My Matron of Honor refuses to get a babysitter for the wedding

ashley8918

Weezie545 said:

Uneven numbers don't matter, and an extra dress doesn't either. However, I do think you have a right to exclude children from your wedding day. A formal occasion isn't usually a place for infants and that's not an unreasonable request. 

One of my bridesmaids is due to give birth two weeks before my wedding. I know she'll likely be breast feeding and there will be accommodations that need to be made that day, which I'm happy to do. But, she is doing the same - before I even asked what she needed, she told me she already talked to her mother about coming to town with her and babysitting for the day.

There's definitely a lot of room for compromise here on both sides. My suggestions would be to make sure that if your MOH needs to breastfeed or pump to give her the time and privacy needed for that - it likely won't take up all that much of the day. As for her, I think she should look for a babysitter, ideally someone in the family if it makes her more comfortable. It sounds like she might be a crazy mom afraid to leave her kid with anyone. The sooner she gets over that, the better.

What in the fucking fuck? In what world does not wanting to leave you infant with a rando (or not rando, doesn't matter) make you crazy?

heyyou1203

southernbelle0915 said:

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

Because you came in here, called a bunch of people bitches (which is against the TOS and I am a moderator) and then spewed other information that was incorrect. 

Again, I'm not sure where this line is where you can specially call the OP selfish, entitled, mean-spirited and juvenile, but I cross it when I say that a non-specific number of people here are acting like bitches towards the OP, without calling anyone out or by name with that word.

And incorrect??? Sorry if I didn't look at the comment history of every single post every single poster has posted on before I made a sarcastic comment. I find it hard to believe that someone who is OK with a kid-free wedding would so adamantly and hatefully talk about how the OP should "stop being selfish" by asking for a kid-free wedding.

badbnagdway

It's not that having a kid-free wedding is rude. It's that being more concerned about even sides, "replacing" wp members, and generally giving new parents a hard time and dictating who will watch their child are all not appropriate actions and are not the actions of one friend to another. 

MossyRocks1619

the point is no one should be speaking for the OP or filling in what they think she should say, they are not her, these are their views.

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost Do you know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Because the way you state giving "direct, concise, no bullshit advice" and "how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off" is not a fact, it's your opinion, and heaven forbid I disagree with you.  

Do you know what the meaning of words are?

You quoted me as saying we gave "direct, concise, no bullshit advice"  I didn't say that we were giving her facts.  I said we were giving her blunt and direct advice.  I personally don't care if you disagree with me- where did I say that I don't want disagreement?  But I'm allowed to refute and provide rebuttal to any statement here, whether I agree with it or not.


I read her post, I read all the responses, and I still think the majority of people here were being insanely judgmental and harsh.   I have every right to state my opinion on a subject posted here. . . that's the entire point of a discussion forum for crying out loud!  When someone is putting their relationship with close family and friends at risk over the fear of a crying child, of course many of us are going to be judgmental. Just as you didn't care that you had a child cry through you're wedding, the OP IS allowed to care. We're all allowed to care about whatever we want to! It's called having free will!   You all can care about whatever you want to!  But that doesn't mean the rest of us aren't also free to judge you as we see fit.  You have no right to tell her that she's being ridiculous or selfish for wanting her wedding the way she wants, given that her wishes were pretty simple. Sure I do.  I have as much right to judge her as being ridiculous as you and she have for worrying about a crying child ruining your damn wedding day.  Free will, remember?!  And no, her request is not simple given that both of the parents are in the wedding party, that the child is an infant and needs more care than an average  5 or 7 year old, and the OP claimed that her friend's presence in her wedding was all she really cared about.  Which actually isn't true.  No kid weddings, as we've said, are a pretty common thing, so her request should not illicit the kind of battering that it did.

ashley8918

MossyRocks1619 said:

the point is no one should be speaking for the OP or filling in what they think she should say, they are not her, these are their views.

It doesn't matter. This is not against the TOS. But do you know what is? "All the posters who commented in here are bitches!"

