I get it - now this is exactly what I am not looking forward to... from the advice I can see I am already "the one that is creating drama", "too much", "leave the gal alone", I wish I can just let it go, but it is easier said than done.
Although I agree that she has not personally talked to me about anything, but her action of ignoring me and told the younger brother and the boyfriend all she wanted is to everything to be talking to each other and be happy - HELLO if that was truly what she wants couldn't her be picking up my calls already? I left her two voicemails and asked her to call back and said I heard rumors been going around I think it is just a misunderstanding, couldn't her to just talk about it? She knew it is causing distress on the planning and the family dynamic, she is 38 years old grown woman, not 3.
Also my worry too is since she is not just an acquaintance, she's actually my fiancé's brother's wife, so chances of me seeing her in the future is 100%, how am I supposed to react? I know she's sneaky and would absolutely pretend nothing was wrong, but her action had me speechless, what am I suppose to treat her with respect and pretending she never did anything in the first place?
I get it - now this is exactly what I am not looking forward to... from the advice I can see I am already "the one that is creating drama", "too much", "leave the gal alone", I wish I can just let it go, but it is easier said than done.
Although I agree that she has not personally talked to me about anything, but her action of ignoring me and told the younger brother and the boyfriend all she wanted is to everything to be talking to each other and be happy - HELLO if that was truly what she wants couldn't her be picking up my calls already? I left her two voicemails and asked her to call back and said I heard rumors been going around I think it is just a misunderstanding, couldn't her to just talk about it? She knew it is causing distress on the planning and the family dynamic, she is 38 years old grown woman, not 3.
Also my worry too is since she is not just an acquaintance, she's actually my fiancé's brother's wife, so chances of me seeing her in the future is 100%, how am I supposed to react? I know she's sneaky and would absolutely pretend nothing was wrong, but her action had me speechless, what am I suppose to treat her with respect and pretending she never did anything in the first place?
FFS, STOP HOUNDING THE WOMAN. LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE FOR AWHILE.
I had to put that all in caps because it seems like you have a hard time comprehending simple concepts. Of fucking course you treat her politely and with respect the next time you see her. SHE HASN'T FUCKING DONE ANYTHING. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE HEARD HAS BEEN HEARSAY.
Fucking. let. it. go.
I just wanted to add: Do you like drama? Because it really seems like you like drama. Why else would you be creating so much over nothing?
I get it - now this is exactly what I am not looking forward to... from the advice I can see I am already "the one that is creating drama", "too much", "leave the gal alone", I wish I can just let it go, but it is easier said than done.
Although I agree that she has not personally talked to me about anything, but her action of ignoring me and told the younger brother and the boyfriend all she wanted is to everything to be talking to each other and be happy - HELLO if that was truly what she wants couldn't her be picking up my calls already? I left her two voicemails and asked her to call back and said I heard rumors been going around I think it is just a misunderstanding, couldn't her to just talk about it? She knew it is causing distress on the planning and the family dynamic, she is 38 years old grown woman, not 3.
Also my worry too is since she is not just an acquaintance, she's actually my fiancé's brother's wife, so chances of me seeing her in the future is 100%, how am I supposed to react? I know she's sneaky and would absolutely pretend nothing was wrong, but her action had me speechless, what am I suppose to treat her with respect and pretending she never did anything in the first place?
Holy shit, OP. To the bolded - did you read what people are saying?
LEAVE. IT. ALONE. And be the bigger person by not playing into drama. Why are you having such a hard time understanding that? Seriously? Why is that hard for you to grasp?
I get it - now this is exactly what I am not looking forward to... from the advice I can see I am already "the one that is creating drama", "too much", "leave the gal alone", I wish I can just let it go, but it is easier said than done.
Although I agree that she has not personally talked to me about anything, but her action of ignoring me and told the younger brother and the boyfriend all she wanted is to everything to be talking to each other and be happy - HELLO if that was truly what she wants couldn't her be picking up my calls already? I left her two voicemails and asked her to call back and said I heard rumors been going around I think it is just a misunderstanding, couldn't her to just talk about it? She knew it is causing distress on the planning and the family dynamic, she is 38 years old grown woman, not 3.
Also my worry too is since she is not just an acquaintance, she's actually my fiancé's brother's wife, so chances of me seeing her in the future is 100%, how am I supposed to react? I know she's sneaky and would absolutely pretend nothing was wrong, but her action had me speechless, what am I suppose to treat her with respect and pretending she never did anything in the first place?
I honestly don't even get what she did that was so horrible. It seems like you're blowing this up into a huge issue and making tons of assumptions based on nothing. So she's not communicating with you. So what? It sounds like you guys are not the least bit close anyway; why does she owe you a returned call?
