My Matron of Honor refuses to get a babysitter for the wedding

flantastic

If my friend in real life said "Hey, can you give me advice on how to make sure my MOH pays attention to meeee all day and makes sure her attention drain of a baby stays out of it?" I would say, "That's a really selfish attitude and I suggest you don't say anything to your MOH because she would be rightfully offended." That's helpful advice.

My friend (or in this case the OP) can then continue to ask other people in the hopes of finding the answer she wants to hear, which is "Tell her you really want her fully present all day because it's your wedding day and you hope that she can give you just one day without her baby interrupting."

But it would be stupid for my friend to go to me and expect me to give that advice, or have someone else tell me that I should be "nicer." I'm being nice - I'm trying to keep her from damaging her relationship over something inconsequential, instead of telling her what she wants to hear and then comforting her when her MOH rightfully stops speaking to her. That's why we suggest lurking... because it would be stupid to post here and expect advice that's different from what the posters here usually say. But it is intended to be helpful.

c+j2015

MossyRocks1619 said:

The most reasonable and seemingly understanding person on here seems to be Knottie64825665..I'd take their advice. Again good luck with everything C+J2015

On a side note although there may be some choice words and may not be worded perfectly I agree with some of the points that heyyou1203 made. Also it is not selfish to want your wedding day to be perfect, I'm sure that's all many of you wanted when it was your big day. Not everything goes perfect but we try our best to make it go the way we dream of.

Thank you!

thespeshulestsnowflake

MossyRocks1619 said:

"super special feelings" ...really?  "butt hurt" come on... and you have no Idea what I can and can't handle. Who are you to judge?

Sorry, forgot it was no longer allowed.

heyyou1203

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A CHILD FREE WEDDING.

However, there is something wrong with this attitude, which was stated in the OP:
"I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day"

As Flantastic said, "I certainly would reconsider my friendship with someone who was so fucking concerned that my baby might somehow ruin her day than to make sure I or my husband could be there.  If your superficial idea of your perfect wedding day is more important than the comfort of the people you invite, or the participation of the people you supposedly want to make honored guests (the WP), you're doing it wrong and/or you shouldn't invite any guests."

Do you get it yet?

We support child free weddings.  But we also support common fucking sense and courtesy.  When you ask parents to be in your WP, especially when both parents are going to be in the WP, you as a bride need to be flexible, to exercise common sense, and you need to trust your WP members to figure out how to parent their own child and what to do with him on their own, without you expressing your "concern" over their child care plan.  Because that will always come off as insulting and will seem to them as if you are worried more about your vision and your beautiful, perfect, most special fucking day than their actual friendship and presence. . . and that's exactly the only thing brides are worried about when they have these talks with their friends and family.

These posts prove that over and over again.




The issues, as has been explained in other posts, is that the OP should have never ever approached the MOH with her concern over what the MOH was going to do with her son that day.  It came across as insulting to her MOH, and

If the kid is with her most of the day, then that inherently means that the kid will be at the wedding, either the ceremony, photos, reception, or all of the above. There's no way around that. The MOH accepted her position as a MOH at a child-free wedding, and then asked for her kid to be the exception. Or maybe the OP made the child-free mandate after asking her to be MOH, no one knows because the OP didn't specify! But I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she didn't pull a fast one on her friend last minute. So yes, I generally agree with your sentiment and conclusion, but the actual events make "kid-free wedding" and "not caring what my friend does with her kid during my wedding" mutually exclusive.

PrettyGirlLost

c+j2015 said:

Thank you! All the mean spirited comments have left me discouraged about posting on public forums too. Honestly, I'm glad for the small number of number of genuine posts like yours. 

Genuine posts?  Oh you mean the small number of posts validating you?

Because every.single.poster gave you genuine advice. 

Did you ever stop to think that if this many total strangers have such a strong reaction to your posts, that perhaps whatever it is you are posting about is actually a shitty idea or rude, etc?

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

MossyRocks1619 said:

And some people can take sarcasm too far, and others can misinterpret it. It is unwise to use sarcasm when someone is asking advice it all I am saying.

I'm sorry, but you need to lurk these forums. If you had lurked you would know the community here actively uses sarcasm and people like to joke around. There is a general expectation that people lurk a while before posting to get the culture of community. I can tell many people do not. I lurked for a while before making an account and starting to post. Lurking all that time allowed me to know what the culture of this site is. If you want a site that is all unicorns farts and rainbows, this is not the site for you.