Maggie0829

Weezie545 said:

Uneven numbers don't matter, and an extra dress doesn't either. However, I do think you have a right to exclude children from your wedding day. A formal occasion isn't usually a place for infants and that's not an unreasonable request. 

One of my bridesmaids is due to give birth two weeks before my wedding. I know she'll likely be breast feeding and there will be accommodations that need to be made that day, which I'm happy to do. But, she is doing the same - before I even asked what she needed, she told me she already talked to her mother about coming to town with her and babysitting for the day.

There's definitely a lot of room for compromise here on both sides. My suggestions would be to make sure that if your MOH needs to breastfeed or pump to give her the time and privacy needed for that - it likely won't take up all that much of the day. As for her, I think she should look for a babysitter, ideally someone in the family if it makes her more comfortable. It sounds like she might be a crazy mom afraid to leave her kid with anyone. The sooner she gets over that, the better.

OMG does no one read?

Having a kid free wedding is fine.  But if you invite someone to your wedding or to be in your wedding then you can't be pissed if they decide not to attend or be in your wedding because their kid is not invited.

Also pumping is not always an option.  And I don't think the OP pushing her friend to get a babysitter so she can get over being the "crazy mom afraid to leave her kid with anyone" is such a good idea.

MossyRocks1619

If it doesn't matter then why bother to comment on how people are called? I'm not saying I agree with the choice of words but then it doesn't matter.

thespeshulestsnowflake

MossyRocks1619 said:

the point is no one should be speaking for the OP or filling in what they think she should say, they are not her, these are their views.

Sarcasm is okay according to the TOS

heyyou1203

ashley8918 said:

MossyRocks1619 said:

the point is no one should be speaking for the OP or filling in what they think she should say, they are not her, these are their views.

It doesn't matter. This is not against the TOS. But do you know what is? "All the posters who commented in here are bitches!"

Good thing I didn't say that then :-)

Dreamergirl8812

MossyRocks1619

And some people can take sarcasm too far, and others can misinterpret it. It is unwise to use sarcasm when someone is asking advice it is all I am saying.

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

You claimed she was called a bitch.  I asked you to prove it.  You cannot, because she was not called a bitch.  No one was in this thread but the rest of us.

There is nothing against the TOS for calling someone out on their entitled, juvenile, immature, bratty, ridiculous, spoiled, selfish, mean spirited etc. behavior or comments.  Tough shit if they don't want to hear it.

You also seem to mistake what posts were actually directed at the OP, as all of the posts related to cuntwaffles were NOT aimed at her at all, they are an inside joke between regs. . . and that's pretty clear in those posts.

You just started posting today. . . do you really think you can play this game with people who have been posting for months or years?  You are out of your league.  We are well aware of what the TOS states and what we can and cannot say. 

mikenberger

And away we go.

c+j2015

Thank you! I appreciate the warm wishes! Congratulations to you as well! I hope you a wonderful wedding! 

thespeshulestsnowflake

MossyRocks1619 said:

And some people can take sarcasm too far, and others can misinterpret it. It is unwise to use sarcasm when someone is asking advice it all I am saying.

I'm sorry, but you need to lurk these forums. If you had lurked you would know the community here actively uses sarcasm and people like to joke around. There is a general expectation that people lurk a while before posting to get the culture of community. I can tell many people do not. I lurked for a while before making an account and starting to post. Lurking all that time allowed me to know what the culture of this site is. If you want a site that is all unicorns farts and rainbows, this is not the site for you.

heyyou1203

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

You claimed she was called a bitch.  I asked you to prove it.  You cannot, because she was not called a bitch.  No one was in this thread but the rest of us.

There is nothing against the TOS for calling someone out on their entitled, juvenile, immature, bratty, ridiculous, spoiled, selfish, mean spirited etc. behavior or comments.  Tough shit if they don't want to hear it.

You also seem to mistake what posts were actually directed at the OP, as all of the posts related to cuntwaffles were NOT aimed at her at all, they are an inside joke between regs. . . and that's pretty clear in those posts.