She's probably putting some space between you and her because you're just too much. Like I said in an earlier post. She probably feels harassed by you and doesn't understand why you're coming on so strong or getting worked up over "rumors" of nothing, so she feels like the best way to handle it is to just leave it be and let you settle down.
And how are you supposed to react when you see her in the future? You smile and say "Hi nice to see you!" and have a normal chat. What else would you do?
This is bizarre to me. I feel like if we could get this woman's side of the story, there's actually no drama happening at all. Just you trying a million ways to contact her and getting all worked up for no reason.
I get it - now this is exactly what I am not looking forward to... from the advice I can see I am already "the one that is creating drama", "too much", "leave the gal alone", I wish I can just let it go, but it is easier said than done.
Although I agree that she has not personally talked to me about anything, but her action of ignoring me and told the younger brother and the boyfriend all she wanted is to everything to be talking to each other and be happy - HELLO if that was truly what she wants couldn't her be picking up my calls already? I left her two voicemails and asked her to call back and said I heard rumors been going around I think it is just a misunderstanding, couldn't her to just talk about it? She knew it is causing distress on the planning and the family dynamic, she is 38 years old grown woman, not 3.
Also my worry too is since she is not just an acquaintance, she's actually my fiancé's brother's wife, so chances of me seeing her in the future is 100%, how am I supposed to react? I know she's sneaky and would absolutely pretend nothing was wrong, but her action had me speechless, what am I suppose to treat her with respect and pretending she never did anything in the first place?
Holy shit, OP. To the bolded - did you read what people are saying?
LEAVE. IT. ALONE. And be the bigger person by not playing into drama. Why are you having such a hard time understanding that? Seriously? Why is that hard for you to grasp?
This is MUD, right? It has to be MUD. No one is this dense.
I get it - now this is exactly what I am not looking forward to... from the advice I can see I am already "the one that is creating drama", "too much", "leave the gal alone", I wish I can just let it go, but it is easier said than done.
Although I agree that she has not personally talked to me about anything, but her action of ignoring me and told the younger brother and the boyfriend all she wanted is to everything to be talking to each other and be happy - HELLO if that was truly what she wants couldn't her be picking up my calls already? I left her two voicemails and asked her to call back and said I heard rumors been going around I think it is just a misunderstanding, couldn't her to just talk about it? She knew it is causing distress on the planning and the family dynamic, she is 38 years old grown woman, not 3.
Also my worry too is since she is not just an acquaintance, she's actually my fiancé's brother's wife, so chances of me seeing her in the future is 100%, how am I supposed to react? I know she's sneaky and would absolutely pretend nothing was wrong, but her action had me speechless, what am I suppose to treat her with respect and pretending she never did anything in the first place?
YOU ARE FEEDING HER DRAMATICS. STOP IT.
The next time you see her. You can say hello, you can compliment her on her hair, say how the weather is crazy, you can be cordial with her. Nobody is telling you to run over to her house and force her to have a conversation. We are all telling you: YOU HAVE TRIED TO CONTACT HER AND SHE IS NOT RESPONDING. SO DROP IT.
And when someone mentions that she wants everybody to get along and talk, you can then say "I'm not sure what happened. I attempted to make contact several times by phone, text and email and she hasn't responded. I'm open to talking." And leave it at that. You're not placing blame and pointing fingers. You're stating facts. You've tried to contact her. She hasn't responded. You're open to talking.
No I absolutely hate drama. I am not doing anything more to try reaching out to her but it is really hard for me to grasp that the fact she can just completely ignore me and even my fiancé told me based on her reaction she may not show up to the wedding, it is not ok... it will be really hard for me to face her next time and have to treat her with respect.
No I absolutely hate drama. I am not doing anything more to try reaching out to her but it is really hard for me to grasp that the fact she can just completely ignore me and even my fiancé told me based on her reaction she may not show up to the wedding, it is not ok... it will be really hard for me to face her next time and have to treat her with respect.
Omg. Yes it is ok. Who fucking cares? Are you gonna have a major meltdown over every single person who doesn't make it to your wedding? JFC. This is ridiculous.
No I absolutely hate drama. I am not doing anything more to try reaching out to her but it is really hard for me to grasp that the fact she can just completely ignore me and even my fiancé told me based on her reaction she may not show up to the wedding, it is not ok... it will be really hard for me to face her next time and have to treat her with respect.
SHE'S IGNORING YOU BECAUSE YOU WON'T LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE.
I do the same thing to my mother when she calls ten times in a day.
