"Let's go to Vegas this weekend and get hitched"

bride2b71614

Just reading this makes me cringe. Imagine what it would feel like if you told your sister something about your H that you brushed off, and she went and criticized him through a Facebook message? I think you would be pissed. 

I get that you want your sister to have the best, but your personal definition of best may not match hers, and you know what? Thats okay. Different strokes for different folks, but no one way is better than the other, and you need to accept the fact that there is no wrong way to propose to someone. The only thing required for a "successful" proposal is to have the other person say yeah or okay lets do this. Wording, where its done, how its done=irrelevant. Hell, my FI proposed to me knee deep in swamp water, sweating, and didn't even use the direct phrase of will you marry me. I, in turn got excited and almost dropped a shovel on his foot. Does this sound like the "perfect" proposal to a bystander or an outsider? Probably not. Was it perfect for us? Yep. 

If I were you, I would immediately tell your sister that you messaged her bf, and then apologize for overstepping your bounds. I would then extend this apology to her boyfriend IN PERSON because you were 100% in the wrong here. 

sophhabobopha

falsara

This is ridiculous. 

There is no right or wrong proposal.  Geeze. 

I got asked while we were cuddling on the couch, post sex, watching Star Trek.  No ring. I said I'd love to. 

My mom asked my dad, by writing "Will you marry me?" in the snow while they were at Mt. St Helens. 

You were way out of line messaging him. 

manateehugger

I wouldn't even know how to express the rage I would feel if one of my sisters went behind my back to tell my H to fix something in MY relationship.

I hope your sister is more understanding of your intrusive nature than I would be, because I wouldn't be speaking to my sisters after some bullshit like this.

You don't want the best for your sister. If you did, you would have encouraged her to communicate effectively. Butt the fuck out.

ohannabelle

falsara said:

This is ridiculous. 

There is no right or wrong proposal.  Geeze. 

I got asked while we were cuddling on the couch, post sex, watching Star Trek.  No ring. I said I'd love to. 

My mom asked my dad, by writing "Will you marry me?" in the snow while they were at Mt. St Helens. 

You were way out of line messaging him. 

Gasp! 

Your mom asked your dad!!!!????!

How dare she? I expect that she received an irate notification from his sister immediately, explaining that this was not up to her expectations. 

ashley8918

ohannabelle said:

falsara said:

This is ridiculous. 

There is no right or wrong proposal.  Geeze. 

I got asked while we were cuddling on the couch, post sex, watching Star Trek.  No ring. I said I'd love to. 

My mom asked my dad, by writing "Will you marry me?" in the snow while they were at Mt. St Helens. 

You were way out of line messaging him. 

Gasp! 

Your mom asked your dad!!!!????!

How dare she? I expect that she received an irate notification from his sister immediately, explaining that this was not up to her expectations. 

To which, I assume your mom responded:

hellohkb

Honestly, I think the thing that would hurt me the most is that my sister criticized my BF and couldn't just suck up her judgement. And then goes and posts on a forum and talks about me and BF to a bunch of strangers.

Posting on an Internet forum about my sister's "illegitimate" proposal crosses the line for me.

larrygaga

falsara

ashley8918 said:

ohannabelle said:

falsara said:

This is ridiculous. 

There is no right or wrong proposal.  Geeze. 

I got asked while we were cuddling on the couch, post sex, watching Star Trek.  No ring. I said I'd love to. 

My mom asked my dad, by writing "Will you marry me?" in the snow while they were at Mt. St Helens. 

You were way out of line messaging him. 

Gasp! 

Your mom asked your dad!!!!????!

How dare she? I expect that she received an irate notification from his sister immediately, explaining that this was not up to her expectations. 

To which, I assume your mom responded:

That would have been exactly how she would have responded.

Especially since I'm sure there were people already talking about the fact that she was pregnant with his child and whispering the word 'bastard' behind her back /sarcasm

FiancB

Oh my god no. 

I still resent my sister for, years ago, saying she didn't approve of my ex that I'm not even with anymore. I'm sure she still resents me somewhat for turning on her and saying I never liked her husband (but with a caveat: I don't really care because I'm not the one married to him!). My sister is 10 years older than me, I almost think of her as an extra mother, but that shit is still out of line. 

Messaging him is just fucking ridiculous straight up. 