You just started posting today. . . do you really think you can play this game with people who have been posting for months or years?  You are out of your league.  We are well aware of what the TOS states and what we can and cannot say. 

Ooo I'm quivering in my boots that a bunch of internet bullies are threatening me! Congrats on knowing the semantics on how to say terrible things but still comply with TOS better than I can. And it's not my first day posting. I've been engaged for over a year, so I've seen plenty of this, commented on various things, I just don't spend a huge chunk of my time posting on forums like this, or any for that matter. The abysmal way that a lot of people were treating the OP just really riled me up, so I felt the need to speak up and defend her.

thespeshulestsnowflake

mikenberger

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

Shit. I was "I feel bad for your husbands!" away from winning.

c+j2015

Thank you! All the mean spirited comments have left me discouraged about posting on public forums too. Honestly, I'm glad for the small number of  genuine posts like yours. 

MossyRocks1619

thespeshulestsnowflake said: MossyRocks1619 said: And some people can take sarcasm too far, and others can misinterpret it. It is unwise to use sarcasm when someone is asking advice it all I am saying. I'm sorry, but you need to lurk these forums. If you had lurked you would know the community here actively uses sarcasm and people like to joke around. There is a general expectation that people lurk a while before posting to get the culture of community. I can tell many people do not. I lurked for a while before making an account and starting to post. Lurking all that time allowed me to know what the culture of this site is. If you want a site that is all unicorns farts and rainbows, this is not the site for you. I am not here for "unicorn farts, and rainbows" nor am I here to "lurk"  stalk pages, I came here for advice. Nothing more nothing less, I can handle criticism and all but there is no need to be snarky. I have been with the knot for 2 years and I am allowed to search for the answer I look for.

heyyou1203

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

MossyRocks1619 said:

And some people can take sarcasm too far, and others can misinterpret it. It is unwise to use sarcasm when someone is asking advice it all I am saying.

I'm sorry, but you need to lurk these forums. If you had lurked you would know the community here actively uses sarcasm and people like to joke around. There is a general expectation that people lurk a while before posting to get the culture of community. I can tell many people do not. I lurked for a while before making an account and starting to post. Lurking all that time allowed me to know what the culture of this site is. If you want a site that is all unicorns farts and rainbows, this is not the site for you.

So is this site for any bride to get wedding advice? Or is it only for the few "regs" to share their inside jokes and judge others whenever they see fit, and gang up on people they don't agree with? People get engaged every day, so the inherent nature of this site means that there will constantly be new members, and not everyone has the time to stalk all the posters and all the forums to catch up on the "culture" and inside jokes that people before them created.

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

southernbelle0915 So if we're both on the same page about it being ok to have kid-free weddings, then why the heck are we arguing??? The OP didn't tell her MOH that she HAD to have a babysitter, she simply suggested it as an alternative to bringing the kid to the KID-FREE wedding. I mean, if she and her husband are both attending the wedding, it seems logical that a babysitter might be the best alternative option. As the OP said though, they came to an agreement, which is good for them, but apparently not good enough for everyone else who just insists on hating her for the sake of hating her.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A CHILD FREE WEDDING.

However, there is something wrong with this attitude, which was stated in the OP:
"I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day"

As Flantastic said, "I certainly would reconsider my friendship with someone who was so fucking concerned that my baby might somehow ruin her day than to make sure I or my husband could be there.  If your superficial idea of your perfect wedding day is more important than the comfort of the people you invite, or the participation of the people you supposedly want to make honored guests (the WP), you're doing it wrong and/or you shouldn't invite any guests."

Do you get it yet?

We support child free weddings.  But we also support common fucking sense and courtesy.  When you ask parents to be in your WP, especially when both parents are going to be in the WP, you as a bride need to be flexible, to exercise common sense, and you need to trust your WP members to figure out how to parent their own child and what to do with him on their own, without you expressing your "concern" over their child care plan.  Because that will always come off as insulting and will seem to them as if you are worried more about your vision and your beautiful, perfect, most special fucking day than their actual friendship and presence. . . and that's exactly the only thing brides are worried about when they have these talks with their friends and family.