So is this site for any bride to get wedding advice? Or is it only for the few "regs" to share their inside jokes and judge others whenever they see fit, and gang up on people they don't agree with? People get engaged every day, so the inherent nature of this site means that there will constantly be new members, and not everyone has the time to stalk all the posters and all the forums to catch up on the "culture" and inside jokes that people before them created.

WE GAVE ADVICE!!!!!!

3 freaking pages of it!  And we explained why we gave the advice we gave.

c+j2015

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost Do you know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Because the way you state giving "direct, concise, no bullshit advice" and "how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off" is not a fact, it's your opinion, and heaven forbid I disagree with you. I read her post, I read all the responses, and I still think the majority of people here were being insanely judgmental and harsh. Just as you didn't care that you had a child cry through you're wedding, the OP IS allowed to care. We're all allowed to care about whatever we want to! It's called having free will! You have no right to tell her that she's being ridiculous or selfish for wanting her wedding the way she wants, given that her wishes were pretty simple. No kid weddings, as we've said, are a pretty common thing, so her request should not illicit the kind of battering that it did.

This! 

I did feel very judged. 

Thank you!

heyyou1203

I think you have a lack of reading comprehension. . . who the fuck was threatening you?

Yes, telling people they are behaving like brats is such a terrible thing to say.

"Do you really think you can play this game?" and "You're out of your league" isn't threatening? It isn't an intimidation tactic??? Maybe you need to do some Googling on internet bullying and this will all be clearer to you. And telling someone they have a reading comprehension problem isn't an insult? But oh wait, you know the TOS better than I do, how dare I question your word choice!

thespeshulestsnowflake

c+j2015 said:

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost Do you know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Because the way you state giving "direct, concise, no bullshit advice" and "how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off" is not a fact, it's your opinion, and heaven forbid I disagree with you. I read her post, I read all the responses, and I still think the majority of people here were being insanely judgmental and harsh. Just as you didn't care that you had a child cry through you're wedding, the OP IS allowed to care. We're all allowed to care about whatever we want to! It's called having free will! You have no right to tell her that she's being ridiculous or selfish for wanting her wedding the way she wants, given that her wishes were pretty simple. No kid weddings, as we've said, are a pretty common thing, so her request should not illicit the kind of battering that it did.

This! 

I did feel very judged. 

Thank you!

Okay, you can feel judged. But would you rather be judged by a bunch of strangers from the internet or by your friends and family?

Maggie0829

c+j2015 said:

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost Do you know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Because the way you state giving "direct, concise, no bullshit advice" and "how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off" is not a fact, it's your opinion, and heaven forbid I disagree with you. I read her post, I read all the responses, and I still think the majority of people here were being insanely judgmental and harsh. Just as you didn't care that you had a child cry through you're wedding, the OP IS allowed to care. We're all allowed to care about whatever we want to! It's called having free will! You have no right to tell her that she's being ridiculous or selfish for wanting her wedding the way she wants, given that her wishes were pretty simple. No kid weddings, as we've said, are a pretty common thing, so her request should not illicit the kind of battering that it did.

This! 

I did feel very judged. 

Thank you!

You realize that you never came back to answer any questions that posters asked right?  Unless you clarify some things we can only go off by what you first post.  And sorry but your first post definitely made you sound exactly like the bolded.

You say that if your friend drops out then you will have an extra dress.  Does that mean that she won't be coming to your wedding at all because you are having a kid-free wedding?  Or is the kid invited to your wedding but you don't want your friend to have her attention taken away from you because she has a kid to watch?

badbnagdway

To be fair, I am a bad bitch, in a good way. 

flantastic

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A CHILD FREE WEDDING.

However, there is something wrong with this attitude, which was stated in the OP:
"I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day"

As Flantastic said, "I certainly would reconsider my friendship with someone who was so fucking concerned that my baby might somehow ruin her day than to make sure I or my husband could be there.  If your superficial idea of your perfect wedding day is more important than the comfort of the people you invite, or the participation of the people you supposedly want to make honored guests (the WP), you're doing it wrong and/or you shouldn't invite any guests."

Do you get it yet?