YOU ARE THE ONE CREATING THE DRAMA.
You know what, sure, show up and say fuck you to her face. I'm sure that will fix all of your problems. Go ahead, OP! I know your thirst is real. Go on and complete the drama cycle. She will probably have no idea what's happening, because everyone around her is ASS-uming things she's done and said, but it's all good. Fuck her, right?
No I absolutely hate drama. I am not doing anything more to try reaching out to her but it is really hard for me to grasp that the fact she can just completely ignore me and even my fiancé told me based on her reaction she may not show up to the wedding, it is not ok... it will be really hard for me to face her next time and have to treat her with respect.
SHE'S IGNORING YOU BECAUSE YOU WON'T LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE.
I do the same thing to my mother when she calls ten times in a day.
Bolded for truth. When people continually harass me, they don't get a single thing out of me. It drives them crazy, but it's fun for me to watch them spiral out of control.
You should call her from a blocked number and if she doesn't pick up, you should show up at her workplace. If she can't see you you should then get a tannoy system and stand outside her work and say on repeat "WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME???? ARE YOU COMING TO MY WEDDING?????WHY ARE YOU MAKING SOOOOOO MUCH DRAMA"
and then finish with a skywriter over her house to tell her to stop creating all this drama.
For someone that allegedly hates drama, you really are doing a lot of this:
You said in your first post that she responded to your email saying that she wasn't sure what the problem was and that it wasn't necessary for you to explain your choices. This is an intelligent and drama free, nice response. She told you there was a misunderstanding and that you didn't have to explain yourself. Instead of reading that for what it was, you decided to read it as snark. And continued to fuel the drama.
Then the rest of the family told you that there was just a misunderstanding. You took this to be another failure on her part and continued to fuel the drama.
more than once, this woman has tried to raise a white flag and say 'Hey, This was a misunderstanding, lets let this go and move on'
You should call her from a blocked number and if she doesn't pick up, you should show up at her workplace. If she can't see you you should then get a tannoy system and stand outside her work and say on repeat "WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME???? ARE YOU COMING TO MY WEDDING?????WHY ARE YOU MAKING SOOOOOO MUCH DRAMA"
and then finish with a skywriter over her house to tell her to stop creating all this drama.
For someone that allegedly hates drama, you really are doing a lot of this:
This just made me laugh, cuz I can definitely picture her doing this.
Really? It's almost 3 months now since she told her husband she was "upset" that's what lead to I called her 3 times, texted twice, emailed once, and a card.
Now I am harassing her? Maybe ignoring family member's calls is the new norm, I just wasn't brought up that way so I couldn't understand.
Knottie10513705 said:
Really? It's almost 3 months now since she told her husband she was "upset" that's what lead to I called her 3 times, texted twice, emailed once, and a card.Now I am harassing her? Maybe ignoring family member's calls is the new norm, I just wasn't brought up that way so I couldn't understand.
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You have contacted her SEVEN TIMES. Yes, that is harassment. For fuck's sake.
No I absolutely hate drama. I am not doing anything more to try reaching out to her but it is really hard for me to grasp that the fact she can just completely ignore me and even my fiancé told me based on her reaction she may not show up to the wedding, it is not ok... it will be really hard for me to face her next time and have to treat her with respect.
It's always the ones who say they HAAAAAAAAATE drama who tend to wrap themselves up in it the most. They can't get enough of it. I really believe some people subconciously seek out these ridiculous "dramatic" situations because it gives them something to talk about.
Really? It's almost 3 months now since she told her husband she was "upset" that's what lead to I called her 3 times, texted twice, emailed once, and a card.
Now I am harassing her? Maybe ignoring family member's calls is the new norm, I just wasn't brought up that way so I couldn't understand.
Was making up drama your family's norm? You haven't heard anything from her directly. You can't actually be this dense. Let it go and treat her with respect the next time you see her. You're incredibly immature if your first response is to treat her poorly when you do finally see her. You need some hobbies.
First 2 phone calls, fine. Great. You were trying to talk to her.
She didn't answer or respond. She didn't want to talk to you. Instead of being, well. That's that then, I did my due diligence and tried to reach out to her. Instead of letting it go and moving on, you:
Called her again.
She didnt respond.
You texted her.
She didnt respond
You texted her again.
She didnt respond.
At this point, you had got to realize that maybe she just didn't want to talk to you. That'a a person's choice. She isn't obligated to like you, she isn't obligated to talk to you. Instead of just letting it go and thinking to yourself 'well it sucks she doesn't answer, but I tried so its time to just let it go' you then
Emailed her.