The story in no way makes me think that a text was THE proposal. He asked several other times in person. So what is wrong with moving to texting it? At this point it sort of sounds like a joke. 

So my H proposed on my favorite beach. He said he almost did out of the blue a few months before when I was upset after we weren't approved for a home loan but decided to wait for the "proper" moment and do that whole cliche romantic thing, plus ask my parents first and all that stuff. Perfect proposal by all measures. 

You know what? I love any proposal because I just wanted to marry him, but really I think I would have slightly preferred the spontaneous version when I presume he didn't have the ring with him. But oh my god that wouldn't have been legit. Also there were a couple times where he got drunk and said he wanted to marry me so I knew it was coming sooner than later. Oh noes... no. That was really romantic and cute and I treasure that memory more than the perfect proposal itself. 

Also the balls comment made me think of:

^That's how I'm going to picture @sbmini from now on. It's more amusing than an uppity WASP at least. 

ashley8918

FiancB said:

Oh my god no. 

I still resent my sister for, years ago, saying she didn't approve of my ex that I'm not even with anymore. I'm sure she still resents me somewhat for turning on her and saying I never liked her husband (but with a caveat: I don't really care because I'm not the one married to him!). My sister is 10 years older than me, I almost think of her as an extra mother, but that shit is still out of line. 

Messaging him is just fucking ridiculous straight up. 

The story in no way makes me think that a text was THE proposal. He asked several other times in person. So what is wrong with moving to texting it? At this point it sort of sounds like a joke. 

So my H proposed on my favorite beach. He said he almost did out of the blue a few months before when I was upset after we weren't approved for a home loan but decided to wait for the "proper" moment and do that whole cliche romantic thing, plus ask my parents first and all that stuff. Perfect proposal by all measures. 

You know what? I love any proposal because I just wanted to marry him, but really I think I would have slightly preferred the spontaneous version when I presume he didn't have the ring with him. But oh my god that wouldn't have been legit. Also there were a couple times where he got drunk and said he wanted to marry me so I knew it was coming sooner than later. Oh noes... no. That was really romantic and cute and I treasure that memory more than the perfect proposal itself. 

Also the balls comment made me think of:

^That's how I'm going to picture @sbmini from now on. It's more amusing than an uppity WASP at least. 

ohannabelle

hellohkb said:

Honestly, I think the thing that would hurt me the most is that my sister criticized my BF and couldn't just suck up her judgement. And then goes and posts on a forum and talks about me and BF to a bunch of strangers. Posting on an Internet forum about my sister's "illegitimate" proposal crosses the line for me.

What I find most shocking about it is everything. 

From the betrayal of her sister's confiding in her, to the utter lack of personal boundaries, to the narrow minded idea that a proposal must meet certain criteria, to the balls of steel letting the boyfriend know her opinion, to the sheer conceit of thinking she had the right to dictate the future terms of what should be an intimate personal moment, and the shallowness of being concerned that it wouldn't make a pretty future story to tell the Jonses in Jonesville, to...everything.

So many layers of poor and inappropriate and frankly, crazypants behavior.

But honestly, most shocking to me is that she didn't see the wrong in any of it. 

ashley8918

ohannabelle said:

hellohkb said:

Honestly, I think the thing that would hurt me the most is that my sister criticized my BF and couldn't just suck up her judgement. And then goes and posts on a forum and talks about me and BF to a bunch of strangers. Posting on an Internet forum about my sister's "illegitimate" proposal crosses the line for me.

What I find most shocking about it is everything. 

From the betrayal of her sister's confiding in her, to the utter lack of personal boundaries, to the narrow minded idea that a proposal must meet certain criteria, to the balls of steel letting the boyfriend know her opinion, to the sheer conceit of thinking she had the right to dictate the future terms of what should be an intimate personal moment, and the shallowness of being concerned that it wouldn't make a pretty future story to tell the Jonses in Jonesville, to...everything.

So many layers of poor and inappropriate and frankly, crazypants behavior.

But honestly, most shocking to me is that she didn't see the wrong in any of it. 

And that she expected validation and agreement from us. WUT.

hellosweetie1015

PrettyGirlLost said:

pinkrevenge said:

Don't worry, y'all; I heard that if the proposal isn't legitimate, the female body has a way of shutting that whole thing down.

