

So, what is she supposed to be doing for the rest of the day after showing up and standing beside you during the ceremony?  It sounds like you want a bridal bitch for the day of the wedding.  Not cool.  She is supposed to be one of your closest friends.  You sound terribly entitled. 

Sides don't have to be even, and yes, asking someone else to be a groomsman now will make them just a "backup" and they will be offended, as they should be, because your vision is taking precedence over friendship.  

climbingsingle

Wow, your friend is such a jerk! I can't believe she won't dump her baby for your wedding. You should kick her AND her husband out.

mikenberger

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

You can not be this self absorbed. How do you function in daily life with the gravitational pull of the UNIVERSE being around you clearly because you're the center of it? It must be difficult for you.

It's obvious you should kick her out. And her stupid attention seeking 6 month old. Seriously. Why must babies be babies!?

Viczaesar

God forbid you have an extra dress. 

Maggie0829

Viczaesar said:

God forbid you have an extra dress. 

Or uneven numbers.

Having both will cause the world to implode.

novella1186

Maggie0829 said:

Viczaesar said:

God forbid you have an extra dress. 

Or uneven numbers.

Having both will cause the world to implode.

The day that I care more about a dress or an even WP above the well-being of MY FRIEND'S CHILD is the day I sincerely hope someone knocks some fucking sense into me. 

redoryx

Viczaesar said:

God forbid you have an extra dress. 

Silly. All the OP has to do is go through her list of friends and get their sizes and measurements and just replace this BM with someone who happens to fit into the dress. Duh.

zitiqueen

I stopped reading at the 'extra dress' because I was laughing too hard.

tammym1001

One of my BM's had a 4 month old baby the day of my wedding. My MOH had a 5 year old. Both of the children were with us all day while we were getting ready. They are their kids so it was their responsibility to take care of them and I didn't even notice they were there. I did buy lunch for everyone so I made sure I knew what the 5 year old wanted, but other than that there wasn't anything else for me to do just because they were there. It was seriously no big deal and I never would have considered kicking them out or forcing them to find sitters just so their kids wouldn't be there on "my special day". 

I'm seriously suggesting you reconsider making a big deal out of this because I think you're going to end up losing your friend over this. You're asking her to pick you over her child and that's never acceptable. When she became a mom her child became the most important thing in her life and that's exactly how it should be.

PrettyGirlLost

Why don't you want their CHILD to be with his/her PARENTS for the WHOLE day?

So they can spend the WHOLE day fawning over you and your FI?

You are getting married, you are not being corronated.  Your Bridal Party aren't your ladies in waiting or butlers, who are there to wait on you hand and foot.  They are supposed to be your closest friends whom you are honoring by giving them a ceremonial role in your wedding ceremony.

princessofgenovia

I don't think you're old enough to be getting married. No way an adult is this immature and selfish.

drunkenwitch

Please somone tell me this is MUD, please. Because this post is so selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile that I can't handle a planet with people like that. If it is true then all I have to say is

mrscomposer

What.  The.  Hell.

One of my BMs had her 1 month old baby with us.  He was awesome.  I love him.  I'm so glad I got to spend the day with him, because I live a long way away from my friends and family, and I miss my BM's kids.

The ONLY thing we had to do was find an accommodating pseudo-auntie who was willing to rock him for the 45 minutes Mommy was standing up in the ceremony.  We had a lot of volunteers.

sassyfrass2014

There is no way that anyone could spend an entire day devoting their attention to you and your FI (and hopefully there is no way that you would ENJOY that.). However there IS a way that someone could spend an entire day looking after their child. Asking your friend to choose standing next to you in a dress over caring for their child is selfish and immature. I hope that you listen to me and the PP's and come to some sense. It is 100% possible to not end this friendship, and I hope you see some sense and choose that. 

Good luck!

MairePoppy

The parents get to decide when their baby is ready to be left with a sitter, not you, not even if you're 'The Bride.' and it's your 'Special Day.'