And then when that failed,
you snail mailed her!
Yes it sucks when someone doesn't want to talk to you. especially if its a family member. But its their personal choice. You can't force someone to like you or talk to you. And by going to the lengths that you did, you are creating drama only for yourself. You are working yourself up about it.
OP, your FBIL is the one who called your FI and told him his wife was 'crushed.' Why aren't you mad at him? He's the one that opened his big mouth and got this ball rolling.
My advice to you is that if your FSIL 'pretends' that everything is okay, you should pretend that everything is okay, too. That way, neither of you will be dragging the other family members into petty arguments. I hope, one day, you will find that you have accepted each other's short comings and enjoy each other's company some of the time.
If you left an accusatory message for me, I wouldn't return the call, either, especially if I hadn't done anything.
FFS, OP. All I keep reading is how So-and-So says and Other So-and-So heard and still This Other So-and-So was told
So far, this is the only actual interaction you have had with the woman:
"Waited about 2 days she finally responded, said she had heard people were upset but she has not spoken to anyone about this and haven’t done anything, and my email to her was a surprised and explanation of my wedding choices was unnecessary "
You emailed. She responded. Said all was good. Then, for some unknown reason you decided what SHE HERSELF TOLD YOU couldn't be trusted because ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE TOLD YOU something else so you proceeded to hound and, yes, harass her. The more you contact her, the more she's pulling away, which is making you want to contact her even more which is going to make her pull away even more.
Yes, agree on letting it go. As I mentioned earlier, the emailed was sent beginning of January. So in response to her email, I said nothing more than ok I'll see you next time when everyone decides to get together. Done.
But after the email while I talked to my fiancé, he did say we were being inconsiderate for not asking her to be in the wedding while the younger brother's boyfriend was, so I naturally want everyone to be happy (now I talked to my future MIL she said at this point I should try asking her to be in the wedding) - hence the card to ask her to be my bridesmaid. If there isn't any drama going on with her, couldn't she respond to that - or graciously say no to that at least?
Yes, agree on letting it go. As I mentioned earlier, the emailed was sent beginning of January. So in response to her email, I said nothing more than ok I'll see you next time when everyone decides to get together. Done.
But after the email while I talked to my fiancé, he did say we were being inconsiderate for not asking her to be in the wedding while the younger brother's boyfriend was, so I naturally want everyone to be happy (now I talked to my future MIL she said at this point I should try asking her to be in the wedding) - hence the card to ask her to be my bridesmaid. If there isn't any drama going on with her, couldn't she respond to that - or graciously say no to that at least?
Yes, agree on letting it go. As I mentioned earlier, the emailed was sent beginning of January. So in response to her email, I said nothing more than ok I'll see you next time when everyone decides to get together. Done.
But after the email while I talked to my fiancé, he did say we were being inconsiderate for not asking her to be in the wedding while the younger brother's boyfriend was, so I naturally want everyone to be happy (now I talked to my future MIL she said at this point I should try asking her to be in the wedding) - hence the card to ask her to be my bridesmaid. If there isn't any drama going on with her, couldn't she respond to that - or graciously say no to that at least?
Also someone asked about my age, I am 29.
She knew she was getting a pity invite, and she had already essentially said no in the email.
Yes, agree on letting it go. As I mentioned earlier, the emailed was sent beginning of January. So in response to her email, I said nothing more than ok I'll see you next time when everyone decides to get together. Done.
But after the email while I talked to my fiancé, he did say we were being inconsiderate for not asking her to be in the wedding while the younger brother's boyfriend was, so I naturally want everyone to be happy (now I talked to my future MIL she said at this point I should try asking her to be in the wedding) - hence the card to ask her to be my bridesmaid. If there isn't any drama going on with her, couldn't she respond to that - or graciously say no to that at least?
Also someone asked about my age, I am 29.
You are way too old to be acting this way. And while everything has already been answered, I'll condense it for you, again.
1. It was not inconsiderate not to ask her to be in the BP. You BP should consist of your nearest and dearest. You only see her a few times a year. Not a big deal
2. Everything you have heard is just that...hearsay. She responded to your one email graciously. She probably thought it was ridiculous for you to continue to pursue it after the fact.
3. Let it go. Just. let. it. go. Treat her with respect when you see her. If anyone brings up the topic, change the subject. It's no use bringing up rumors. BIL was out of line to say anything. You didn't hear it directly from SIL. As far as you know, she never actually said anything!
Re: DRAMA-Please HELP!
I get it - now this is exactly what I am not looking forward to... from the advice I can see I am already "the one that is creating drama", "too much", "leave the gal alone", I wish I can just let it go, but it is easier said than done.