We support child free weddings.  But we also support common fucking sense and courtesy.  When you ask parents to be in your WP, especially when both parents are going to be in the WP, you as a bride need to be flexible, to exercise common sense, and you need to trust your WP members to figure out how to parent their own child and what to do with him on their own, without you expressing your "concern" over their child care plan.  Because that will always come off as insulting and will seem to them as if you are worried more about your vision and your beautiful, perfect, most special fucking day than their actual friendship and presence. . . and that's exactly the only thing brides are worried about when they have these talks with their friends and family.

These posts prove that over and over again.




The issues, as has been explained in other posts, is that the OP should have never ever approached the MOH with her concern over what the MOH was going to do with her son that day.  It came across as insulting to her MOH, and

If the kid is with her most of the day, then that inherently means that the kid will be at the wedding, either the ceremony, photos, reception, or all of the above. There's no way around that. The MOH accepted her position as a MOH at a child-free wedding, and then asked for her kid to be the exception. Or maybe the OP made the child-free mandate after asking her to be MOH, no one knows because the OP didn't specify! But I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she didn't pull a fast one on her friend last minute. So yes, I generally agree with your sentiment and conclusion, but the actual events make "kid-free wedding" and "not caring what my friend does with her kid during my wedding" mutually exclusive.

I said this earlier in the thread, right before the part PGL quoted. SHE CAN DECIDE NOT TO MAKE THE EXCEPTION FOR MOH. However, then MOH might not be at the wedding. OP's attitude doesn't sound like she'd forgive the MOH for that, even though she created the dilemma. If she wants to be sure her supposed best friend can be at the wedding, she needs to make the exception. That is all.

ETA: Most brides don't say when asking someone to be MOH - "Will you be my MOH? But just so you know, your kid won't be invited." Which means the adult event info probably came at a time after the MOH already agreed to be in the WP. So the MOH naturally thought - "Well, if she wants us both to be able to participate, she'll have to let us bring our kid. If not, we won't be able to participate." This isn't abnormal behavior or super rude or falling down on her commitment. 

drunkenwitch

MossyRocks1619 said:

The most reasonable and seemingly understanding person on here seems to be Knottie64825665..I'd take their advice. Again good luck with everything C+J2015

On a side note although there may be some choice words and may not be worded perfectly I agree with some of the points that heyyou1203 made. Also it is not selfish to want your wedding day to be perfect, I'm sure that's all many of you wanted when it was your big day. Not everything goes perfect but we try our best to make it go the way we dream of.

I must be silly and trashy, because here I thought a perfect wedding was marrying the person you love. 

redoryx

heyyou1203 said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

MossyRocks1619 said:

And some people can take sarcasm too far, and others can misinterpret it. It is unwise to use sarcasm when someone is asking advice it all I am saying.

I'm sorry, but you need to lurk these forums. If you had lurked you would know the community here actively uses sarcasm and people like to joke around. There is a general expectation that people lurk a while before posting to get the culture of community. I can tell many people do not. I lurked for a while before making an account and starting to post. Lurking all that time allowed me to know what the culture of this site is. If you want a site that is all unicorns farts and rainbows, this is not the site for you.

So is this site for any bride to get wedding advice? Or is it only for the few "regs" to share their inside jokes and judge others whenever they see fit, and gang up on people they don't agree with? People get engaged every day, so the inherent nature of this site means that there will constantly be new members, and not everyone has the time to stalk all the posters and all the forums to catch up on the "culture" and inside jokes that people before them created.

Yes, people do get engaged every day. And every day, brides come here asking the exact same questions that have been asked and answered and asked and answered and asked and answered yet again. And what often happens is they don't get an answer they like because they believe they are the exception to the rule (spoiler: they're not), so they claim that nobody answered their question when in reality we answered it, they just didn't like the answer. So, of course we're going to get snarky when a bride claims we weren't any help and blah blah blah bullshit because we didn't validate them which is all that they are really after and they don't like being called out on it.

heyyou1203

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

So is this site for any bride to get wedding advice? Or is it only for the few "regs" to share their inside jokes and judge others whenever they see fit, and gang up on people they don't agree with? People get engaged every day, so the inherent nature of this site means that there will constantly be new members, and not everyone has the time to stalk all the posters and all the forums to catch up on the "culture" and inside jokes that people before them created.

WE GAVE ADVICE!!!!!!

3 freaking pages of it!  And we explained why we gave the advice we gave.

