needing to get married soon. wwyd

sarawifenow

I keep reading this and this is still my reaction anytime OP posts

needsadvice22

ashley8918 said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

Sugar, you are putting your pretty princess party above your child's life. You should feel bad.

When did I say I'm putting my wedding above my son? I want to do both and just want to see what everyone's opinions were. But fact is, mine and my fiances family isn't as judgmental and this all made me realize this. So I'm doing both. Thank you.

larrygaga

So what I really take from this is that your ex has been abusive to both you and your child, and has threatened to kill you guys. This has all been documented. You really really think any judge will give him rights or visitation if he decides to fight for it? 

Cause I don't.

ashley8918

needsadvice22 said:

ashley8918 said:

sarawifenow said:

Maybe I am dense, but what is a PFA?

 

And I'm sorry, but I am calling bullshit that the police won't do anything is someone tries to kill someone else.

It's a protection from abuse. We got it because he broke my jaw and tried to take my car with our son in it while he was drunk. He made threats to kidnap him, to kill me, and if he ever got our son back that'd I'd never see him again. And I can't move across the country because then he can get me for kidnapping for not notifying domestic relations and having a court hearing.

So, when your FI adopts your son (1+ year from now), your ex magically won't be able to kidnap him or kill you?

THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE.  

 Fuck the party. That should be so god damn far down on your list of priorities. I wish I could fucking shake you.

He won't have legal rights to him. He won't be able to fight for custody. He won't be able to fight me if anything should happen. If anything happens to me, he won't be able to take him from the family he knows. He won't be able to have the chance to hurt him because then I can make sure he'll never see my son again. That's how. And if he ever tried to step foot on my property, I could shoot him.

__________________________________________________________

I'm not even going to bother pointing out how illogical this is, and will in no way stop him from hurting you or your son (perhaps make it more difficult, but not stop).

Let's just pretend that this will really work. GO GET MARRIED NOW. TODAY. RIGHT NOW. Is $1,000 and a fancy dress worth your son's life? Your life?

Couggal12

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

Wow, are you fucking kidding me? 

I literally have no words for you. No one is trying to make you feel bad but, simply point out that your fucking priorities are ass backwards. Who in their right mind would be worried about a wedding if they were truly in this situation. 

JCbride2015

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

novella1186

This is all just too fucking bizarre and gross. 

plainjane0415

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

Do this.  Right now.

sarawifenow

Son's safety or big fancy wedding?

I can see how this is a hard decision for you, OP.

 

Oh wait, no I can't. Stop being so fucking selfish.

novella1186

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

I actually think this scenario makes the PPD even more disgusting and absurd. Because your son's safety isn't important enough for you to totally forgot the whole big fancy wedding thing. You want your AW Special Day, and fuck everything else. This is really pissing me off. 

needsadvice22

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

I'm not lying. You can look up the PA docket. But I'm doing both because I can. Thank you.

ashley8918

I repeat. GO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW, TODAY if your son's safety is truly your concern.

OliveOilsMom

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So you've been to a few lawyers and the one you've chosen said it will be "easy" to get your FI to formally adopt your son.  NO WAY!  What lawyer, except a shifty one, would say that something like terminating parental rights would be easy?  Even when I had just a speeding ticket, my lawyer didn't say it would be easy to get me off, she just said she would get me the best deal she possibly can.  Make sure you have an attorney who practices family law who specializes in parental issues or adoption.

With his prior history, I'm still not sure why his parental rights cannot be terminated now.

Skip your party and use those funds to pay for your legal fees.  It sounds like bio dad will be putting up a fight, so you will need the money to pay for your lawyer.

theartistformerlyknownas

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

I'm not lying. You can look up the PA docket. But I'm doing both because I can I'm acting like a giant attention whore and it's all about me. Thank you.

FTFY.

larrygaga

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

I'm not lying. You can look up the PA docket. But I'm doing both because I can. Thank you.

Then why did you make this post, my dear girl?

sarawifenow

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

SNIP

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

I'm not lying. You can look up the PA docket. But I'm doing both because I can. Thank you.

Then why even bother asking the question?

 

ETA: Jinx @larrygaga

PamBeesly524

I call BS. I was a social worker in PA and in all that time I NEVER heard of a rule in which a married couple (or a non married couple, for that matter) needing to wait A YEAR after marriage to adopt. That makes zero sense to me. Are you sure this is correct OP?

redoryx

Fine, OP. Give me your name and information and I will happily look it up in the PA docket. This librarian LOVES fun little research gems like this.

ashley8918

larrygaga said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

I'm not lying. You can look up the PA docket. But I'm doing both because I can. Thank you.

Then why did you make this post, my dear girl?

larrygaga

chibiyui

Go to the JOP. Get married ASAP. Have your now husband adopt as soon as legally possible. Then. Get the fuck out of PA. Get the fuck away from your EX. Far away.

