So, how do we feel about these? I was all for it before getting engaged and now I just feel gross about it. However, I do see a benefit. It can help create a calmer situation if, god forbid divorce becomes an option.
Ours would be really straight forward. In fact, it would be pretty easy. Has anyone ever considered doing something like this online or through the Bar Association? Attorneys can be expensive.
If my only thing against doing this is the cost, maybe that isn't a good enough reason not to get one. My fiance is fine getting one, since the assets we would be protecting from community property would be mine.
Thoughts and advice welcome.
Re: Pre Nup agreements
If SO wanted a pre-nup, within reason I would be fine with it. He has a good amount of money right now and is probably going to buy an investment house. I wouldn't mind if those things were included in a pre-nup. I also wouldn't mind if he had a business he wanted to protect. Children, businesses, trusts, or other assets are all valid reasons to get a pre-nup, IMO.
Now, my friend just had a big problem because her FI wanted a pre-nup for both everything before AND everything after their marriage. So basically in the event of a divorce, she would end up with absolutely nothing, which was totally unfair considering she would have been contributing to the business they started together after marriage. She took issue with it (obviously) and then lost it when he had a secret meeting with his Mom and lawyer to write one up. But, this is more of a cautionary tale about good communication and trust issues than about an actual pre-nup.
I completely understand and support the idea of a pre-nup.
However, everything I hear from the lawyers I know is that a good lawyer can find some kind of loophole/ clause to void almost any pre-nup.
But I am not a lawyer, so what do I know?
Formerly martha1818
Another unpopular opinion. We never considered a pre-nup. For us, it didn't make sense to make vows to each other to be faithful to each other until death separates us and then sign a document that says "but if that doesn't work out ...."
I think they are very smart, especially for couples who have significant assets or debts, a business, children from prior relationships, or expect to inherit anything. After handling divorces for years, I see how emotional and expensive litigating a divorce can be. Even if the worst happened to my relationship, I would never want to go through that or put my H through that. I would rather know ahead of time what to expect in the case of divorce and be able to get through it as quickly as possible so that I could focus on healing myself.
As far as using an online form, I wouldn't do it. One of the primary challenges to a pre-nup is whether both parties stood on equal ground in the negotiation, and whether both parties had their independent counsel advise them.
Yes, you can expect to spend a little money on a pre-nup, but it shouldn't cost any more than a Will. Just as you wouldn't want to forgo a Will to leave your family to figure it out or spend time and money litigating, spending $1,000 to get a pre-nup is smart compared to risking spending $30K to litigate a divorce.
ETA: clarity
lovegood90- We never even discussed a prenup, so I didn't deny him one that he wanted. Furthermore, I think he would feel the same if I brought one up to him. I realize it's not a guaranteed divorce. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, myself included.
Holyguacamole79 (love your name, BTW)- you summed up my thoughts well.
I will Say this though, no matter how sweet, thoughtful, honest, nonmanipulative a person may be- You marry one person, but I promise you that you divorce a completely different person.
We aren't having one (although as soon as I was sworn in at the Bar, I joked with FI that I was going to start working on one). However, I agree with PP that they can be a really great thing, especially if you have kids. I actually know a priest who refused to perform weddings for people who already had kids unless there was a prenup.
If the cost is the only thing making you hesitate, I would go ahead and get one. It really shouldn't be all that expensive, and it's definitely worth protecting your assets. I don't know what state you live in (and it's been awhile since I took Family Law), and the laws about community/separate property vary a lot by state.
I would NOT use an online form. There are TONS of problems associated with those, and sites like LegalZoom are illegal in several states for this reason. It's good to see a lawyer in person so you know it's phrased properly and your assets are really protected.
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That's exactly Linda's Lynda's point above. That's what the law is in your current state today. You could move to a different state or your state could change the law. The idea is to "lock in" that rule so that you are still as expected if the rules change.
Still, inheritance as community property is a little more complicated than yes/no. It depends on whether it gets intermingled with other assets and blah blah blah.
This exactly. If you moved to another state, that inheritsnce might be community property. Or if you use that inheritance to purchase a home that you both improve, it might turn into community property. This is why it's best to see a lawyer and get a document drafted that pre-sets the terms and what State laws will be applied in interpreting the agreement.
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