My Matron of Honor refuses to get a babysitter for the wedding

mikenberger

heyyou1203 said:

Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site! I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.

As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.

Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!

We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.

OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.

Not gonna do it... not gonna do it.

heyyou1203

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Fourth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Forth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

Go ahead and quote every instance in this thread where the OP was actually called a bitch.

Go on, I'll wait.

ashley8918

heyyou1203 said:

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Forth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

And this happened, where?

PrettyGirlLost

ashley8918 said:

heyyou1203 said:

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Forth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

And this happened, where?

SPOILER ALERT!

No one called the OP or anyone else a bitch until Heyyou called everyone else bitches.

I know, you're soooo shocked.

flantastic

heyyou1203 said:

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Forth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

The MOH can decline to attend the wedding if it's truly more important to the bride to not have children there than to be sure someone can take care of the kid. However, backing out would not make her a bad friend, and I certainly would reconsider my friendship with someone who was so fucking concerned that my baby might somehow ruin her day than to make sure I or my husband could be there.

No one called the OP a bitch.

ashley8918

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashley8918 said:

heyyou1203 said:

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Forth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

And this happened, where?

SPOILER ALERT!

No one called the OP or anyone else a bitch until Heyyou called everyone else bitches.

I know, you're soooo shocked.

Ugh, no need to be such a bitch about it! GAHD! /sarcasm

MossyRocks1619

The most reasonable and seemingly understanding person on here seems to be Knottie64825665..I'd take their advice. Again good luck with everything C+J2015

On a side note although there may be some choice words and may not be worded perfectly I agree with some of the points that heyyou1203 made. Also it is not selfish to want your wedding day to be perfect, I'm sure that's all many of you wanted when it was your big day. Not everything goes perfect but we try our best to make it go the way we dream of.

PrettyGirlLost

flantastic said:

heyyou1203 said:

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Forth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

The MOH can decline to attend the wedding if it's truly more important to the bride to not have children there than to be sure someone can take care of the kid. However, backing out would not make her a bad friend, and I certainly would reconsider my friendship with someone who was so fucking concerned that my baby might somehow ruin her day than to make sure I or my husband could be there.

No one called the OP a bitch.

This.

If your wedding vision trumps your friends and family being there, you need an atitude adjustment. 

PrettyGirlLost

ashley8918 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashley8918 said:

heyyou1203 said:

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Forth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

And this happened, where?

SPOILER ALERT!

No one called the OP or anyone else a bitch until Heyyou called everyone else bitches.

I know, you're soooo shocked.

Ugh, no need to be such a bitch about it! GAHD! /sarcasm

But I even labeled it Spoiler Alert!

It's not my fault you can't read! ;-)

heyyou1203

PrettyGirlLost Do you know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Because the way you state giving "direct, concise, no bullshit advice" and "how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off" is not a fact, it's your opinion, and heaven forbid I disagree with you. I read her post, I read all the responses, and I still think the majority of people here were being insanely judgmental and harsh. Just as you didn't care that you had a child cry through you're wedding, the OP IS allowed to care. We're all allowed to care about whatever we want to! It's called having free will! You have no right to tell her that she's being ridiculous or selfish for wanting her wedding the way she wants, given that her wishes were pretty simple. No kid weddings, as we've said, are a pretty common thing, so her request should not illicit the kind of battering that it did.

flantastic

MossyRocks1619 said:

The most reasonable and seemingly understanding person on here seems to be Knottie64825665..I'd take their advice. Again good luck with everything C+J2015

On a side note although there may be some choice words and may not be worded perfectly I agree with some of the points that heyyou1203 made. Also it is not selfish to want your wedding day to be perfect, I'm sure that's all many of you wanted when it was your big day. Not everything goes perfect but we try our best to make it go the way we dream of.

If your superficial idea of your perfect wedding day is more important than the comfort of the people you invite, or the participation of the people you supposedly want to make honored guests (the WP), you're doing it wrong and/or you shouldn't invite any guests.

My perfect wedding day was the one where I ended up married to my H and didn't ruin any of my friendships over stupid shit.

thespeshulestsnowflake

heyyou1203 said:

Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site! I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.

As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.

Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!

We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.

OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.

Maggie0829

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost Do you know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Because the way you state giving "direct, concise, no bullshit advice" and "how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off" is not a fact, it's your opinion, and heaven forbid I disagree with you. I read her post, I read all the responses, and I still think the majority of people here were being insanely judgmental and harsh. Just as you didn't care that you had a child cry through you're wedding, the OP IS allowed to care. We're all allowed to care about whatever we want to! It's called having free will! You have no right to tell her that she's being ridiculous or selfish for wanting her wedding the way she wants, given that her wishes were pretty simple. No kid weddings, as we've said, are a pretty common thing, so her request should not illicit the kind of battering that it did.

Friends and family that you have had your whole life and wish to keep having in your life > your wedding vision.

Yes, you can care about whatever you want, but when you start caring more about your vision then your friends/family members then you have an issue.

southernbelle0915

heyyou1203 said:

@ southernbelle0915 So everyone else is allowed to call the OP a bitch for having a legit concern and asking for advice, but me using that word to describe the vitriol spewed at this poor woman is crossing the line?

Secondly... ummmmm, I stated that I know there are lots of posts about child-free weddings. Good job.

Third, many of the posters here have stated that they are parents, so that's why I said it.

Forth... Exactly! So then why is it so horrible that the OP doesn't want her MOH's kid there?