[Deleted User]

What about a compromise of a mother's assistant for the day. Maybe you know someone that babysits or you have a friend that has an age apporiate child that could act in the role. Basically the baby would stay with the mom (or dad) through the day but while she is getting ready the mother's assitant could help keep the baby entertained, feed it, change it's diaper, etc. Basically it would be a baby sitter but the baby & the sitter would be with one of the parents the whole time so they would see what is going on with their baby but not have to tend to the baby every second themselves. Then they can do their part during the ceremony & photos (but be flexable if the sitter can't quiet the baby during the ceremony & one of them quietly steps down to tend to the baby) and have piece of mind that their baby is being watched after. Granted you'll need to feed the sitter, but then it would be the best of both worlds. You get both people to be in your wedding party & they feel safe in regards to the care of their child because they are still with them. Just an idea.

mikenberger

Erikan73 said:

What about a compromise of a mother's assistant for the day. Maybe you know someone that babysits or you have a friend that has an age apporiate child that could act in the role. Basically the baby would stay with the mom (or dad) through the day but while she is getting ready the mother's assitant could help keep the baby entertained, feed it, change it's diaper, etc. Basically it would be a baby sitter but the baby & the sitter would be with one of the parents the whole time so they would see what is going on with their baby but not have to tend to the baby every second themselves. Then they can do their part during the ceremony & photos (but be flexable if the sitter can't quiet the baby during the ceremony & one of them quietly steps down to tend to the baby) and have piece of mind that their baby is being watched after. Granted you'll need to feed the sitter, but then it would be the best of both worlds. You get both people to be in your wedding party & they feel safe in regards to the care of their child because they are still with them. Just an idea.

I understand that this is an attempt at compromise and while in theory it sounds like a great idea. But I think in execution, it falls short. I know if I were sitting there getting ready and my child was unhappy and crying or needing something and the sitter was not meeting that need, I would probably take my kid away and have no use for the sitter for the rest of the day. 

I would possibly entertain this if it were my mother or sister, but not some random. But then again there's the coordinating of this assistant/sitter/nanny type person and their needs for the day as well. It can all be easily solved by the bride not making a huge riot out of it.

arrrghmatey

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

Yeah. Don't dictate what she does with her baby.

DaniBites

OP, please come back.

We want to hear all about why the rules of etiquette  being a good friend are different for you because you're a special snowflake.

jenijoyk

My best friend and bridesmaid brought her four month old to my wedding. The only regret I have about the whole thing is that my photographer didn't get enough pictures of me holding my adorable faux niece. She had zero impact on my wedding except to up the adorableness quotient.

drunkenwitch

Another post and run, damn.  I guess I'll have to play the part of the OP.

"You guys are so mean, I came for support not to be bullied.  My friends and family will understand because IT'S MY WEDDING DAY.  When I was her bridesmaid I spent 80 gazillion dollars and threw her 500 parties and got my hair done and bought shoes so she should step up and get a babysitter because it's MY WEDDING!

I thought this board had brides who would understand not a bunch of ugly bitches who sit on the internet all day and bully people, I feel sorry for your husbands."

Okay, did I miss anything?

zitiqueen

drunkenwitch said:

Another post and run, damn.  I guess I'll have to play the part of the OP.

"You guys are so mean, I came for support not to be bullied.  My friends and family will understand because IT'S MY WEDDING DAY.  When I was her bridesmaid I spent 80 gazillion dollars and threw her 500 parties and got my hair done and bought shoes so she should step up and get a babysitter because it's MY WEDDING!

I thought this board had brides who would understand not a bunch of ugly bitches who sit on the internet all day and bully people, I feel sorry for your husbands."

Okay, did I miss anything?

You don't know my lyfe!

mikenberger

zitiqueen said:

drunkenwitch said:

Another post and run, damn.  I guess I'll have to play the part of the OP.

"You guys are so mean, I came for support not to be bullied.  My friends and family will understand because IT'S MY WEDDING DAY.  When I was her bridesmaid I spent 80 gazillion dollars and threw her 500 parties and got my hair done and bought shoes so she should step up and get a babysitter because it's MY WEDDING!

I thought this board had brides who would understand not a bunch of ugly bitches who sit on the internet all day and bully people, I feel sorry for your husbands."

Okay, did I miss anything?

You don't know my lyfe!

#sorrynotsorry

Dreamergirl8812

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

ShesSoCold

Also "this blog is to support each other?! Why are you old married hags even here?! Get a life!"

thespeshulestsnowflake

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

Cunt waffle is my and my BFs new favorite. I think I heard it here first.

mikenberger

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

Cunt waffle is my and my BFs new favorite. I think I heard it here first.
-------boxes-------

Cuntsandwich is a personal favorite in my household lol

lyndausvi

I will admit I would be a little annoyed if the child was attached to the point the child would be standing up at the ceremony with us.    Call me a bitch that is kind-of where I draw the line.  I do not care about getting ready or the reception.  Just the ceremony and maybe during a few group photos.

That said, since both parents are going to be IN the wedding I would ask them if they would like to bring their parent, friend, sibling, some trusted person to help with the child. Especially during the ceremony in which both parents are in. This person would be at the ceremony and treated like every other guest at the reception.

Small price to pay to have both of our close friends in the wedding.