Stating your opinion in a mean, judgmental way and insulting the OP (even if you didn't specifically violate the TOS, insults come in many forms), is NOT the same as giving advice.

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

ashley8918 said:

Again, where did this happen? No one called the OP a bitch, and no one threatened you.

You keep using these words. I don't think you know what they mean.

The "threat" was not in reference to anyone calling anyone a bitch. it was referring to the intimidating language that PrettyGirlLost was trying to use to make me feel like I didn't belong, that my opinion isn't valid on a public forum, and that she and her "regs" are superior to every other poster.

LMFAO!

"You are out of your league" is threatening language?!  I'm with Ashley, I don't think you know the actual meaning of the words you are using.

I was stating that you are in over your head. . . which clearly you are.

I never said your opinion wasn't valid. . . why do you keep misrepresenting what is actually being said in this thread?

I also never said "my regs" are superior. . . I was telling you that you can't really school us on the TOS.

Ladies, all your bitches* are belong to me now, mwahahahahahaha!  I'm apparently the Don of the Reg Mafia now.

*Bitches in this context is used to describe a group of women in an inclusive, "street" way, not as a term meant as an insult.

c+j2015

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

Agreed! My MOH and I came to an agreement! Surprise! It was her idea to let her husband take care of the baby during the day because she really wants to be there for me. That was her choice and I tried to come up with any other solution because I felt bad for GM. In the end, the issue is really resolved between me and my MOH. I'm not sure why everyone is still arguing. Also, this solution makes the numbers uneven and guess what? I don't care. It's not about that, so please stop making it seem that way. I already explained that I was heated when I wrote the OP and was a little intense. Having an extra dress or uneven numbers isn't going to ruin my wedding. I'm having a wedding for the marriage, NOT a day for everyone to bow down to me! 

drunkenwitch

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

You claimed she was called a bitch.  I asked you to prove it.  You cannot, because she was not called a bitch.  No one was in this thread but the rest of us.

There is nothing against the TOS for calling someone out on their entitled, juvenile, immature, bratty, ridiculous, spoiled, selfish, mean spirited etc. behavior or comments.  Tough shit if they don't want to hear it.

You also seem to mistake what posts were actually directed at the OP, as all of the posts related to cuntwaffles were NOT aimed at her at all, they are an inside joke between regs. . . and that's pretty clear in those posts.

You just started posting today. . . do you really think you can play this game with people who have been posting for months or years?  You are out of your league.  We are well aware of what the TOS states and what we can and cannot say. 

Ooo I'm quivering in my boots that a bunch of internet bullies are threatening me! Congrats on knowing the semantics on how to say terrible things but still comply with TOS better than I can. And it's not my first day posting. I've been engaged for over a year, so I've seen plenty of this, commented on various things, I just don't spend a huge chunk of my time posting on forums like this, or any for that matter. The abysmal way that a lot of people were treating the OP just really riled me up, so I felt the need to speak up and defend her.

BINGO!

c+j2015

mikenberger said:

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

What OP did you read? Because I read the one that said the bolded below:

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

"I don't want the baby with her the WHOLE day. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no."

How do those words equate into "The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter" 

I never said she HAD to get a babysitter. I asked her if she would because that would be a logical solution. I also asked if she could bring someone with her to help watch him. I also asked if she could let him sit with someone during the ceremony. She said no to all my options. That's when I got frustrated and made the OP. 

PrettyGirlLost

MossyRocks1619 said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

MossyRocks1619 said:

And some people can take sarcasm too far, and others can misinterpret it. It is unwise to use sarcasm when someone is asking advice it all I am saying.

I'm sorry, but you need to lurk these forums. If you had lurked you would know the community here actively uses sarcasm and people like to joke around. There is a general expectation that people lurk a while before posting to get the culture of community. I can tell many people do not. I lurked for a while before making an account and starting to post. Lurking all that time allowed me to know what the culture of this site is. If you want a site that is all unicorns farts and rainbows, this is not the site for you.

I am not here for "unicorn farts, and rainbows" nor am I here to "lurk"  stalk pages, I came here for advice. Nothing more nothing less, I can handle criticism and all but there is no need to be snarky. I have been with the knot for 2 years and I am allowed to search for the answer I look for.

MossyRocks1619 said:

"super special feelings" ...really?  "butt hurt" come on... and you have no Idea what I can and can't handle. Who are you to judge?