Yes it suvks, but adoption and PFAs and restraining orders do fuck all against crazy.

sarawifenow

JIC, OP, don't delete your posts, you have been quoted and it won't do any good. Just thought I would preemptively get that out there.

[Deleted User]

OP - Just out of curiosity, how long ago did the incident go down with your ex?  

In a fairy tale world, you'd have your dream wedding and everything would be perfect. However, shit happens and sometimes you have to make "sacrifices". I put that in quotations, because this is a no-brainer in this situation.  In the grand scheme of things, nothing is more important than the safety of your son and yourself.  Throw a kick ass party when your future H gets to officially adopt your son.

If you do the JOP route, you still get to be married to your FI (which is the real reason for having a wedding, yes?), and you are one step closer to being able to get away from your abusive ex and protecting your son.

JCbride2015

Sure, PM me the link to the PA docket, please. I'm a lawyer and I would love to read it. Not to give you advice (I only volunteer for DV, don't practice family law, licensed in NJ, not PA), just because I really want to see what kind of evidence could possibly be in the record that is serious enough you say your ex tried to kill two people, but somehow not serious enough to terminate parental rights.

By the way I looked up the PA law on termination of parental rights and what you're saying doesn't make any sense to me based on the statute. Either you are lying, or you have the world's worst lawyer.

If you feel that your safety and the safety of your son is in jeopardy and you are not currently protected as best you could be: get a second opinion from another lawyer. It might cost you $1000. But that's worth your safety, right? See another lawyer and evaluate your options.

pinkcow13

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

I'm not lying. You can look up the PA docket. But I'm doing both because I can. Thank you.

OMFG WHY DOES THE FUCKING PARTY EVEN MATTER RIGHT NOW??????

If you want to do both, then FINE GO AHEAD!!!!! At the end of the day, you're going to do what you want, and that's fine. But for the love of all that's holy, why do you even care about a party when the life of your SON is in danger?!!?!!?!?!?! 

southernbelle0915

larrygaga said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

needsadvice22 said:

needsadvice22 said:

flantastic said:

needsadvice22 said:

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

needsadvice22 said:

flutteringinfl said:

If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.

How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?

Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:

-- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)

-- Big fancy wedding

-- Your $1000 back

You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).

It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.

I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.

So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


But your wedding should not even be a factor.

It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.

You sound 12.  Are you stamping your feet yet?

Stop.  Fucking.  Thinking.  About.  Your.  Pretty.  Princess.  Day.  Do what you need to do for your son and everything else is just a party.  Grown-ups have to make difficult life decisions all the time.  It's part of being an adult and a parent.  Both of which I'm starting to doubt you are, because I'm pretty sure you're lying in a really pathetic attempt to get us to agree that a PPD is okay.

I'm not lying. You can look up the PA docket. But I'm doing both because I can. Thank you.

Then why did you make this post, my dear girl?

This. 

Whenever someone comes in with an overly dramatic story, DESPERATELY needs advice (awesome screen name, btw), hits on a major sore spot of TK (PPDs) and then they're like "whateva whateva, I do what I want!"....... I immediately get suspicious. 

wandajune6

I am utterly puzzled by all of this. But one thing just gnaws at me-- custody battles are extremely expensive. If $1K is a huge sum for you to lose, I'm guessing that legal fees are going to crush you. How do you justify throwing a huge party and buying the big white dress knowing that these fees are in your future?

What's your plan for managing this situation? I have visions of a GFM being created in the very near future but OP, I sincerely hope you're better than that.

Also, what does your FI think? Does he think you're making good decisions in this regard? If so, I'd worry that you've found yourself another man who won't be good to your son.

ET fix stupid typo that bothered me

buttercup1958

sarawifenow said:

Son's safety or big fancy wedding?

I can see how this is a hard decision for you, OP.

 

Oh wait, no I can't. Stop being so fucking selfish.

Because I love Larry David

VulgarGirl

My wife is currently pregnant. I have no genetic ties to this child and legally, it's not mine. But once the kid gets born I will adopt him/her. The bio-dad (our sperm donor) has already agreed to terminate his rights and let me adopt him/her.

Our lawyer still says it's not going to be easy because adoption is never easy. Even when everyone is on the same page.

You didn't see a lawyer, not one with a law degree anyways, if they said it would be easy.

flantastic

OP - say you get married now, the adoption goes through before the PFA runs out, yay. All is legally right with the world.

Your ex decides that "fuck this piece of paper I'm going after them." Because if you're truly in danger, that is extremely likely to happen. As other people have said, you can't stop crazy with the paper or the fact that your FI is now his legal guardian.

You say, "Well, we probably should move away so he can't get to us, but we've already planned this whole wedding AND I WANTS IT, so we'll just wait until after our big fancy party to move. We can do both." Is that your plan?

I don't believe your son is truly in danger, if the PFA has made everything okay for the last however long. But if you truly believe he is, your platform is SO RIDICULOUS.