These posts prove that over and over again.

ashley8918

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

You claimed she was called a bitch.  I asked you to prove it.  You cannot, because she was not called a bitch.  No one was in this thread but the rest of us.

There is nothing against the TOS for calling someone out on their entitled, juvenile, immature, bratty, ridiculous, spoiled, selfish, mean spirited etc. behavior or comments.  Tough shit if they don't want to hear it.

You also seem to mistake what posts were actually directed at the OP, as all of the posts related to cuntwaffles were NOT aimed at her at all, they are an inside joke between regs. . . and that's pretty clear in those posts.

You just started posting today. . . do you really think you can play this game with people who have been posting for months or years?  You are out of your league.  We are well aware of what the TOS states and what we can and cannot say. 

Ooo I'm quivering in my boots that a bunch of internet bullies are threatening me! Congrats on knowing the semantics on how to say terrible things but still comply with TOS better than I can. And it's not my first day posting. I've been engaged for over a year, so I've seen plenty of this, commented on various things, I just don't spend a huge chunk of my time posting on forums like this, or any for that matter. The abysmal way that a lot of people were treating the OP just really riled me up, so I felt the need to speak up and defend her.

Again, where did this happen? No one called the OP a bitch, and no one threatened you.

You keep using these words. I don't think you know what they mean.

thespeshulestsnowflake

My point is that you should not come on here and expect that since your super special feelings get butt hurt, people who regularly post here should stop their way of posting. There is a culture here.

MossyRocks1619 , stay away from the Snarky Brides board. You could not handle it.

c+j2015

heyyou1203 said:

Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site! I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.

As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.

Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!

We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.

OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.

Thank you!

heyyou1203

ashley8918 said:

Again, where did this happen? No one called the OP a bitch, and no one threatened you.

You keep using these words. I don't think you know what they mean.

The "threat" was not in reference to anyone calling anyone a bitch. it was referring to the intimidating language that PrettyGirlLost was trying to use to make me feel like I didn't belong, that my opinion isn't valid on a public forum, and that she and her "regs" are superior to every other poster.

Maggie0829

MossyRocks1619

"super special feelings" ...really?  "butt hurt" come on... and you have no Idea what I can and can't handle. Who are you to judge?

PrettyGirlLost

heyyou1203 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

heyyou1203 said:

@PrettyGirlLost Apparently saying someone is "terribly entitled" and "selfish, entitled, mean spirited and just straight up juvenile", cuntenglishmuffin and other c-word-related items, just to name a few choice posts... THAT'S ok, but the b-word is crossing the line. Noted.

You claimed she was called a bitch.  I asked you to prove it.  You cannot, because she was not called a bitch.  No one was in this thread but the rest of us.

There is nothing against the TOS for calling someone out on their entitled, juvenile, immature, bratty, ridiculous, spoiled, selfish, mean spirited etc. behavior or comments.  Tough shit if they don't want to hear it.

You also seem to mistake what posts were actually directed at the OP, as all of the posts related to cuntwaffles were NOT aimed at her at all, they are an inside joke between regs. . . and that's pretty clear in those posts.

You just started posting today. . . do you really think you can play this game with people who have been posting for months or years?  You are out of your league.  We are well aware of what the TOS states and what we can and cannot say. 

Ooo I'm quivering in my boots that a bunch of internet bullies are threatening me! Congrats on knowing the semantics on how to say terrible things but still comply with TOS better than I can. And it's not my first day posting. I've been engaged for over a year, so I've seen plenty of this, commented on various things, I just don't spend a huge chunk of my time posting on forums like this, or any for that matter. The abysmal way that a lot of people were treating the OP just really riled me up, so I felt the need to speak up and defend her.

I think you have a lack of reading comprehension. . . who the fuck was threatening you?

Yes, telling people they are behaving like brats is such a terrible thing to say.