I'm thinking the comment was made since you posted the above. . .

ashley8918

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

ashley8918 said:

Again, where did this happen? No one called the OP a bitch, and no one threatened you.

You keep using these words. I don't think you know what they mean.

The "threat" was not in reference to anyone calling anyone a bitch. it was referring to the intimidating language that PrettyGirlLost was trying to use to make me feel like I didn't belong, that my opinion isn't valid on a public forum, and that she and her "regs" are superior to every other poster.

LMFAO!

"You are out of your league" is threatening language?!  I'm with Ashley, I don't think you know the actual meaning of the words you are using.

I was stating that you are in over your head. . . which clearly you are.

I never said your opinion wasn't valid. . . why do you keep misrepresenting what is actually being said in this thread?

I also never said "my regs" are superior. . . I was telling you that you can't really school us on the TOS.

Ladies, all your bitches* are belong to me now, mwahahahahahaha!  I'm apparently the Don of the Reg Mafia now.

*Bitches in this context is used to describe a group of women in an inclusive, "street" way, not as a term meant as an insult.

Hahahaha, DYING.

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

I think you have a lack of reading comprehension. . . who the fuck was threatening you?

Yes, telling people they are behaving like brats is such a terrible thing to say.

"Do you really think you can play this game?" and "You're out of your league" isn't threatening? It isn't an intimidation tactic??? Maybe you need to do some Googling on internet bullying and this will all be clearer to you. And telling someone they have a reading comprehension problem isn't an insult? But oh wait, you know the TOS better than I do, how dare I question your word choice!

No, it's not intimidating at all. . . it's not a threat!  How is telling you that you are in over your head intimidating?  Do you really find that to be frightening? 

And it's not internet bullying at all- Google that shit for yourself.  I'm not threatening you with violence, harassing you, wishing you ill will, etc.

You do have a problem with reading comprehension- at this point it's a fact- because you keep misquoting people, misrepresenting what people are saying, misusing words,  etc. 

ashley8918

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

I think you have a lack of reading comprehension. . . who the fuck was threatening you?

Yes, telling people they are behaving like brats is such a terrible thing to say.

"Do you really think you can play this game?" and "You're out of your league" isn't threatening? It isn't an intimidation tactic??? Maybe you need to do some Googling on internet bullying and this will all be clearer to you. And telling someone they have a reading comprehension problem isn't an insult? But oh wait, you know the TOS better than I do, how dare I question your word choice!

No, it's not intimidating at all. . . it's not a threat!  How is telling you that you are in over your head intimidating?  Do you really find that to be frightening? 

And it's not internet bullying at all- Google that shit for yourself.  I'm not threatening you with violence, harassing you, wishing you ill will, etc.

You do have a problem with reading comprehension- at this point it's a fact- because you keep misquoting people, misrepresenting what people are saying, misusing words,  etc. 

threat

THret/

noun

1. 1.

   a statement of an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other hostile action on someone in retribution for something done or not done.

PrettyGirlLost

c+j2015 said:

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost Do you know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Because the way you state giving "direct, concise, no bullshit advice" and "how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off" is not a fact, it's your opinion, and heaven forbid I disagree with you. I read her post, I read all the responses, and I still think the majority of people here were being insanely judgmental and harsh. Just as you didn't care that you had a child cry through you're wedding, the OP IS allowed to care. We're all allowed to care about whatever we want to! It's called having free will! You have no right to tell her that she's being ridiculous or selfish for wanting her wedding the way she wants, given that her wishes were pretty simple. No kid weddings, as we've said, are a pretty common thing, so her request should not illicit the kind of battering that it did.

This! 

I did feel very judged. 

Thank you!

I was judging you!  We are allowed to judge the posts on this board.  Everyone does it, sheesh.

"I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day"

You are a grown woman. . .you can't see how silly that statement makes you sound?

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

So is this site for any bride to get wedding advice? Or is it only for the few "regs" to share their inside jokes and judge others whenever they see fit, and gang up on people they don't agree with? People get engaged every day, so the inherent nature of this site means that there will constantly be new members, and not everyone has the time to stalk all the posters and all the forums to catch up on the "culture" and inside jokes that people before them created.

WE GAVE ADVICE!!!!!!

3 freaking pages of it!  And we explained why we gave the advice we gave.