1) No one called anyone a bitch in this thread except for you. If they did, please find it and use the "Report" function. 

2) You said that the posters here don't comment on those conversations (convos about kid-free weddings). I told you that you were wrong because I do. All the time. 

3) Many people on this thread, on this board may have said they were parents. But you do realize you made a blanket statement about people in this community in general, which is false.

4) It's not horrible if she wants to have a child free wedding. The issue is telling the MOH what to do with her baby and simultaneously requiring more than just 'show up on time in the dress'. 

heyyou1203

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

thespeshulestsnowflake

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

Please quote where this happened. The quote button is under each person's post.

heyyou1203

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

ashley8918

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

And these posts are, where, exactly? Quote them.

P.S. Those things aren't personal attacks.

Y'all are bitches = personal attack

This attitude is makes you seem terribly entitled, selfish, mean, juvenile, etc does NOT = personal attack.

flantastic

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost Do you know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Because the way you state giving "direct, concise, no bullshit advice" and "how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off" is not a fact, it's your opinion, and heaven forbid I disagree with you. I read her post, I read all the responses, and I still think the majority of people here were being insanely judgmental and harsh. Just as you didn't care that you had a child cry through you're wedding, the OP IS allowed to care. We're all allowed to care about whatever we want to! It's called having free will! You have no right to tell her that she's being ridiculous or selfish for wanting her wedding the way she wants, given that her wishes were pretty simple. No kid weddings, as we've said, are a pretty common thing, so her request should not illicit the kind of battering that it did.

Except her request was not that the kid shouldn't come to the ceremony, the actual invited event, it was asking for advice on how to make sure her MOH could play with her all day. That's not the sort of request you get to make. Because it's selfish. That is my opinion and the opinion of most reasonable people who don't have "wedding brain." 

thespeshulestsnowflake

ashley8918 said:

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

And these posts are, where, exactly? Quote them.

P.S. Those things aren't personal attacks.

Y'all are bitches = personal attack

This attitude is makes you seem terribly entitled, selfish, mean, juvenile, etc does NOT = personal attack.

The only time cunt, along with some clever variants, was used, was in jest with regs about posting and running. And other SS antics.

mikenberger

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

What OP did you read? Because I read the one that said the bolded below:

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

"I don't want the baby with her the WHOLE day. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no."

How do those words equate into "The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter" 

Maggie0829

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

Apparently you can't read.  Those posts were not directed to the OP.  Instead those were regs jokingly discussing what the OP would have responded with if she ever came back.  We have basically heard it all when it comes to the OP not getting the advice she wanted.  No one ever directly called the OP a c-whatever.  Also, people were discussing, in a side conversation, what their favorite various c-word options are.

southernbelle0915

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

Because you came in here, called a bunch of people bitches (which is against the TOS and I am a moderator) and then spewed other information that was incorrect. 

MossyRocks1619

DaniBites said:

OP, please come back.

We want to hear all about why the rules of etiquette  being a good friend are different for you because you're a special snowflake.

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

Cunt waffle is my and my BFs new favorite. I think I heard it here first.

thespeshulestsnowflake

MossyRocks1619 said:

DaniBites said:

OP, please come back.

We want to hear all about why the rules of etiquette  being a good friend are different for you because you're a special snowflake.

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

Cunt waffle is my and my BFs new favorite. I think I heard it here first.

And none of these were aimed at the OP?

Weezie545

Uneven numbers don't matter, and an extra dress doesn't either. However, I do think you have a right to exclude children from your wedding day. A formal occasion isn't usually a place for infants and that's not an unreasonable request. 

One of my bridesmaids is due to give birth two weeks before my wedding. I know she'll likely be breast feeding and there will be accommodations that need to be made that day, which I'm happy to do. But, she is doing the same - before I even asked what she needed, she told me she already talked to her mother about coming to town with her and babysitting for the day.

There's definitely a lot of room for compromise here on both sides. My suggestions would be to make sure that if your MOH needs to breastfeed or pump to give her the time and privacy needed for that - it likely won't take up all that much of the day. As for her, I think she should look for a babysitter, ideally someone in the family if it makes her more comfortable. It sounds like she might be a crazy mom afraid to leave her kid with anyone. The sooner she gets over that, the better.

redoryx

MossyRocks1619 said:

DaniBites said:

OP, please come back.

We want to hear all about why the rules of etiquette  being a good friend are different for you because you're a special snowflake.

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

Cunt waffle is my and my BFs new favorite. I think I heard it here first.

You realize that none of those cuntastic variations were actually aimed at anyone in particular, let alone the OP, right?

ashley8918

MossyRocks1619 said:

DaniBites said:

OP, please come back.

We want to hear all about why the rules of etiquette  being a good friend are different for you because you're a special snowflake.

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

Cunt waffle is my and my BFs new favorite. I think I heard it here first.

Yeah, nope. No one called OP a bitch or any variant of cunt. So, good job failing.

flantastic

MossyRocks1619 said:

 

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You forgot to include some creative way of including the c word:

You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins!!!

This is the only place where I think you can be validly confused. There is little difference between saying "You're all a bunch of cuntenglishmuffins" and "You're all a bunch of bitches." However, the mods know the regular posters and the culture of the boards, and know that one was a joke and one was a serious accusation. The former was even someone "throwing their voice" and imagining what the OP might say if she returned. The latter is what's unacceptable.