I'm missing this reference. . .

hellosweetie1015 said:

My original proposal occurred like this: We were at my cousin's lake house. We were in a twin bed, cuddled up together because twin beds pretty much force cuddling, and I didn't want to be alone in the bed, even though there was another twin bed less than three feet away. I had just watched my house burn. I was in shock. We both smelled like smoke. It was three in the morning and I couldn't close my eyes, even with the tipsiness. He was talking to try and help me sleep, and he was telling me about the two hour drive he had. And he said, "I realized on my drive up that I love you more than I ever thought I could, and I didn't realize it before because I never expected to feel this way about anyone ever again. I want to marry you, if you'll have me." 

The legitimacy - or lack thereof - of a proposal not involving you is not for you to decide. And messaging him on how best to do it is so far out of line, you couldn't see the line with a telescope.

Wait, what?!  Are you serious?  That is horrible!  I'm so sosrry!


Yep. It was a weird fucking week haha. I felt bad for being happy, because the house I'd grown up in no longer existed, and bad for being sad, because BF became FI.

Eta I meant to reply to this earlier but got distracted by the book haha.

jacques27

ohannabelle said:

hellohkb said:

Honestly, I think the thing that would hurt me the most is that my sister criticized my BF and couldn't just suck up her judgement. And then goes and posts on a forum and talks about me and BF to a bunch of strangers. Posting on an Internet forum about my sister's "illegitimate" proposal crosses the line for me.

What I find most shocking about it is everything. 

From the betrayal of her sister's confiding in her, to the utter lack of personal boundaries, to the narrow minded idea that a proposal must meet certain criteria, to the balls of steel letting the boyfriend know her opinion, to the sheer conceit of thinking she had the right to dictate the future terms of what should be an intimate personal moment, and the shallowness of being concerned that it wouldn't make a pretty future story to tell the Jonses in Jonesville, to...everything.

So many layers of poor and inappropriate and frankly, crazypants behavior.

But honestly, most shocking to me is that she didn't see the wrong in any of it. 

Quoting ohannabelle because liking it just isn't enough.

OP...I just can't even.  UGH!

That said, when the hell did we start requiring "stories"?  It's not preschool naptime, it's real life with real commitments and real consequences.  My ex proposed to me with "You wanna?"  We were watching a show about people who get married in odd scenarios (skydiving, swimming with sharks, etc.) and I said "Hell no I don't want to swim with sharks."  He said "No, the marry thing."  To which I said "Oh, sure" and took a bite of my corn chex.  He is not my ex because of the proposal.  For the record, the majority of my friends and family are married now - I don't know a single one of their "proposal stories".  So, yeah, that's how important those are.

But if SO and I were to get engaged, I don't want a "story".  I don't want a contrived piece of fiction.  I just want what is real and in our hearts at the moment because it feels right.  No gathering of our families or waiting to open Christmas presents or slipping it into my dessert or making me go on a contrived scavenger hunt where you fake propose to me and then real propose to me at a crappy Cracker Barrel ripoff to make a "funny youtube ending".  Just honesty.  What the hell is so wrong with that?

slothiegal

sophhabobopha

I asked my Fi when he wanted to be engaged, and around that time he game me money and I bouht a ring.

HALP

hellohkb

ohannabelle said:

hellohkb said:

Honestly, I think the thing that would hurt me the most is that my sister criticized my BF and couldn't just suck up her judgement. And then goes and posts on a forum and talks about me and BF to a bunch of strangers.

Posting on an Internet forum about my sister's "illegitimate" proposal crosses the line for me.

What I find most shocking about it is everything. 

From the betrayal of her sister's confiding in her, to the utter lack of personal boundaries, to the narrow minded idea that a proposal must meet certain criteria, to the balls of steel letting the boyfriend know her opinion, to the sheer conceit of thinking she had the right to dictate the future terms of what should be an intimate personal moment, and the shallowness of being concerned that it wouldn't make a pretty future story to tell the Jonses in Jonesville, to...everything.

So many layers of poor and inappropriate and frankly, crazypants behavior.

But honestly, most shocking to me is that she didn't see the wrong in any of it. 

Yeah, everything about this is wtf-worthy. I was forcing myself to pick out one thing, lol.

kaitlynmichelle

Wow. Just wow. You crossed a line. No, you sprinted past the line of appropriate behaviour and can no longer see it.