Stating your opinion in a mean, judgmental way and insulting the OP (even if you didn't specifically violate the TOS, insults come in many forms), is NOT the same as giving advice.

Quote to me where I actually insulted the OP.  I just re-read my posts and most of the other posts here. . . quote to me where someone insulted the OP.

Again, I'll wait.

PrettyGirlLost

ashley8918 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

I think you have a lack of reading comprehension. . . who the fuck was threatening you?

Yes, telling people they are behaving like brats is such a terrible thing to say.

"Do you really think you can play this game?" and "You're out of your league" isn't threatening? It isn't an intimidation tactic??? Maybe you need to do some Googling on internet bullying and this will all be clearer to you. And telling someone they have a reading comprehension problem isn't an insult? But oh wait, you know the TOS better than I do, how dare I question your word choice!

No, it's not intimidating at all. . . it's not a threat!  How is telling you that you are in over your head intimidating?  Do you really find that to be frightening? 

And it's not internet bullying at all- Google that shit for yourself.  I'm not threatening you with violence, harassing you, wishing you ill will, etc.

You do have a problem with reading comprehension- at this point it's a fact- because you keep misquoting people, misrepresenting what people are saying, misusing words,  etc. 

threat

THret/

noun

1. 1.

   a statement of an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other hostile action on someone in retribution for something done or not done.

Thank you!

Good Lord ><

flantastic

c+j2015 said:

mikenberger said:

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

What OP did you read? Because I read the one that said the bolded below:

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

"I don't want the baby with her the WHOLE day. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no."

How do those words equate into "The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter" 

I never said she HAD to get a babysitter. I asked her if she would because that would be a logical solution. I also asked if she could bring someone with her to help watch him. I also asked if she could let him sit with someone during the ceremony. She said no to all my options. That's when I got frustrated and made the OP. 

Except your OP was not about that. And you never returned to add or clarify.

We can only judge and give advice based on what you actually post, and what you actually posted was "I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time."

And so people said that while it would be reasonable for the baby not to be with her during the ceremony, there was very little involved in being an "active participant" in the wedding and it made sense that the baby might need to be with her during many other parts of the day. Because it's a baby and your friends are its parents.

Cookie Pusher

Did anyone GBCK yet? I can't even read this circuitous arguing anymore unless I can get a bingo and drink heavily.

redoryx

c+j2015 said:

mikenberger said:

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

What OP did you read? Because I read the one that said the bolded below:

c+j2015 said:

Hey!

So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?

"I don't want the baby with her the WHOLE day. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no."

How do those words equate into "The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter" 

I never said she HAD to get a babysitter. I asked her if she would because that would be a logical solution. I also asked if she could bring someone with her to help watch him. I also asked if she could let him sit with someone during the ceremony. She said no to all my options. That's when I got frustrated and made the OP. 

The title of your post is "My Matron of Honor Refuses To Get a Babysitter For The Wedding."

You asked her multiple times and gave her multiple situations where somebody other than her was watching her child. That by definition is a babysitter and by getting frustrated when she refused (which is a pretty strong word), then, yes, you did indeed give the impression that she had to get one.

c+j2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

c+j2015 said:

Thank you! All the mean spirited comments have left me discouraged about posting on public forums too. Honestly, I'm glad for the small number of number of genuine posts like yours. 

Genuine posts?  Oh you mean the small number of posts validating you?

Because every.single.poster gave you genuine advice. 

Did you ever stop to think that if this many total strangers have such a strong reaction to your posts, that perhaps whatever it is you are posting about is actually a shitty idea or rude, etc?

Oh I did. But then I remembered where the advice is coming from and that you all don't actually know me or my whole situation. So I'm taking all the "advice" with a grain of salt. It's not a shitty idea to want a kid free wedding and yes I told my MOH that it was kid free from the beginning so that was not a "fast one" on her. When I asked her what her plan was, she got very defensive and that's how this whole thing blew up. I never told her she HAD to do anything. I gave her options and told her I was open to suggestions. She didn't like my options and didn't have anything to suggest t the time. I think her feelings were hurt and she took it a little too personally that I don't want kids at the wedding. She made it seem like I just don't want HER kid at the wedding. That is of course not true. Even the kids that a part of the ceremony are going home afterwards because their parents respect my wish of having a child free ceremony.