Although I agree that she has not personally talked to me about anything, but her action of ignoring me and told the younger brother and the boyfriend all she wanted is to everything to be talking to each other and be happy - HELLO if that was truly what she wants couldn't her be picking up my calls already? I left her two voicemails and asked her to call back and said I heard rumors been going around I think it is just a misunderstanding, couldn't her to just talk about it? She knew it is causing distress on the planning and the family dynamic, she is 38 years old grown woman, not 3.
Also my worry too is since she is not just an acquaintance, she's actually my fiancé's brother's wife, so chances of me seeing her in the future is 100%, how am I supposed to react? I know she's sneaky and would absolutely pretend nothing was wrong, but her action had me speechless, what am I suppose to treat her with respect and pretending she never did anything in the first place?
FFS, STOP HOUNDING THE WOMAN. LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE FOR AWHILE.
I had to put that all in caps because it seems like you have a hard time comprehending simple concepts. Of fucking course you treat her politely and with respect the next time you see her. SHE HASN'T FUCKING DONE ANYTHING. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE HEARD HAS BEEN HEARSAY.
Fucking. let. it. go.
I just wanted to add: Do you like drama? Because it really seems like you like drama. Why else would you be creating so much over nothing?
No I absolutely hate drama. I am not doing anything more to try reaching out to her but it is really hard for me to grasp that the fact she can just completely ignore me and even my fiancé told me based on her reaction she may not show up to the wedding, it is not ok... it will be really hard for me to face her next time and have to treat her with respect.
I do the same thing to my mother when she calls ten times in a day.
YOU ARE THE ONE CREATING THE DRAMA.
You know what, sure, show up and say fuck you to her face. I'm sure that will fix all of your problems. Go ahead, OP! I know your thirst is real. Go on and complete the drama cycle. She will probably have no idea what's happening, because everyone around her is ASS-uming things she's done and said, but it's all good. Fuck her, right?
Hard to treat her with respect? Really??
She's probably not responding because she knows anything she says you're going to blow up into this nonexistant drama.
And you wont let it go. LET IT GO.
Really? It's almost 3 months now since she told her husband she was "upset" that's what lead to I called her 3 times, texted twice, emailed once, and a card.
Now I am harassing her? Maybe ignoring family member's calls is the new norm, I just wasn't brought up that way so I couldn't understand.
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You have contacted her SEVEN TIMES. Yes, that is harassment. For fuck's sake.
Serious question, how old are you?
harass
: to annoy or bother (someone) in a constant or repeated way
Called her again.
Emailed her.
Yes it sucks when someone doesn't want to talk to you. especially if its a family member. But its their personal choice. You can't force someone to like you or talk to you. And by going to the lengths that you did, you are creating drama only for yourself. You are working yourself up about it.
OP, your FBIL is the one who called your FI and told him his wife was 'crushed.' Why aren't you mad at him? He's the one that opened his big mouth and got this ball rolling.
My advice to you is that if your FSIL 'pretends' that everything is okay, you should pretend that everything is okay, too. That way, neither of you will be dragging the other family members into petty arguments. I hope, one day, you will find that you have accepted each other's short comings and enjoy each other's company some of the time.
If you left an accusatory message for me, I wouldn't return the call, either, especially if I hadn't done anything.
Yes, agree on letting it go. As I mentioned earlier, the emailed was sent beginning of January. So in response to her email, I said nothing more than ok I'll see you next time when everyone decides to get together. Done.
But after the email while I talked to my fiancé, he did say we were being inconsiderate for not asking her to be in the wedding while the younger brother's boyfriend was, so I naturally want everyone to be happy (now I talked to my future MIL she said at this point I should try asking her to be in the wedding) - hence the card to ask her to be my bridesmaid. If there isn't any drama going on with her, couldn't she respond to that - or graciously say no to that at least?
Also someone asked about my age, I am 29.
She knew she was getting a pity invite, and she had already essentially said no in the email.
This is not a reason to assume drama.
1. It was not inconsiderate not to ask her to be in the BP. You BP should consist of your nearest and dearest. You only see her a few times a year. Not a big deal
2. Everything you have heard is just that...hearsay. She responded to your one email graciously. She probably thought it was ridiculous for you to continue to pursue it after the fact.
3. Let it go. Just. let. it. go. Treat her with respect when you see her. If anyone brings up the topic, change the subject. It's no use bringing up rumors. BIL was out of line to say anything. You didn't hear it directly from SIL. As far as you know, she never actually said anything!
It's seriously not that difficult.