What were you thinking? I'm really curious what their reactions were, although I won't be surprised if you don't tell us.

AlexisA01

I wonder if I will get a do over. I was asked at the dog park (where we met) and the dog had the ring box attached to him but decided to go after the Canadian Geese getting fed. My fh was so bummed that he was trying to get the ring back from my husky.It was perfect.

QueerFemme

I wonder if Mini will ever come back and be like, yeah... I fucked up.   Cuz this shit is crazytrain.

larrygaga

QueerFemme said:

I wonder if Mini will ever come back and be like, yeah... I fucked up.   Cuz this shit is crazytrain.

Lol

ashley8918

larrygaga said:

QueerFemme said:

I wonder if Mini will ever come back and be like, yeah... I fucked up.   Cuz this shit is crazytrain.

Lol

-----------
My guess is that she will come back with more "previsouly forgotten" details that stil don't help the situation. And then we all just "won't understand what she meant".

AddieCake

My husband proposed to me by changing our FB statuses to engaged. I don't know how I manage to hold my head up and not die of shame. Oh, wait. I do know how. Because I fucking LOVED it. Guess I'm not the type of gal who deserves a "real" proposal.

flutteringinfl

I can't even with this. I mean, I have a sister with developmental and physical disorders. She is very susceptible to bullies and people who want to take advantage of her, and she doesn't always make the best decisions. But she's still an adult, and I would never presume to butt into her life unless she asked for my opinion, and I would NEVER contact one of her friends/boyfriends/whatever on my own.

Treat your sister like an adult. It doesn't matter how little time she's spent as an adult. Deciding that you know what's best for her over her explicit wishes is not "wanting what's best for her." It's wanting her to conform to your expectations.

[Deleted User]

My proposal was supposed to be on a bike ride at the park but I ruined it by PMS'ing and said I just wanted to be lazy at home He went with plan B and proposed after he made dinner and I was in my sweats on the couch.  It made no different on the legitimacy of our engagement.

If my sister was proposed to this way and she told me she said no because she wanted a more planned Vegas wedding, my advice to her would be to tell just tell her BF that! She complained to you about the type of wedding she wants vs what he suggested, not the type of proposal. Instead of just saying no, the next time he asks to run out to Vegas, the ONLY advice I would give would be to tell him YES to marrying him in Vegas, but to express her wishes to plan something that involved friends and family!

I really can't fathom the thought process that would make this seem like a helpful thing to do.

charcoalandblush

PrettyGirlLost said:

I WANTED to elope in Vegas because 1. Elvis and 2.Receptions are fucking expensive.  And DH got down on one knee and my cat had my ring and everything.

DH wanted the damn expensive party.  So we didn't go to Vegas ><  I'm going to make him go with me to Vegas for an anniversary sometime, because Elvis!

Best. Proposal. EVER.

The only way DF could have improved on my proposal is if he had gotten the cats involved.

FiancB

SO MANY QUESTIONS. 

How did boyfriend react? How did sister react? Did sister know about this? Will sister know about this? When OP thought this was a good idea, was she drunk or did she have a concussion? What is dishonest about an informal proposal? Does boyfriend live alarmingly close to a check cashing place? 

KatWAG

QueerFemme said:

I wonder if Mini will ever come back and be like, yeah... I fucked up.   Cuz this shit is crazytrain.

Doesnt she have to come back? Isnt she a mod?

My guess is that she tried to pretend this thread never happened.

redoryx

I don't know if it's an age thing, but now that I'm in my mid-30s, looking back I'm a little mortified at being a little let down by some of my friends' engagement stories back when we were in our early 20s. Like, totally and completely buying into the whole Hollywood, big grand gesture bullshit and feeling my friend somehow "deserved" something better. 

It took me a sadly long time to realize HELLO. This person wants to spend THE REST OF HIS (OR HER) LIFE with this other person that they somehow managed to find in the crazy crazy crazy world. WHO THE HELL CARES HOW THE PROPOSAL WENT DOWN AS LONG AS ALL PARTIES AGREED IT WAS A GOOD IDEA?! 

That being said, I may need to somehow slip the cat proposal into conversation with my SO. We certainly have enough to choose from LOL